Sleepovers - Elgin,SC

In my teen years I don'tthink iI spent a weekend at home or if I did I had friends staying the night.

It was common in my childhood. Especially summers. Sleepovers could last days.

My 5 year old has already started asking for "double sleepovers" where her friend spends 2 nights.

So, yes - very common, especially with girls. I do allow it.

I'm a pretty relaxed and liberal parent but we don't do two sleepovers on a weekend (either here or there) unless it's a long weekend. My girls turn into little you-know-whats when they lose that much sleep and I do NOT like to deal with their grumpy, sleep deprived attitudes on Monday morning :-(
ETA: why is it she needs to help you get groceries, are you injured or disabled? Just curious because I've never had any help getting groceries, like EVER lol!

I had no problem with it when my daughter was younger. My house was usually busy with her friends on weekends, all weekend long.

As long as everyone was having a nice time , I had no issue with if and did not find it rude or intrusive to our family.

However, when I went to pick her up from a home when she slept over, I just picked her up... She knew when I was on my way.

I don't understand the groceries comment. No real need for that

Wait. What? Your daughter needed to come home and help you get groceries?
I don't get that. I am assuming (HOPING) that you just felt put on the spot and that's what you came up with.....
If the other parent doesn't have an issue with it, and you can grocery shop by yourself, then letting her stay there wouldn't be an issue for me.

My kids always had sleepovers at our our house and their friends' houses.

Yes, they commonly spent more than one night, and kids commonly spent more than one night at our house. I don't think it's rude, and it wasn't unusual for my kids and their friends to spend two nights, sometimes more, depending upon the time of year.

I don't understand what groceries have to do with the situation.

Well I really don't think it is rude or imposing. I certainly never mind how long kids stay at my house. However, If my child wanted to stay, I think I would tell them I miss them and want them home for a night but that their friend is more than welcomed to come to our house.

Also, I know I would never say my daughter needed to come home in order to help with groceries.

Well, you started allowing her to be somewhere else at her whim, so you need to work on that if you don't want it to be the norm. If you also want her home for the weekend, then you need to do what you said here - no, she needs to come home. We had one homebody and one social butterfly but there were times where we told them that they needed to spend the weekend at home, that we weren't running around all weekend, etc. Or that they needed to clean their room, etc. It's not a bad thing to say, "You need to do x at home first" or "One night is enough", no matter what the friend's mom says. She's not your kid's mom.

I just think I would miss my kid.

I guess it's common. It's certainly how things are being done in our household these days with our 14yr old. I also have no problem with it. At this point, I know her friends' parents and they know me and she keeps going over to the same houses (and the same kids keep coming over here). Very similar to how I operated as a teen myself.

I allow it, but I DO sometimes miss my kid...

I agree with you.

There are some families that truly find it easier to have friends over and some who need their space. This mother sounds like she like having a house guest/ daughters friends over for longer timeframes. You mentioned you think it is imposing (hopefully making it clear this is not something you like for your household and it would be a special occasion to do such a thing).

When I was a kid, I would stay with other families for the weekend. Sometimes the whole week and go on a trip (my parents would give them money). One friend had 2 brothers, so the parents like having a friend (me) for their daughter.

When I was 14, I spent whole weekends away constantly. One summer i was gone for 4 nights, at two different friend's houses. I just borrowed their clothes, and I had a toothbrush at one of my friend's houses- I slept there almost every weekend.

Just depends what you feel like doing. I wouldn't personally like it. My kids have stuff to do and music practices and chores and they get low on sleep at sleepovers. One night is enough if we want to be fresh and ready for Monday morning. Plus I enjoy time with them. Plus it seems like everywhere they go it's all about hours of video games and electronics. I don't even like the one night sleepovers very often due to tired cranky kids next day. But some people do lots and lots of sleepovers. There's no norm I guess. Up to you!
At 14 if my child had a really nice friend at a really nice household I guess it'd be OK, but two nights in a row would be rare in our house. Sleepovers were rare for me as a kid so everyone is different.

Happens here from time to time. It really isn't an imposition as it keeps the kids entertained and leaves me free to get stuff done.

I think the groceries statement was an excuse you made on the spur of the moment, right? So the other mom wouldn't think--what exactly? That you were odd for not letting your daughter stay a second night? I think you were entirely correct to tell your child no and you didn't need to offer any excuse to the host mom.Stick to your guns here. It was just time for your daughter to come home. It sounds like your daughter has gotten used to telling you what she plans to do and expects you to say yes.

While it's nice that for that mom it's not an imposition, you felt it was, and that is your right. I too would not let my daughter (also 14) stay a second night like that, even if the other family said it was dandy. But then, my daughter has so many weekend things going on and all her friends also are very busy with similar things, so the "It's Friday at 3 and I'm going home with X for the night" wouldn't happen here, in our family or in most families we know. Sleepovers among her friends are done at birthdays or sometimes on a long weekend, but not on the spur of the moment after school on Friday. They're special occasions, not frequent things. I wouldn't be keen on her texting me that she's doing X (which is telling, not asking) when I have no idea if the host parents are OK with it, are even there, or if they need her picked up early because of some family commitment they have, etc.

I didn't care how many nights kids stayed over at my house if I had no other plans, but I did require that they clear it with their parents first.
The parents of my kid's friends all had pretty much the same philosophy. Our kids were almost always spending weekends at one another's houses.

I've had kids spend the night and mom was there by 9am, kids were still asleep too. Then there are those who wait for their kids to call them when they're ready. I've also had kids who asked if they could stay another night. I had one come on Friday and go home on Monday evening. School was out for MLK day so I was glad for her to stay. She's an incredibly wonderful little girl who I'm glad for my granddaughter to be around.

My 13 year old son rarely gets invited to sleepovers, so I guess I am not the best person to ask.

I personally need tons of notice if my son is planning to sleepover someone's house. I would also need to talk to the parents ahead of time. My husband and I wouldn't allow a sleepover to go on all weekend. Our son would need to catch up on sleep and help around the house.

When my son (age 10) goes over to his good friend's house (or his friend comes to our house), they often beg for a sleepover. Sometimes we (and the friend's family say yes and it's very last minute but it works out fine). Once his friend slept at our house and the next night our son slept over at his house! They wish they were brothers I think. It works well because neither of them like to stay up super late - 10pm is late for them.

Often times one night sleep overs turn into 2 nights with my 11 year old. Both with her going to a friends house and with friends staying here. She has had the same group of friends for a couple years and I know the parents. I haven't had a problem with it.

it was very common for us. we often had herds staying over here, and my boys casually and frequently spent the night with friends, and often multiple nights depending on what was going on.
what's rude about it? why is one night perfectly fine, but a second one (assuming they've invited her, and it seems as if they have) rude?
i COULD read rudeness in your daughter texting you to advise you of what she's going to do and not requesting, but i'm assuming that's simply how you worded it.
unless you're a 'run everything by me first' mom ala posts over the last few days (and it doesn't sound as if you are since the plans are all happening via text between you and your daughter) i don't understand why you're digging in your heels here. and refusing because you need your 14 year old in order to grocery shop just sounds kinda mean. can you really not do it without her, or was this one of those 'little white lies' i hear about all the time?
khairete
S.