Suggestions? - Wilmer,AL

Men really like to be the hero.
And they really don't like clingy women.

So....be independent AND make him feel as though you really need him. Talk about a tightrope walk!

"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" is a great recomendation. It certainly will NOT make you a doormat or whipping post. Sometimes people can become lazy in their relationships. Assuming he's not a complete jerk, there's so reason for you not to become his girlfriend again and remind him of why he fell in love with you in the first place.

Whether or not you're christian- The Love Dare
is an awesome book.

Also, talking to him about this would be a great starting point.
He's gotta be "in it to win it", too. If you guys are on the same
page then all you need is a game plan and follow-through.

Best wishes-

I'm sure you have a clue as to what he likes. Reinvent yourself a little bit, just don't tell him you are doing it.
Pretend like you just met him and do the things you would do to make him attracted.
Kissing is something that we can easily throw to the wayside in time.
You can start there. Get some delicious gum so your mouth is sweet when you decide to surprise him with a lingering kiss rather than just a peck.

Woo him!! Love him, respect him, adore him, admire him. Laugh at his jokes, rub his back (or whatever he likes). I got to this point and went back to our dating days on how I felt. All giddy and attentive. It worked wonders and turned our relationship around (I wasn't fake but sincerely falling in love again). I saw "Fireproof" (I checked it out at the library for free!!), read "Created to Be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl and "The Total Woman" by Marabel Morgan for encouragement. A little extra effort goes a long way. Good luck!!

I agree with Dawn, marriage counseling works wonders.

Awesome sex, often, always makes my man feel closer to me. But that's not everything- you have to work on all aspects of your marriage, of course- but if your sex life is lacking that can be a HUGE contributor.

Watch the movie 'Fireproof" which goes along with the book The Love Dare like GirlUndone suggested. That movie really moved my husband & I.

Lastly, make sure you are going on dates together!

You sound so sweet.

I would suggest reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. Kind of a strange title but it really helped me understand my husband and how men think,feel,interpret love, and how they crave to feel needed and nurtured. In turn, they respond sooooo well to the things the book teaches you. After that book you can read it's companions, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands and Woman Power.

I would also suggest talking to him..going on dates...ask him for 3 things he would like you do do to make him feel more loving towards you Don't tell him what you want unless he asks. JUst start working on the things he says he needs and I promise it will pay off for you....just trust me. (That is if your hubby is a good and honorable man. And I am assuming he is because you state you don't want to lose him.)

Best wishes for you and your marriage. I really believe no joy and fulfillment can surpass the feelings you have when you are in a loving,fun and enriched marriage. Soooo my advice is read the book and start going on regular dates and getaways. Taking time to rekindle our relationship sets us apart from just being friends raising kids day in and day out.

It depends if he's a total a$$ or not. Your question gives no indication of this. Is he hard on you, rude, neglectful, controlling, unfaithful, demeaning? Or is it just that the spark has gone out of your relationship?

If it's the first scenario, then your self-regard may be seriously damaged after putting up with him for so long, and you might feel like you couldn't bear to lose him, when in reality you'd be better off. If it's the second scenario, then all the other advice being given is useful.

.

If you currently do not go out on dates; then set a date night once a week. Then go out and enjoy each other. It that is not in the budget right now; have the kids hang out at a friends house; then make a special dinner for the two of you or watch a movie by candlelite. Make sure you are standing by your man and edifying him, lifting him up; even if you may not be in agreement with him. Surpirse him at the door when he gets home. There are all kinds of wonderful ideas to out there to enkindle the romance and love....Whatever you do don't give up.

Love goes two ways... why did you fall in love with him to begin with? Remind him of how strong and handsome he is, be appreciative, laugh at his jokes, tell him he's a great father and husband and how lucky you are to have him.

Do NOT get clingy!!

I'm all on board with the counseling thing as well. Good luck!

My husband and I were in a similar situation when our children started aging out of my nearly constant care. They were both gone a bunch and it was sort of strange in the beginning. We realized we could go for dinner and actually have a conversation. Just order cheese dip, nachos and a drink and go home for some private time before they got back home. It turned us around in our relationship and we are now looking forward to the kids getting older rather than thinking about missing them when it's just us. We love our alone dinners or a drink while just sitting on the patio listening to music. I once heard there's usually not a couple in marriage counseling trying to save their marriage that makes the statement "our sex life is great!" You definitely have to initiate it as often as possible.

Congratulations on wanting to keep your marriage together.

Read and follow the instructions in the book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." Its written about 75% for women and about 25% for men. It will give you insight in how men think, which is vastly different from women.

See the movie, "Fireproof" and gets its companion manual, "The Love Dare." I have tried to follow The Love Dare all my married life, 38 years in July.

Take a look at your picture when you were dating him. What did he like about you then? Long hair? Figure? Makeup? The way you dressed?

Most men that I know aspire to lots of things in life, but there is one good and one great aspiration we all seem to have in common. All men want to be good providers and great lovers. If you haven't complemented him on either of those things lately, now would be a good time to do so.

What did you do to woo him when you met?

Good luck to you and yours.

Start acting like his girlfriend!! Flirt with him, give him compliments!! Tell him how great he is, be excited to see him when he gets home! Men really are very simple......they want to be respected and appreciated. But Respect is their number one. They feel loved when they feel respected. Make time for him! Put him first. Why don't you ask him out on a date. Ask him how his day was when he gets home. Show genuine interest in him. Make his favorite dinner. Can you afford to go away for a weekend, just the two of you? It is important for you guys to have some alone time! I try to spend a little bit of alone time with my husband every day ~ just talking, I want to know how his day was, his ups and downs, etc.....we talk about work, the kids, any other important stuff.....I also send him texts throughout the day telling him I love him.....I'm thinking of him etc.....you might try reading the book "Love and Respect" and also the book "The Five Love Languages" - find out what his "Love Language" is so that you can feed that. Hope that gave you some food for thought -

the only thing that works with my husband is when he thinks he is going to lose me! Then, oh boy is he hot for me. Also, time apart. Sometimes We can't stand each other. Then one of us will go out of town for a couple days and suddenly, all those feelings come back and we're on the phone flirting and missing each other.

Give him some space, but encourage marriage counseling. You should also get individual counseling for yourself as well. You can't "make" someone feel what you want them to feel. I would hope that you can behave in a way that appears confident and secure in yourself. Whatever he's going through is NOT your fault, so don't allow him to lay blame on you. If there are communication issues, work on them. Show him you love him, respect him, but don't allow him to walk all over you either.

In the event that you can't encourage him to learn to love you again I do think that you should start planning ahead in case he leaves. Be sure that you have your own bank account in your own name especially if you're a stay-at-home-mom. Have a divorce lawyer on retainer that has your best interests at heart and can handle custody issues as well.

Good luck with whatever happens.

J., is he also willing to work on your marriage? I hope he is as willing to fight for you as you are willing to fight for him.
I recommend marriage counseling over any of the books that were listed. Marriage is about two people pulling together, not just about a woman trying to desperately hold onto a man.

As far as reverting back to looking and acting EXACTLY like you did when you were dating, you need to know that if your husband doesn't appreciate and love you for who you are now, then he is selfish and immature. People grow and change for the better as time goes on. To expect a person to stay exactly the same is a very narrow philosophy.

Kindness and respect in a marriage should go without saying, but please don't become the doormat and whipping posts that many of the books suggested to you will advise.

*Edit- EXCELLENT answer by GirlUndone! I would follow her advice!

I also agree with reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands." By Dr. Laura. I loved it and it really shed some light on how my husband sees things differently. There are simple and easy daily changes that can make a world of difference!

I also think marriage counseling is a good idea.

I don't know what issues there are in the marriage, but I read this book several years ago, and thought it was very interesting - maybe you would find it helpful? (I'm sure it's @ your library)
http://www.amazon.com/Proper-Care-Feeding-Husbands/dp/006...

Very best wishes!!!! :)

My suggestion is that you and your husband could try "finding yourselves" again...A few years ago my husband went through a rough time and separated (not what I'm recommending lol)....That was such an eye opening experience for us...During this time I had to go out and re-figure out what it was I enjoyed doing...Sounds ridiculous but I had been living my life in compromise mode...As an example, while separated, it was wierd to be able to pick out a movie or music just because I liked it and not because it was something both of us could tolerate to be able to watch or hear together..You could apply this to soooo many of the decisions we make as "marrieds"....My theory is we fall in love and get married and we give up the "me" for "we".....Well, nice idea, but we didn't fall in love with "we" we fell in love with eachother....I think sometimes you just have to get yourself back so the other person is reminded why they fell in love with you in the first place. Once you find yourselves again you must accept whole-heartedly, who you are, and embrace eachothers interests maybe in a way you never thought to do before :-) During this time I got back on track with my religion, reached out to childhood friends, and started a couple wonderful art projects....He made awesome new friends that we still hang out with frequently, took up kayaking, and got to decorate his place - which I came to realize he was pretty good at even though I had taken control of all the decorating ever since we got together...Hope this helps. Good luck!