Son Have Trouble Reading

I don't know if you will have time, having 3 kids and all, but if you can spare a moment, maybe try doing some Phonics with him at home. The strategies are simple to start off, and as he masters them, that may help with his self-confidence, first in the home, then at school. If you are short on time, there are Phonics videos, but I am certain that the uptake from a video is considerably less then from one-on-one with a parent.

HI C.,

My daughter also had trouble with reading. She also had was cautious of trying things. We tried everything, tutors, eye doctors, etc. Her teacher recommended an alergist, etc. On a friends advise I took her to a eye/vision specialist. Problem was her eyes were not focusing in the same direction. She went for eye therapy for about 4 mo,to strenghten her eye muscles,wears bifocals,(you cannot tell). We started her therepy and within six weeks she was READING a chapter book by herself!! Her last visit the Dr said she could even get contacts when she is a little older. It really helped her overall attitude.

Good Luck!
L.

You are wise to pay attention to the deeper issue- his self confidence and emotional wellbeing. It's a bit of a delicate age and as a mental health therapist, I can tell you that I get a lot of boys (especially) at his age come in. I do therapetic play therapy with them, teach them emotional verbal language and expression and work with the parents to help them see and seize teachable opportunities for the same. It's very effective usually and makes a big difference in how the youngster continues to perceive himself in relation to the world. If you want to try helping him on your own, then remember, as your example substantiates, that kids his age learn best through modeling. The five basic feelings are Mad, Sad, Afraid, Embarrassed and Glad. All other feelings relate back to these basic categories (i.e. frustrated goes under Mad, excited goes under Glad). You have to look for opportunities to express these feelings as YOU experience them (something most of us naturally avoid with our children... of course, excercise mature wisdom and don't express upsets with dad for instance but you CAN and should state how you feel about that lady that just cut you off on the road and let him see you take some deep breaths, pray or whatever you do to cope). Using his siblings to model action oriented things is good in some ways but be careful with it- do it but sort of on the sly. Don't make a point that look what your 5 year old brother can do and why can't you... this will definitely damage his self esteem further. Rather stay quiet about it and just let him see for himself, as you saw, he will slowly work his way there. He most certainly seems to have the personality that underfunctions when there is a spotlight on him. Hope this helps at least a little... best wishes, N.

i think he has to feel good about stuff he does.. say like wow.. i knew you could do it. Get him books likd Biscuit.. very very easy.. ask him to read one page.. and then you read one page.. you make a mistake.. like say.. oh how do you say that word.. let him help you.. it might just work.. same with a hill.. say do you think i can make it up.. or with say carrying a grocery bag.. say to him.. wow could you help me.. then when he does it.. say wow.. you are strong.. things like that.. good luck.

Take lots of pictures of your son doing things around the house, in town, on trips, at stores. Print and make books with very simple sentences and let him read them over and over. Make books about his favorite foods with simple sentences like, "David likes pizza. David likes broccoli. David doesn't like beans." Then use other common words like "like" to make other sentences. He'll love that his books are personalized and you'll be teaching him everyday words/language. Go online and print super simple silly RHYMING songs or poems and read them with him and do silly movements, let him draw/color/use clay/paint to match them. I'm a long time public school teacher and one of my best friends is a reading specialist. It works! There are many other ideas. If you're looking for professional help outside of school, I highly recommend her. You can contact me directly. Good luck!

My son was the same exact way in first grade. First get your son's eyes checked by an pediatric optomitrist. My son had an issue with focusing. His sight was great but he was having a hard time focusing on the words. His conditioned caused the words to jump around on the page. Also let him go back to reading very very simple books. Even if you think they are to "babyish" for him. This will help boost his confidence. Which will help him realize he can do it. Read to him everyday. Take turns reading to each other. It takes a lot of time and patience but in the end you will be amazed with the results. I always thought that first and second grade are a "make or break it year" Good luck and stick with it. If your child can't read he will not do well in school. Reading is the cornerstone of a success school career!!!!!!

Definitely have his eyes checked, just to make sure. Also, you may want to have a reading specialist evaluate him. Make sure it is one who has experience with detecting dyslexia. Probably best to get an a specialist who is VERY experienced AND is independent of your school district. Reading problems can be really hard to detect sometimes. I know some kids who were misdiagnosed/not diagnosed for years.
As far as self confidence I think you got some great responses!! My daughter can be very much like your son. It is hard to push them. I've found that I'll push, she resists, but she'll be much more cooperative for someone else in learning something.

Hi C.
What is self confidence to you?
A lot of people think that praise builds self confidence, but self confidence comes from within. When you feel as if you have done a good job your confidence is built, right? So the trick is to get them to the place that they feel they have done a good job.
Can he read? If so get books from the library that at least one level lower than he can read with ease so that he reads them well and fast. If he cannot read then I recommend "Teach your child to read in 100 easy lessons" Tell him before you start that you will have him reading better than the rest of his class with this new easy method. Takes about 20 minutes a day and will bring about, in my opinion remarkable results.The trouble with the school offering help is the method remains that same. The book starts with sounds, so you may be able to go through some of the early lessons fast. Sound it out=read it slow, then when they know the word you remind them to read it fast. Works for any I've heard and homeschoolers recommend it highly.
If you try it let me know how you make out with it.
Reading is so important and success brings self confidence and you want your children to be self confident individuals.
God bless you and your decisions
K. == SAHM married 39 years == homeschooled adult children 38,coach; 33,lawyer and twins 19, in college. Today I tutor homeschool children who are at risk because of learning disabilities.

Don't worry about making him a jerk. :) Giving honest and loving praise to your kid(s) can only make them feel good- it will never hurt! And in first grade, they're so smart! (I was a first grade teacher before I became a mama.) So don't tell him, "You're such a good reader!" to make him feel better. Instead, say things like, "Nice work! Good try! That was great reading!"

Also, try to get some neat reading materials at home. Books and magazines he picks for himself, but that are level-appropriate. And then read them with him every day!

Computer games REALLY help, especially with boys at this age. Anything involving sounds (phonemic awareness), connecting words to the pictures, and encouraging predictions- that's good stuff! There are some fun board games too, and family game night is another way to sneak in practice without him knowing.

Finally, don't worry too much. First grade is a year where some kids explode with their skills, but it may not happen until April or May. Or it may not happen until 2nd grade, which is still okay! Keep in touch with the teacher, express your concerns about his stress level (which is much more of a true worry at this point, because it can lead to a serious hang up), and keep telling your little guy that he'll figure it out.

You'll be amazed where he is by the end of the year, if he's got your support and a loving teacher. I promise! :)

Hi C.,

I would first get his eyes checked. My son had to wear glasses in first grade so that could be an issue. I also wanted to address your concern about raising a jerk if you boost your sons self confidence. There is a difference between being confident and cocky. Being cocky to me is obnoxious not being confident. My son also suffered from low self esteem and trust me you will have issues down the line if you do not help him out now. My son is going to be 25 soon and when he was young he sounds like he was like you son. Anything he was challenged with if he couldn't do it immediately he wanted to give up. And like your husband I would not pressure him. I think that was a mistake on my part because I couldn't bear to see him cry I allowed him to quit and not pressure him. I think the best way to handle it and I wish I had known would have been to push him but talk him through it. Truthfully I don't even know if that would have worked then because he had a very strong will and just knew how to manipulate me. I was always worried about doing more harm then good by pushing. Who knows I guess that's why parenting is such a hard job. I think the best way to built self esteem is through accomplishments. So it could be by doing chores with dad, helping you in the kitchen, etc. Anything that he can do to achieve personal success will built his confidence. Teaching him to care for himself in his everyday life will achieve confidence. As far as reading, yes it is very important. If you have to get early readers again and practice with him I would do it. It could be possible the books he is asked to read just do not interest him. I would take him to the local library and have him pick out his own books that may help if he likes what he is reading. Good luck!!!

If you're not already doing this, I highly recommend it:
Head to the local library and get a variety of easy readers. Your librarian can help you choose books with exciting illustrations and a topic of interest to your son. Baseball, animals, transportation...whatever. Try to find books that have repetition and rhyme. Then, read to your son everyday for at least 15 minutes. Point to each word as you read it. Read with lots of expression and enthusiasm. Read the same book several times. Before long, your son will probably anticipate the words before you read them...that's the beginning of reading. Be patient, stay with it. Soon, he'll want to try a little on his own. In school, remember, the teacher can't give him much of the one-on-one attention that you can provide at home. Keep reading!!!!

You may have two separate issues. I agree with all the posts that say to get his vision checked.

Issue number 2 would be a self-confidence or maturity issue. The reading and the self-confidence may or may not be related. My daughter, in Kindergarten, would not do anything new. She expected to be an expert at anything she tried, whether it was ice skating, gymnastics, bike riding, you name it. I couldn't explain to her that many of the people she saw had already been doing these things for months or years and that's why they could do them well. Logic was not in play. This year, (1st grade) she is much more willing to try new things and go through the whole learning process. She is taking gymnastics lessons and is a terrible clutz (not that I let her know that) and in fact I have my own concerns over possible dyslexia, so I'm going to have to read some of the other mom's posts more throgoughly. My daughter is definitely right-handed, but for non-writing activities, she wants to do things lefty. (riding a scooter she has the wrong foot forward, trying to do a cartwheel, etc.) I don't know if doing things backward is a sign of dyslexia or not. She recently has gotten MUCH better at writing her letters the right way - don't know what age this becomes important developmentaly.

Anyway, got a little off track there, sorry! What I was trying to say, is that while he may or may not have a vision issue, he may grow out of the self confidence problems. There was a huge difference in the way my daughter coped with things from last year til now.

I am on board with everybody who said to have his vision checked. The one thing I want to stress to you though is to make sure you get to a Developmental Optometrist. My son had (is still doing therapy for) vision problems that caused reading, hand/eye, fine & gross motor skills issues. We went to 2 pediatric opthomologists and they both said he was fine because there was nothing "structurally wrong" with his eye & he didn't have dyslexia, therefor it is all good. They couldn't have been more wrong! If you get somebody who doesn't beleive there is any use for Vision Therapy, your son will not be helped. I'm happy to share my son's doc's name if you are in WNY. If not, go to www.optometrists.org to find somebody in your area.
Good luck.

When we got custody of our step-son, he could not read -- he just turned 7! My mom suggested a book that he would be able to read, therefore making himself feel good that he read a book. He read a book that was for a 4 yo with lots of pictures. It worked! However, since he was so behind, he also struggled to keep up. Good Luck.

if you and his teacher really feel its a confidence thing rather than a true reading problem, and if he likes to live up to big brother, i think that could be a great help. my youngest gets speech therapy, and the therapist loves when my daughter works with them,,,, if tyler wont say something, she gives the card to lilly, who will say it and hand it to tyler, and then he will say it. neither his teacher nor i (and i am a teacher too!) have as much luck with him as my 4 year old daughter. why dont you have him read, no pressure, with big brother. some fun books that they both like, and tell them they can stay up extra late together if they feel like reading together, or something like that that will make it fun and a positive thing. take the pressure off, reading should be fun. let big bro just read to him, not try to get him to read, not at first, and let him read things on a low reading level. picture books about cars or dinosaurs or whatever they like, etc... let them huddle under the covers with flashlights or something, make it fun.

I agree with the previous posts about getting tested for vision problems and reading disabilieis.

I think another issue with self-confidence is the fear of failure. Often kids believe that is it the results that make you worthy of praise rather than the process and trying something. If they feel as if they won't succeed at something (reading without messing up, riding a bike up a hill), they would rather not try than fail. This is even more pronounced when they feel like something is easy for all of the kids around them. They feel as if they are just not good at something and don't see the process behind learning which is a continuous process that you get better at with more and more practice.

Make sure - with all activities from bike riding to reading, that it's not doing something perfectly that makes it valuable, what is valuable is trying new things, challenging yourself, and practicing and getting better. Kids need to know that everyone fails at things and that is more than okay. Often times, you learn more from something that you have to struggle with than something that is easy for you.

C.,

I am sorry to hear that your son is having difficulty reading. Do you know what the exact problem is? Some children have difficulty with phonics (english can be a difficult language to learn) or could he maybe be dyslexic ( a disorder that can stiil be overlooked). Ask him what he is finding difficult but also praise him on his accomplishments. The feelings of praise from you and his dad may give him the encouragement and incentive he needs to boost his confidence level and in turn be more proactive.

Also, where do his interests lie? Sometimes it is not the actual reading but the reading material. Offer him a "menu" of books that he would be interested in at home and read with him. Many children will respond better to books and learning to read if the topic or story is interesting to them.

I understand that you don't want to pressure him but I wouldn't give in too easily either. This sets him up to beleive he doesn't have to do anything if he cries hard enough which can be detrimental later in life. If he says he can't do something, ask him why he doesn't think he can do it. The answer he gives you will give you a "negotiating" advantage to get him to at least try. You can also explain how whatever it is, is done. This way it won't seem so scary. For example, riding a bicycle can seem very intimidating. Explain how it's done and show him how you do it. It also wouldn't hurt to tell him about your first experience on a bicycle or learning to read or whatever you are trying to get him to do.

My son was language impared so he had trouble reading and writing. The school's idea was to keep him back to repeat 1st grade. My idea was to push him into second grade with help. What I did at home was to act like he had never learned how to read (which was actually true) so we went to the library and picked out easy reader books. He breezed through them which helped him to feel confident. Slowly we moved up into harder books and by half way through the year he was up to the second grade level in readying. Taking a giant step backwards during home readying might help your son too.

Hi C.,

A red flag for dyslexia or other reading disability is when a bright child has difficulty learning to read. Dyslexia cosists of many more symptoms than just writing letters backwards. If your son has not learned his site word, I would be very concerned. I would also be concerned that this problem goes with everything in his life as dyslexia does not only affect reading it affects many aspects of life. My daughter has an extremely high IQ, yet she was not learning to read her site words in kindergarten. In first grade she continued to have trouble learning to read. The school provided her with some reading help, but poo pooed my request for testing for a reading disability stating that she is too young. She was not too young, studies show that the younger a child is identified with dyslexia the better the outcome for the child. (It cost the school alot of money to test, then provide the appropriate education to a child with different needs). Kids with dyslexia make very specific spelling and reading errors. Please look up the National Dyslexia Association and review the signs and symptoms. Dyslexia consist of a long list of symptoms. some kids display all the symptoms and some only a few. I hired an advocate and insisted that the school test my daughter (legally they have to, although they will use every trick in the book not to test). The testing was done and the results showed a little girl with an extremely high IQ and all the symptoms of dyslexia. The school still refused to provide her with the services she needed. Again I hired the advocate and we got every service possible. Now my daughter is in 3rd grade, she is getting appropriate help and is now reading at 3rd grade level. She was taught appropriate techniques to decode words and read (she loves books)

If your son is struggling, I urge you not to wait, please look into the possibility of a reading disability. If the test show that he does not have one then nothing lost. But if he does have one and it is not identified it will have a negative impact on his entire life and he will really have lack of confidence and low self-esteem.

Some good web sites are; Wrights Law (explains your legal rights), National Learning Disability Association and The National Dyslexia Association and Yale Dyslexia Clinic. You can call the National Learning Disabiability Association and National Dyslexia Association and they will answer your questions and provide resources for free.

Frequently, children with reading disabilities or dyslexia have a low frustration tolerance and will cry or tantrum when asked to do something that is difficult for them.
Best to you and your son