Should I Feel Guilty Because I'm Able to Conceive?

What I did was write the people who might be sad about it a letter for them to process in their own home on their own time. No one I sent such a letter to was angry with me. They understood their own circumstances, and I understood theirs. I think they may still be sad about where THEY are, but will still be happy for you. Just keep the note short and simple and don't dwell on their problems.

I felt guilty having girls & my sis has 3 boys.But now i'm so over it.They will love the baby either way.I get prego when I want to hardly the need to try but i'am trying not to I have 3 & that is good for now.

I know exactly how you feel. We had problems getting pregnant for many years, and then got pregnant while a girl in out office was going through IVF. I feel on both sides of this coin.
Don't feel bad because when others were getting pregnant, it just made me want to get pregant too! I was happy for the new mommys!! Little sad it was not me, but happy for them.

Then when I had my baby and the girl in the office did not, felt bad for her. After 2 babies she FINALLY got pregant! Her baby is almost a year old. :-)

Just out of respect, I told them my friend in private and not with a mass announcement so she had time to process it. When I told my friend I was pregnant she hugged me and told me she was happy for me. We were close enough to discuss our feelings. She told me that she was jealous of me and unable at that time to talk baby. I respected her feelings and didn't say another word about my pregnancy until she was ready to hear it. It took a few days and after that it was all she could talk about.

No, you should absolutly not feel guilty for your own fertility. No one can control what life hands us, you know?

That said, of course your wonderful news (congratulations!) should be delivered gently.

Maybe personally tell them, away from anyone else, so they do not have to control their own (potential) disappointment with their situations in a group setting. I am sure they will be happy for you right along with feeling sad for their own issues. (Or perhaps they won't, we all handle things differently) That's human, that's normal and it's not your fault if they feel sadness.

Just be gentle, let them know privately and enjoy your wonderful family. You are very, very kind to consider them the way you are and I am sure however you deliver the news, it will be taken just fine. Congratulations again!

(Good lord, Sally, really? LMAO Christina N.!)

First off..Congrats on your new baby!!! I am sure that your friends will be very happy for you. Just be upfront and truthful and tell them that you are pregnant. I am sure that they will be very excited for you.

On a side note to---Sally S....VERY RUDE!!! Good grief...that response was totally uncalled for. No wonder so many women are complaining about the responses on this site...you just proved it!!!

I agree with the ideas and thoughts of the ladies who have replied to you. I do have one thing to add though, as someone going through IVF now, having had two failed attempts already, just don't be hurt or take it personally if these friends pull away from you for a bit. It doesn't mean they aren't happy for you, and believe me, they are well aware that you do not have to feel guilty for getting pregnant. It's just very painful to go through it - the hopes, dreams, physical and emotional stress, more hopes, then the crushing disappointment and pain when it doesn't work. All of this takes a real toll on couples, and sometimes for their own survival and well-being, they have to regroup privately and grieve appropriately. This can unfortunately mean avoiding pregant women or baby showers, you get the idea. I just wanted to give you this perspective of things in case it happens with your friends. I think it's great that you are sensitive to their feelings and that you are looking out for them during a time of your own great joy!

I was in this same situation when we found out we were pregnant with our third daughter. My husband's cousin and my dear friend hasn't been able to stay pregnant past 10 weeks for the last 3 years. My heart breaks for her every time I hear of another miscarriage, so when it came time to tell her we were pregnant (again!), I did so over the phone.

My reasoning was that, when we were trying for our first it didn't happen for almost 2 years and I had horrible responses (emotionally) when I found out other people were getting pregnant and I wasn't. Now, I never displayed my 'pity parties', but it was SO hard to put on a happy face for these people - even though I WAS happy for them! So by telling her over the phone, it gave her a little distance and if she wanted to go and cry afterwards she could - I know I did.

You should NOT feel guilty - it's not your fault your friends are having trouble conceiving - but do be gentle about the announcement and you could even not make a big deal of it. You know, don't have a big build up or balloons or anything. If you're going to do it in person, do it at the end of a visit so that they don't feel *trapped* about sitting with you for a few more (endless to them) hours.

Also, don't feel bad if they don't jump for joy for you - it's nothing against you. I'm not proud to admit that for me, even though I was very happy for other people when they were announcing their pregnancies, my envy was greater.

Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy. Our third has been the piece to complete our family we never even knew we were missing :o)

Should you be senstive to their situation? Of course. You wouldn't go jumping about and screaming, "HA! We're pregnant again! In your FACE!"

But you have no reason to feel guilty about the fact that your reproductive system functions better than theirs. There's no reason you can't matter-of-factly tell them, "We're pregnant."

No, You shouldn't feel bad. You wouldn't feel bad because your husband got a promotion and your friends didn't.

You wouldn't feel bad because you won a vacation and your friends didn't.

Your friends and family should feel glad for you and this should provide them with encouragement and to keep trying.

CONGRATULATIONS ! ! !

Good luck to you and yours.

My suggestion is to email the friends and family that are having trouble conceiving to tell them your news. It's much easier for them to process when you aren't standing in front of them. They will be happy for you, but their initial feeling is a punch in the gut that it happens so easily for you, and they're unsuccessful. Not that they aren't happy for you, but it isn't easy when all you want is a baby, and everyone around you gets pregnant without even trying (or while preventing). And that's easier to take alone at home instead of you standing in front of them waiting to hear "congrats".

While you can be sad for your friends you need to be joyous about your news. Share the news when you feel its appropriate...There is a difference in sharing the news and boasting about it. Since you are asking the question I am sure you're sensitive enough not to rub it in. I hope the people you know will have their own children someday but it should not take away from your happiness. :)

I understand how you feel. I had a lot of trouble getting pg and had 2 other friends who were also trying and not succeeding. They were both going thru a lot of treatments and Dr appts and we were just trying,, (having a lot of sex)and waiting and every month trying again. When I did start fertility drugs it worked the first month. When I told them I was pg, they werent at all jealous of that fact but envious at how quickly and easily it had worked for me. But when I voiced my feelings about feeling guilty they both said I shouldnt because it gave them hope that their turn would come too.
I had tried for well over 3 years and they had only been trying for a year and already going thru major Dr stuff. So I was really the one who had the most time invested. One of them ended up having a couple kids within the next 2 years, and her marriage didnt survive. The other couple adopted 3 kids in the next 5 years and it all was fine. So, you dont need to feel guilty. They have to understand that its something that happens all over the world and its not the same for everyone. I understood this when I was trying and everyone else was having babies. Sure I wished it was me, but then, I just had to keep trying. (o:

you should not feel guilty about that!
it is not your fault or theirs that they can not conceive and you can. there is nothing that can be done! this is life. if they cant handle that, then it is just another problem they need to work on with God.

First, congratulations on the new little one and completing your family! And no, you shouldn't feel guilty.

However, I'm so glad to see you are sensitive to those who are struggling with infertility around you. You seem to be very conscious and thoughtful and coming from years of infertility treatments myself I appreciate that consideration.

For the 13 years we went though infertility treatments, I have to say it was the most emotionally draining experience I've ever had to endure. I was angry when I saw a pregnant woman. I was angry when I saw kids on the news who had been beaten, abused, forgotten, killed.

I wanted nothing to do with anyone who was pregnant. It had absolutely nothing to do with the person who was pregnant as a person and everything to do with my own misery.

The thing that would really upset me was to hear someone say how they were so "blessed" that they didn't have trouble having kids. This upset me because it made me feel even smaller and more broken and so much more "un-blessed". As if somehow, because another woman could have kids they were so much more in the graces of God than I. Looking back that kind of sounds kooky but when you are searching for reasons within yourself and around you things start to take on extreme changes in meaning.

Just hearing how "blessed" everyone else was I couldn't see my own blessings. I had plenty of them....they just didn't happen to be child related.

Now, after 13 years, I have 2 beautiful girls. One by adoption and one by birth. And still today, I am very careful around those I know are struggling and I'm thankful that at least others are too. Because until you've been in those shoes, you truly have no idea how it affects someone.

Best of luck!

A good friend will be happy for your irregardless of their situation. So, don't feel guilty, just gently tell her the news when you feel it is a good time and I'm sure she'll be happy for you. Then when she finally conceives I bet you'll be the first one ready to throw her a baby shower. Children are a blessing; be happy and don't be afraid to show it. By the way....congratulations on #3. We look forward to trying for our 3rd next summer. Congrats!

I understand how you feel. When I was pregnant with my 4th child I had some ladies that were going through IVF make some comments about how unfair it was. I just took it in stride and realized that my having a baby didn't mean they aren't having babies. It's not like there's only X # of babies in the world that can be born and some of us have more than our fair share.

I agree with the others. Just don't call them yet or do anything real out in the open big announcement wise. The right time to present the news will show up.

I felt guilty announcing my pregnancy b/c my cousin had just had a miscarriage and I felt like I was almost rubbing it in her face. She never indicated that it bothered her, however.

I think you should announce your pregnancy, but dont get your feelings hurt if they don't get all excited helping you plan for the baby or whatever.

Im like you. I get pregnant when I don't want to and not even trying. I have to worry and pray I don't get pregnant and I do have birth control. Don't feel guilty. Your allowed to be happy. Your not insensitive to their fertility issues. Congrats and I hope you have a easy safe pregnancy!

Don't feel guilty. People that love you will be happy for you and not begrudge you that. This is your blessing, thiers is on the way. It is nice of you to be sensitive and would be a nice thing for you tell tell them each privately. Congratulations.

Tomorrow I'll be seeing my oldest/dearest friends (she lives on the other side of the country and is here visiting her family and friends) and she also was my maid of honor 19 (if we make it to Monday the 13th!) years ago.

She always wanted kids but can't. I never planned on having any kids and I have one handsome little four year old boy.

I don't feel guilty but I feel bad for her and her husband. She battled breast cancer and is in remission so I'm just glad she's ALIVE. We've never talked about it but I doo feel a little sadness when she sees my son in pictures but not in person. I don't think I'm making sense but that's my gut feeling.

congrats!! May God Bless you and the baby! I am one of those who can't and appreciate you sensitivity. However, I have come to learn that life goes on even though I can't. Don't live your life through what others think. Celebrate the fact God has given you this ability.

It's obvious that you are very sensitive and aware of their feelings. Good for you.

Just make a call or go for coffee with your friends one at a time and let them know the news. Let them know it's ok to be upset. And just continue to be there for them.

Congrats!!

I would not feel guilty and I wouldn't keep it a secret. I would simply be careful of their feelings when certain milestones approach and when you're around these family members I would refrain from baby talk unless they bring it up.

Be happy and don't feel guilty for being happy. Your ability to get pregnant has nothing to do with them, but you're amazing for being so thoughtful of these women. I would probably privately tell them gently before making a pregnancy announcement to everyone else so as not to shock them when family members call them through the grape vine or they see it on Facebook or something.