Should We Take Our Son to Relative's Funeral?

I have a four year old daughter that has been to seven funerals in her little life. SHe has dealt with each one in their own way. We simply explain what has happened and she understands. Also even though he is seven take him something to do. Like a book or game that has headphones. SOmething that can keep him still for atleast an hour. You need to be there to support your husband and your child needs to be there to understand that death happens to everyone. This may have him asking you alot of questions so be prepared for that. I think it will be a great learning experince. It has been for my daughter.

HI M.,
I agree with Glenda. I took my 6 year old to his grandmothers funeral. He def. had tons of questions but positive ones. He talks of his great grandma and he is at peace. I was concerned as you were however it really benefited him. He now has an understanding of life and that death is not scary. I guess we call this perspective. Good luck. Sorry for your loss. D.

My uncle just recently died, and I took my 7 and 6 year old to the funeral. Neither one of my kids knew my uncle much. It upset my 7 year old the most. They both had questions. I guess curiosity got the best of them both. Some of their questions were about death and why did it have to happen. Most of their questions were generated from what was being said around them. But in all, I think it was good to take them. I just had to deal with the questions, and some of their fears. We did it and they are fine now. They don't even think about it like they use to. The only time is when they hear my uncle's name.

I think you should definitely take your son to the funeral. Yes, it will likely be an upsetting experience for him, but how much more traumatic would it be if the first funeral he experiences is that of a very close relative? I am speaking from experience here. The first funeral I attended as a child was that of my great-grandfather who was everything to me. And my mother felt the same way about him and completely freaked out at the funeral. It was very traumatizing to me and I've made sure not to make the same mistake with my children. You should allow him to go and make sure that the lines of communication are wide open before, during and after. Talk to him beforehand and let him know in detail what to expect.

LIke you said he is mature and that will def help if you deciede to take hime. It may be best the first one he goes to is for someone he isnt close with so he can see what really happens at one and will know what to expect when someone close does pass. I am in a similar place as you are right now. My mother in law is terminal w/ brain cancer and the yhave given her 6mon. I have a 4 yr old and Im not sure how to explain this to her or if she should attend. We passed a cemetary the other day and she asked what it was and I tried hard to explain it to her. She asked why whould someone want to die and why do they want to be in the dirt. I then again tried to expl;ain things and it just confused her and she moved on to another topic. Death is so hard for kiddos and they react in there own way and sometimes not like you would expect them to. Im very sorry for your familys loss and I am thinking of you.

I think that if your child is not able to view the casket then it would or should not be too tramatizing. If the child is mature then an explaination of what the service represents would be in order. Explaining that even though the child does not know the person everyone there does and that there will be people there possibly crying because they are going to miss the person. I feel if the child is prepared and all the questions answered the child will not be tramatized. Many years ago all the children participated in the funerals and wakes. They were very much aware of life and death. I feel children prepared by anwering all questions asked will have a a better understanding of life and death, perhaps not leaving them with the thoughts many young people have as being invincible and "things will not happen to them, only other people". Death is very much a part of life.

M.,
I would take him. I feel it is very important to teach children that death is a part of living on this earth. My 8 year old has been to two funerals, one for her great-grandmother and one for a 9 month old baby that died from heart problems that our family had prayed for since his birth. She wasn't traumatized at all, infact, it opened up the discussion for all kinds of topics that we could discuss in a way that took out the fear. As far as the other relatives that could be taking this very hard, I probably would keep him close by because that can be what is scary for a child. I remember being a child and my second cousin who was twelve drown in an accident. My grandmother was so hysterical, wailing and crying that that really did scare me. So again, if that is going on, keep him near you so he doesn't feel too afraid of their grief.

I agree with the other ladies, I think you should take him. My parents never took me to a funeral as a child, so my first funeral was at 14, my father's. I was very unprepared as I had no experience with death or the funeral process. It sounds morbid, but it is a good opportunity for him learn about death, it's affects on others and to see how y'all handle it. I honestly doubt it will traumatize him. Kids are so much more resiliant than we give them credit for.

Sorry for your loss.

Let me start by first saying sorry for the loss in your family. You should be there to show your respect for your husband's side of the family. That being said, take your son with you. I have found that funerals are not as emotional as many picture it to be. As human nature, we tend to want to hide negative emotions until we are alone. Just make sure you talk to your son about death before you leave and let him know what to expect to hear and see. It's nice to see how you described your son as mature and able to cope, he sounds like a fine brought up boy.