I’m in a quandary and wanted to get a vote on what I should do…
A co-worker of mine and I have always been somewhat friends. Meaning we talk about stuff besides work at the office like family, marriage stuff like that.
Without going into great detail I’m really the only one in the office that is even nice to her. No one likes her. She is a trouble maker, gossips and is NOT a team player by any means. She had never wronged me in any way (that I know of) so I’m still nice to her.
A few months ago she started problems in the office and involved human resources. Trust me even my supervisor could not believe she went to HR about these really strange issues like “girls are talking behind my back”, they’re stalking me and spying on me” which were far from the truth. We all sit in close proximity and the times she claims she was being followed, all the girls were here. Anyhow, while she was complaining to our HR manager she told her that I was always on personal phone calls. When asked how she knew this she said “because I always hear her talking in Spanish”. HR manager called my supervisor. He told her that I deal with clients in Mexico and Chile on a daily basis and that is why I am always talking in Spanish. The HR Manager told my supervisor, who is also this other girls supervisor, that he really needed to talk with her and call a meeting to ask everyone to “just get along”. None of it was founded. Now of course everyone thinks she is paranoid and just trying to start problems???
So here is the problem before she went to HR it was my bday and she bought me a nice bottle of wine. After the HR incident because my supervisor had a talk with her about it, she became extremely offended/defensive and now will not talk to me. I'll say good morning but she fakes a smile back to me. Now keep in mind I’ve stayed out of it and haven’t said anything. I’m still dumbfounded as to why she brought my name into it and attempted to get me in trouble, but it is what it is.
All this happened within the last month. Her bday is next week. Should I reciprocate and buy her a nice gift even though I'm still hurt that she did what she did???
So far I've gotten a resounding NO from the other ladies but I wanted to get the opinion of some that have an unbiased view of the situation.
Amy R. I laughed so hard at your suggestion at buying her a card “all in Spanish” LOL!!!
Mommyof2 that was a witty suggestion too!
Well, I'm going to have to side with the arguments as to why I should not get her a gift. It made me think that the only reason she has attempted to get along with ME at least is because she has so any enemies here. Well now she has burned that bridge too. As some of you said "she stabbed me in the back". Now that I've put more thought into it she was TRULY trying to get me busted!!! I guess it makes me mad now knowing that I've always gone out of my way to be nice to her to only have her manipulate and conjure up trouble for me.
I'll continue to be cordial but that's it. Who knows what she is planning to do next?
Hello, It sounds like she has me real issues. Anyway, if you would buy a gift for everyone else in the office on their birthday, then you should buy one for her. That doesn't mean that you have to be her friend, just friendly.
Good luck.
K. K.
Maybe pay for her first session with a therapist? Lol j/k!
NO I would not get her a gift. Why isn't this woman fired already?? Well it's only a matter of time hopefully before she gets fired so just put on a fake smile and try to avoid her until then.
I'd like to say no but...I'd take the opportunity to make her feel really small by getting her a gift and making a production of it in the office. We had someone hire a clown to come in and 'punk' her for her birthday! We had a guy at work that people didn't like very much and for his birthday somebody (not me but whoever it was is my hero) hired a girl to come in and sing happy birthday. She looked about 9 months pregnant and after the song she told him it was his baby! Hilarious!! We also had a nerdy guy show up for a manager's birthday. She was a real witch. The guy did this goofy 'stripper' act. Very funny! Or if you really want her to feel like a jerk just wrap that bottle of wine back up and stick a happy birthday card on it!
I vote with Bttrfly - get her a little happy for her Bday with a card. It will not hurt and will show that you are are unaffected by the recent HR trauma. I think to ignore her Bday would be petty and mean spirited and that fact that you are concerned about what to do for her Bday shows that you have a lovely spirit and compassionate nature.
She sounds insecure and not too rational and that is a horrible way to live. You are handling it the right way by continuing to be pleasant to her.
I would probably get her a little something just to keep the peace (or maybe I should say try to restore the peace) LOL ~ Good Luck - sounds like a crappy situation!
I say a nice card, maybe make her a cake? Other than that...no.
You could do something small as a nice gesture. you can't go wrong doing that. I don't think you'll look back and regret you did something nice for her, but you might regret not doing something for her later. 8-)
I've known a lot of people like her and just keep my distance. I'm never rude, but just keep a safe distance so that they can't hurt me. you may just try to be nice, but you don't have to be friends with her after what she did. good luck.
What? A cake? A card? A "little something" left on the desk? Lunch? Ths woman ratted M.M. out to HR with false allegations/half-truths/unfounded accusations. Gift? No way.
Consider yourself part of the club that hates her now--apparently she has alienated every single person there.
I vote NO. She went behind your back and now won't speak to YOU. She is paranoid. It's obvious she has issues. Of course be nice to her in regard to work. Be pleasant, but I would say distance yourself from her. She has lost your trust and you need to protect yourself. I'm not saying you should snub her in anyway, but..... I would no longer share anything personal with her.
Keep it all business.
Are you sure we don't work at the same place!!!LOL.....I would buy her a card @ the dollar store and maybe a small cake, or donut. And call it a day. You don't have to be friends, but for now you do have to work with her. If you are like all working people out there your job is your second home away from home. So to make things a bit better for your self just try to get along with all your co-workers. You don't have to share personnel stuff but you could be friendly, be the better person!!! You sound like you are a good person and friend, just that there are those disturbed people that want all the attention and want it there way all the time!! Good Luck!!!
NO. She is not a friend. You can still be friendly and polite, but try not to talk to her unless you have to. She betrayed you and tried to get you in trouble! Why would you want anything to do with her??? Just because she gave you a nice gift, doesn't mean that you need to buy her something. She has proven to you that she is sneaky and really doesn't have any credibility. If she had an issue with your "personal calls" she should have asked you about it instead of going to the manager to gossip and get you in trouble. Stay away from her....she is PURE trouble!
Molly
here's what i practice in the office, what you do for one person while on company time, you need to do for the entire group, if you buy her a gift, make sure the delivery is off company time, or the other's can complain bout the same thing..
me personally, i'd just ignore her from this point forward unless it's buisness related
I would get her a gift that was not anywhere near as expensive. Preferably one that would be a stab at the recent complaint she made of you. LIke maybe something that is all in spanish! lol
No way. She showed you her true colors so I would leave her alone at this point and not have any personal non-work related contact with her.
I guess it depends what you are hoping your relationship will be with this woman in the future. If you want nothing more to do with her, giving her any sort of gift will only send her mixed signals. If you would welcome (or at least wouldn't mind) reestablishing a more cordial relationship, a small token, like a card or small cake, would be a nice first step.
To me, it sounds like you are only considering reciprocating out of guilt. If that is the case, don't bother. You're not doing anyone any favors. You'll just make her more paranoid about your true motives and give yourself unnecessary stress worrying about her.
I would still get her a little something. She sounds pathetic and lonely. And a wacko but I still always kind of feel bad for the crazy one :)
I would probably get her a small little gift and just leave it on her desk with a card that says "Happy Birthday", but not engage her in any way and not expect anything in return.
It takes a strong woman to bounce back and that is what you are. You can still be caring and safe from her tactics. You never know, it may at the every least help create some peace and quite or alleviate the awkwardness between you two.
And also, don't add to the problem by discussing this with other ladies at work.
A card is an appropriate way to acknowledge a colleague's birthday. Or perhaps ask her to lunch - Your treat. Invite your other colleagues -- It will give everyone a chance to practice getting along.
But I would recommend in future keeping your relationship with this woman purely about work and keep your private life to yourself.
How many Nos will it take before you realize that this is not a woman you should be interacting with socially? Your responsibility regarding the gift she gave you was to send a Thank You note. That's it. End of story.
It won't matter what you do that woman will still have a reason to complain about you. If you opt to give her a gift she'll think that you are trying to kiss up to her, if you opt to not give her a gift she'll consider you ungrateful. What will make you feel better? At this point because you've remained neutral do what is best for you. Good luck.
She's unbalanced and emotionally labile. So what that she gave you wine for your birthday. She stabbed you in the back, anyway. Since she is cold to you, lately, don't bother. I really can't make heads or tales of this but you could just ask her why she accused you of personal phone calls to HR, if you care.
A card would be nice. A gift is unnecessary (and not a great idea).
I would just get a birthday card for her. Acknowledge her birthday. It sounds like this woman has some serious problems and you may want to bring your concerns up with the supervisor.
She is a co-worker, not a friend. I would skip the gift.
A gift is a gesture of friendship, and you're not feeling it. I'd suggest a card or comment that acknowledges you remembered her birthday, and continue with the good mornings, etc. Yes, sounds like she's feeling paranoid and that happens when someone is on the outside of a group that is close.
Your HR Director is correct, everyone needs to attempt to make a polite work environment so it can't be called "hostile," but there's no need to be friends. (I am an HR Director, and sad to say, this happens much more often with groups of women than men.)
I would say no. She did get a gift, so I can understand why you might feel guilty but then that was before this. If anything just get her a card, but since she is your co-worker & not a friend I don't really think its a big deal if you don't get her anything. I doubt it would make it more uncomfortable at work with what you said! :]
I vote: no gift. She is a co-worker and I would leave it at that. It would be safe for you to not talk to her about your personal life anymore too. She doesn't sound very stable. Be nice to her, but keep it on a professional level.
NO! You are no longer friends with this woman-she has made it this way. and this is a good thing...you need to steer clear of her. Any gesture other than a courteous hello will be interpreted by her in a way you did not intend-I can guarantee you this. She is a major trouble maker and hopefully your company will not keep her around much longer.
