So my SIL is only 24 and I am 29. She was raised very differently than me- she pretty much gets to say/do whatever she wants and her mother always makes and excuse for her. So everytime we go over to my MIL house , she sometimes is nice to my 2yr old son ( also her godchild) but other times she just tries to annoy him- if he doesnt want to be picked up, she picks him up and doesnt put him down until he starts crying. Or she will swear in front of him knowing that he is in the "repeats everything" stage. She tries to discipline him at the dinner table, and tells him what to do all the time. Sometimes my MIL will say to her "stop" or "thats enough". but EVERYTIME we go over it happens time after time. SO I finally said to my husband ( her brother ) that I;m going to start saying something if he doesnt ( and im not planning on being so nice about it ). So he said something to her nicely ( please dont talk to him like that) and the house went into hysterics. She started crying and the mother said that we were being mean. Anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this ridiculousness. I think it should be cut and dry- please stop and then she should stop- but it never happens. OH and one other point- last easter he was so excited to go over grammies and get an easter basket. Well wouldnt you know, my SIL was like I have a suprise! and ran to her room and brought out this overflowing easter basket. my son was so excited. She walked right by him and gave it to hermother and got nothing for my son. He was so sad and just looked at me, I wanted to cry. That almost did it for me. I picked him up, put on his coat and left. I couldnt take it!
Thanks everyone for some good advice, and for the feeling that I am not wrong for wanting to stand up for my child who is too young to stand up for himself. To let everyone in on some background info that will answer some of the frequent questions raised ( why is she the godmother)- I am an only child with very little close family, and at the time ( 2 years ago ) she had not displayed these actions, or the inkling that she would behave like this with a child.
As for limiting the interaction with them- I definitely will be doing that. Unfortunately I do have to work nights and weekends so my MIL is one of my sources of babysitting- but I spoke with her, and told her that it would be helpful and better for all of us if she only watched the kids when her daughter was working ( she works every other weekend, AS A NURSE! )
I also spoke with my husband at length about this again, and tried not to really beat it into him, but let him know that I will not be keeping quiet anymore at the house if the situation arises again. We will be expected to stop by on christmas, so that would be the next time we will be over there again. Other than that I am not planning on visiting and this is also the first year we are having our own thanksgiving at our own house, alone.
Again, thanks for the great feedback and support I received from almost all of you! I was starting to think that maybe I was the wicked one, because their family loves to twist everything and take the victim role.
Sounds like a big dose of "I don't have kids yet so I totally don't get it" to me. You will meet lots f people like this! Down the road, if & after she has kids, she will feel like a dufus.
Minimize contact for now.
If it were me I would greatly reduce contact until she grows up a little (if she ever does).
I would not sacrifice my child at the "altar" of getting along with wacky extended family.
I would be diplomatic, but firm, about it.
It sounds like her family enables her and that she is not going to change.
Just my opinion, but you may have to just accept that is how she is and choose to limit your time around her. Your first priority needs to be your child/your family, and this woman (child) does not sound like a healthy option.
So sorry,
R.
PS It sounds like if she is used to being the "baby" of the family, she is jealous of the new baby.
Only 24?? My 15 year old knows better than to swear in front of babies. She is also the one who made sure we got three gifts when my neighbor had a baby, so the sisters could open something too. Your SIL is spoiled and jealous of the baby.
I would maintain some distance between her for now.
As he grows up and you have more children they will learn how to avoid her at family get togethers.
My advice is...
Stay away from the S.I.L. when your son is present.
Expect fallout.
Expect to be portrayed as "the bad guy."
But know that you are protecting your son and being a good mom.
If your husband doesn't like this approach, he can go to family functions without you.
Good luck!
This is suppose to be a grown women but she sounds like a spoiled brat. How can anyone get through life let alone hold down employment if they cannot deal with any type of criticizim. Not trying to be mean but did you really want this women to be your son's god mother or did you do it out of obligation because she is your sister in law? Do you even like being around this person? Because she is just plain wrong.
If they want to walk on egg shells around this headcase/ person that is their issue. But, you don't have to put up with it or her mistreating your child. It sounds like she took great pleasure in your son seeing that basket of candy and know very well what would happen if she did not give it too him. Husband was not that firm with her and look what a response she gave off. I would say something everytime. They will just have to deal with the shock of someone telling her she is a pain in the a$$.
It sounds like she likes to tease him but also doesnt understand that he's only two and doesnt really "get it" yet.
You will have family members that are this way. My kids had some older cousins that loved "messing with their heads" when they were that age. I don't think it's that big of a deal myself, he isnt exposed to her all of the time and he WILL get used to how Auntie is.... and he'll have her number eventually. He will either not like her or he'll love her to bits.... some kids love that extra attention even tho it seems mean to you. If she is picking him up, hugging and kissing him and being nice BUT also teasing him on occasion, I personally think it's harmless and it's teaching him coping skills.... he will learn how to deal with her on his own.
Video tape her in the act, and later play it back. That's what I did to both my daughters when they were children. 14 years later my girls watch the videos and say "man we were brats". My response is ya think. It did work though they started thinking about what their actions would do to others.
Age isn't an excuse for her behavior. My sister is the same age and treats my son (and her two other nieces) like royalty to the point of us having to reign her in on the "gifting"... he doesn't need a new toy every time she visits! The LOVE her and live for the time together.
Sounds to me like she's spoiled and gives him attention when it doesn't take attention from her. If I were you, I would have a conversation with her when her mother is not around. Be honest, but not mean or rude. If you are rude she'll run to mommy who will immediately undo your suggestions.
Let her know how much your son enjoys her, but that at his age he doesn't understand sarcasm or why people act differently from day-to-day. Let her know that she needs to make an effort to be consistent and be more aware of how a little one thinks (the whole world is about him at this age!). As for the cursing... you can't do much about that. If it doesn't get better, talk with your MIL about it and ask her how she felt when your husband admonished his sister. Well, that's how you feel when you SIL steps-in!
what does being 24 have to do with it? We would expect better from an 8 yr old. WHY do you subject your child to this woman??? Put his needs first? Let your MIL know she is welcome at your house any time but you feel it is in your son's best interest to not spend time at her house. (See if she asks "why?" or just knows) Go out of your way to call MIL frequently and tell her about your son, invite her frequently for specific times (not just come over sometime but come for lunch on Sat or dinner on Thurs) so your hubby and MIL understand the problem is specific to your SIL not the whole family. dont expect your SIL to change in the next 10 years.
I find the whole bait and switch thing with the Easter basket to be sadistic.
It was just deliberately cruel.
SIL is not a nice person and you should protect/distance your son from her and her behavior.
So, this 24 year old, is she independent at all, or do M. and daddy still foot the bill for all her costs? That is a big answer to all of your problems if you ask me. She needs to grow up, she still mom's 'baby' and jealous. Maybe you can come to your MIL in a private meeting as two ADULTS and discuss the issues? Until she's a 'grown-up' though, I don't really see things getting any better.
Omg that Easter story is disturbing. I don't think i would have been able to contain myself from socking her in the face! I cannot believe this woman is 24. And i am puzzled just like the others, why is she the godmother???
This totally sounds like similar behavior my MIL uses. My husband confronted her on something she did wrong, asked her not to do it again, and she started crying and acting like the victim. And there is just no getting through to her, she thinks she did no wrong. I would do what others have suggested and keep your son far far away from a nut like that. Parents are the enablers and i'd bet money that her behavior won't change. Don't back down just to keep the peace, I stayed quiet/ignorant for a while but that does nothing but give more way for them to keep disrespecting and walking over you. Also have to add i agree with Lynn if you are being mean to her what do they think she is doing to your son!
You're The Mom, what You Say Goes, end of statement, end of game!
Might be time to change all the Holiday plans, sorry, I know easier said than done. Once your children are older and know better it might get easier.
Right now you gotta do what's best for YOUR kid! :(
She sounds like she has Aspergers. Look it up and see if it fits. They have social issues and the stuff she is doing just makes me think of similar things that I have seen in someone I know that has it.
Here is one checklist, there are many more on the web.
http://www.paulcooijmans.com/personalitytests/asperger.html
http://www.aspergersyndrome.org/
When anyone treats my little ones badly, I act on their behalf. I will say and do things that they would do if they were old enough to take care of themselves.
If he wanted down and she wasn't listening, I would non-judgementally say that he was ready to get down. If she didn't do it, I would go over there and as kindly as possible get him and allow him to get down.
Even though your son is a little young to understand it, I would also start teaching him that sometimes people do stupid stuff and we don't have to take ownership of it or let it bother us. It is THEIR issue, not ours.
Sounds like what your husband said was on target (if a bit late). If asking her not to talk to him like that upset her or if MIL thought you were being mean; how do they think he feels or what is SIL being?
I suggest doing/saying exactly what you have already. If she picks him up when he doesn't want to be, ask her to put him down. If she picks on him or is mean, ask her to stop.
I have that problem too, and unfortunately for you and me, this is something we'll have to deal with for a very long time, given that SIL is family, and the ideal thing would be to keep the peace. HOWEVER, since we'll have to deal with a very long time and it is OUR children are involved, we have to do something, regardless of the drama. I'd rather not have my SIL around, than have her trying to "educate" or tease my child. (unfortunately in my case she lives in my house). I know you're in an uncomfortable situation and it won't be drama free, but our children, are our children.
Just know that you are doing the right thing standing up for your child and you're not alone, all my support go out to you.
Good Luck!
Oh how sad... You are his mother and you know what's best for him. Sad when family acts like that. I think you are doing everything right. You let your husband try to handle it with his family and since they can't be adults about it then you need to do what's best and have your husband stand behind you. By any chance can you sit down with your SIL and have an adult conversation, probably not since her own brother couldn't get through to her.
Hugs going out to you!!!
Wow, sorry, but what a cruel little witch. I don't think I could stop my own mouth from saying exactly what I thought at the moment that she is hurting my child. Because that's exactly what she is doing. I think I'd have a conversation w/ her, one-on-one, and lay it all out there. Let the chips fall where they may, but I would not put up with mistreatment of my child. What an immature brat!
Why in the world would you choose this person as your son's godmother? Holy cow, I'd retract that status and title from her pronto. She is obviously very immature. Set up some rules and guidelines and keep repeating them every time she diverts from them. You'll probably have to repeat yourself several hundred times but she's acting like a spoiled brat and spoiled brats don't learn very quickly. Keep your cool and patience but keep repeating the rules and guidelines. Best to you.
