Hi Mamas. I have a situation. Two years ago I helped my childhood best friend leave an abusive situation. She was in another state and I brought her and her young son up here to stay with me. They stayed with us for about three months and then moved in with her cousin. While she was here things got really difficult and we actually had a falling out (why she moved out) and didn't speak for a few months. Fast forward to the beginning of last month. They had been living with her Nana and then she met this guy and three weeks later moved her and her son in with him, his three kids, his mother, and his grandmother. Of course, things deteriorated. It is unsafe for her 4 year old little boy to be there as the house is a WRECK and pretty much unlivable (it was like that when she moved in and he told her that it was temporary and would change immediately- it hasn't). Also, his kids are out of control and that is affecting her son. The kids run wild, refuse to follow any rules, cuss out adults (they are 10,8, and 4), and the only way the Dad gets them to do anything is to scream at them and they scream back and it just goes on. My friend has a seizure disorder and between all the craziness and that she can't sleep and the stress she's been having seizures on a regular basis. Add to the fact that she just found out he's still married and his mother is bat sh*t crazy. Sigh. It's a mess.
Anyway, she wants (and needs) to leave this situation. Her family (who live around here) is angry with her for moving in with this guy (which is totally understandable) and have all told her she can't live with them. So she will be staying with me again but it has to be VERY short term because my landlord will be very unhappy with this and because it's just too much stress on my family. My fiance works over 50 hours a week, I'm in school full time, and my daughter is in kindergarten. We have tons going on and can only deal with this for a short period of time.
I live in the Fox Valley in Illinois. Can anyone give me ideas on how we can get her some housing? Any service organizations that can help her? Does anyone know of any subsidized housing that are taking applications? It doesn't have to be in Kane County. It could be Lake County or McHenry County. I know that Section 8 for all three counties are not accepting applications and will be closed indefinitely. She has an application for a subsidized complex in Round Lake but the wait list is like 6 months long. So anything that can point us in the right direction would be great.
Please, no judgments on her decisions. Yes, they were not good or responsible ones. She is aware of that. I am not looking for comments that address that part of it. What's done is done. Can't change the past. I am looking for suggestions on where to go from here. As far as a shelter, that little boy has been through way too much and does not need to go to a shelter. At least here he will be with people who know him and love him. And our family is willing to make things a bit more difficult on us to do what we can to help him. But we need to get the ball rolling and I really have no idea where to start. Any ideas Mamas?
I would also contact the local parishs and see if they have any ideas or ways to help
I don't really know much about subsidized housing. You might try calling Mutual Ground in Aurora. They are a shelter for battered and abused women. also, check with your local municipality, which would be the city of st. charles, also call st. charles township offices for some info. check out kane county's website and see what you can find there. you can also check with lazarus house in st. charles and hesed house in aurora.
I know DuPage county has some sort of a program (I'm sorry I can't remember the name of it) for people who are looking to rent a room from someone else. The person who told me about this program said that most of the people who use this program are victim's of domestic violence. Essentially, the county would help match your friend with someone who is looking to rent out an extra room in their house. Because it's through the county I would assume there is some sort of a background check done, but I'm not certain. I know this isn't a lot of information to go on, but hopefully it will give you a place to start. Good luck to you and your friend!
I second contacting Mutual Ground. They are SO much more than just a shelter! They assist women to get back on their feet (whether by offering shelter services, job help, counseling, legal aid or helping find other living arrangements), which it sounds like what your friend needs. So, I doubt that your friend would have to stay at the shelter to get some help finding living arrangements, etc. They have counselors, legal help, and more there to help women coming from rough circumstances. Talking to them about next steps would be a good way to get the ball rolling.
Good luck to all of you and it's awesome that you're being a helping hand when your friend needs one most!
There is a senior citizen match up program, where seniors want to stay in their homes, but need to rent a room or portion of their home to stay. Perhaps she could work out an arrangement through one of the counties senior housing groups, check with each county housing authority or county WIC to seek help. Mutual Ground would need to be contacted for counseling either way to help her with her need to seek out and be with abusive men to break her pattern and not have her children learn the pattern. If you bring her into your home have her sign a contract of her plan of action to get herself on her own two feet, not date or seek out men for a year, become self reliant and either get her education done or get a job with a progression(a chance for moving up/this could be retail going into management or a hospital with tuition reimbursement) She needs to prove to herself she is worth it all and that she has chosen to have a child and must show him the right way to be treated and to treat others, otherwise he may become the abuser as an adult.
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There is a senior citizen match up program, where seniors want to stay in their homes, but need to rent a room or portion of their home to stay. Perhaps she could work out an arrangement through one of the counties senior housing groups, check with each county housing authority or county WIC to seek help. Mutual Ground would need to be contacted for counseling either way to help her with her need to seek out and be with abusive men to break her pattern and not have her children learn the pattern. If you bring her into your home have her sign a contract of her plan of action to get herself on her own two feet, not date or seek out men for a year, become self reliant and either get her education done or get a job with a progression(a chance for moving up/this could be retail going into management or a hospital with tuition reimbursement) She needs to prove to herself she is worth it all and that she has chosen to have a child and must show him the right way to be treated and to treat others, otherwise he may become the abuser as an adult.
