Spoiling or Concern?

I am a mother of a 13 year old son and an almost 2 year old little girl. She will be 2 in November and she still sleeps with my husband and I. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. My son slept with me until he was probably 4-5. I was single then and we would just camp out in my bed at bedtime watching movies and we would both fall asleep. He is now 13 is on the honor roll and plays travel soccer and is a great kid. I have lots of friends and relatives whose children slept with them at least until they were 2-3 and then continues to come in there room in the middle of the night and they are just fine. Good Luck!!

She is old enough for her own room. Use a monitor to hear her at night. It is ok to leave her with someone you trust. IF you don't start leaving her with someone now, when she is older (toddler) it will be a nightmare!! She will cry and scream and you will feel worse! Good luck!

L.,

I think it is wonderful that you are being so sensitive to your baby's needs! My three year old son just started sleeping on a twin bed beside my king. My one year old daughter is still co-sleeping and nursing. This is such a short season in life, and little ones have such big needs that there is no need to rush things. I am glad that your husband is supportive. Your mother-in-law may have done things differently with your husband. I know many women did during that time. To her it may seem like you don't approve of her parenting since you chose not to follow her lead. I know many mothers who struggle with this. Just reassure her that you and your husband have found this works best for your family. If she continues, don't discuss it with her. As for the babysitting, I have never used one either. My children spend time with their father, but that is it. I know several moms who don't use sitters. If you would like some support please check out www.gentlechristianmothers.com. It is a wonderful message board for Christian moms who practice attachment parenting, grace-based discipline, etc... I wish you the best.

B.

Hi L.,
My son didn't get his own room till he was 1 so I think it is whatever you feel, because you are the Mommy, and you will know when you, and your baby are ready.

L.,

I feel your concern. I felt the same way with my first daughter. However I forced myself to put her in her own room at three months. It was a bit difficult but the baby monitor helped a great deal.

With my second however she slept in our room for the first five or six months. It was more an issue of us only having two bedrooms but I think I was just using that as an excuse. It was easier to have her there because I was breast feeding. Then I went out of town with the girls and my husband decided to move her into our first daughters bedroom........Guess what, I survived! So did she.

As far as the babysitting thing goes. You should take time away from her. I know that's hard to hear but your daughter will need to learn to get along without you some day. I don't let anyone but family watch my girls (unless it's a close family friend that I've known all my life). It's better for both of you if you let her be without you for a few hours. I am actually suprised that you aren't more comfortable being that you see people drop off their kids at your house all the time!

It was really hard for me to leave my first even with my husband! I must have called every five minutes to make sure she was okay. It was even harder leaving her with someone else. But you get over it and it gets easier. It's better to get her used to you leaving her now before seperation anxiety sets in. Trust me...it's harder on you to leave than it will be on her. Besides...it's not like you are fleeing the country never to return again!

Please...for your own sanity take a few hours to yourself or for yourself and your husband. It'll be just fine.

Hope this helps you feel better. You aren't crazy...you are just a new mom.

I was in the exact position you are and have very strong opinions about the situation. First of all, don't give a second thought about what your MIL thinks. It's none of her business how you are raising YOUR child. Second, if you want to co-sleep with your daughter do it until YOU are no longer comfortable with it. Some people never co-sleep, some just for a while and some families have a family bed where they all co-sleep together. As long as everyone is happy and getting the sleep they need it is fine. Some people say the longer you co-sleep, the harder it is to get them out of your bed, but I think that depends on the child. My daughter is 14 months old and co-slept in our bed or in a co-sleeper for 13 months. She is now in a crib in our room until she gets comfortable sleeping on her own and then we will move her to her own room. We all sleep great and I have NEVER been sleep deprived. It's also very difficult for someone who doesn't breastfeed to give you advice on co-sleeping because you're right, it is SO much easier to co-sleep while BF for a number of reasons. On the babysitting issue, she's YOUR daughter, if you're not ready, DON'T do it. 3 1/2 months is still VERY young. I HAD to take my daughter to day care 4 days a week so I could work and other than that, no one babysat her because I wanted to be with her myself, I had no need for a sitter. My MIL was always pushing me to let her babysit but she wasn't doing it for me or my child, she was doing it for herself. Around 8 months I let our parents watch her for an hour at a time. Just this week I had a non-relative sit for her for an hour. That's my comfort level right now and I'm fine with it because she's MY child. I don't worry about her being independent because she loves other people and is very social. I laugh when people say things like "you should have an independent child". Who in the world has an independent child? As children they are TOTALLY dependent on you for everything and they will learn trust when they know they can trust you. If someone wants to call me overprotective, that's fine. I'm also trying to soak up every minute of her babyhood because it's gone SO fast already. Good luck to you, be comfortable in your decisions and do what's best for YOU and YOUR family, not someone else.

If you are spoiling you daughter then I am spoiling both of my kids. I have a daughter that will be 3 at the end of Dec and a son that is 6 months old. My daughter has recently moved into her own bed but the first 2 1/2 years of her life she slept in the bed with my husband and I. My son started too when we was the first born but I couldn't sleep with both of them so I moved them into the room that is built onto our room. But when ever they wake up crying or if they are sick I let them sleep with me. So you aren't spoiling her.
I also see we have some stuff incommon. I love to scrapbook too and I am going to school to get a degree in earlychildhood and i use to work in a daycare. if you ever need someone to talk to you can email me ____@____.com

I'm the same way..My daughter is 17 months old now & still sleeps in the same room in her crib ;)..I just couldn't move her down the hall..In my opinion, I don't think anything is wrong with it..Especially if your breastfeeding, it is much easier..I will be making that transition to her own room very soon though. I think either way, they still have to adjust to it & I don't think the age matters too much as long as they aren't 2 or more & still sleeping in the same room..But, thats just my opinion...But, I think at her age, it's completely fine to have her still in your room...

My experince.... I have a 3 1/2 year old son and a 5 month old daughter... my son sleeps in his room across the hall from our room but my daughter sleeps in a pack-n-play in our bedroom. We did the same thing with Andrew that we are currently doing with Emily ... he wasn't in a crib until he was about 6 months old and up until that point he was in a pack-n-play. We did have to use the "cry it out" method for a few nights when we moved him to the crib though. I breastfed my son for the first year and i hope to nurse my daughter for that long also. Having the baby in the same room is convienent since you don't have to go far for the feeding. By the time we moved my son into the crib, he was sleeping through the night most of the time so i only had to get up and feed him in his room once in a while (we put a comfy chair in there for me since by that point he wouldn't want to go back to sleep if i nursed him in our bed!)

Don't worry about what your mother-in-law hast to say on the issue... she did things her way and you do things your way. If your way is to co-sleep until your ready for it to be otherwise, then that's what you do. It also sounds like you have a very supporting hubby... maybe he can talk to his mother and get her to let the subject drop?

When i was a first time mom, i wasn't to keen on the idea of having anyone else watch my son either. I didn't go back to work until he was about 7 months old, partly because of that. I finally realized though that some time away was good for me and good for my son. It's all part of the "first time mom" process. Believe it or not, she'll learn that you'll always come back to her.... it's part of her growing up process! (yeah for object permanence!) Maybe you can find a close family friend or a relative that you trust to watch the baby for a short time. Maybe do some shopping for an hour or so after a feeding so there's no bottle to worry about? Start with a short amount of time at first until you feel more comfortable with leaving your baby in someone else's care. Maybe you can work up to a "date night" with that great guy you married!?

Whatever you decide to do, do what you think is best for you and your family... *HUGS* and good luck!

No you are not being an overly protective mom. I am the same way. It is so much easier to nurse when the baby is in the same room with you. My two month old shares a room with my husband and I and he has no problem with it. I would have to say you decide when you are ready for a babysitter. My decided with my children that they are not ready to spend the night away from me until they are a year old. I have done that with all of my boys and all of the grandparents (my husband and myself are from divorced families) understand what I am saying. I think it is wonderful that you want to spend time with your daughter. Every moment is precious.

Are you dealing more with fear or the issue that she is little and you breastfeed during the night? What you are doing is great. I would try to get her use to her other bed by putting her there initially at night or during naps. I personally don't think it is healthy for a marriage when a child gets old enough that normal relations between a husband and wife become strained because of the presence of a child. Enjoy this time while she is a little one. You will never regret the time spent!!

You are doing a great job! Do not worry about what anyone thinks. My oldest slept with us until he was almost 3 and now my youngest just moved to his own room and he is 2 1/2. I just followed the cues from them and slowly moved them into it. I started with a toddler bed in the corner of our room and when they were comfy sleeping there I asked them and we made a big deal about the "big boy room" That is what worked for us. I have a MIL that was the same way saying they won't be independent they will always be mommy's boys. Well my 6 yr old is in Kindergarten and is thriving(and still once in a great while he will ask to snuggle into the bed with us and I love it, you will forget one day how little they once were and how much they needed you!) And my 2 yr old is as independent as any other child. As far as childcare goes again it is up to you what you do. With all you see anymore on the news and such, to me it is important to protect your own child. And when the time comes that you are comfy w/other watching her start out with baby steps w/an hour at a time. She is lucky to have a mommy that cares so much for her!

L.,

Hello there! I have a 7 month old and she just got put into a crib in her sisters room. Emily (7 mon.) was in an oversized bassinet when she was born. She also slept in our room on my sideof the bed. I wasn't ready to put her in a seperate room until about 2 weeks ago. I though I was overreating and being over protective but the truth is sometimes I would just get worried that I wouldn't hear her cry or something would go wrong. I have somewhat adjusted to her being in the other room with her sister. For the first couple night I would wake up and go check on her. I still haven't taken the bassinet out of our room yet. I am not exactly ready for that. hehe...

Well I hope this helps a little! Though I would share my story with you!

B.
If you want to talk more feel free to message me or e-mail me at ____@____.com

Hello L.. My name is K.. I don't think you are spoiling your daughter. All 4 of my kids slept in my room till they were almost 2. I didn't move them to another room till they were out of their baby beds and in a toddler bed. I never had a problem with it at all. My kids are no more spoiled than any other kid.

L.,
My oldest daughter slept with my ex and I until she was 3 yrs. old then we let her choose where she slept. I think it made her more secure to know she could always sleep with mommy and daddy if she needed too. My youngest daughter wouldn't sleep unless she was in her own bed. She also knew and still knows if she needs me she can sleep with me. My girls are 10 and 8 and I think if it makes you feel more comfortable to have her near you then by all means keep her there. Your mother in law will get over it and you or your husband need to let her know that no matter what she says it's not going to change. As for the not letting anyone babysit her, that's up to you too. My sister has never let anyone babysit my nephew and he is 5. It's you daughter and your choice. I hope this helps a little bit.

Ok first things first....why can't mother in laws but out? It is your decision and your baby, don't let anyone make you feel you are doing the wrong thing. My husband and I tried moving our daughter of our room at 3 months....she slept fine all night we on the other hand did not...I cried for the first 2 hours and then got no sleep at all. We tried again at 6 months and we all did just fine. The younger you move them in to there own bed the easier it is for them to adjust...but you have to do what makes you feel comfortable as well, you also have to sleep. We felt more comfortable when she could roll over and that is when she went in to her own room.

You are not overprotective...it is just hard with the first one. We are the same way and Sophia will be 1 next week. She has had 3 babysitters and none of them for a long period of time.

Just remember whatever decision you make just follow what feels right it will all work out.

Good luck

D.

Similarly to what the other moms her have said. You have to do what you feel is best for your family. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Breastfeeding is so much easier with the child in the same room as you. I loved to breastfeed while laying on my side. I could fall back to sleep when the baby latched on. Your natual mother's instincts will keep you from rolling on to your baby even while you are sleeping.
As long as your children feel loved, you are doing the right thing by them.
Hugs,
G.

I just wanted to say that when I moved my daughter (at about 4 months) from her bassinet beside my bed to her own bed, that is when she started sleeping through the night. She is still in our room though... just across the room (she's 6 1/2 months now).
Maybe it will be easier on you if you move her across the room first (if possible) before you move her totally out. Maybe move her playpen into your room first and get used to being a little farther away from her and then move her to the crib. Of course, I think it should only be when you're ready.

I would not worry what other people think of your sleeping arrangements especially since your husband is okay with the arrangement.

As for the babysitting issue, you are being a little bit over protective but protecting our children is something a mom is supposed to do. Your daughter will probably have no problems with being watched by another person. It is usually the parents who have a hard time being separated from their kids. If you are uncomfortable leaving your child with a babysitter, friend or other family member, I would first start by having dad watch her while you go somewhere for a short period of time.

Pish Tosh. You daughter is fine. Read Dr. Sears book on attachment parenting for 'ammo' next time your MIL brings it up. And in 3/4 of the world they co-sleep until the child is 7 or 8. Our way is less natural.

A little overprotection is expected of the first ont. I'm pretty much the total opposite of you, but it works for me. both of my boys slept in our room for 1 month then it was off to their own beds, and I think that's why my oldest has been sleeping through the night since he was 7 months old in his own bed. My youngest is only 4 months but he's a pretty good sleeper and I definately didn't want to be the parent's with the kids still sleeping with them when they were 6.
If I have something to do, like work or clean my house I don't have any problems leaving my kids with a family memeber. I'm not one of those moms who just drops her kids off all the time to get them out of her hair, but I have don't that a couple times.... You really have to think into the future. If you don't want your kids sleeping with you when their older....you should start putting her in her own bed, and the sooner the better. If you don't want her to scream and cry everytime you leave her or never play with other kids and be clingy, then she needs to know what it's like when you're not around for a little while and the sooner the better! I wouldn't be able to put up with that, but some moms do so it's ultimately your decision!

This is your baby and it is up to you to raise your baby as you see fit. Your mother-in-law had her chance to raise her babies the way she wanted to. She should keep to her self and let you do as you see fit. Even if you were to ask her for her opine, that still dose not mean you have to do what she says. You still need to do what you feel is best for your family. Being an over protective mom is your right and it is your job to protect your baby as you see fit.
We are the only animals that I know of that kicks our babies out as soon as they are born.
Why?

I don't think you are being over protective at this point, she is still so little and my doctor says you can't spoil them at this age. On the other hand, the longer you wait the more aware she will be of the change and you don't want her sleeping between you when she grows out of that co-sleeper. Maybe if you set a goal for yourself to move her into her own room in a month and put a baby monitor up so you can still hear her. As far as babysitting, I wouldn't leave my little one with anyone buy family at this age either so don't beat yourself up. Your reason should be her safety, not that you are "running out on her" she needs to learn that she can depend on other people too. Good luck!

We had the exact same situation - co-sleeper and breastfeeding. However, we chose to move our son to his own crib at 2 months. We chose this because I know so many people who have toddlers in their bed and that is not for us. But, that said, you must do what is right for you. We bought a great digital monitor from Summer that lets us hear EVERYTHING and that made it easier. You are going to have a life full of people telling you how to raise your child and you just have to decide what is right for your family. But, be honest with yourself when you make decisions. Look at all the outcomes of each option and give it thought. Make sure you are making the decisions for the right reasons... like having your daughter in your room because you feel it benefits her rather than just because of your fears. And that you are ok with future consequences.. like her not wanting to sleep in her own room. I hope this is helpful.

I think that that is so normal.. my son is 3 almost 4 and I still dont let just anyone babysit him.. I think though that maybee u should move ur daughter into her own room or u will have a lot of problems getting her to go to sleep without u near her and that could be very hard for u and ur husband in the future.. I think u are just being a normal mom who loves her baby very much.. U should do whatever u feel comfortable doing...

Oh my gosh, dont feel like your spoiling your baby or that your overprotective. My son is 9 months old and Im due in April. It scares me to have him in a different room. So as of April I will probably have an extremly cramped room!!!! I tried having him in another room and it lasted about 2 hours. Your right it is easier!! Do what you want with your children!!!!:)

L.

It is not being over protective, we all have different view points on when to put our baby in own room. My son was in his own room at about 4 weeks, i had a monitor and was up often checking on him, just dont make the mistake that i have seen made where the baby stays in mommy and daddys room to long and wont sleep in own room when the time comes...i even had a rocking chair in the babys room and found my self asleep in it many times...rocking him to sleep every night before laying him down, always helped me too...i would love to learn to scrap book, got so many pics and they are just thrown in drawers..L.

My son and I shared a room until he was 6-months-old. My family laughed at me, too, but I felt better about it. He has been in his own room for a year now and has been in a toddler bed for four months. You know your child better than anyone else, so do what you feel is best. Good luck!

I had a similar issue with my mother in law. The bottom line is that she is your baby- not hers, and you can do what ever you want to. I didn't have a sitter with my first until after 6 months. If you and your huband are okay with your arrangements, that is all that matters. Do what makes you comfortable. You are the one raising that baby.

I was a single mom so I kept my duaghter in the room for a long time since I was the only one to go get her when she needed to nursed. So do what is comfortable with you and your husband. I would make sure she is in her own bassinet or crib though so when you do decide to transition to the other room she is already used to what she is sleeping in. I would say I know plenty of mothers that don't leave there kids until they are on some solid food, so I guess around six months. If you are nursing you can't leave too long. But if you are worried about it than you can have someone she is used to, like Grandpa or Auntie, come and watch her while you are on a walk or something. That way when you leave for a long time it isn't quite as shocking for her. Good luck!

Hey L.,
I think what you are doing is great only I was worse. Your mother in law would have had a stroke if she had been mine. I had my last daughter when I was 40. I panicked because my baby at that time was 14. Whoops! I had been doing a lot of reading on children in other countries and found out most babies sleep with their parents until they are five or six. A lot of countries breastfeed their children until they are five or six. (NOT HERE) So needless to say with all the hype about SIDs being nonexistant when a child sleeps in the bed with their parents you can only imagine. My daughter slept with me and my x whenever she wanted. We were always in PJs on those nights and we never made it a secret when she was 4 or 5 that sometimes she had to sleep in her bed so mom and dad could have enough room to sleep comfortably. Funny but getting to sleep in her own crib was a treat to her. We kept the crib around just because she thought sleeping in it was like being at the zoo. Bedtime was a great family time for all my children. When my 2nd to oldest son and my other daughter were home one night it was storming real bad and we sleep upstairs so the windows rattle like heck. My then 16 year old son and my 12 year old daughter both hopped in bed with me and we spent the next hour talking about school, soceer upcoming prom and anything else the kids wanted to talk about. Sure didn't hurt them and I enjoyed the hugs and I love yous. Still do. By the way my children have grown up to be well rounded adults that love to hug and cuddle their children and tell them they love them24/7. My son is a forest ranger married with two beautiful children and my daughter also with a 4 year old son and #2 on the way. So keep doing what you feel is best. When you and hubby get older that daughter will love coming back home for the warmth of mom and dads hugs and I love yous.

DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. NOBODY, INCLUDING YOUR MOTHER N LAW, CAN SAY WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU, YOUR BABY AND YOUR HUSBAND. IF ITS EASIER ON ALL OF YOU TO HAVE YOUR BABY RIGHT THERE THEN SO BE IT. AS LONG AS SHE IS COMFY AND SAFE, YOU WILL BE TOO. AND THE ADVICE FROM MOMS OR MOM N LAWS NEVER STOPS. MY MOTHER IS CONSTANTLY GIVING HER 2 CENTS, BUT YOU GOT TO LEARN TO ACCEPT IT AND DO WHAT YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART IS RIGHT.

Dear L.,
It is impossible to spoil your 3.5 mo. old daughter! I think it is more important that you get sleep however that may be. It is still in the early stages of your motherhood and if putting her across the hall will make you sleep less easy than I say she is perfectly fine where she is at.
I have 5 mo. old twins, and I CAN'T sleep with them in the room so they sleep in the cribs, but I can't sleep if their monitor isn't on and I know they are OK. This is your child and you have to do what is right for you and your baby, your mother-in-law had her kids and not everyone feels the same way about parenting. You have to have enough confidence in your own parenting skills, just by sending this e-mail I can tell you are a very loving caring mommy! Is your baby happy and healthy? Then screw what everyone else says.
As for the babysitting, I can understand. It is hard for me to let anyone else watch my kids, but I can tell you that not getting out every month or so with just you and hubby can put a serious damper on the relationship. That is where my hubby and I are now. So maybe letting someone else watch her for the sake of your marriage may not be a bad idea, but you have to judge that from your standpoint. Like I said, everyone's opinions are different. Good luck, and take care!
K.

Your daughter is only 3 1/2mths. & your breastfeeding. I think this is totally appropriate. Some mothers keep their child in their room till they are one, or longer. As far as no one babysitting yet, you are a new mother & while at some point you do need a break for yourself, take your time but don't feel like you are abandoning her. Just like parents, children need their space away from us also!

You need to do what works for you. Our daughter slept in a co-sleeper until she was about 4 months, then we put her in her crib and did the Ferber method (which was very hard letting her cry herself to sleep). She's a great sleeper now. I don't think you're being overprotective either--I'm sure she'd be fine with a babysitter, but if you're not comfortable yet, that's fine too! The time will come when baby will be a little less "fragile", and you'll feel more comfortable leaving her for a little while.

My babies co-slept, in our bed, with us until they were 9 months and they had NO problems moving into there cribs. I had more issues then they did. I say all mothering should come from the gut. You'll know when the time is right for things. 3.5 months is still small and you can't spoil a child of that age, imo. The baby is learning to rely on you right now so the more you are there the more secure they are. I'm not saying you can't leave her for short outings but I wouldn't do anything you are not comfortable with. I didn't leave my first baby until he was over 6 months. Now my 4th is 5 months old and I was leaving her at 1 month for quick trips to the store after nursing her :) Good luck and don't let anyones advice push you into something you don't feel right! My MIL hates that my kids co-slept ;o)

Dear L.
I was the same way with my first born and now I cant get her out of my bed. It is not healthy for you not to go out and do something alone or even with your husband. have a family member watch her just to start and maybe just u two go out to dinner and then go get her. the baby is also going to need some time away so that she can get to know more people away from mommy and daddy

it is easier to get the little one out of the room while they're young. i'm very overprotective as well and my soon to be 3 yr old still has a baby monitor in her room! :) i check on my 2 girls every night when i go to bed and sometimes in the middle of the night. i worry too much and i don't want them not to be able to be without me. as they get older it's more of a manipulative behavior and they see how you react. they're very tricky! i nursed both my girls but made the walk in the middle of the night to get them and put them back in their beds when they were done. they are very good sleepers.

a sitter will be easy on the baby now but then harder when she reaches separation anxiety (9-15 months). after that you'll be able to talk to her and explain you're leaving. she'll trust you and she'll be fine. i didn't leave my girls until they were 6 months (and then for only 1 hour) but that was because i couldn't handle it. you're a great mother! your decision will be fine i'm sure.

I have a two month old daughter and she sleeps in a room that is attatched to our room and I wouldnt have it any other way I love to be close to her. I am also breastfeeding, she no longer gets up at night but it is still nice not to have to woory about a monitor or anything. I am not returning to my previous job but I am looking for another job I used to run a daycare out of my home but it just wasn't working out. I am looking for a daycare and alot of them are full. My husband and I both know that I need to go back to work but he just doesn't understand how hard it is to leave her. I totally understand where you are coming from.

Well after reading others responses, I am an outsider on this issue but as I am about to embark on raising my second child I wouldn't change the way we did things with our first child. I don't think you are being to overprotective, but in my opinion it was SOOO much easier to make adjustments and transitions when he was young. I agree that after 2 is hard....but I've read and heard from so many moms that once they let them "sleep" with them for a few months, that turns into a year, and so forth and then they have a problem trying to figure out how to do it when they're older and it seems much harder. My opinion is to teach your child that you are confident in yourself and teach them to be able to be by themselves. They are still going to love and attatch to you, it just won't be as hard on you to leave them. I think I am rambling, but I believe teaching them independence(even at a young age) is a valuable lesson and saves parents so much frustration and heartache.

As far as your concern about "dissapearing" on her. I believe she needs to learn trust. Leaving her teaches her that you love her and will come back. It may be hard at first, but think about the years ahead...school, etc....she is going to have to go without you, don't you want her to be prepared. Most of the time it is much harder on parents to leave their children than the other way around. I just believe children will pick up on what they're parents live....if you are overprotective and worried about these little things, she will grow up to be overcautious, worried and untrusting.....

I have a daughter who just turned 3 and also just started sleeping in her own room! She slept with me when she was a baby till 6mos old. She was rolling too much and I wasn't sleeping well with her in my bed(my Husband worked nights at the time). Then I moved her to a crib at 6 mos. or so. I liked her sleeping with me because I was worried over crazy things like...if there is a fire, she is right with me or if a burglar breaks in I have her with me. Then I had my son, who is 18mos now,when my daughter was almost 18mos. She fell out of her crib around 19 mos of age and again, started sleeping with me and I loved it! My son took over the crib and I had my buddy beck with me. We would talk about our day and giggle like two little girls at a slumber party. Well, she is 3 now and I was starting to get tired of having to go to bed when she did, so I painted the spare bedroom and it is her room now. We also had to get her from taking her nap on the couch to taking it in her new room and had no problem. About a week later she wanted us to sleep with her and we told her we can;t and that she is a big girl and so on. So, you are not spoiling and it won't be a probelm to change routine...it may for a little while. Just do what you want to do and let it go in one ear and out the other on what other people think is right for your kids! Also, the babysitting thing, I had one person babysit that wasn't a relative about two months ago. She is a Mom and has two daughters she wants to get ready for babysitting. I won't get a teenager to watch my kids right now. i will wait till they are older and can tell me what goes on when I am not home. I think it is fine to have a close relative watch the baby once and awhile. You need to get out and have time for your relationship...I am finding that out! (:

No, you're certainly not being simply "over-protective"! You're (rightfully) mothering your sweet daughter. Trust your instincts. You can't "spoil" a baby-- I don't care what well meaning MIL's say. ;) You, your husband and your daughter are happy with the arrangements, THAT'S all that matters.

By the way...our 15 month old daughter still co-sleeps....

Your not being over protective..your being a new mom. That's what we do. My son just now went into his own room and he's almost 15 months old. The only people we allow to babysit him is my mother and his sister and that's only because he's been around them and he knows them. You know what's best, if someone is hounding you just tell them what I had to come out and say to my own mother...he's my son, not yours, i'm raising him, not you, let me be a mom. Hope this helped, enjoy your little one. A.

This is your first child, their is no such thing as spoiling at this point, in my opinion anyways. If you move her across the hall will you be comfortable or will you lie in your bed and listen for her to stop breathing, stop moving, or anything abnormal? I think that is the case with most first time moms. If that is the case, you shouldn't move her. Do it when it's right for both of you. It's not hurting anyone. When it starts to interfere with your relationship with your husband then I would consider moving her, until then, I would leave her where she is.

Hi L.,

I'm new here and your message caught my eye because my 16 month old still sleeps with us. I've just within the last few days started putting him in his crib in his bedroom for naps. (he naps better, by the way) He still sleeps with us at night, but that's mom and dad's decision as well as his. He sleeps perfectly at night. I'm not ready to relenquish that safety net of having him right by me for that long when I'm not consious. Besides, we all enjoy cuddling. It won't happen forever, so we're enjoying it while we can. Even all the pets sleep in our room. hee hee. You're certainly not alone. Lots of us do this, but hardly anyone admits it until you do. :) And not to mention, this is the only country where we don't cosleep as a rule.

Nevermind what your MIL says, like someone said earlier, it's most likely just because they are uncomfortable with it because everyone told them it was bad to do this. They also told them that babies didn't get the nutrition they needed from breastfeeding, so you'd better give them this formula instead. (not that NOT breastfeeding is bad, it's just the idea of what they did years ago to discourage women from nursing) You do what works best for your family. Brighton, my son, didn't start breastfeeding until he was 9 1/2 weeks old. I pumped until then. That is when we started co-sleeping. He was in a bassinett beside the bed before that. It was easier on everyone. My son is still breastfeeding, though I get sniggers and stares and "you're a big boy now, you don't need to do that" comments. But, I just tell them that we'll wean when we're both ready and right now we're not quite there. That usually zips them up.

So you keep on doing what you are doing mama. It sounds like you are a great mommy, and your daughter is so lucky! Stand your ground with pride. Just let your MIL know that this works for your family and you're going to keep doing what works. :) Good luck and keep it up!

You're being a good mom.

Your mother-in-law probably didn't do it the way you did it and that makes people uncomfortable. Just to give you an example - we had a TV-free summer last summer (and continue to have a one-hour per week per child type thing going on). My parents couldn't believe it! They thought I was insane - even though I know they saw the benefits of no-TV in my children's behavior, etc. However, I'm sure it caused them to reflect on their own parenting -remembering back to the hours and hours of television my brother and I watched. They never came out and said it - just give snide remarks from time to time...

That was a long way to say - your mother-in-law is not raising your baby - you are. The decision you FEEL in your heart are right - usually are. Co-sleeping is not a bad thing. My daughter, who is four was a co-sleeper until last year. My 11-year-old was a co-sleeper (at least part-time) until she was 6! The 4-year-old still sneaks in early in the morning from time to time. It's fine with me and my husband. And we don't give a flying fig what our parents think! It's right for us.

I commend you for breastfeeding also.

I completely understand where you're coming from. I was the same way when my daughter was that age. Maybe try moving her when she's sleeping for most of the night. That maternal bond is very important. You need to be comfortable with having the baby in the other room, and make sure the baby is ready too.

In my opinion, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having your infant daughter sleeping in the same room with you and your husband as long as you're both comfortable with it. Everyone has their own opinions/ideas/feelings about parenting and what you should be doing, but you should make the decision that is best for your daughter and your family. I don't think that I would call having the baby in your room over-protective; I would call it a loving, caring mother who wants to be close to her baby and wants to make sure she is safe. I would just politely tell your mother-in-law,"I appreciate you sharing your advice and expertise, but we feel more comfortable having the baby in with us until she's a little older,thank you".We all have gotten advice that we didn't want or ask for from time to time, but in the end, what you do with your child is your decision. And it sounds to me like you're doing a great job! Good luck with everything!

You obviously have gotten a lot of advice. Just keep in mind that people co-sleep with their kids for up to 2 years, breastfeeding the whole time. Remind your MIL that it really isn't any of her business and that it's a decission you and your husband will make when the time comes. If you are worried about your choice, you can ask your pediatrician, but you'd be hard-pressed to find one who would tell you that it was pertanant you move your daughter out so soon.

Good Luck!

My daughter is 4 months now. She has been in her own room for a little over a month and loves her own bed! She sleeps better than ever, even her naps are scheduled and she sleeps well. When I moved her to her room, she was still breastfeeding. It went from 2 weeks of getting up twice to 3 weeks of getting up once and now she sleeps through the whole night. As far as being scared, we were too. We just left her door open and set the monitor up in our room to make sure we heard her. If you feel the bed is too "big" for her, what we did was to place a big pillow wedge on one side of the crib. That decreased the space in the crib, still giving her that feeling of a bassinet. Eventually, she got so long and big we had to move it out. Now she enjoys all the space she has.

As for there not being any babysitters. At 4 1/2 months I'm noticing my daughter doesn't like anyone but mommy and daddy. She screams and cries when strangers hold her or even look at/talk to her. This is not something I'm happy about b/c she's starting to even act that way towards her grandparents. What I am doing is getting recommendations from a local school as to who they would trust as a babysitter. I'm going to start out just having the babysitter come and play/watch her while I do laundry, mow the lawn, or whatever. That way I am home, but she's getting familiar with someone else. Then I plan on working into going to the grocery--one hour gone at the most... and so on so forth. This will not only help her adjust, but it will help me as well.

I understand how you feel. Good luck.

My kids (twins) did not see a sitter or any sort of day care environment until they reached 14 months old. And that's even that I had to put them in a day care setting (it was not my first choice but my work schedule demanded it.) We had them in a co-sleeper until they were (collectively) too big to stay there (the weight limit is easy to reach quickly with 2) but if I could have they would have stayed with us even longer. They are now good sleepers (in their cribs) but occasionally we co-sleep when they are having a rough night (teething, illness). I nursed too and wish I could have co-slept with them more when they were little (I did quite a bit of this even after we moved them to their cribs just because I was so tired)

You are not spoiling your daughter. Do what you think is right. Moms and babies need to be close. I might add, too, that your baby also benefits from having daddy close by. Don't feel pressured to move baby if things are working okay. Cosleepers are wonderful inventions. I only wish I could have used mine longer.

You have to do what you feel comfortable with and its noone else's business. What works for you is all that matters. I started my 5 1/2 month old sleeping in his room in his bed from the get go, but I go a video monitor and it puts my mind at ease. All I have to do is turn over and I can see if he makes noise. one thing I have learned too is not to respond to every whimper. Really by 3 1/2 months she should not need to be fed at night. I am breastfeeding and my son has been sleeping through the night since 2 months. Try a pacifier instead of feeding her, because she probably is not hungry. If the pacifier does not work then yes feed her. I also do not interact when he wakes up...to be honest I only go in his room now if he is really crying because he usually 95% of the time will go back to sleep. this is my first too and I was pretty overprotective too until my friend told me all this great advice and now we both sleep better. I just moved here and have noone to babysit so if you have family here go and enjoy! You and your husband need it.....believe me we really do!!!!:)
Good Luck!

Hi, I don't think it's either. My son sleep on my chest from the time he was 3 days old till about 2 months old. After that he sleep with me forever. I think you have to do what feels right to you and not worry about what others think. If you and Your Husband are fine with it than that's all that matters. As far as babysitting I think my son was 4 months old before I let my sister in law watch him for 3 hours, I called every 10 min. It's really all what you feel comfortable with. Till your comfortable don't rush it.

HI L.,
MY NAME IS A. AND I AM A MOTHER OF 4 CHILDREN. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION. MY FIRST CHILD SLEPT IN OUR BED UNTIL HE WAS 3 YEARS OLD AND THEN SLEPT IN OUR ROOM UNTIL HE WAS 6 YEARS OLD, AND HE THEN DECIDED THAT HE WANTED HIS OWN ROOM. MY YOUNGEST ONE NOW, DOES SLEEP IN HIS OWN ROOM,(HE IS 6 YEARS OLD) BUT ALMOST EVERY NIGHT HE GETS UP AND CRYS TO SLEEP IN ME AND MY HUSBAND ROOM, WHICH WE HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH. HE IS VERY ATTACHED TO ME. LIKE I ALWAYS SAY YOU DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU AND DON'T WORRY WHAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT IT. IT'S YOUR CHILD NOT THERE'S.

At three and a half months, sleeping in the same room as you and your husband is still a completely acceptable thing for your daughter to do, especially since you are breastfeeding. I plan on having my daughter sleep in our room until at least 6 months. After that, we'll see how it goes with her sleeping through the night, etc.

As for the babysitting, I honestly don't think at this age that your daughter will be as traumatized as you think she will. Like someone else said, it's harder for the parents than it is the kids... Until they get to the toddler stage when they're screaming and crying and kicking and trying to hold the door open to keep you from leaving. I'd say it's better to start young on that point. Start off (for your sake) with someone from the family that you trust, like your husband, mom/m-i-l, a sister, whoever. Go out for an afternoon to do some shopping, even just for groceries, and get some things done that you've been meaning to do but haven't done yet. Read that book or go see that movie, eat at that restaurant, whatever you haven't had time to do that you've wanted to. You can even bring your cell phone and call in to see how she's doing every 10 minutes, until the babysitter gets sick of it and stops answering the phone. ;)

You definitely need some time for yourself, even if you don't feel like it now, you'll kick yourself later for not taking the opportunity earlier.

It is your decision and it is your daughter. Since you are breastfeeding, I do believe it makes it much easier. Some nights he even slept between us in our bed most of the night! Our son slept in his bassinet at the foot of our bed until he started rolling over and pulling himself up. Surprisingly to me, it wasn't really a hard transition for him to transfer into his own room & his own crib. Don't worry about what your mother-in-law is saying. You do know what is best for your own child.

I'm a semi-new mother. My son turns one year old in seven days. We still co-sleep. He is in our acutal bed though. Co-sleeping is by far the best way to be a breastfeeding couple. My son still nurses at night, so it is easier to give him what he needs while he is there in my bed. There are lots and lots of articles online about co-sleeping and the benifits of it. I will co-sleep with every child I have. :) Google it, and I'm sure you will find lots of helpful things.
Also, with the babysitting thing, I still haven't let anyone babysit my son. Some people are telling me it is bad because when I do have to have someone watch him he is going to throw a fit. However, I don't do anything that my son can't go with me, so I see no need in making him stay away from me. My best friend told me the best way to start the babysitting routine, is to go out one night a week with my husband, just for an hour or so, then increase. I don't know, I'm just not ready to do that to me, or him.
Hope I helped in some way. Good luck!

My kids slept in our room til they were almost 6 months old.
They had a bassinet, though some times they slept with us. So I dont think that is on overprotective issue. However, you may want to think about getting a babysitter soon, the reason behind that is when you do want one, she will have a harder time with the babysitter then she would now. Its ok if your not ready, but remember the longer it takes the harder it will be on her when you are ready. My son, who is 7, was with sitters at an early age, and we never had a problem, my daughter, who is 2, never went to anyone right away, its hard to find babysitters who are cheap for 2 kids, and she wont to this day settle down when the sitter comes over. She cries as soon as the sitter walks in the door and clings to me as I try to leave. I dont know yet what I am going to do with child #3, as its more expensive to get a sitter. This is just something to think about, dont rush anything until you feel more ready.

I want you to know I do the exact same thing on both accounts I have no advice obviously since I don't know what to do myself but sometimes it helps to know your not the only one my lttle on is 4 and 1/2 months

I agree with Colleen here, and want to add, if you don't allow your daughter to be with out you - what about you??????????
When is your mental health time?
Also, think about the relationship that should be formed with grandparents. You don't want your daughter to be one and be afraid of them.

I will admit that I didn't agree with my mother in law (or mother) on everything, and that is where the new information and education comes into play (aka we don't do things they way they did in the 70's) so improving on how they reared is to be expected.

I do remember thinking the same thing you do, like I was just leaving my son there, (with my mom) and he would think I was never coming back. But I did, and we did develop that trust. My son, now 4, has no issue when I do go on vaction or business with out him.

While you want to snuggle and kiss your baby as much as possible...just remember this is the only time for your inlaws to do that as well....(maybe she just really wants some cuddle time too)

Good luck
S.

I have to agree with everyone else's opinion here. My son, who is now 6, slept in our room until he was 2. That may have been extreme, however, I had no problems moving him into his own room. My daughter, who is now 2, slept in our room until she was 1. They both slept in cribs in our room, but it was comforting to me to know they were right there where I could see and hear them. I was sooo nervous about moving them into a different room, using the baby monitor. I was worried I wouldn't wake up to it. Turns out I do wake up to the monitor. (I place it right next to my head on the nightstand and turn the volume all the way up.)
The thing you have to remember is that this is your child. You raise the child however you want to. MIL's are notorius for butting in and telling you how you should raise your child. She had her turn. Now it's yours. Your husband should deal with his mother and tell her that the baby is your child, not hers. (Sometimes the wife telling the MIL to butt out doesn't always go so well, if she's like my MIL, she is convinced that I am trying to steal her baby boy away from her.) She has the best of intentions, but you as a new parent need to learn new things and make your own mistakes and your own triumphs.

You should do whatever you feel is best for you and your husband and your baby...not what everybody else says you should do. You can't spoil a 3 month old, but even if you could, isn't hat what babies are for. They aren't worth having, if you can't spoil them!!! I've been pretty lucky. My hannah is 5 1/2 months old and has been sleeping in her own bed in her room since she was 2 weeks old. I tried having her in a cradle in our room, for nursing and closeness, but she wanted no part of it!!! She'd scream everytime i put her in the cradle. But I did have to buy a baby monitor so I could hear her. That made me feel a little more secure about her being in another room. But as far as baby sitting goes...you need to start letting other people watch her...at least an hour or 2 here and there. and gradually increase the time. She will not feel abaondoned and it will give you a chance to have a break and do something for yourself...like some alone time with hubby. I cried the 1st time hannah stayed the night with her grandpa! I felt like the worst mother in the world cuz she was only like 2 months old. but each time it gets a little easier. But if you do it gradually, it' s not such a shock to your system or hers.

I have to say that I kept our daughter in our room in her bassinet until she was 5.5 months old! She was too big for it by then, anyway, so it was a decision that was made for me, more or less. Anyway, I certainly don't think that keeping her with you at night at this age is "bad." Also, my daughter is almost 10 months old and the only sitter she's had has been her grandparents. I've not hired a "sitter" other than that -- and her grandparents all live many hours from here, so even that's not something that happens very often!

Co-sleeping was not for me, but I did breastfeed and OFTEN fell asleep with my daughter in bed with us. If you feel that you are not ready for your daughter to be across the hall then keep her with you. As long as your husband is okay with it then anyone else's opinion shouldn't matter. The only people you should worry about it yourself, your husband, and you sweet baby girl.

Dear L.,
You are not doing anything wrong and not beeing over protective. Just do what feels right for you and your baby and do not listen to anyone because it is really your decision to make. It's wonderful that your husband is supporting you. I have a 2 years old son who is sharing a bed with us and I am still breastfeeding him. It's something that is convinient form both of us (me and my son). My husband and his parents think that I am spoiling him by doing that but what do they know? After my son turned 2 in the beggining of September he started to sleep longer in his own bed in the separate room, sometimes he would sleep up to 3am before he get's up and come to our bed, so it's all just metter of time. It is so natural for a baby to sleep next to her mother. Just enjoy the precious moments of motherhood and do not let anybody to spoil it :-)
There are bunch of books out there on attachment parenting one of them is: "The attachment parenting book" by William Sears,M.D. and Martha Sears, R.N. Good read.

I was exactley like you when my daughter was first born. She is now only 8 months old so it wasn't that long ago and I'm still dealing with those issues. She slept in a bassinet in our room unitil she was 4 months old (that is when I stopped breastfeeding)When we moved her across the hall it had a much bigger effect on me than I thougt it would, but after a week I was fine and she slept better in her own room. You are right though it is much easier to keep her next to you if you are still breastfeeding. I say if your husband is ok with it just keep her there until you are ready.
A couple of weeks ago we left our daughter with a sitter and I was so nervous and even felt guilty about leaving. I know that no one can do it like "Mom" can but other people are capable if you can let go a little. It's just not as easy as people make it out to be : )

My son is 4 months old and still sleeps in the same room as me and my husband. He is no longer breastfeeding and sleeps through the night, but I'm not ready to move him out yet, and the arrangement seems perfectly fine to me. Don't pay any attention to your mother-in-law. They seem to be nothing but trouble (at least for me). My mom is the only one who has babysat for me (because I work), but other than that, I am with my son 24/7, and I don't even leave the room for more than 5 min. when he takes a nap.

YOU do what YOU feel is right. You and your husband are the only people you need to please right now. With my first child, I told people that I planned to listen to myself and my husband first and the pediatrician second...after THAT I'd listen to the advice of others. Worked out pretty well.

Just a small word of caution from someone who's been there though. My oldest was in our room in her crib until she was 8 months. She was waking up every hour on the hour. I was breastfeeding and my husband worked nights. It was just easier. But then, at 8 months, a gut feeling told me to move her into her own room. That very first night she slept 10 hours straight. And just about every night after that was the same. I think she'd wake up and knew I was right there. She could see me or hear me or feel my presence. She was ready to sleep through the night, but I put it off because she was still waking up so much.

Moral of the story is: move her out when you're ready. Don't let her sleep habits bear too much weight. You can always move her back if it's not working.

My daughter is 6 months old right now. and she sleeped in a bassinet for the first 2 months. You are deffintly right it's so much easier to have her there when she is up in the night and breast freeding! I hear ya. But my daughter started sleeping straight through the night at a month and a half so I felt more comfortible about it. I was still up every hour checking on her for like two weeks straight. But she was fine. so I say as long as she is still waking up through the night then keep her there. know the baby sitter thing. I have to work so she had to start daycare when she was 3 months old. so for me to get a baby sitter it was alot easier. but it still wasn't very easy to just leave her there. With a trusted baby sitter. Much to my dismay she sleep the hole night and didn't even fuss for the girl. so she basically got paid to watch the dog. that was only once. and she hasn't had a babysitter since. but I think that I will be a little better next time. Good luck just take things slow you will be a nervise reck the first time you leave her. but honestly she wont even notice!
Hope i helped a little.
J.

L.:
You are NOT spoiling your daughter. I did the same thing. I breast fed and he was waking up regularly in the night. He slept in our room for 8 months. The transition to his own room was not hard at all - he was used to it within a week. he is 2 and 1/2 now and to this day has never had a problem going to his own room to sleep. Remember, you baby was in your tummy for 9 months and they are used to that comfort. Dont ever worry that you are spoiling them or being over protective - you are doing the right thing!!! She is your baby - you do what you feel is right.
-smile-
K. M.

A little about me:
I am a mother of a 2 and 1/2 yr ol. I am also a full-time elementary school teacher.

You're concerned, Been where you're at, only I wasn't breastfeeding and my son (now 8) used to sleep with me and his father when he was little. Please don't let anyone tell you how to care or how you feel about things, accept their advice, be greatful, but it's you and your husbands situation with what y'all are comfortable with. You need to start letting her stay with someone for a little bit at a time, because she'll develope separation anxiety and you don't want to go through that, trust me. Try this (example): you're at your friends house, let your friend know you're going to try leaving your daughter with her for say 10 minutes and go for a walk around the block or something like that. And gradually work your way up from there and see how you both do. Just an idea. Best Wishes. D. K.

It is very normal to feel this way.. especially if this is your first child. I felt just like you do, problem was.. my daughter ended up sleeping with me until she was 6.It was very difficult for her to stop sleeping with me. And about the babysitting , I also did not allow anyone to babysit my daughter for almost the first year of her life, it began to cause a great deal of stress between my husband and I. It is okay to spend a few hours away from her, she will learn that she can depend on you to come back home. Also, it is better to start getting her to sleep on her own in her own bed now.. because it is only going to get harder for her.. she will become dependent on you to fall asleep and when she is 15 months and still needing you to fall asleep.. it will be hard on your marriage and love life. It is a very personal decision.. and only you know what is right for you and your baby girl.. good luck to you!

You are doing just fine!! You are still breast feeding, you aren't doing anything out of your own comfort area, are you?? If not you parent the way you see fit. Your not hurting her and your husbands cool with it I say go for it!! You're fine, we all feel like that at some point. I slept with my oldest when she was that little on my chest because I was still missing being pregnant with her, so see you are doing good!!!!

Hi there I just joined a week ago and have been reading around and your situation reminds me of mine to a T. My son started of co-sleeping and I LOVED it. My inlaws, especially my mother-in-law, would not get off of me and said I was being WAY too overprotective, and at first I thought maybe I am. After thinking about it, I realized "He's my child and what we feel is right is OUR business not theirs." ( my mother in law and I don't exactly see eye to eye.) I have never said anything I just choose to ignore them because I liked having him there. Now the downside. He is now 18 months old and we CANNOT get him to sleep in his own bed. We even got rid of his crib and got him a toddler bed, which he slept in all night for one week, then came right back, but I had alot of problems getting pregnant w/him and there is always the chance I may never get to have another one, so I have just decided to enjoy him and not think back as always trying to make him grow up too fast. My advice do what YOU and your husband think is good and right for you guys and NOBODY else. Lots of people disagree with cosleeping, but remember she is YOUR daughter.

Your mother in law would HATE me lol. My son was 15 mos before he didn't sleep at the head or foot of my bed. I lived alone in a one bedroom cottage. I had set up the house with a crib and changing table and such in the bedroom, and my bed (a futon) was in the livingroom. My son slept in a pack and play next to my bed the whole time we lived in that house ^_^. Once I got married and we all moved into an apt he got his own room, but as I stated, we was 15mos - and I think we were both ready.

L., you know what's best for you and your daughter! You'll know when you're ready!

Good Luck! ^_^

L., One thing that I have learned about my mother-in-law is that she likes to make waves. Trust that you are a good mother and know what is best for your child. I think that it is great to have your daughter in your room. My daughter who is 3 months old just moved into her room and that is what works for me. I still spend alot of my night worried about her and if she is okay. I am not breastfeeding and my daughter was waking herself up when she was in the bassinet by kicking it so that is why we moved her into her own room. Tell your mother-in-law that you appreciate her input but you will be raising your children the way you see fit. -M.

I wouldn't worry about moving her out yet if you are not comfortable with it. Certainly when you're nursing it is a LOT easier to do. My son didn't move out of our room until he was 17 months old, and my daughter is still in our room at 18 months. She'll soon be moving out once I get her room ready. For me, it's easier to move them out when they sleep through the night more and are done with nursing. And NO, you aren't being overprotective... you're just being a mom. ;) Do what you feel is right and you'll never be wrong.

My kids slept in the same room with me for quite a while...at least until they were six months old, if not a little longer. It isn't going to hurt your daughter to be in your room with you...you may just have trouble later on when you actually do want her to sleep in her own room. At any rate, that is your decision...NOT your mother-in-law's. You are the one that has to be with that child day-in and day-out...your opinion on the whole matter (and your husband's) should be the only ones you worry about. Politely tell your MIL that when she is the one getting up with the baby all night she can decide where the baby sleeps. (Maybe you should word it a little nicer than that...) At any rate, good luck.