Hi J.,
Special needs and autism will alter your life and "ideas" you had about being a parent and children. However they can be great gifts if you are open to connecting to what is going on.
1. Diet. Some children have completely recovered from autism by changing diet. There is lots about this on the web. So research. Basics are no glueten (a challenge and lifestyle change), milk, not artifical and no color additives.
2. Check into "Stimulus Deficit, Stimulus definciency disorder" I can't remember the full name. It explains autism from a whole different, quite helpful perspective. Autistic children may have a whole different perception of stimulation. The child I worked with for years had big successes from small interesting things. He couldn't read or even focus on books, until one day I took my camping headlight (flashlight but hooked to a head strap) and we went in a dark room with a book. So the only stimulation was the light shining on the book and him sitting in my lap (which he was used to and comfortable with). He could focus. He wanted to read, he could understand. It was such a beautiful miracle and a whole new beginning of our work together.
Use your intuition, research, talk with others, talk to your kids, talk to the spirit of the autism...
best wishes, honey in the heart,
J.