.... well we weren't really, but after reading about the oil boom and all the traffic, nastiness, etc., that it brings, I had my own issue here in the Chicago suburbs today.
I was trying to turn left onto a very busy highway in the midst of some road construction mess. I had pulled out a bit too far, and to correct myself, I put the car in reverse and looked in my mirror. Oops, just as soon as I noticed the guy behind me he honked, so I put it back in drive and continued to wait. He decided to roll his window down and yell at me to learn how to drive. Yeah, I know how, and have never had an accident, although I've had some oops moments like that one.
Instead of just letting it go, I decided to flip him off. Not nice of me, I know. I never do that to people, but his yelling was getting to me. He decided to follow me and continue to yell at me and called me a couple really not-nice names. I just ignored him, and kinda wished I hadn't flipped him off. I also wished I could apologize, but that's hard to do driving down the highway when someone is yelling at you from the passing lane.
Now I'm replaying it over and over in my head and wish I could forget about it, like I forget about most everything else these days. So dumb that I can't just let it go.
I'm really just writing this to vent, but wondering ... do any of you have any advice for me on how to just forget the whole thing? I'm still mad and it happened 2 hours ago!
Thanks ladies, you put it in a different perspective for me. Actually, I wish I could have apologized. And you're right, I can't say I never flip anybody off because, well, I did.
I actually drove to the far end of the strip mall where I was to turn onto the highway because it wasn't in the construction zone. But there was a sign there warning of it, and that was what blocked my view a little. There are places around there where you can't make a left. This maybe should be another one of them.
I was mad at myself a bit and at him really for overreacting. He was in a big old work truck and I did see him before I even moved. So his honking was enough. He proceeded to yell at me that I didn't know how to f-ing drive and that I was an f-ing stupid b@*%( and that I should get the f out of his way. THAT was why I was mad. My car didn't even move an inch in reverse. Still..... I feel bad I reacted. Maybe I'll see him today so I can apologize......
i don't think you owe him an apology. flipping him off wasn't the best reaction in the world, but he was being a scary, dangerous, horrible bully.
i HATE people like that.
:( khairete
S.
Go grab some ice cream, or take a walk around a lake, and I bet you'll feel better soon!
One time I saw a man treating an old lady like this, and I called over to him and asked him how old his mother was. He acted like "what?" Then I repeated the question. Before he gave an answer, I asked him how he would like it if some guy treated his mom like he was treating that lady. I also told him that I doubted if he had a 100% clean driving record himself.
I was lucky that in this case, though he was still mad, he shut up. He could have taken out his ire on me, though at least he was now leaving the little old lady alone, which was the whole point.
The thing is, there are people who will start following you around regardless of whether or not you engage with them. I suggest that you know how to find the nearest police station in your GPS and drive directly there if this happens again. As soon as he sees you're at the police station, he will leave. And it's not enough to just drive up - you should go in and tell the police, especially if you have been able to read his tag number. He may also think you work there, which would be good.
I guess the way to get over being mad is to "own" your part in this thing. You flipped him off. You aren't blameless in this, and you should take some responsibility for it.
Be glad he didn't shoot you, watch a funny movie, eat an indulgent snack, and MOVE ON. Oh, and don't ever do that again. You are very lucky your weren't injured. What are you mad about,exactly? You also had road rage (flipping off), and really continued a dangerous situation. Are you mad at you, or him? Either way, let it go. Punch a few pillows, or have a good scream. Just let it go, and learn from it. Sounds like you learned, so you can't do much more. It was one situation, one day. We have bad days, and do things we wish we hadn't. I know I have!!
First, never back up while on the street. Never! I'm a retired police officer and learned this in our driving course. First, it's not safe, as you discovered, because you can't be sure someone is not driving up to you. Second, if someone would hit you, even tho you were rear ended and would not normally be charged for the accident, in this case you probably would be charged.
Also, you succombed a bit to road rage yourself. Find a way to laugh at yourself. Look at the situation while applying some humorous ideas. I'm not very creative in this way so don't have any suggestions for how to do this.
Perhaps it would help for you to try to think of how scared this man may have been. He didn't know you saw him and would pull forward. Try to sympathize with him. Yes, he over reacted. The intensity of his reaction may not have been caused only by your driving. Perhaps he had a difficult day already.
Or just tell yourself, out loud, stop when you start to think about it. Get involved in something else interesting. One way I stop that cycle of fuming over something I take out a book and read or find a good program on TV.
3 rights make a left ...
hope you're calmer now!
This too shall pass. The other day I was leaving a parking lot into constructions and there was a sign that said "wait for flag car", so I sat and waited. A car pulled up behind me and honked, I did nothing, so then he pulls up next to me and says "you cant camp here" and I yelled back "I am waiting for the flag car like the sign says, learn how to read", he pulled around me and went without waiting for the flag car. It was nothing, over in a minute, but I was still angry about it for like an hour, and I felt so silly for being angry! lol. I guess the bright side is we can laugh at ourselves once the moment has passed. :)
Robin:
You can't say "never". You did it. While his reaction was extreme - that was the consequence of your action of flipping him off. You could have said "thank you" but who knows...he might have thought you said "f**k you".
The best things when you make a bonehead mistake while driving (i think many of us do it!) like that and someone calls you on it? Wave your hand and smile. Really. Flipping 'em off and swearing isn't going to help anything. A wave of the hand would have acknowledged his honk and all SHOULD have been done. However, you flipped him off. He got pissed.
In our area when construction is going on - you aren't allowed to make turns in the middle of the road - they make you go to an intersection and make more turns - usually pulling into a parking lot or something like that - but really? In construction areas? I would rather drive a half-mile out of my way rather than try to maneuver through the mess.
You need to let it go. Just learn from it. You can't go back and undo it. You can ONLY learn from it and not do it again. The more you think on it - the madder you will get. Go take a walk and clear your head. Start a new project or something to occupy your time. You'll get over it. Breath deep - let it out slow...
good luck!
I can't offer you advice but rude people are out there & most of them are immature people. If he saw you backing up, surely he'd know to back up too! Some people just want to complain for no reason at all! Try to ignore the person next time & just try to chalk it up to..."I'm more mature than this person, I don't have to respond to their nonsense" and just try to ignore it or just give them a friendly wave (as if you were thanking them) & maybe they'll think that you misunderstood their ranting.
I think people who act this way are just looking for a fight...true, some just are hotheads & nothing more, just trying to "show who's boss" or trying to get the better of you but some can be real weirdos & be dangerous. I agree w/someone else said...try calling the police instead if it happens again.
I had an incident on the way to work a few yrs back...a car was driving excessively slow in the right lane. It was a construction zone but this guy was truly 'slow' so, as a normal person would do, I got into the left lane to pass. I didn't cut in front of anyone, the person, now behind me, was WAY way back...at least 3-4 car lengths, plenty of room for me to get over w/o cutting anyone off. Well, this guy just speeds up behind me, starts riding my tail, honking, flashing his lights, weaving...all this in a construction zone no less but I was going the posted speed limit. After I passed the car, I immediately got over, this guy hovered next to me & he looked right square at me, just yelling & shaking his fist at me & pointing his finger at me & next thing I knew...this idiot swerved as hard as he could RIGHT at me...to run me off the road! Remember, this guy was right next to my car & purposely swerved...it definitely was not on accident..he was cussing, finger pointing, just shouting whatevers at me...for no reason whatsoever! He continued his tirade until he pulled off the next exit...which happened to also be my exit. Never a cop around to watch traffic when you need one to catch ppl like this...I saw him then pull into a gas station, right next to a cop...great...now what's he up to. ..going to make false accusations against me?? Nothing else happened but I was just so nervous the rest of the way to work after that...SO unnecessary was his behavior, completely unwarranted.
It's times like that when I do wish I was a cop...boy wouldn't he'd have been surprised if I pulled him over or flashed my badge to him! Wonder what he'd have to say then!
In my opinion, you made a mistake. It was NOT the driving that is an issue (sucks, but construction does cause extra hazards, which is why the speed limit is lowered---they're in the way, but it's necessary). It was NOT flipping the guy off either. Your mistake is that you let that man yell at you and follow you around, continuing to yell, without calling the police to tell them what's going on. Yes, you made a mistake in driving but corrected it. If I was behind you, I may have tooted my horn, just a short beep, when I saw the reverse lights come on if I was concerned you'd hit me. But then he yelled, which isn't nice. But then as you started driving, he followed you, which is not cool especially these days. And he's busy yelling and looking at you, trying to intimidate you, which means he's (a) not paying close attention to the road himself, and (b) trying to intimidate you which is also interference with YOUR ability to drive safely. Either one of you could have had a wreck or caused a wreck with the distraction and nerves bouncing around. And how are you to know whether this man is just a hothead with no manners, or if he's a psycho who could pull out a gun, ram the back of your car, or follow you home? You can't know. So you should call the police. Don't engage them, just phone the traffic patrol and tell them what's happening, that you are frightened for your safety, and that you are going to a public place so they know where to go.
And good Lord, DO NOT apologize for flipping him off. He took it way further than you did.
