Soo Soo Tired of Mil Comments!

So you have a passive agressive victim mother in law - it is what it is and you just have to put up and shut up - you have an end date do what you can to make the best of it. I have one of those but he is a FIL and we lived in his house for a year and a half not much wiggle room there. You should try to talk to her about what is bothering her and what would make her feel like a viable member of the household's team. You just need to work WITH it not against it or the next few months will be misery.

From what you have said in your post (I am not familiar if there is a lot of background story with you two), it sounds like you are the one that has an issue making comments. Your husband was standing right there. Can't he speak for himself? I mean, isn't that what has you irate about your MIL? that she was speaking for your daughter?

What we say to ourselves very much influences how we feel. When you start to tell yourself you just cannot stand the way your mil is, instead tell yourself that "she is who she is and so sad for her." Positive affirmations really do work. All of the time tell yourself you're thankful you have a place to stay. and in 4 more months I'll have my own place. See if you can work up some compassion for your mil. She is sharing her home which is difficult for her too. She feels unappreciated. Try to show her more appreciation. Thank her often. Let her know you know it's difficult for her too.

Sounds like you focus on what she said and then have an argument in your mind. Tell yourself to stop when you find yourself doing that. And do not argue with her. Do not talk with her trying to make sense of what she's said or done. Just accept her as she is. You cannot change her, tho you may be able to reduce some of the tension by working at not getting yourself wound up.

This won't change her but it will change the way you think of her which will change the interaction.

I hear a story about three people making comments about each other, either outwardly or in their own heads. You can't expect your MIL to do something you can't or won't do yourself. She interprets everything she hears from you through her already-established picture of who you are. You and your husband are doing exactly the same thing, right? No matter what she does, or how caring or responsible her intentions, you'll see them only as yet another example of your MIL's psycho tendencies.

If you're both doing that to each other, nothing's going to change for the better. But if even ONE of you finds a new way to think about the other, you'll be amazed at the positive changes that can happen. Unless it's more fun just being a victim yourself (sometimes there's a payoff in there that we don't even recognize).

If you could simply take everything your MIL says at face value, you would probably hear a woman who's frustrated at the lack of appreciation she gets for giving you a place to live, putting up with a DIL who clearly doesn't like her, and gets no thanks for interacting with your daughter. She has a side of the story, too, and it probably looks exactly like yours.

There's a powerful self-help process called The Work which helps us examine and change those inward stories we tell ourselves. For me, this process has helped me to grow up and understand other people better (I'm still working on that, and it's been so worth it!). Even those of us who are seen as horrible psychos are probably doing the best we can, at least until something better is modeled for us. If you'd like to try this process, which can really reduce the amount of suffering you do over the next 4 months, you can download free resources and watch many videos showing The Work being done by a variety of people here: thework.com/thework-4questions.php

Wishing you the best.

I don't have an answer but hopefully this will make you laugh. My cube neighbor has an awful daughter in law, just awful! We were talking about it when my boss, read mother in law from hell!!!, interrupts and says I have two of the worst daughter in laws ever!!! It was everything to contain our laughter!

You have to understand we light candles for her family, her daughter in laws get two!

When it comes it In-Laws I find biting my tongue and having the spouse bring up a touching issue with their parents wiser then saying something. My mother-in-law kind of has the same way of saying those type of remarkers (and I find myself sometimes saying them to my hubby, which I am trying to not do). I had my hubby talk to his mom that we as parents are allowed to ask our child what is going on in a calm tone whenever we want and that she needs to respect that. Now if we are snapping at our child for no reason (or the reason we are in a bad mood) then it is understandable if she is more protective and defending what her granddaughter is doing.

I say you have four more months, use all your will power to bit your tongue as long as your daughter is not being overly spoiled, harmed or creating bad habits. Best of luck, drink some wine (if you drink), smile and only say something if there is fighting in front of your child or something is happening that you firmly stand agains (like eating a chocolate bar right before bed!).

IGNORE the comments. I have lived with relatives before, you just have to ignore, ignore, ignore. Pretend like she wasn't even in the room when she starts doing this stuff, just go about regular conversations.

Also, when you are already annoyed by a person, every little thing they do... whether it is intentional or annoying or not, can get under your skin. (I know from experience)... so let these tiny situations go and try to be more patient. Things will pass, but if a big blow up happens now, it isn't going to be pretty, but if you bide your time, then one day your relationship may even flourish or at least be courteous.

You don't have to walk on egg shells anymore. You can stand up to her and tell her exactly how you feel. I would stop letting her get the control and take your power back. Tell her how you feel and how you expect her to treat you. What she does with it isn't up to you-- at least you will have cleared the air and put it out there. Best wishes!

M

.

Find a happy place in your mind and repeat this mantra: 4 more months....4 more months....."

But I don't think you needed to answer for your husband OR your daughter either...don't give her fuel!

Hahaha! I know the feeling all too well! I just brush it off and ignore it. I learned the hard way, I would comment back but never won, it's like a constant war with MIL's! They are always right and "us" daughter in laws don't know any better... I can literally write a book on how my MIL agrivated me and how much trouble she has brought between my husband and I lol! She still does it but I just ignore her and act like I didnt hear anything, that's the best way to do it with MIL's! And believe me, you haven't seen psyco until you see my Mil! But I just deal with it, the way I look at is when you ignore the comments they make then they start to feel bad/annoyed and they eventually give up. We live 45min's away from my in laws and now the relationship is going good (knock on wood!) only because we see them like 1-2 time's a month. But I agree with you! I know how annoying it can be so just brush it off and hang in there!

So glad I have a wonderful, loving, respectful, beautiful MIL! Hang in there sis!

"The Secret". Read it or watch it. My guess is that since you already don't want to be there, you are projecting negativity all over the place.

You assumed she had bad intent, she assumed your DH had bad intent, and you, a person that wasn't even involved, have jumped to a negative conclusion.

Whew!!! My MIL was just like that....but I always bit my tounge. I just remember hating when we went to visit when the kids were young. Usually for a week at a time. All she did was clean all the time. Stuff like>>>"don't you wanna give your son a bath before he goes to bed?...do you wanna freshen your sheets today?...don't let the baby leave his bottle on the floor...it leaks?...don't sweep the driveway in that direction...the other way. And one thing she loved to do was drop in on family members that lived near her while we were visiting...without calling first. Then as soon as we would leave...start talking about their housekeeping skills. All I know....when I walked into my frontdoor when we got back home....I would just take a real deep sigh and say...."Now this is what I'm talking about....a real home"! Anyway...bless her heart...it is now 20 years since my husband died in a car accident and 20 years since we visited. But my son went to visit last week in New Orleans and she has that absestos mesothelimoa lung cancer now.....she is right pitiful and frail..and wrote me a letter telling me she loved me and the kids. Facing death will turn you around for sure.....but just don't wait til it's almost over to show it!