how often do you mamas allow kids to have sleepovers/play dates at your house on the weekends? or have time to do? i find my stepkids ( i have a 10,13 yr old and a son of our own who is 6) -- the 10 and 13 yr old have developed friends however it's hard for them to see them alot due to split houses, how often do you allow your kids to do things and what do you plan and let them do w/ their friends? it seems w/ social media/phones/texting that kids do keep in touch when they are at their moms but i think they need more one on one time w/ their friends outside of school and biomom has trouble facilitating this or doesn't care too as much.. i cannot do it all the time but would like to , just want to know how much is too much or not enough at all?
thank you. I love your response SH.. i think balance is key.. because too much socializing etc can mean i can't be alone w/ myself and enjoy being w/ myself, and entertaining myself.. I think it's great to have an active social life and keep busy that way your head is not obsessing about other things. so on one hand too much time on your hands is not good, BUT also too much socializing and going makes the kids think , now what, what's next, and agree w/ being burnt out.. being the skids are only at our house every other weekend, i think a good balance would be every other month a sleepover and once a month or every other month having friends over so that leaves a weekend to just having "family" time and time w/ their parents at this house that they don't see often. the holiday break is coming up too so that's a good time to do things w/ others..
Don't you think they are too old to call them playdates?
As long as we don't have plans my kids have friends over whenever they want.
Only you know how often will work for you. What works for another family won't necessarily work for your family.
My granddaughter has a friend over at my house frequently. When depends on what else is happening. She has a friend over at her mom's less often because of their situation.
Good for you for realizing they need this time with face to face time together and being willing to have friends st your house. Do it as often as you're comfortable doing it. I suggest every weekend is not good because the kids also need time with the family.
I have pretty much let the kids have friends over whenever they want.
Not usually on school days, but if it's a Saturday or Sunday and we're home with nowhere to be then sure, why not?
I limit the sleepovers, of course, because they stay up too late and end up crabby. But I'll let my daughter have a friend or two sleep over about once a month, maybe twice during summer and holidays.
My kids aren't there yet but...
Way back when I was a kid, my parents had an open door policy - the more the merrier was her attitude. They didn't limit planned family stuff because of it, and whatever kids were at the house at the time went with us.
There were a few friends who had less stable family homes who were at our house almost constantly. My parents welcomed it and we kids loved it.
When we were older teens, this attitude led to our house being the 'hang-out' house for our friends. And I think my parents liked it because they knew what we were up to.
I hope to have this same kind of house.
Every family has their own limits, schedule and whatever is right for them.
My house routinely had children sleeping over every weekend there were also a lot of playdates.
We felt it was important for our daughter to have a busy social life as well as her academics, instruments and cheer.
We don't have a lot of sleepovers; however as long as we are free and all homework/chores are done they usually either have friends over or go to friends houses. They are 10 & 11. Encourage them to cultivate friends at your house and in your neighborhood. My kids have friends all over our area due to sports. Some they see a lot (the ones they also go to school with) the others less frequently. Just because they don't see them as much doesn't mean they are less important friends, the kids understand that.
It ALWAYS depends on what other things are going on at the time. Both our kids are involved in sports and when there are weekend meets or tournaments, there are no sleepovers, obviously. Or if we have out of town family visiting. Or. .... etc.
When things are calm and we aren't going crazy from all the running around, once or twice a month would not be crazy for our 12 yr old daughter. Son is 15 and he doesn't really "do" sleepovers right now. But he did when he was 9-10 yrs or so. And it was the same then for him. A couple times a month wasn't unheard of, but it wasn't year round. It tended to happen in spurts, as other activities gave us down time.
I would never agree to EVERY WEEKEND, though. It's a "special occasion" and if it is every weekend, then it isn't a special occasion anymore, it is "normal". ;)
The frequency, is up to you.
And what is sane, for you.
Your older kids, the 10 and 13 year olds, do have sleep overs at this age.
The 6 year old, well, not really. At least per my own son who is 7 and his friends/their Moms, they don't have sleep overs yet.
And well, boys sometimes still do have accidents at night. So that is another thing.
For my daughter, we started having sleep overs for her when she turned about 9. She's 11 now. And her friends were the same age when they started w/sleep overs. But it was mostly at our house. Just like 5 or less kids over. Then now at her age, in a gradual way, she went to sleep overs at her GOOD friends, homes. Families in which I also know the parents well, and other girls that are my daughter's GOOD regular consistent, friends.
The frequency of sleep overs, whether at our house of her friend's house, depends. Depends on how much homework my daughter has, and per our own schedule, and our kids extracurricular activities and responsibilities to that. That comes first. And then sometimes we just don't feel like having any kids over. Fine. No biggie. And my kids are fine with it. Though, since my kids were Toddlers, I have always had play-dates for them at our house and our house is play-date central. I grew up that way too.
Another thing is: as a kid gets older, the have more socials. Outings. Sleep overs. And sure its nice for them to have that. Normal kid socializing. BUT, I know my kids. And, the FLIP-SIDE to socials is.... when they have TOOOOO many socials or sleep overs, they get real burnt-out and tired, and cranky... and then they start to depend on going out, to be entertained and get too hung up on having, socials. And then they get bored more easily when home. So in that sense, its not good, when it gets too repetitive and habitual and too much in frequency. So then, *I* have to gauge... the frequency of it. And I tell my kids that. When a kid goes out too much... at least per my kids, they start to sort of loose themselves. They are not as centered. So then I cut back on it. And I tell them plainly, how too much all the time, is not real beneficial, either.
ie: like my daughter has a friend that is constantly bored. She ALWAYS has to have, play dates or sleep overs. She can't entertain herself. And her Mom has no limits or curfews for her kids, and she depends on other kids to keep the kids busy. And even my daughter notices that.
But in your case, its nice you are thinking of your step-kids and their socializing when they are at your house, because their Bio Mom does not do that. But again, the frequency of it, will be up to... You. And you explain this... to your kids.
For my kids, they have to do their homework first, and their responsibilities and it depends on our schedule, and they then can socialize etc. And then sometimes, we just want FAMILY time. Just us, and our kids. And have our kids home for that. That is our prerogative too.
