Sleep-please Help!

My daughter went through this stage too.

I didn't really want to fight her on it, so I wound up letting her sleep in my bed half the time. Lol. It worked-we all got sleep! I told her that when she slept in my bed, she had to stay quiet and sleep-if she was going to be asking for stuff she would have to go back to her bed. After a while she was sleeping through the night again, and I gradually got her back to sleeping in her bed. She is 4.5 now, and only rarely (maybe 2-3x in the last year...) sleeps in my bed any more, so it's not like doing this set her up for a lifetime of bad sleep habits (like some anti-co-sleeping folks like to claim...) it certainly worked for us, so if it's something you are safely able to do, you could consider it an option. :)

I go in every time my kids cry. Sorry, maybe not what you wanted to hear, but I do. I don't talk to them if I don't have to, I just quietly comfort them and lie down in bed with them until they are calm, then I go back to my room.

Both my older girls are pretty good sleepers, but they still have a nightmare now and then. And they go through stages where suddenly a perfect sleeper begins to wake up for a few weeks.

If I were you, I would just power through this stage with as little conflict as possible. I would go straight in, say "it's okay, mommy;s here" and then cover her up, cuddle her, and sneak back out when she is sleeping again. After being consistent with that, I think it will affirm the fact that you are there, you are easily accessible at night, and you WILL come. She will hopefully begin to sleep easier.

I have had times where my daughter is inconsoleable in the middle of the night, and I will take her in the bathroom, turn the light on to fully wake her up, tell her she needs to calm down or I will not lie in bed with her, and then I take her back to bed and get in (or don't, if she didn't make an attempt to calm down). But more often them not it's a quick situation of just needing comfort or a blanket or a potty trip.

If you leave them in there calling for mom and you don't come, in the middle of the night, I think it makes it worse. Especially when they are so little.

Please listen to Shannon, below. When your girl calls, continue to go as you have been doing. You're going to get some "Let her cry it out" and "She's manipulating you" responses on here, I'm sure, but I don't go for that. Go, and be sure you go silently -- don't engage, talk, soothe, certainly do not scold or fuss in the middle of the night. Cover, hug, go, repeat.

This will pass.

You are frustrated with the idea that she was a great all-night sleeper and seems to have backslid. Can you step back a bit and think of her not just as waking you but as a kid who is entering a stage that's pretty normal?

You didn't expect this stage because the secret that all the "get your kid to sleep all night long" books and programs (and most parents) don't tell you is that children's sleep patterns change ALL through their childhoods and yes, into the teen years. So having a perfect sleep-all-night baby and toddler can indeed turn into two- or three- or four-year-old who is wakeful and wanting you. It is normal and it is not a product of her trying to manipulate you. She's not old enough for that just yet.

She may be undergoing a growth spurt; you've probably heard that that can make kids sleep more, and it does do that to many kids, but it also can make a kid more restless. Or she may be starting to have nightmares. Two is an age when a lot of kids do. But if you ask her if she had a bad dream, she might say "No" because she doesn't even really understand yet what a dream is, or can't recall it; she only wakes up scared and knows only the fearful feeling -- not what caused it. So she calls.

Here's what our pediatrician (mom to three) told me long ago and I agree: Refusing to go to a kid this age can make her MORE insecure, not less insecure. It does not teach a child this young "You can get over it on your own" if you and/or dad don't go to her. Instead, her young mind will interpret it as "When I'm scared/sad/alone, they don't come." That breeds the feeling that she can't depend on the adults to respond to her. She has no concept of keeping someone else awake; she probably doesn't even really realize you adults ever sleep -- she only knows "I am scared/wakeful right now" and she doesn't want to be alone. She is not capable yet of thinking, "I shouldn't call, I will wake up mommy and she needs to sleep."

By going to her now and for a while to come, you will lay the groundwork for her being able to soothe herself better later on. Meanwhile, yes, it's tiring, but it isn't spoiling her; there is some internal reason she's waking this much and wanting you, and -- this is important -- if she is happy and not clingy or demanding during the day, this is truly a product of nighttime waking and possibly dreams. Go to her. Again, don't talk, or engage. If she gets up to come to your room, get up, put one hand on her shoulder and walk her silently back to her bed, cover her, hug and go. Every time -- no talking or engagement (so she doesn't start to think it's a game) but a return to bed. It will pass though it feels eternal when you're in the throes of it and you may be for some months to come.

As for sending in daddy, does he do the bedtime routine, do you take turns, or do you do the bedtime routine? If he's not part of the routine, or does it very seldom, start trading off so he is putting her to bed at least half the time if not a little more. It can help if you're out of the house at that time so she can't run to you. It gets her used to associating him with getting to bed and might make it easier to for him to go to her in the night instead of you. It won't be a quick fix, though.

I'd stop trying the changes to bedding, incentives, etc. She does not associate those things with waking in the night and wanting you -- when she wakes she is totally in that moment of time and not connecting it with any incentives you promised earlier. She is too young to wake in the dark and stop herself to think, "Wait, if I don't call out, mommy will give me X in the morning." She can't grasp that kind of far-off reward yet at all. And to her at that second, morning is a lifetime away, and so is last night's bedtime and any discussion of incentives.

So frustrating - I feel your pain.

I think there is WAY too much interaction when you go in there. Too many choices (blankets, pillows, etc.) when the truth is, those things are not what she needs. She is unable to self-soothe for some reason. You don't say, when she was little, if she was waking up to full consciousness and putting herself back to sleep, or if she really seemed to go all through the night. Everyone wakes up a little but not everyone is aware of it. So, whatever used to occur, it's not working now because she is either too anxious or just aware of the middle of the night when she wasn't before.

You mentioned switching the bed - do you mean she was in a crib and now she's not? That can make things worse especially at this age, unless you are feeling that she was getting out of the crib and you were concerned. If that's the case, I'd lower the crib rail all the way so she doesn't roll out accidentally but, should she climb, she doesn't have to go up and over.

I don't think you can reason with her. I think you can calm her but tell her there is no talking, no covering, no changing anything, no hugs, no lying down with her. Nighttime is for sleeping, not for screaming. Add this in to your routine. Remind her that she is safe in her room and in her bed.

Her father also needs to stand tough on this - when he goes in, there's no debate about sending Mommy in. Mommy is sleeping and he's not waking her up, he should say. Decide with your husband on some wording - quiet talk, very low voice, "You're fine, it's time for sleep", then a pat on the back and nothing more. Leave the room. If she screams, she screams. No picking up, no hugging, no lying down, no changing pillows, no nothing. After 15 minutes, your husband goes to the door but not to her side, and repeats the wording, "you're fine, it's time for sleep." Then he leaves. Next time, 25 minutes.

If she needs to get into sleeper pajamas to keep her very warm and eliminate the need for a blanket, fine. The less stuff in the crib, the less rearranging, the better.

You may need to pick the weekend and just have a horrible no-sleep time until you get through this sleep training.

There are plenty of books on this. But the thing to keep in mind is that sleep deprivation is not healthy for her either, as you already know it is not for you. You should not be driving when sleep deprived - it's the #1 cause of accidents. And her brain is developing during sleep - these 90 minutes cycles may be her coming out of REM sleep but she needs to be able to calm down on her own. It's something a lot of us do with our babies - you skipped that part because she was a good sleeper. I think you're just having to go through it now.

Sounds like a phase. I would set everything up the night before...water, lovers etc. go in briefly but do not stay or lay down, that is very hard to break and she will grow out of this. Extra love and attention during the day too, just try not to nag her about it or tell her to be a big girl, it doesn't help. GL!

As someone else wrote, kids go through many stages. Both my girls are teenagers so I don't remember the exact ages but I do recall having a camping pad and sleeping bag in their room. Around that age of 2 there was a period of time that I used to read ( to myself) in their room (after reading to them) so they could even fall asleep. Often I would just sleep in their room on the camp bed. Later I sat in the hall to read. Eventually I sat in bed in our own room to read so someone was still upstairs with them. But they outgrew that stage. Around and 7 both girls went through nightmare stages. I think all these stages have to do with greater awareness of the world around them. But there are also teething pain stages (multiple times up to wisdom teeth age), growing pains (often shins hurt but at age 12 one of my daughters got a doctor's note to skip gym class for a few weeks due to bones growing faster than the tendons in her feet causing severe heel pain), hormonal changes, etc. etc. Hang in there, it all works out in the end.

Enable her independence, and reduce her dependence on you interacting with her at night.

Go and stand in the doorway, no further, and do not give in to her mini terrorism. Do not turn on lights or give her anything. Use a very dull voice, and take a hands-off approach. Make a "One hug before lights out, no more hugs breakfast" rule. Ensure she knows that she's already had her hug. Require that she cover herself up. "Where's your blanket? Good. Lay down and cover up. Close your eyes. It's sleep time right now; go back to sleep. Good night."

Slowly reduce your speaking and interaction over time. The goal is to reduce the payoff of her getting you to come in, and for her to understand that sleep time is sleep time, not wake up the house time. If you aren't doing anything for her, she'll become less likely to demand your attention.

Good luck!

Do you let her out of your room? I would put the crib mattress on the floor of your room and let her come in there and sleep near you. Sounds like she misses you and wants you near.

However, I co-sleep and my kids never woke up. So I may not be the best person to ask ;)

I am usually the last person to ask. (Neither one of our kids slept through the night until after they were two. ) But any chance she is getting her two year molars? That was a few rough months with BOTH of our kiddos. We wouldn't have had a clue if my dentist brother in law hadn't noticed. Once they popped...it took a while...out kids got back on track.

Since she's 2 years old I assume she's in a twin size or larger bed. Go lay down beside her and go to sleep. You get to sleep and she stays in bed and is quiet.

I don't get up with the kids during the night. I just don't have the patience for it. I'd rather swat their butt and shut their bedroom door than pamper them and give them attention. This is not positive attention by the way. It's negative attention and they do it again and again and again to get more attention. So I don't do it. Hubby got up with the kids during the night.

I'm all for sleep so we just let them get in bed with us or hubby went in and laid down on their bed.

By the way, there's no way I'd go in to her if she's this frantic wanting only you. This is teaching her that she doesn't have to mind daddy when he says it's bedtime. Mom is NOT the only one that kiddo has to listen to and mind.

I totally understand what you are going through! My daughter turned 2 in July, and she's been doing the same thing for a few months now (she was also a great sleeper before then). She generally wakes up 2 times a night (sometimes none or up to three times). I've been doing the same thing you've been doing - explaining that she sleeps in her room and mommy/daddy sleep in mommy/daddy's room, teaching her to cover herself back up, etc. but she continues to wake up during the night. I'm hoping it's just a phase, although I fear it'll worsen next month when her brother joins the family...

When she wakes up and yells for us a few times, but then quiets down, we just ignore it. But if she's persistent, one of us goes in, and tells her that we'll hold her for five minutes, but that we have to go to sleep too. I don't stay with her longer than that because she is a talker and will try to chat us up. I hope for both our sakes that this phase doesn't last much longer!