I am having a bad problem with dicipline. My 22 month old seems to want to do the opposite of everything I tell him! He is very active and completely normal, just completely different than my other son. My first is 9 years old and he was soo easy to deal with. My youngest is always getting in trouble. He is mean to the cat, constantly throws things in the garbage and with one smooth swipe he will clean of any counter or table. He is bad about breaking things, and Ive watched him, if he sees me looking he will automatically throw it on the floor or run off with it in order to smash it. Other times he is fine but I will tell him to do something, or not to and he becomes enraged and throws his self on the floor. He is loving and caring child. He does not talk well yet, but can let me know what he wants, so I dont think its a communication problem. My only sanity is when he is asleep, and thank goodness he sleeps from 7 to 7 and takes a 2 hour nap during the day. I have tried everything from time out to spanking to taking things away. I'm at my whits end!! I find myself yelling at both of my boys in order to be heard and find myself crying when I dont know how to handle things. I have never been the type to yell or have anxiety problems, but lately am taking something for stress more often than not. I need advice on how to discipline my son and to be able to handle him without yelling!! I thought these types of things were in homes with lots of violence and arguments! My husband is a great father and husband and we seldom have an argument, but when we do its not even around tthe kids, really not even considered an argument..more like a discussion. Help!!
Hi T.,
I completely agree with "Carla." I also have one of these little "angels" at home in the form of a two year old girl!!
Please read Dr. James Dobson's "The New Strong-Willed Child."
God has given YOU a great and awesome privilige, and YOU are in charge.
This book is soooo helpful and is completely right on target. Hope that helps!
Blessings,
L.
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This one is the typical one; your first was the unusual case (of an easy 2-year old!).
It sounds like he is experimenting with the rules, as well as just plain physics :) Kids love to watch stuff break, roll, fly, spin, etc. But it has also become a power issue for you two. He's figuring out what he can get away with, of course.
It sounds like you would LOVE Becky Bailey's Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline. Pick it up from the library and find yourself some relief! She really shows parents the world through the eyes of a child, and how to meet his needs while also effectively teaching him what is acceptable and what is not.
Really. You'll be so glad you gave it a shot!
Hang in there!
L.
My daughter has the same problem. Her 7 year old boy is nice and calm. Her 4 year boy is just the opposite. He will pinch and twist my finger until it hurts just to see my reaction. She has tried 'time out', spanking also. But it still continues. He will tell on his older brother. And then the old brother will come in and tell what really happened. The younger one is sneaky. When i am on the telephone with my daughter she is always yelling at in or putiing him in 'time out'. All i can suggest is just stay strong. Maybe they will grow out it!!! Oh and just a footnote my husband, their grandfather also works offshore. 32years.
Hi T.,
I have a 27 month old Daughter who is similar to your boy.
She is also a climber and screams when she's bored or excited.
I have used the "instant timeout" method-I tell her if you do that again you will instantly get a timout-No More Warnings. I have to put her on the changing table b/c she won't sit anywhere and she is afraid of heights. I sit in a chair just out of reach and make her Sit on it as punishment. I use a timer with an old bell type ringer and set it for 2 minutes and tell her she can't get down till the bell rings. She cried and said "sorry Mamma" over and over at first, now she sits there and waits for the bell to ring. Then I tell her to say "No climbing" "No Hit" whatever her infraction was before she can get down. After I get her I hug her and rock her for a bit and tell her I want her to obey b/c I Love her and want what's best, letting her get her way all the time isn't best for her. She does fine as long as I take a few minutes to love on her and tell her I Love her after she has been disiplined ( usually timeout). I try and save the spanking for things that are really Bad (dangerous to her).
Also-in the past month she has started talking much more coherently and her tantrum type behavior has diminished Tremendously. I also had to tell her " tell me, use words" and she would try and say it again till she said it in a way that could be understood.
I think a LOT of my girl's problem was that she wanted to communicate but didn't know how and would get frustrated and act out. The Instant timeout has helped tremendously. Now if I think she is about to get into something I tell her "do you want a timeout" and she says "No Mamma" I tell her" then Stop, put down etc..." and she says "Ok, sorry Mamma".
I think they just have to know you mean it when you say you will do something. The only problem I am still having is she hits sometimes (which I think is only when she feels she isn't getting enough attention)-we do instant timeout for that and she now Pats me or her Dad and says "No Hit". :-) Hopefully she will stop completely before long.
I hope this helps.
C.
I too have a strong willed little boy. He is 3 1/2 now and is doing much better than when he was around your sons age, although he still has his days. A good book to read is Dr Dobson's "The Strong-Willed Child"...if nothing else, you know your not alone. Dr Dobson does advocate spanking, but also mentions that in some children, it escalates their behavior (that was the case for my son). Sp, since spanking is not an effective discipline tool for my son b/c it just escalates his behavior...we still use it for immediate/safety issues....I have found that time-outs are much more effective. Plus, making a real effort to 'catch' him being good and praising good behavior goes a lot further than I ever imagined! Good luck, hang in there, be strong and stay consistent!!! Oh, and I definetly agree with the mom who mentioned a church program...we did a mom's day out this past year and it was very much worth it!!! It helped me get through those especially 'stubborn' times!
I feel fo you because i am going trough the same thing. my first who is 4 is the easiest child and my last is 2 and he is alot harder all around on top of everything you are going through my son hits kicks scratches head butts and bites. my 4 year old is tired of it and he does it to my husband and I too. we again do not fight all the time and we dont do it in front of the children. My husband is in the air force and about to deploy and I do not know what i am going to do with him. he can be the sweetest thing in the world and in a split second decide to be a fart. He also is difficul in the medical sense (he has asthma, and allergies ans allergid to peanuts and peanut butter). But the thing i am really having a problem with is his sleeping. I average 4 hours a night on a bad night and 6 on a good and he screams uncontrollably. The doctor said since he is car sick alot children that have car sickness also are proned to migraine headaches because their equalibrium is messed up. hope you find answers i havent. pleas let me know if you do.
Hang in there! I know how difficult this age is-mine is 23 months right now. Although it can drive you crazy at times, this is actually fairly "normal" behavior for a toddler. They need a lot of processing time to control their actions, and often if they have started something, they just can't stop in time (like throwing something). Also, as hard as it is to stay calm, they can really detect stress and react to that usually by getting more out of control. I have just put anything that my son could hurt out of reach and try to calmly talk about what is ok and what is not. It also helps to notice when they do something right and praise them for it. Redirection is the key at this phase- they won't respond much to punishment. It's all about distraction, and talking about why things are right. It won't click right away, but if you keep up at it, eventually they'll lose interest in doing things that get a rise out of you. Good luck!
Good morning - some of this sounds like typical 2 year old behavior, but with some "extras" tossed in. Have you spoken to your pediatrician? A thorough check up might be in order, including some testing for emotional problems. Please don't think I'm trying to imply anything, that just seems like a logical step to take to eliminate possible causes for his behavior. It could be nothing more than he feels the absence of his daddy very much. Please believe you are in my prayers, you and your family. Good luck with this.
I know how you feel, when my daughter was that age, I had the same problems. What worked with her is giving her choices so that she felt like she was in control.
Example:
If he asks for a drink, you say
Would you like the green cup or the blue one?
Would you like a lid or a straw?
Would you like milk or juice?
Would you like to drink it in the kitchen or at the table?
The goal is to give him as many choices as possible, 2 at a time where either one is fine with you. If he refuses to choose, you choose for him and stick with it. It won't take him long to realize that he wants to choose so that you don't for him. This worked wonders with my daughter, she is 16 now and has grown to a wonderful young lady.
This method works with discipline too...
If he does something that you don't approve of, you say...
That behaviour is not acceptable in our house, would you rather have 5 minutes of time out on your bed or at the dining room table? If he refused to choose, you just keep asking the same question except add 5 minutes each time you have to ask. Eventually he will realize that the longer he doesn't choose, the longer he is going to have to stay in time out. The hard part is sticking to it at first, but if you do, he will learn quickly and may try to negotiate, however, don't allow it.
Good Luck!! If you would like to discuss more, please email me at ____@____.com
Im chuckling a little as I read this because Ive been there!!! LOl Your little boy sounds like a TYPICAL 2 year old boy. Yes he is different than your oldest, You could have a dozen kids & they would ALL be different. I had 2 boys & they were as different as night & day. One very shy & quiet the other one loud & rowdy. With my youngest that was the loud one on the days he was the MEANEST I would take time out for JUST him & read to him or just hold for a few minutes & pay attention to only him at those moments. And most days it worked!! Also hun maybe you can find a church day program where u can drop them off for a few hours or just work it into your budget that one day a wewk you get certain hours just to YOURSELF!!! You need it to be emotionally healthy. Also some parents expections are too high. He is 2 & this is normal behavior his atention span is very short. Ask yourself when you are about to get upset if in 5 years it will make a difference whether he did this or that. BELIEVE me one day all too SOON he will be grown. I do miss some moments were my kids wrre little. My kids are all grown with children of their own.Good luck!!
Start offering rewards to him for good behavior. He is two so, he is in the training stage.
