To Have or Not to Have Another Child.

We are going through a similar decision process, although we only have one boy who is eighteen months. Neither my husband or I were an only child and I really don't want my child to be but there are financial concerns with the cost of daycare and we are not getting any younger. It is a tough decision. Let me know if you get any good advice.

I am 31 with a sister 36, sis 39, brother 41. I wasn't lonely! Now that I'm 31 I have a great relationship with all of my siblimgs. When I was younger I would've been happy to get rid of my closest sister, but now I wouldn't trade her for the world. My brother who is the oldest was my best buddy when I was small - he was great. My hubby has a sis 12 years younger than him also and they are very close. I hope this helps you!

I have two older sisters who are 8 and 9 years older than me. It would have been great to have a sibling my age, but I was spoiled rotten and now have the best of both worlds... older sisters, a great childhood and some truly wonderful friends who are like sisters to me.

A., this is up to YOU. Did you want another child before other people started telling you how much you need to have another one. Once the littlest one came out, did you have a feeling of ... the kitchen is closed or not? Being lonely could be something these other people are projecting on to your child. Is your child in daycare, does he have friends he sees often? Is he involved in regular activities? As a middle child there are times I WISHED to be an only child. Right now, my son is full of energy and needs a playmate, but I knew I wanted more children. Decide what you and hubby want to do first then, post back and I'll give you witty retorts for people who need to mind their own business (or start paying for the college fund).

I think there are worse things than being an only child. I would only add another child if you truly want to and feel you are up for the challenge. One benefit of another baby might be that you won't have to entertain so much as they can play together.

A.:
Yes, have another one. I have 3 - 2 boys 26/25 and then my daughter 20 - I regret not having one close to my daughter...If they are 12 years apart they are seperate families and wont be close until they are probably in their 20's....My husband is 7 years older than his only brother and it was like 2 different families. Had nothing in common until late 20's+. This is up to you of course and whatever happens happens. Dont just have because he will be lonely...you will keep him busy and the older ones will also help out. the only reason to do it is that they will have each other and be close as your older ones. Make this a decision on the your husband and yourself. If you can afford it do it. Remember though you have college coming very soon. weigh it all out.

good luck in your decision!!
L.

Hi A.,

I think if you and your husband want another baby you should go for it. Don't have one just because of your 18mos. being alone. I think big families are great! I have a 13,10 and 6yr old. I thought I would be perfectly happy with 3 children. My husband had a vasectomy while I was pregnant with my youngest. Now that she is 6 I very much wish we would not have done that back then. Now that she is in Kindergarten I want another baby. But my husband does not want another surgery or the expense of having the surgery. So I think if you are able and, you and your husband both want another baby you should do it. I have a brother and sister, we are all very close. I do not know what I would do without them. My sister is my best friend. Siblings are a wonderful gift from God I think.

What does your husband think? Have you thought to chat with your older boys (although, leaving the final decision to yourselves, of course!)?

You have an 18 month old. If you have another he/she will be a prefect age for the now 18 month old. Don't listen to others. If you want another child and have the means etc.. I say Go For It!!!

What do you want?

I have one child. Chances are really good that she will be an only child. I have been told over and over again that this could be a blessing or a curse depending who is doing the talking. I am ok with having one child. I am ok with having more if that happens. Either way my daughter will be fine. My daughter is not lonely and I don't think that she will miss anything from her childhood if she doesn't have siblings.

Choose what is best for your family.

W/O reading any other response this is what I think.... I am in the same situation. My girls r from my previous relationship. They r 8 & 9 yrs old. Then I have my Andyman who is 21 months old. I have already found that he is being treated like the baby. Also I wonder how will things be when my girls r older and their little brother wont stay out of their room. They play with them now but will he get lonely as they get older ??? All these questions run through my head every day he grows older. SOoooo I came to the conclusion that what would it hurt?? More unconditional luv?? cause that is what babies have to offer. Money wise it would work ... we just would have to round things about. The only thing that stops me is.... a bigger house. I talked my hubby into having another one as long as we get a bigger house. My point in all this is weigh the simple factors. How do ur older kids treat the youngest.... money wise is it good.... room wise ...... In the long run it all came back to the unconditional luv.... for myself. Good luck with the decision. Nobody can make the choice but u.
T.

I have one ? are these other people going to raise your child? It's for you and your husband to decide... Me myself a SAHM of 5 ages 16,14,6,4, and six months 1st marriage 2 and 2nd 3 children my youngest is not lonely he gets more attention then anyone and from all different ages. Plus you have an 18 month old what did she just start a new job. Stop worring about what other people think, live your life and lets hope they can live theirs. Best of luck to both of you.

A.,
Have you thought about praying this one out? Perhaps this is the time for you and your husband to enjoy the one little guy you have and not worry about what others say. He does not have to be lonely because he will have his older brothers around to play and rough house with him as he grows, and he will have friends and school chums unless you plan to keep him totally isolated and this doesn't sound like your plan. What does your husband want to do? Are you prepared for having your lives functioning as parents for the next twenty or so years? What if you don't get pregnant right away? Perhaps you should let God do the deciding on this. He knows what He's doing.
Good luck to you.

Good Morning A.! I have some personal experience in this area since my family is pretty much just like this. My older 4 siblings are all within 5 years of each other and then 9 years later came me. This is how my mom approached the matter - she always told me to enjoy my position because I have all the benefits of being an only child (they had extra $$ when school clothes rolled around, etc, etc) but with the perk of actually having 2 brothers & 2 sisters. Having another child (making it #5?) just for the sake of the youngest is something you should NOT do just so he has someone close in age. If you want 5 children, by all means, have another & I wish you the best... but don't have one because of your fear that current baby will be lonely. Just make sure they have play dates with friend's babies or playgroup and when they all get a little older, things work out beautifully.

do you want to have another child? My son is 18 months old and my daughter is 7 and son is 9. We are DONE! and the youngest will be just fine!

Hi A.,

My sisters were 15 and 17 when I was born. They were both married and out of the house by the time I was 4 and having families of their own. I grew up with nephews and nieces who all went home at the end of the day - and I got all of my stuff back and was able to reclaim my bedroom and my own space. I absolutely LOVED it and had a WONDERFUL childhood. I have a 2 year old daughter who will be an only child. People give me their unsolicited advice all the time - that I should have more kids or that it's fine to have one kid. Frankly, I'm a bit tired of it. It's our family and we're going to do what works for us. I suffered no ill effects from being a late child and therefore pretty much an only child. I had tons of friends yet still had my independence as well. We are all different and you'll get a myriad of answers here from everyone on each side of the spectrum. I don't know if what you read will help you make a decision or not but I wish for you the best of luck. Pray on it as truly the only one with the answer to your question is God.

Not so lonely only - A.

I think if you went through the trouble to get your tubes untied and you were lucky enough to get pregnant so fast then you should definitely have another one for your little one! good luck!

I agree with most of the other ladies. I'm not an only child, technically I'm the middle of three for my dad, or the oldest of 2 for my mom (I have an older half brother). However, I have friends who are only children - they don't behave any differently as adults than the rest of us. I've had friends in school that were also only children. One you could tell was - she was spoiled and got everything, the rest of them were just like us. It's all a matter of how YOU as a parent choose to raise this child, and with at least 2 of the 3 older brothers at home it is probably harder to spoil him with purchases and possessions. I think the decision to have another child lies with you - do you want a 5th child (might be a girl), can you afford it, do you have space for it (especially if it is a girl)? I wouldn't do it because you feel your son needs a playmate, he'll have friends in school and won't miss a thing with older brothers who will probably take time to do things with him when they are home. He'll get plenty of attention and won't be left out with a big family already.

Having another baby is up to you and I think it would be great to give your baby a sibling. I can relate a little to your situation with my story. I come from a family of 3 kids where I'm the youngest. I have a sister who is 22 years older than me and a brother who is 18 years older than me. Both of them were out of the house when I came into the world; my mom was 42 yrs. old when she had me and in her early twenties when she had my sister and brother. I was never lonely. I had the best of both worlds--all of my mom and dad's attention and my sister and brother visited often, played with me, and babied me since I was the youngest. Even as adults, kids always come home. Jokingly, to this day, I say I have 3 sets of parents. They learned to parent me before having kids of their own and I grew up with the security of their companionship and wisdom. My oldest nephew is 7 years younger than me and 3 other nephews follow and one step-niece who is 1 year older than me. So, all these kids kept me company. Best part, when the day was over, they went home and I got all the attention from mom and dad. As adults, we get along great despite the age difference.

MC

Do not have another child just to keep the youngest one from being lonely. There is enough years between your third and fourth child, you can give more one on one time with the youngest one. I also had 4 children where the first three were close in age but only 5 years until my fourth one. Growing up the youngest one was always in the way and left out of the games the others were playing. That gave me the opportunity to raise the last one in a different manner and I do not regret it at all. All four of my children live in different states and it is my youngest one that keeps them all close and communicating with each other. You have been given a blessing by being able to have your fourth child so unless you want to have another one then do not worry about the age difference. Enjoy having only one going through the different stages of life at a time. You might find yourself doing things different then you had with the other three.

Hi A.,

As a parent of an only child and also myself being the youngest child with a big age diffenence in my family I would have to say stop listening to others and follow your own judgement.
Your youngest son will have all the love of his older brothers, and as he gets older their relationships will grow and change. I was closet to my sister who was 18 years older than me then I was to any of my other brothers or sisters.
If you surround your son with love and friends he will not have a lonely childhood.
You really can't compare it to an only child - but even if you do their lives don't have to be lonely. Our daughter has a very strong relationship with my husband and I. Did she wish at times she had a brother or sister - sure. But she had lots of frineds and other family (cousins) to be with.
It is your attitude that will set the tone for your son.
N. B

I am a lot younger than my siblings by 7 years. And I am the fifth child.

It was hard at times growing up because they were able to do so much more than me. At the time I didn't understand why they could stay up late, etc.

I don't feel that I had a lonely childhood. My sisters and brother did include me in some things. Which, I am sure my parents made them!

Now, we are all very close. I love hanging out with them and I look to them for a lot of advice.

It is nice that I was around when they were having children. I have been around kids almost my entire life. Now that I have a family, I feel so much more comfortable with a child. And now my nieces and nephews can enjoy my daughter and they can baby sit.

I think if you want to have another child, don't do it because others think you should or so your youngest won't be lonely. He will have lots of attention from his older brothers.

I have 3 older siblings, they are 12, 13, 14 years older than I. I never felt like an only child simply for the fact I knew I wasn't. I became and aunt at 8 years old, which was the most AMAZING thing in my life. I grew up with my nephwes and we are closer than close. Probably closer than most siblings! Other people always asked me what it was like to have "older" parents. I never looked at things that way. They were the only parents I knew, and I thought they were great.

My husband and I are currently expecting our first child together. He has a daughter from a previous relationship that lives with us. She's 10. I think the difference in age has a lot to offer these kids when they are older. They will always have a resourse for troubles or questions other than the parent figures.

Hope this helps. :) You do whatever your heart tells you is right. That will be the right answer for you.

J.

Well, I have one child and he seams happy enough. If you can financially manage another...why not adopt?

S.

I think you and your husband need to decide what you two want. Forget about what everyone else thinks. Its your decision. You will never make everyone else happy. A child is always a blessing. This is a very personal choice. If people always made the choice that they would be lonely children, the earth may die out! Okay, a slight exaggeration, but you get my point. Kids are in school with other children, ie not lonely, and the other siblings will love to have them around (once they are around).

I think that is totally a decision for you and your husband. If you pray, pray about that..make a decision and pray if it's the right choice. Whether the child will grow up "lonely" will depend on how you raise it, and with an 18 mo old I wouldn't worry.
Good luck

The decision how many children to have is truly a personal one. But I had to share that I have a friend who had an 18, 16 and 11 year old when she unexpectedly became pregnant. When he was 18 mos old, they decided to have a second one. Now they are 10 and 8 and good friends and playmates. She is so glad she took the chance and did it. Esp as the older children have gone onto college, gotten married and left the nest and instead of her being the playmate to the one and entertaining him, they two younger ones have each other.

Hi A.!

My husband and I have 5 children also ... Honestly, we let God plan our family and it couldn't have been better. We never have to think about what children we could have had or how many ... He just took over and we trusted Him. We did use Natural Family Planning which takes some effort but wanting to do God' will was our focus. Go ahead let God take the reins ... you will not be sorry!