Should I Have One More Child?

I am 40 and my husband 36, our son is 6. We had the same dilemma and have always wanted more, but had other family issues to deal with - aging parents to care for and they took precedence. I dont regret. I have been able to babysit my sons cousins often and they are like siblings to my son. I was close with my brother but we hardly speak now. His wife has particular religious beliefs and cannot accept my islamic husband. I do not interfere with my brothers life, but it has taken its toll on my mother that her children are not so close - not fault of mine. My aunt also did not speak to my mother after their mothers passing and my fathers family has disowned him. You can never say what will happen. I think when the time is right we will have more children, in God's time. And if I am unable, we have not ruled out adoption. My husbands family is often asking me to take a cousin of my sons here in america to raise and educate. I leave it to God who will come in our life and do not fall for pressure from anyone on what is accepted behavior. Do what is in your heart and your husbands. My son is well adjusted and happy and not lonely and not stressed. We had high school lifeguards last year who were three only's and they gave me their opinions of being raised without siblings. They were happy and also appreciated that their parents were able to include their best friends on vacations when they were younger, etc. Best of luck with your decision - everyone walks to their own drum.

I have two children, and I'm not an only child, so I can't speak from either perspective, but what strikes me is that when my husband and I wanted to have another, it was just that... we really wanted another. It wasn't out of obligation to our first for any future lonliness. My husband is an only child, and he had no cousins close in age or location, so for him it was important that we have multiple kids. I think that if you have a "biological need" (what I call it when I get the bug) to have another one, go ahead, but if both you and your husband are happy with one, then just have one, and know that your son will be happy and he and his cousin will be as close as you like. I am very close with many of my cousins, even those I have age differences with, because of my mom's efforts. Good luck!

You and your husband need to do whatever feels best to you.

Just an observation to consider, two can be easier than one, quite often, because they can entertain each other and with the age difference that is even more likely to be true. I know that my son, who is almost 2, loves other babies and loves to play with them and give them lots of love and my sister had a similar age difference, hers are 5 and 2, and her daughter is really great with her little brother. It makes me really excited to have one due in Oct. seeing my son so fond of other babies, even when we watched a friends baby all day Mon-Fri for 6 weeks.

It's a big decision, I'm sure you'll do just fine whatever you decide. Good Luck!!!

If you want another child, you will know it. It is a big commitment and not one to jump into, if it isn't what you want.

People are likely asking if you are going to have another child mostly because your son is at the typical age when you would have another one. It doesn't make it any less rude to ask.

I grew up with 2 brothers and 1 sister. I am going on 35. My older brother lives in North Carolina. My younger brother lives in Michigan (where I grew up). My sister, who just had her first baby at 32, lives in Texas. I have had friends from all over because my husband was in the Navy for the first 5-1/2 years of our marriage. My friends have come and gone. There are a few I still have from my elementary school years. Mostly, I don't keep in touch with the other friends and vice versa. My brothers and sister are ALWAYS there. I could not imagine going through life without someone who knows me soooo very well. I live near my in-laws in Virginia and I love them to pieces, but they still can't be there for me with some of the things I have to go through.
I also have 4 children of my own. I really didn't feel the strain of children until my 3rd one.
My older daughter (12 years old) talks about one of her friends who I know very well. She is an only child. She is very lonely. All the stresses of life that her parents go through are directed solely on her. No matter what anybody says, parents reflect stress on their children. It's inevitable and up to us to be easy on them. The single child doesn't have anyone to share her moments of sadness with or have anyone else to cheer her up when mommy and daddy just aren't the right people for it. We are too serious. Children need a distraction that is joyful. Babies and kids laughter is the medicine for any sad heart. Now, when they are no longer babies and they realize they are fighting for your attention, it can get very loud. Sibling rivalry is also inevitable. They always have to share with one another. The biggest thing they have to share is their love for each other. I am saying go for it. I love my children and I love my brothers and sisters. I could not imagine not having my brothers or my sister.
One more note. I had my last child at 32. My last 2 months was very difficult. I was having premature labor and continued on my daily activities because of the other 3. My husband has worked 12 hour shifts four days a week for four years. He also works a lot of overtime. He will go 2-1/2 weeks without a day off and working 12 hours a day, gone for 14 because of the drive. My children and I have become very accustomed to the way things go. We have a routine, but please let me tell you, by no means is that routine perfect. The house gets messy and I say, "Oh Well!!" We just keep going.

I am the 35 year old mom of 4 year old and 4 month old daughters. Although I was married in my 20s, I was in grad school and delayed getting started. My 2nd pregnancy was scary due to some risks associated with my age, although I ended up with a healthy child with no disabilities.

I am also an only child, and there was no question in my mind that I would have multiple children. I know some people think that only kids can be spoiled. That is ridiculous, people are either raised with good values and positive spirits... or not - and it has nothing to do with whether there are multiple kids in a house. I think only children are often more mature than their peers and more patient because they have had the security and undivided attention of their parents. My reason for wanting more than one child is because I always wanted and still would love to have had siblings. Also, my mother is over 70 now, and I have some anxiety about being left alone as she gets older. So I think that your sensitivity to that for your kids is very thoughtful and loving.

I love seeing the relationship between my kids forming, and a 3-4 year age seperation is fantastic. My only issue now is whether I want to go for a third child at my age. I read responses to a similar post not too long ago,and some of the consensus was: You will never regret having another child but you might regret not having one. That rang very strongly with me, although I still personally worry about the complicaitons of pregnancy over the age of 35.

In short, I am not sure I have figured out the right number for myself, let alone be able to advise someone else. However, I think that being an only child, while not an awful fate, can be challenging and lonely sometimes. That is one reason for having more. But if you choose not to have more, then it is good to fortify your child with additional resources, coping skills, and a support system for the future.

Hi E.,

I am a mother of five beautiful children ages 13 to 5 months. My husband and I choose to have a large family. It does take alot of time and effort to properly take care of all the kids and can wear a person down. It's solely up to you what you feel is right for you and what you and your husband feels what is the best fit for your family.

E.,

I think you should go with your gut on this. If people ask you why you don't want another child, as if it is any of their business in the first place, simply smile and tell them you were blessed with a perfect child the first time around and didn't want to press your luck!

Besides, it is more important that you raise your son to be a good friend then to have a child "for" him...Coming from a dysfunctional family myself, I like the saying, "Friends are the family you chose for yourself".

My rule is never have a child to fill a requirement. It should be more about what you can offer to them than the role they will be expected to fill. I think you and your sister have a good idea. As long as it can work out for each of your immediate families, I say go for it!

Enjoy what you have, knowing you are truly blessed no matter what the size of your family.

Best wishes,
T.

i will tell you that i struggled with this very same problem for quite sometime. i am 41 my husband is 35 and we have a 5 1/2 yr old. i have IBS which is a intenstinal issue caused by stress and i am even on meds for it. i, too get stressed easily. i didnt have this burning desire to have another child, like i had when i wanted my daughter. we are not rich people, and the idea of completely strapping ourselves, which would add more stress, wasnt appealing.

many people have said the same thing to me about siblings, etc. and yes i have moments of wondering if i am making the right choice. but she has family, and she will have friends, and i think we have made the right choice not to have any more kids. if god decides to surpass the methods that we have put into place to prevent this, then so be it. i will be completely happy with that. but we have made a decision, finally. (it took 2 years!)... i am even selling all her stuff. which was a huge move for me.

go with your instincts.... you never know whats going to happen, you could have 10 kids and they dont get along.
and your broke :)

i personally love my little threesome.. we can travel easier. lots of one on one time. when she is hangin with just one of us, the other one actually can have a minute of time to themselves. happy parents, make a happy family.

good luck in what ever you choose!