Standards for 2Yo Boys Vs. 2Yo Girls

Yeah,I see this as well. I have two boys and they are very sweet to little girls. Girls are usually sweet as well, but if they push/slap/hit/pinch... it's always "awe, cute look at that, she's so sassy!" but if my son retaliates or does anything (which is very rare, and i am always watchful and quick to dicsipline), we get the third degree b/c he is an "aggressive boy".

I usually just say, "calm down everyone, lets be nice to each other". if a child continues I'll say, "hey honey, let's not be hitting okay, it's not very nice."

You are seeing things perfectly fine. Hitting, pitching, choking, etc. are not OK. Who cares what sex the child is! Someone could get hurt.

The Moms are o.k. with their daughter's pushing, slapping, choking your son??? But then get mad if your son is doing the same thing? What is wrong with this picture!!

The only adjustment you need to do is to tell the girls next time to back off! No just kidding but if the Mom isn't speaking up then yes you can say "Oh sweetie, please don't do that. You need to play nice". If she doesn't then remove your son.

I have a daughter and no way would I have let her treat other boys that way!

Your son is only 2. Teach him how to play. Don't sit back and watch him get beat up (I know you don't literally). Of course he is going to think it's o.k. Monkey see, monkey do!!

Go get em' Mom!! =-)

This is when I pipe up in a cheerful voice:

"No Hitting! Wrestling is fine as long as you're both having fun, but No Hitting!"

Or insert biting/ pinching/ slapping/ hair pulling etc.

This usually "wakes" the other parent up.

As the mum of a boy I've noticed the exact same thing. Predominantly, mums of girls don't correct them. So I wade in. First verbally, and cheerfully... then physically wade in, and chat at eye level. It's a last warning kind of thing. Wrestling is fine AS LONG AS no one is actually trying to hurt someone. Physical play is grand, hurting others under the guise of physical rough and tumble play is not.

As the mom of a 2 yr boy and 4 yr girl, your son sounds amazingly well behaved and has a tremendous amount of self control for a 2 yr old, regardless of sex. Congratulations! I think what you are running into with other moms is that they are struggling with correcting their child in general or don't see their child's behavior as out of bounds. I have yet to think about my displine/corrections of my kids behavior in terms of their sex. Some parents look past their own child's behaviors and can only see that it's a problem with someone else's kid. I don't think they are thinking in terms of boys vs. girls.

Also, my kids, as sibs, do "wrestle" and play physically, sometimes it turns from "playing" to fighting. BUT I NEVER allow them at their very young ages to play that way with others. I get that best friends at age 10 might wrestle but, come on, 2 yr olds don't know the difference between a play fight and a real one. SO. I would have a "keep your hands to yourself" policy on play dates, and emphasize "gentle touching" in the form of hugs or easy pats on the back.

Well, you might try something like saying cheerfully "Oh sweetie, he doesn't like it when you choke him!" and then redirect the kids - to playing ball or pouring sand or some other appropriate activity. Sure, that shouldn't fall on you, but sometimes that's how it works out...

If the other Moms get mad about THAT then do you really want to hang out with them? After all, you don't want your son to learn it's OK to GET hit any more than you want him to learn it's OK to hit!

I get very frustrated with the currently popular notion that girls are one way and boys are another. I don't think it does girls OR boys any favors. Sure, maybe my boys are rough & tumble - but it's how THEY are - it's NOT what makes them boys. They have a few friends that are girls whose energy is through the roof and who can get pretty rough. And that doesn't magically make those girls into boys.

Labels and stereotypes don't really make anyone's life easier.

I wish we could let ALL kids be who they are without labels, including "he's all boy" etc. Yours is a perfect example of where that can go awry. The moms ASSUME your boy will be rougher in the face of completly contradictory evidence.

Good luck! I always thought my sons would be more like yours - but they didn't take after me! : )

I have three girls, and I do not think this is OK at all. They have had/have friends who are boys, and the same rules apply to everyone. They need to play nicely. I have occasionally seen the opposite as well, though, where parents of boys will excuse the physical aggression saying it's a "boy thing." I do not think that is your case at all, but just want to agree with the previous poster that it's difficult when certain behaviors get associated with boys or girls.

Anyway, what I do in a situation where another child (boy or girl) is hitting/pinching/etc. is say something like, "Everyone needs to keep their hands to themselves." Once it escalates to that point, I find they can rarely go straight back to more innocent roughhousing and it's best to move onto another activity that doesn't involve so much physical contact. If it continues, I will say that it's not nice to act like that and my child doesn't like to play with someone who hurts them. If necessary, I will take my child to another area/activity away from the offender.

It's a tough situation whenever you are faced with other people's kids acting inappropriately and feeling like the behavior is not being addressed. Start with general statements ("Everyone needs to...") and see if that works. Good luck!

I dont understand that attitude. If my daughter is hitting or shoving, we go have a talk. Your son shouldnt be everyone else's punching bag!

My daughter is now 7, so this is no longer an issue, but I would never let her be aggressive (slap, bite, etc.) toward another child, boy or girl. I definitely let kids roughhouse as long as all kids felt it was a game, not one child attacking another, but whatever rules were in place applied to all.

The behavior I don't like, is not based on the sex of the child, but the sex of the parent :) There have been numerous times where a dad is in charge of "watching" his child on the beach (we're talking about kids 2 and under here) and as soon as the little boy started to "play" with my daughter, the dad would be 50 feet away, completely engrossed in conversation with his buddies, not watching his kid at all. The kid would have come over with no toys to "trade/share", grab my daughter's toys that she was playing with, or take handfulls of wet sand from the puddle she was in and start throwing them at her. First of all, I would never "abandon" my daughter to someone else's care that I've never met or seen before without so much as a "hello", 2nd I don't want to have to discipline someone's child I don't know, 3rd, I'm not your babysitter, what if I was about to get up and take my kid in the ocean, and your kid wanders off. don't get me wrong, there are plenty of attentive dads on the beach, but it was NEVER a mom that left her son or daughter unattended near me.

While boys and girls may tend to like certian kinds of activities according to thier gender, it is not set in stone, but good behavior and being taught to keep your hands, feet, palms and bodies to your self. I don't think it makes one ounce of difference what the gender of a child who is acting the way you describe is, if they do the things you said, their parents or gaurdians should be right there to use that as a teachable momenent, both that is is wrong (boy or girl) and that they learn how to applogize and make nice. Imedeate concequences and instruction seem required no matter whether they grow up to be men, or women.

M.

I would be EQUALLY as forceful when their little princesses are beating on your son. You need to advocate for your son. That is a bunch of total BS that b/c he is a boy he can be treated like that. I SO would not let that happen with my sons. As a matter of fact they are told not to take being hit by ANYONE, I don't care who it is. There will come a day when they are bigger and it would not be a fair fight but until then they will be nobodies punching bag.

My daughter is 3 and while she usually is very well behaved while playing with other kids, once in a great while I've seen her give someone a push if they are bugging her in any way - and I always immediately correct her and tell her that is not allowed. I don't think it's cute just because she is a girl. Once I saw her do it to a little boy at the playground and right away I went up to her, told her I saw what she did, and that she was not to do it again or we would have to leave. Right away, without any further prompting from me, she told the boy, "I'm sorry! I sorry I push you!"

No mom wants their child hit. I read your "So What Happenend?" answer. I would confront this mom. Why is this mother being so selfish? What is up with that? The same way you phrased your "So What Happened?" I would say the same thing to her, and let her know that you do not feel it is fair for son to be treated that way and you would appreciate if she said something. In the future, I would avoid allowing your son to be around her, especially if she is not responsive to your feeling about the matter.

Hi, M.:
I think this question can be posed to mom's on the
playground when you arrive there.

Set some guidelines with the moms before any mixing
occurs. Also have some guidelines on how to resolve
conflicts about interpretation of an incident.
Once you all agree on the behavior acceptable for
the children and how to resolve conflicting interpretation
of an incident, then proceed with the mixing of the sexes.

Good luck. D.

Ok, any moms who are letting their KIDS of any sex-even girls-beat up on your son are being lame. My daughter would certainly not be allowed to push, slap, tackle and punch people. Unless it's a free for all with her cousins where ALL the kids are doing it and they're all having fun. Like a family basement brawl.

That said, you should be the bigger person and obviously not let your son do that even though they are. Little boys should never strike girls. Period. Maybe sisters/family in above scenario-but not girls at the park, girls at school, girls anywhere.

It's not your job to discipline those girls, but not allowing your son to do it is the right thing to do. Saying "No hitting!" etc firmly to your son will show the other moms the right way to act whether they catch on or not. You could even say, "OK, since people aren't playing nice we're leaving."

Picture the black and white movies where ladies slap men. A gentleman does not reciprocate. My son is 2 1/2, and I'm teaching him to hold doors open for his sisters and myself. I would seriously flip my lid if I saw him punching or pushing a girl at the park for ANY reason. He's allowed to hit boys who hit him first, but not girls. No way.

I have 1 girl and 1 boy...so I have experience on both sides. From an early age, the boys like to roughhouse...it's just their nature (and I would have NEVER said that before I became a mom...I would have considered it sexist, but that's been the observation from watching my kids). Anyway, I think you need to find some "guy" friends for your son. We never let our son wrestle with the girls. It's probably not inappropriate at 2...but when does it become inappropriate? Not sure, so we decided from the start that he would roughhouse with the other guys...that way you don't have to break the habit later. Our son has been taught that girls (whether it be me, his sister or any others) are treated with a special kind of respect. My daughter is taught to expect respect from the boys she comes in contact with. They are now 14 and 11...hopefully in the coming years, when they begin to date, this will help guide them to select people who will treat them properly. :) Good luck.