Son Won't Sleep in His Crib

Hi,

My daughter is 18 mos old too and she's doing the same exact thing. She knows she is suppose to sleep in her crib but if she doesn't want too - she will let you know. We just have to be strong. I know its easier said than done. I sometimes talk to her and tell her she needs to sleep in her crib and she shakes her head yes I know but when you put her back down. If you need to talk, email me.

D.

Hi L.,

You're absolutely right to keep trying to put your son in his crib. If you don't nip this in the bud it will get so much worse, trust me.

I know you don't want to hear your son cry like that, but you will have to. It is the only way. The remedy to not have to hear the crying is to pour yourself a nice glass of wine or make yourself a nice dessert and take it out on the porch. Turn up the radio or put on your favorite CD.

Stick to this and the crying will decrease until he grasps the fact that this is the way it is supposed to be and he's not going to get his way just because he's crying. Some soothing tunes in his room also help. If you don't play music now, I suggest getting a nice classical CD to play each night for him. Connor will get used to this, but since you are starting it at 18 months instead of as an infant this is going to be more strenuous on you and will take him longer to deal with.

One other suggestion I have is to pick up a doll or two that have a pocket to slide a picture in. Then put a good picture of you and Daddy inside and give them to him to have only at bed time in the crib. Him holding you and looking at you while some soothing music is on will also help.

Good luck,
L.

Hi L.,
My son was the same way, he's five now. I ended up getting him a full size bed when he was a year old. I put guard rails all around and put the bed in a corner. I always stayed with him until he was asleep so he didn't crawl out. It worked great for us, he still sleeps in that bed, with out the guard rails of course :)
good luck,
S.

Hi L.,
When my son was 18 months old he would cry at night also then he learned ho to climb out of his crib. I asked my mom at that time what I should do. I told her what was happening and she said that he was ready to go in to a regular bed. So I got on and that night he slept all night long and he had no problem with it. So I would concider on getting your son a toddler bed. Good luck.
C..

Start putting him in his crib awake but drowsy. He needs to learn how to make himself fall asleep. Right now he needs you or your hubby. So when he wakes at night he needs you to fall back asleep. Put him to sleep at night awake but almost alseep. He will learn it from there.

Hi L. my name is C. and I have a 17 month old son. I am going through the same problem. My son can climb out of his crib. I had him going to sleep everynight in his own crib for about a month but then he got sick and it was so hard leaving him in his own crib, he was getting up like every hour so we just let him sleep in our bed. I know I can get him back in his crib but I dont have the energy to go through the crying and pushing him to go back in his crib. The first time I did it took about a week, finally he got the point, he cried his self to sleep. It hurt alot and it a whole lot more than 10 min. During the process I would tell him I love him its nigt,night and I see him in the morning and mind you his crib is right next to our bed. Give him a bath and read him a story then tell him its time to go to sleep. You have to stick with it though and be consistent. I'm thinking about buying him a little bed and getting back in to the routine. All I can say its hard girl! P.S where do u stay at ?

my daughter did this also, i had just gone to her 18 month dr appt and told him what she was doing, i could not even carry her into her room to change her diaper. he told me to put up a toddler bed.. i went home told my husband and we put up the bed and everything has been fine since then.... not all kids need ferber method....try the bed change first....

Hi L.,

I have bad news for you. With my experience letting them cry may be the only way do it. I let my kids fall asleep on the couch and then but them in. But the same thing happened. But you should do it now before he can really talk because there is no bigger guilt then when they can say Hay where are you guys. My son is 27 months and we had to let him cry for an hour before he went to sleep. This will be harder on you then them. In the mourning after they get a good night sleep they will wake up all smiles. But what worked for me is starting by puting him in when I was wide awake and had will power because I have no will power in the middle of the night. And be really commited. If you start don't give up because I felt like if i let him cry for 15mins and then got him is was like I was taking something away from him that he was earning. Because the next time it will be longer that he would have to cry. Think of this as a gift. What better gift then to be able to get a good night sleep on your own.

Be strong. You can do this.

you need to force yourself to let him cry till he falls asleep. my first daughter was like that for a long time. this was the advice given to me by many different doctors. it will take a few sleepless nights but it will work.

Hi L.,

My daughter did this too. She refused to sleep in her crib. This started at like 19 or 20 months....we used to let her fall asleep in our bed and then transfer her to her crib...that worked for a few weeks, but then she started waking up when we transfered her and would scream her head off if we put her in the crib.

We actually went out and bought her a big kids bed and it worked like a charm.....good luck!

D.

Hi L.~ Both of my kids went through this. I used the Ferber method on both of them. Ferber has a great example of if you went to bed with your pillow and then woke up and someone stole it, you would be upset and might want to go look for it. That is exactly what happens to our kids. they fall asleep with mom or dad and wake up in their crib and wonder where is mom and dad? All the ferber method is......is putting your child to sleep awake and teaching them how to put themselves to sleep. So Connor goes to his crib, you tell him goodnight and then leave. He will not be happy and he will cry.......loud. So you then go in every five minutes and reassure him but don't pick him up. this last about 45 minutes the first night and made me feel like the meanest mommy in the world. So you do it again the second night and you go in and check on him every 10 minutes, but don't pick him up. Hopefully night 2 is shorter, both mine took about 25 mins. Night three you do it again but go in every 15 mins. This was the magical night for both of them and off to sleep they were. It may take more than three nights, but it was the best thing i ever did for both my kids. You just have to remember that when they are crying they are not hurt, just mad. and you have to be strong cause it will break your heart but it is for a good cause. You will have to reinforce this method in the middle of the night, but it won't be for long and then he will be sleeping through. good luck.

my son was the same, we got him his own bed and placed at the foot of ours and he sleps there everynight. I think he didn't like the crib bars, but he loves his bed.

hi L., though i havent been incredibly successful in the sleep department, i have gotten both of my kids to start sleeping in the crib, and it was at about the same age as yours, when they stopped nursing, and i did it without letting them cry. most people will tell you to let them cry, it is what most people do, and it does work. at 18 mos, he is probably manipulating you more than being actually scared, its not like letting an infant cry. and i will tell you that if you are going to go that route, you have to stick with it, if you let him cry for a while and then give in, youre only teaching him to stick with it, that you will eventually save him if he keeps it up. so if youre going to do it, do it. if not, here is what i did with my son, i got a comfy chair and a book for myself and sat with him, read him a few stories and then held his hand thru the bars till he fell asleep. stop interacting with him, just sit quietly at that point. i then separated gradually, started letting go sooner, before he was asleep, then started slowly moving my chair further away from the crib each nite, you get the idea. it took a few weeks, but it worked. with my daughter its about the same, but she is even more determined, i had to start by just getting her to lie down, which i did by telling her to lie down or i was going bye bye, then i would follow through, she would cry for a minute, i would come back and do it again till she got the idea. this only took a few times till she started laying down on her own, then did pretty much the same as with my son. and when she wakes up during the night, i go to her and do the same thing, i do not take her out of the crib once she is in, unless she is really freaking out and i have no choice, and then it sometimes takes a couple of nights to undo that! if you have the patience to try this, best of luck to you, if you have a comfy chair for yourself and start early its ok. take care, D.

Have you heard of attachment parenting? Check out the Baby Book by Sears. Also, I found this page for you on attachment parenting. http://www.attachmentparenting.org/faqcosleep.shtml#articles
I think that wanting to sleep with mom and dad is completely natural and letting him "cry it out" is too harsh for an 18 month old who is not ready to be an independant sleeper. The long term psychological effects are not worth it, and your relationship with your child will be better if you do not try to force him to sleep or ignore him when he cries. Try one of those beds that attach to your bed (if you have the money) or let him sleep in bed with you for part of the night. He's already on track for sleeping by himself through the night if he can fall asleep in his crib! I know kids much older than that who still have to fall asleep with mom or dad in bed. 45 minutes of crying is TOO LONG!!

Hi L.
I had the same problem with my 3 year old. She wouldn't stay asleep in her crib even if she fell asleep there. She hated it. We wound up buying a toddler bed for her when she was about 13 months because she figured out how to climb out of the crib and come into our bed. Yes at 13 months she could get out of her crib. We bought the toddler bed and made such a big deal out of it and ever since then she sleeps in her own bed. Now we are looking into a trundrel bed because my 7 month old is starting to get ideas on how to climb out of the crib also, I think her big sister is giving her ideas.