Shyness - Miami,FL

Sometimes children don't know what to say, so they feel awkward. Once in a while, tell her casually, "Honey, if Mrs. so and so says Hello, you just have to answer Hi. Get into conversations with her. She'll loosen up and tell you if something is bothering her. May be just a phase. Good luck.

she may just be shy around you! I actually remember being young and for some reason, when my mom was around I didn't play or talk to the other kids. I think it's because I was embarrassed to have friends (especially ones that were boys). I have no idea why I was embarrassed to have girl-friends but I remember thinking, oh I don't want my mom to know that I have friends at school because then she'll think I have more fun here than with her at home, and I don't want to hurt her feelings.
Who knows if that's what your daughter is feeling but I thought I'd just add in my memory of the same situation.

If you're concerned, a good thing is to get her in a Girl Scout troop if you can. She will have her own loyal playmates, and may begin to feel more comfortable. You can also have a sleepover for her at times with a couple of girls, kids like even a cheap mac and cheese dinner, and maybe rent a movie. (She's young, so make sure the parents of the girls are able to pick them up if they want to go home in the middle of the night - but many will be okay.)

Hi Nurima,
My son is 3 yo and he is the same way every single morning we drop him off to daycare. He doesn't talk to anyone and just sits down by himself looking sad. And he has been to this daycare for close to a year...so its not like he is not used to it by now.

Have you ever peeked in on your daughter? See how she is throughout the day?

When I randomly pop up and peek in on him or when I pick my son up in the evening, I sometimes 'spy' on him and he is always playing and running around having fun.

Try and observe how she is throughout the day.

Like you, I was very concerned...but after observing him at different times, I figured it was just the morning anxieties of being left by Mom and Dad that most likely explained the behavior.

Good Luck.

If you treat your child like she has a condition, she will respond in a way that will have her believing that there is something wrong with her. A child that is not overly outgoing is not necessarily a sign that she won't be happy or social. I hated being called "shy" when I was younger because I truly believed that I wasn't. I was always cautious, a bit reserved, in situations that were new to me or around people I did not know very well. My fist daughter is like that and honestly, at 37, I'm still cautious/reserved in new situations. I'm happy and otherwise very social once I "warm" up to whatever situation I find myself in. You can show your daughter how to be "outgoing" by playing mock scenarios with her. She is young and lacks the skills that we adults seem to have mastered with interacting with others. Pretend your daughter is a new classmate and you can pretend to be your daughter. Show her how she could approach and talk to somebody new. I wouldn't pressure her and I certainly wouldn't keep telling her that she's shy. She will grow up thinking something is wrong with her and you certainly don't want that. Be patient. Every body is different and we all respond and react in a way that is natural for us. Your daughter is young and lacks this experience but with patience, you can help her overcome this awkward stage.

The other moms have given some great advice that I agree with...I wouldn't worry too much at this time. Although my daughter, 3, is a little younger she is very shy as well. Just as you mentioned, I was shy when little as well, so this may be a characteristic that she gets from you but will be able to "outgrow" somewhat. My suggestion would be to not label or call her shy as this will only bring more attention to your concern. I would however encourage her. You can do this through your example in talking to new people wherever you go. Also, as the other mom mentioned, teach her that friendship and communication is a two way street. She most likely doesn't realize that her inability to say "hi" or speak up may be misunderstood by her peers, so that is something that you can work on. Praise her when she does communicate and act friendly with others. Finally, celebrate your daughter as she is special with her own personality!!

She sounds a lot like my daughter, who was very shy but has recently come out of her shell. My daughter is highly sensitive - it's not just the shyness. Does your daughter have other sensitivities? I suggest you go here:
http://www.hsperson.com/pages/child.htm

There is also an online questionnaire that can give you a better assessment. If you find your daughter is highly sensitive, there is an online group of parents you can join. They've been really helpful for me and offer great suggestions for dealing with this kind of stuff. Good luck!

I wouldn't worry about it much right now. She is probably just sizing up everybody and deciding who she wants to associate with and what is appropriate behavior for all the "new" situations she is encountering.
My 7 yr old was very shy also, when she was much younger. She is VERY intelligent, in fact was reading quite capably before beginning K4, which may have been part of her long social adjustment. The other kids were not on her level yet as far as classwork. She tended to sit quietly, obey every request or instruction given by the teacher to the letter, and never speak out for any reason. When I would visit the class (for holiday skits the kids would do, or when the class invited the mothers for mother's day, etc) she never interacted with the other kids at all. She would practically cling to me and wouldn't even talk loudly to me, only pulled me close to whisper. I asked her teacher, a very nice lady who had been at it for many years, if she was that quiet always, and if she had friends she played with, etc. She said she was quiet, but she played nicely with her friends at play time. Once she got comfortable (either with the classmates, or herself, or whatever- I'll probably never know exactly how much each part played) which didn't really happen until K-5, she came out of her shell a bit. K4 teacher was astounded. But her true personality (the way she was at home around us) was just coming out.
She is much more bubbly now (2nd grade) when given "free" time. But she is still very quiet and attentive during "teaching time". I think (and maybe this is the case with your daughter also?) that she is just trying to figure out what is expected of her. And her particular personality is one of following the rules to the letter. A very "type A" personality. Perfectionist, if you will. Until she is a little older, she may be unsure that it isn't against the "rules" to talk without being asked something by the teacher. I'll give you an example. My little one (never had a problem with potty training, wetting the bed, or accidents, etc) wet her pants in reading time, because the rule was that when someone was reading, you didn't interrupt until it was your turn to read! She wouldn't even put her hand up to ask to use the bathroom if it wasn't her turn to read (during reading time). Of course, she has figured out more of the "social" aspects of when it's okay to "break the rules" for such things... and many other judgment call situations. But that comes with age and maturity if you have a rule follower.
So, I wouldn't worry just yet, just be sure to talk with your daughter after school and ask her questions about her day. And if you hit on something where you think she might need a little help, suggest to her ideas about what she might do differently if the situation comes up again.
My little "quiet as a mouse, wouldn't know she was there" angel, is now a "yelling out the window at her 2nd, 3rd and 5th grade friends after school" kinda girl. A few years can change a lot.. so don't fret too much right now.
Blessings!

P.S.
Another thought occurred to me: If you have ever instructed her not to talk to strangers, (etc) then she may be unsure if the other child's mom constitutes a stranger or not. It is one of those social things that kids need guidance to work through. And it's hard to explain to a 5 yr old the difference between being polite and not talking to strangers. Does she ignore the grocery store clerk or bag-boy too?

If you have ever taken the myers-briggs test you know that people have different personalities. Not only is if just a personality thing, but it goes into thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions. Yes I know you want to have a kid that can make friends and go out in the world, but if they arent like that then they just arent, their happiness and fullfillment might come from books or nature, something more calm and relaxing. If the teacher says she does fine then let it be. It will be fine.

teach her to communicate just like you would teach her to hold a fork or brush her teeth. practice with her too.
i was very, very shy at that age too. my aunt actually taught me the importance of responding to people and being friendly. i never became outgoing but i use those skills everyday.
she taught me a conversation is like playing catch. someone says something to you(throws the ball) you must catch it(respond) and give them something to answer back to(throw the ball back to them). try pretending you are someone else and practice conversation using an actual ball.
if she is really unresponsive at school make sure there is not someone bullying her. she would show other signs of something like this going on though.

Hi Nurima,
Personally, I don't think you need to be too concerned about your daughter's shyness. If this is a new school, she may be just taking in all of the newness of the environment or new people she sees. Or maybe this is just part of her personality. As you overcame your shyness - and I was shy as a child also - so may your daughter. Do you say anything to your daughter when you see that she doesn't respond to other people talking to her. If not, I suggest that you try saying to her gently to please say "hi" when somebody says "hi" to you. Or say "(Name) said 'hi' to you. What do you say when someone says 'hi' to you?" If you already say something to her to prompt a response, what do you say and what is your daughter's response?

Look forward to hearing how this goes for you,
J. G

You didn't say which daughter was the shy one....I'm assuming it's the 5 year old. My daughter was once shy (no one would believe that now!) and I put her in Martial Arts....she did Taekwondo for many years. In fact she is a second degree black belt! She was in leadership and teaching classes. She is 16 now and has moved on to other things...but is an assertive, very popular young lady with 100 friends in her cell phone!

Everyone is different, as I'm sure you have discovered having 3 kids. My oldest was soooooooooooo shy as a toddler. We'd go to playgroups and he would stay connected to me for at least the first half hour or sometimes more before he would get more than an arm's reach of me and interact with other kids. He NEVER responded to strangers being kind to him out in public and was very shy to other adults he knew. He spent a whole year at a Moms Day Out preschool where he went once a week, and the second year he went, his new teacher told me when he spoke it was the first time she'd ever heard him open his mouth (she'd seen him on the playground the year before with his class from the previous year and thought he didn't know how to talk). He is now not only an outgoing, popular 10 year old, but he is a ham and wants to be an actor some day. You just never know with kids. I am assuming that you are so concerned because your older 2 kids are very outgoing-? I see kids who freely wander up to strangers and strike up conversations and that's foriegn to me because none of my 3 kids ever did that as toddlers, but I know one way is not more "normal" than the other-- just different. Let her be who she is.