Sleeping Alone on Their Big Boy and Big Girl Bed

At that age, he should be old enough to understand that others do need to sleep. Could you try having a small mattress or sleeping bag right next to your bed, and explain to him that if he wakes up lonely or afraid, he is welcome to come lay in his "special place" but that he is not to wake others?

Is he in his own room? Telling time is a hard thing at that age, as well. Often a small light that comes on at a designated time with a timer that says "it's ok to get up now" can help him differentiate between the middle of the night and early morning.

Having a cup of water and a small (safe) snack beside the bed can help, too, if he's waking up hungry. Books to read if he's having trouble sleeping, or a magnadoodle, or something else that is quiet can be nice to give him something quiet to do instead of waking you up. He's probably just having trouble adjusting to being by himself after having so many others always near him in the middle of the night. Hopefully he'll settle in soon.

Best wishes.

And congrats on having such wonderful, well-attached children. You're obviously a very sensitive and responsive mama. They are lucky to have you!

My daughter moved to her own bed when she was 4. We let her pick out her own bed (or at least made her think she did), and we let her choose a character blanket and sheets for her new bed. This made her thrilled to make the transition. We started out by making her go to bed alone, but allowing her to come to our bed when she woke up in the middle of the night. After a while, we put a clock in her room and told her that she can only come to our bed if the clock said 6, 7, or 8. We covered up the minutes so only the hour showed. This worked very well. Then after a while longer, we told her that she cannot leave her bed until the sun is shining. It took about a year to the final stage, but we found that we really didn't mind the morning interruption since it meant we had all night to ourselves.

Every child is unique, and so I would be surprised if a one-size-fits-all transition worked equally well for both children.

I'm wondering if perhaps your daughter is ready for her own bed (might possibly even be excited about it, if handled creatively), and your son simply isn't there yet. Once he sees his little sister enjoying her own sleeping space, he may realize there are "special" benefits (which you can help create for your daughter). I'm also wondering if the kids have to share the same sleeping space with each other. They don't sound like a good match at this point, though they will probably become more so if your son's sleeping habits improve with age.

I co-slept with my daughter for her first couple of years, and both of us loved it. She began giving clues that she could handle a separate room at about 2 1/2 or so, and I started making the transition in steps (like your separate mattress on the floor). It was totally non-traumatic for both of us. But again, every child is different.

Good luck.

Hi H. -

It sounds like you're children are actually handling this transition rather well compared to some I've heard. Co-sleeping is wonderful, but like any transition in childhood, there are some challenges involved when you decide to wean them from your bed. There is no magic tool or plan that will be right for ALL children and, yes, time and patience are required of you to help them through it. For our preschoolers/older children we have set up a CD player in their room and have invested in bedtime stories on CD and that has really helped for bedtime and might help your son when he wakes up in the night. We also use a sound machine that makes a variety of "white" noise sounds like "ocean", "rain", "wind", etc. Having some white noise is very helpful! You could also consider having him continue to sleep on the floor in your bedroom for a little while longer and, as someone else suggested, he may respond to the positive peer pressure of his sister getting her own special bed/room and want that for himself. If you don't want to do that, you could try letting him pick out special bedding (like another mom suggested) and also offer him a special treat or reward for every morning that he is able to stay in his bed until "it's light outside". Some older kids (4 and older) may respond well to a sticker chart on their bedroom wall that they get to check off each morning they stay in their bed all night. The main thing to remember is not to punish and keep this transition as positive as possible even if you're tired/frustrated. In our home, it is very important that sleep is always associated with peace and good things. We've noticed our children sleep much better when they know they are safe and when we are gentle and kind about their night-waking. As far as timeframes go, I would try not to focus on that because it's very hard to predict since each child is different. Temperament plays a big part in it. Preschoolers tend to have such big imaginations that their fears at night can often be worse than those of a toddler who's imagination isn't quite as developed. If you keep reassuring him that you are nearby and he is safe and make sure he's not watching "scary" or intense shows that may feed his fears, that eventually it will pass.

As far as resources go, Dr. William Sears has written numerous books and articles on how to handle co-sleeping and co-sleeping transitions (you can visit his web site: askdrsears.com). I also recommend "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers: Gentle Ways to Stop Bedtime Battles and Improve Your Childs Sleep" by Elizabeth Pantly.

Blessings to you!
J.