Stepson Wanting Own Way.

How many 13 year old kids do you know who don't want their own way? Most adults do too.Take him to the fair when you can...he'll live. You say everyone agrees this kid needs counseling (except Mom). What makes it the grandparents responsibility to get him there?

Everyone wants their own way, don't you? :) I think this sounds like a lot of sad things all piled up, and a confused, unhappy boy in the middle. His dad and mom divorced, dad moved away, married a new woman, had a new family and now he won't even come to see him as much as he said he would, and his new wife is sick, and there's no money ..... that's Much too much for a 13 year old to bear and understand. I think you should think kindly of him, and be kind to him. Treat him gently. Don't be suspicious of him and assign motives to his behavior, and paint him as a manipulator. He's a child.

I don't quite understand what's going on with the fair, and the in-laws, and who's paying for what in this question, and it doesn't really matter. If you can change your plans a little to make your husband's son feel loved, isn't that a good thing?

I hope you're feeling better.

I know you are frustrated, but I'm feeling sorry for your stepson in all of this. I know it's not an easy trip, but age 13 is a tough transition time in a boy's life and a teenage son needs his dad. I can totally understand why the son feels like once a month is not enough, and he wants more time.

I know you have a lot of life circumstances to deal with - bills, illness, long travel time, etc. I understand why this is hard. But your stepson didn't create any of those circumstances, and he's the one getting the short end of the stick. Please try to be as generous as possible to him, when it's at all possible.

Is an extra few hours at a fair really more important than a son's relationship with his dad?

You can vent anytime! I would follow through with your original plans. He is not a baby and a 13 yr old kid should be able to understand. He seems a little jealous and that is normal too but circumstances happen and if he wants to go he would go saturday. Im sorry you are going through this. Best of luck love!

Give him my daughter's cell phone number and she can fill him in that there's not royalty stamp on his birth certificate like there isn't one on her's like she has found out just the other day! There are times that I wonder where my 13 year old has come from because I know I certainly wasn't like this at that age and I'm not divorced so you can't blame it on that. I think that he's just being outright bratty like a lot of them are and he needs to realize that in life you can't always change plans at the last minute to go with the better plan. If we could, guess what - they wouldn't always be included. It sounds mean, but really - if we didn't have to take our children places, that would mean more for us. But we do without so they can have. I'd just explain to him this is the way it is and maybe see if you could start trying to work on a little compromising with him but when it is started on a convenient level for everyone. Best of luck to you all.

I'm guessing that like all thirteen yr olds he wants to go to the fair with his friends??? and I'm guessing that like all kids from divorced families he is resenting his father's new family and feels replaced?? am I guessing correctly? Yes I think counseling would be a good thing. I dont understand what you are saying about counseling and inlaws except that they want to sit down and have a conversation. Maybe you could clarify? I'm sorry about your kidney cancer and hope you are healthier now.

All teens want their own way! You are the parents and what you say goes. When a request is unreasonable, you just don't honor it. Period.

Hang in there and definitely consider the therapy. What teen couldn't use a therapist? Wish I had one when I was a teen! (Wish I had one now! :) )

I hear you, venting is necessary sometimes.

13 year olds think they have it rough because they see life only through their eyes, not the whole picture...work schedules, distances, etc. They know what to say and the reaction and attention they'll get. Seriously, he more than likely doesn't want one-on-one time (if he did he could have told Dad this when they talked) but knows the friction he'll cause in the family if he whines.

You already have reasonable plans to go to the fair and I would keep them. As for the whining, i would ignore it if he did it in front of me, or send him to his room to do it there with no audience, so the next time I got a call that he was whining I'd say, "sorry, nothing I can do about it from here!"

Have fun at the fair (I love them), your son will live and may learn he can't manipulate situations to suit him. As long as Dad makes "alone time" for the two of them from time-to-time his complaint isn't a valid one ; )

Hi, H.:

No is No. You told the fella the reason that it will not work for your husband and you to not be able to go to the fair.

It is okay for him to whine to others.

When they call you on his behalf, just tell them you understand their position. That is all you need to say. Even if you say it over and over again.

They have a right to voice their opinion. You don't have to agree with them but you can understand them.

Don't worry. You are doing what's best for the family in the long run.
Stay strong.
D.

We only heard one side of the story.

From your side, I can understand being frustrated. It sounds to me like the entire in-law family is involved with your husband's son. I don't understand what the heck they and their opinions have to do with anything. It's between the mother and the father. You and the husband of the mother, if there is one, gets limited say. It's not your child but it is your home, money, time, etc.

It sounds to me that the boy is getting to hear the opinions of too many adults on that side of the family and is playing into that, and Dad's guilt, and the mean step mom syndrome is there, I'm sure.

I'm sorry, but I don't care if the child is from divorce or not. Why does he get special alone time when his other children do not. I can understand at times and when it's convenient. I am a child of divorce. I did not want to be treated better than my 3 younger 1/2 siblings. (I had 2 older brothers too) I just wanted to be treated equal. When my dad would pick us up I expected to be treated fairly as the others. I wanted to fit in. Course, my father rarely saw us and he lived down the road. You would have thought I would be acting like your stepson demanding time and all that and wanting my own way. I wasn't like that. Neither was my older brothers. So I think his behavior is wrong, from what you've said. I think he's expecting special treatment and Dad to go out of his way to basically show the child that he loves him by going far and beyond the call of duty. The stepson is part of his father's family. That means he is a sibling to the children from the second marriage and he should be treated the same as the others and should be doing family events together. Doing far too many "alone time" things is only going to drive him and his 1/2 siblings further apart.

Again, the in-laws have nothing to do with the boys parents decision. There should be no big family discussion. That is such a cult like attitude. Reminds me of my in-laws, lol! If a 13 year old is throwing a "whining session" where are the adults putting a stop to such behavior? Sounds ridiculous. Dad needs to put his foot down and tell him that he makes little money and can only afford certain things to do. He will either be thankful for his time with him and the family or he can stay home. He will not be selfish and constantly get "alone time" at his every whim. Period. There's no reason why they cannot have conversations over the phone often and email and send text messages as well to keep in touch. This is a modern age. All children are equal and should be treated as such and do not allow the child to guilt everyone and do not allow the in-laws to have a say. They are not the parent.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets