Sibling Bonding

My children are 21, 18 and three. They are all very close even though there is such an age difference. I don't remember doing anything to ensure a bond between them, but I tried to continue to do the things that we had always done even when the baby was small. My oldest played high school baseball and football and we just bundled the baby up and put him in a front carrier (to keep from having to pass him around for everyone to breath on) and never missed a game. Babies are pretty durable, so just keep on trying to enjoy the things that you do now with your child. There will be places the baby can't go, but that's what baby sitters are for. Staying involved in your older childs life hopefully will keep any resentment away.

My husband is 11 years older than his sister. When they were younger they were friendly but he was like a constant baby sitter for her. By the time he was off to college she was just 7. She always looked up to him and they were sweet with each other. Now she is in graduate school and they are very close. He just tries hard to be her friend and brother and not a second parent!

Ok...so this is so my specialty - I have a son who just turned 2, & his "half" brother is 11. They ADORE one another!! The younger one calls the older one Bubba...& asks for him constantly. Just make sure that each of them has personal one-on-one time with each parent.
The older one plays ice & inline hockey, & that is something that he does with his Dad. Spending that time with his Dad shows him that he's still important & that there will always be time for him. I've noticed how much closer all of their bonds have become, too.
Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help & good luck!

I think everything will go well for ya'll as long as you don't forget that your 11 yr.old has needs too. A lot of people have a tendency to put the baby first no matter what, but making sure you save time for your older son to do things with him will help. I'm sure he'll be a big help to you with the baby, but don't turn him into a "go-for". He may have regrets if you make him feel that the only reason you call his name is to get something for the baby.

Allow the older sibling to participate in any way possible. i had twins 8 1/2 years old before having my next child which felt like an only child after having two to care for at once. I hoarded him and felt like it my responsibility not theirs to take care of him. Looking back I wish I had allowed them and required them to do more for their baby brother. They are Ok now at 27 & 19, but I think the bond could have been better if I had allowed them for involvement.
Another thing is if the older child is involved in any extra curricular activities, don't let the little one keep you from being there for the older child that builds possible room for resentment.

Good Luck!
M.

SC:

Hello. I've been there. I have a 11 year gap between my last two. My baby is a boy and my daughter was 11. Believe it or not, the older children(child) was great in helping out and actually took the child as their own. It was a great experience as far as bonding and now they're 3 and 14 and they have a great relationship. Just make sure you try to include him in on things like feeding, etc. Everything will be fine.

S.
www.gwinnett-dekalbpreschooldirectory.com

There are 9 years between myself and my little brother , so this is from experience.

Include him in things like changing baby's clothes, feeding ( if bottle feeding) diaper changes, etc.

You'll have to teach him how to play with the baby , hold the baby , to be gentle etc.

Get him an "I'm the big brother" Tshirt and get the new baby an "I'm the little brother" onesie. Get him a gift from you for around baby shower time.

hth