Should a 6 Year Old Get Ready for School Without Reminders...

My youngest is smart, funny, a great student and classmate. She's caring and well regarded by her teachers and her classmates. For the most part, she's fairly responsible (well, fairly...). Beginning a couple of years ago she finally started getting herself out the door on time & consistently remembering her homework.

She was a high school senior that year.

Six and seven not needing reminders? Hell, honey, there are days *I* need reminders!

I think 6 year olds, let alone some adults :) still need reminders.. my son is 11 and I have to constantly remind him to do different things. I don't mind in the least, I think it's what being a mom is all about...

"should a 6 year old get ready for school without reminders?"

Only in a dream world would this actually happen, IMHO.

Good grief, they are kids.
Young kids.
Even if a kid KNOWS the routine, they still may need reminders.
They are not robots.
And everyday, things happen and moods and what not.
Your kids seem like NORMAL kids.

Heck even HUSBANDS need reminders, about daily routines.
So why should a 6 or 7 year old, be more mature and perfect everyday, even when a Husband cannot remember all things everyday, all day.

My kids are 7 and 10.
SURE they are good normal kids and KNOW the routines.
But heck, I still remind them of things.
Why not?
NO kid is a perfect robot.

Your Nanny, just does not want to Nanny.
And she doesn't even know about sibling interactions and how kids just may not be all peachy everyday. Heck not even adults are.
And put it this way: I, even have to "remind" my Husband about the morning routine and leaving the house on time. EVEN if he fully knows the routine, every morning.

Your Nanny, does not seem to know kids nor about age development or anything.

I think your nannys a nut.
I have a 10 year old and he needs a fair few reminders.
I know all kudos are different, but geez, if they were THAT on the ball, why would you need her?

Does your nanny have any kids of her own? Because she sounds like an idealist who has no idea what kids are like. If she thinks they should do all this stuff without reminders, then why the heck is she needed? I'd be finding another nanny. One who is a little kinder, nicer and more caring.

I think your nanny needs a reality check or you need a new nanny.

Nope, Heck they just woke up. They are trying to wake up.

Even adults need to take time to remember everything each morning. I sometimes forget to finish my make -up or forget to take some of the supplies I need. So I keep a list for the mornings I am feeling a bit confused or still tired.

They are still of the age that at least a review each day before they walk out the front door is necessary , just to be double sure.

I used to try to keep the wake up very routine, so that it became her normal for school mornings. .

I know some people even have written lists in different places. The bedroom, the bathroom and next to the front door.

Each child will also be different. So just because your daughter may remember better than your son, is not a big deal. You just gently remind them.. Again remember it is morning so this can set the tone for the day.

I have a 6 and an 8 year old. They are still very young. I still have to remind BOTH of my kids to get dressed, brush their teeth, comb their hair, don't forget lunches and backpacks and all that kind of stuff. Your nanny is crazy to think that a 6 year old doesn't need help or reminders.

No way. Silly nanny!

Your nanny is a nut case.

Uh, no. I wake my 6 year old up every morning, she does get herself dressed, but we brush our teeth together and it is her job to get her backpack and jacket, but I remind her to make sure she has everything and tell her when it's time to put her shoes and socks on. There's no way I'd be just assuming she'd do everything she supposed to without prompts. What are you paying the nanny for if the kids are doing everything?

Not even going to happen.

They are still developing their brains and they don't have the ability to stand up, decide to do a whole list of things, and be on time.

So fire this nanny and find one that has some knowledge of child development. They need some verbal reminders and perhaps even some physical prompts. That means maybe when they are sitting on the side of the bed putting your hand under their elbow and lifting/guiding them to the bathroom.

I totally agree.... they are KIDS. And yes Husbands also need reminders and a little push. Don't you tell yourself what needs to be done? There is a reason I would keep a small deodorant in my desk at work, along with a toothbrush and paste. Kids are distracted so easily just by a thought. My kids are freshman in HS and I have to remind them about stuff. Cannot tell you how many times I ask about their ID or whatever and they rush back into the house.

I think if I got too many calls like this, I would question her abilities as a nanny!
Having said that, I have to remind my 7 yo to brush his teeth and get his back pack. He's pretty good about it, but some mornings are worse than others. That's just life.
Heck, I walked right out of the house without my coffee this morning. I NEVER do that! Even my head isn't screwed on straight some mornings. Last week, I didn't even notice my son's shorts were on backwards when leaving the house. He walked around all day with his pockets in front. He got dressed like I asked though! At some point, I have to own a little some responsibility. :)

Has your nanny even MET another six year old? I would cheerfully tell the nanny, "Buck up sister! This is what we pay you to do!" :)

What?

Of course a six year-old will need some reminders!

My eight year-old needs them, and so do the college kids when they're home for holidays and we're all trying to get out the door!

I think Nanny McPerfect needs a reality check!

If she's not going to do the job you are paying her for, start looking for another nanny. Her expectations are too high.

In my house it absolutely impossible for my six year old girls to get themselves ready for school without ten million reminders, a few threats, and then me hurrying them along.

BUT... and this is a big but... we had a nanny several years ago and the things my kids did for her were amazing. She held them to a higher standard and expected them to do things that I didn't think they could, but they did. And they were so proud of what they accomplished (little things like putting on their own shoes when they were two, or picking up the toy room all by themselves at four - stuff I wouldn't have pushed). Our nanny had a strong background in child development and a lot of experience, so I trusted her. She didn't push my kids unnecessarily, just expected them to try more than I expected (probably because I was tired!)

So, if my fantastic nanny was still here, I have no doubt that within a week my kids would be getting themselves ready for school and they'd be happy about it. But they'd probably still need a reminder or two.

Whatever is normal, though - it's what YOU want that is important. If your nanny's expectations don't match yours, tell her. And expect her to follow your directions.

I'd make them a poster of the 5 (or whatever) things they have to do each morning. Their job is to complete their list on the poster. No playing or TV or video games or lazing in bed allowed once the alarm goes off. Then praise them like crazy when they get it right for being such big kids. Yes, they both might always need reminders. But this will help them to be better at it...you and the nanny should start training them. :) good luck.

Isn't that why she is there? I would just make sure that distractions like the TV are off. If needed, make a SIMPLE board (or magnets on the fridge) that they move from one place to another when they complete a task.

But, yes, my 9 year old still needs some reminders and gets very distracted by the tv (even if it is just the news) if it is on.

Uh, I'm still trying to get everything done with my 10 year old. It's a constant struggle every morning. It helps to have everything laid out the night before...all clothes, socks, shoes, everything...

I even get her toothbrush ready.... Okay I'm an enabler, but works for us!

Your house sounds like mine. I still have to remind my fourth grader when it's getting near time to leave for school - she just has a better understanding of what 10 minutes means than my first grader! Your nanny is expecting too much from your kids.

You are correct here. Stick to your guns and do not let nanny intimidate you or try to persuade you. Has she been a nanny to kids this age before? Does she have an actual formal training as a nanny (which in some countries would require her have passed a course that includes some child development instruction)? Because if she is thinking that at six and seven, kids should do the entire routine themselves, she either lacks experience with kids this age or she has no realistic idea of what is age-appropriate. That would concern me because I would not want a nanny whose expectations were not based in reality.

Kids this age do need reminders. They gradually will "get" the whole routine. But multi-stage routines are still hard for them. If she thinks that it's a matter of laziness, seriously, she needs a talking to or you need to reconsider her as a nanny. Read up, yourself, on kids' stages and on how children of six are transitioning from pretty much a little-kid mind to a stage where they WANT more autonomy but aren't fully ready to do multiple things one after the other without guidance.

Does she also expect that she can say, "Clean up your room" and they will do it? Including all the steps that it involves? Without any further input from an adult? That is a typical issue I see and that comes up on these forums a lot: Adults who say, "Clean up your room" or "Clean up the playroom" or whatever to a child of six or seven or even eight and then are angry or think the child is lazy when the child doesn't do it all, or puts away a few things and stops. To the child, "Clean up your room" is overwhelming. The child doesn't know where to begin so often just does not even try. But it works better to tell the child, "Clean up your room. First, put your clothes in the hamper. Second, put the books on the shelf. When those two things are done I'll check." Then move on to the next step.

Do you see the point? Kids this age still need some
specific instructions -- not as many as when they were three and four but they still can get overwhelmed by "Do this" orders. Yes, they can handle multi-part tasks, but it's harder especially if they are just getting up, are tired, are distracted. Saying "Do your morning routine!" is the same as "Clean up your room." It's overwhelming so nothing gets done. She needs to be specific and keep tabs on where they are in the process. An older kid could use a list posted on the bathroom mirror, perhaps - that has worked for my kid as she got older but that was not at six or seven.

And increased hustle and rush and "Come on, come on, hurry up" actually makes some kids slow down! It truly does! They feel so flustered with the pressure that they slow up rather than speeding up. Is everything in place and laid out in the a.m.? Clothes including socks and underwear and shoes, toothbrushes and paste where they are easily seen and grabbed, etc.? That helps too.

If nanny is coming to you (calling you at work? Seriously?) with every little sibling squabble and every time a child does not do one thing in the routine...I'd sit her down to talk about how she needs to do some reading on child development and needs to alter her expectations and how she is handling the kids on routines. They will learn the routines better and faster if they are not simply ordered to do it all themselves but if they are given specifics a few at a time (not in one huge list) and if they are praised for getting each thing done.

At that age? My kids would have never gotten to school if I hadn't hounded them.
Sure, there are kids out there who can and do. But it is not the norm. I promise you.

I have also found that how well they stay on task and how quickly they can accomplish things changes over time. Son used to be easily distracted and had to be reminded to get back to getting on shoes, or shirt, or putting on his belt or whatever. Daughter never needed to be told that stuff, but she was a slow eater when she first got up. She wouldn't eat. She'd just sit there.

Then there were a couple of years where daughter would eat, get ready and be in the car waiting and son would be running around half out the door only to remember ONE MORE THING that he he'd forgotten and he had to go back for. And the years that I'd wake him up and he'd go right back to sleep (3 or 4 times)... and end up rushed, running out the door with his shoes in his hands.

These days (they are 15 and 12 now) son gets up (usually) after the first wake up call, hops right in the shower, gets dressed, eats, brushes teeth, puts on deodorant, has on his shoes and backpack waiting at his feet and watching the clock, urging his sister along. She is still a little slow to get going with food in the mornings, but not AS slow, and she takes a little longer to get her shoes on and find whichever jacket she wants to take that day. She's in middle school and finally taking a few minutes with her hair in the mornings. ;)

It waxes and wanes. They grow up eventually. But at 6 or 7? No way would either of them have stayed on task in an efficient enough manner to be ready when needed, without prompting and reminding.

My 7 year old will get up on her own to her alarm and eventually will get herself dressed and ready for school. Unfortunately this can take all morning if I don't remind her that we are on a schedule and she needs to keep moving. I think that it is really unrealistic that they just need to get up and get it done without reminders at that age and my daughter's are relatively on the ball. Actually to tell you the truth my 4 year old has more get up and go than my 7 year old. She is dressed with shoes and socks on most of the time within 10 minutes of being woken up. Still I do have to remind her to brush her teeth and grab her belongings. Par for the course with children. Even I need the occasional reminder to not forget something or "must leave 5 minutes earlier to get gas" No one is perfect.

My eight year old knows the routine, but he still needs reminders. My eleven year old is now able to get himself ready without any reminders. I do have the morning "to do" list posted on their bedroom door to remind them of the daily routine, but I do have to remind my eight year old to follow that list.

Seriously? He's six of course he needs a little reminding in the morning.

Heck, my 15 year old needs someone to light a fire under her occasionally. Unless it's just crazy and he's dragging his feet every morning and being lazy then it sounds totally normal to me.

Is she telling you that this is something she is working on with them or is she complaining that they aren't doing it? I see no problem with setting a high expectation and seeing if they can do it, so long as she is monitoring it to make sure they don't fall behind. Sometimes as parents just trying to get through each day we fail to set the bar high. If you have someone to help set and enforce this higher standard, why not?

i suspect (as usual) there's a happy medium. yes, your kids are old enough to move through a routine without constant chivvying. no, they're not old enough to do it consistently and smoothly without some help, reminders and reprimands.
your nanny sounds frustrated. rather than blame her expectations (at least exclusively), can you meet her in the middle? it is certainly 'normal' for kids to be PITAs when you're trying to get 'em out of the house, but normal doesn't mean that it's okay and should be allowed to continue without working on it, KWIM?
khairete
S.

Updated

i suspect (as usual) there's a happy medium. yes, your kids are old enough to move through a routine without constant chivvying. no, they're not old enough to do it consistently and smoothly without some help, reminders and reprimands.
your nanny sounds frustrated. rather than blame her expectations (at least exclusively), can you meet her in the middle? it is certainly 'normal' for kids to be PITAs when you're trying to get 'em out of the house, but normal doesn't mean that it's okay and should be allowed to continue without working on it, KWIM?
khairete
S.

I have a 9 year old son and 6 year old daughter. My son has an alarm and he gets up on his own and gets dressed. My daughter gets woken up by me and I tell her to get dressed. On occasion when both are super tired and slow I will help them get dressed. I get both their breakfasts ready and when I tell them to come eat they are expected to come and eat and be dressed and have gone to the bathroom. After breakfast I remind them both to brush their teeth and get their shoes on and we're out the door. I usually give them a 5 minute warning, "You have 5 minutes to finish your food before you need to brush". Not to say every morning is smooth or that my kids don't fight with each other.

I think the nanny is your employee and if you think they're too young than it's your call not hers. What is she doing that she can't help them?

I've had nannies and I'd have been livid if any of them had told my kids about a big change in protocol and expectations without talking to me. If we had mutually decided a change was a good idea, I'd want my kids to hear it from me first. So that's my first issue here. Second issue is I don't care how old they are, if you want her to help them get ready, that's what she should do. As some others have said, what else is she doing?? So I'd be furious at the suggestion to be honest bc it strikes me as the nanny being lazy. We've had a few nannies and none have ever come close to telling my kids something like this or trying to get out of what I consider their job. Sorry. I know nanny stress isn't a fun thing but not sure how long you've had her. As for whether or not they're ready, I don't think they are. The 7 year old could be fairly self sufficient but he/she's not going to keep track of time that well.

Can you find another nanny? This one sounds like she is burnt out. I would be livid if a nanny told my kids this without talking with me about any problems in the morning routine.

Yes, children should have a routine in the morning to get ready for school but it takes a bit to get one going that all can adhere to.

My kids knew what time it was by what was on the news channel. They announced the times on the quarter hour and at that time they should have had x, y and possibly z done. If not they had better hurry and do it. We did not have cartoons on on school days.

Keep us posted.

the other S.

I think if you find the right motivation, they will be able to do it on their own. I have a 6 year old, a 4 year old, and an infant, and we have to be out the door by 7:10 am. For a while, this was the most stressful part of my day. Now, however, its great ... the two older boys eat, brush teeth, put pjs in hamper, get dressed, and my oldest one loads up his book bag by 7:05 everyday. The trick was a reward chart. If they are ready to go without me nagging them by 7:05, they get a sticker. If they get 30 stickers, I buy a SMALL pack of Pokémon or Yu-Gi-Oh cards. Yes, its bribery, but since it transformed the most stressful part of my day into something very easy, I'm all for it!

That said, 6 and 7 year olds being goofy and distracted while getting ready in the morning is normal, and if its not a major problem for you, then I wouldn't worry about it. If it continues to be a big problem for the nanny, then maybe she can work out a system that you are comfortable with.

Sorry Lisa, your nanny sounds lazy:( You are 100% right. Six year olds are just starting full time school. Heck, getting ready for a job takes time as an adult, but she is expecting a 6 year old to get ready? C'mon!

My 8 year old gets up, showers, eats breakfast that I make, and brushes his teeth. I remind him to fix his bed and get ready to our neighbor to pick him up to take him to school.

Kids get easily distracted and lose track of time. They're kids! My son will watch tv, play 3ds, rumble with his brother, or listen to his ipod before he actually walks out the door for school. I constantly remind and guide him. I am grateful that he is responsible enough at this point to wake up and bathe himself!

Personally, if it were me, I would be super ticked at your nanny. Being a mom who works outside of the home is tough enough. Yet having your nanny tell you how she thinks you should raise your kids? Forget that. She is PAID by YOU. I think it's time you found a new nanny.

I think you're the parent and the nanny is your employee. Nanny should do as instructed by her boss.

My kids are 11 and 13. They know the routine but still occasionally forget something and need reminding. At 6-7 years old, they often needed to be told each step. This is the age when they are still learning and establishing routines, not the age that the a routine is mastered.

Even my 11 year old needs reminders, but I helped her out I made a laminated sheet that (is hung in the bathroom) has all the things she needs to do to be ready. Before she leaves she it asks are you Justin Beiber ready? Meaning when you leave are you looking good enough for Justin Beiber to see you. So if I am not in there to tell her everything she needs to do Justin Beiber's paper will remind her. It you shoot me a pm, I have it saved to my computer. She actually likes it. I thought to take it down but she says she looks at everyday just to make sure.

My kids are 5 and 8 and they still need reminders. I think they pretty much "know" what needs to be done, but would never get it done in an acceptable timeframe without some reminders. I don't think it is unreasonable for someone to have to help them get ready in the morning. I have seem kids show up at school without their hair brushed so I'm pretty certain many kids don't remember all the steps on their own.

I agree with you. Nanny's expectations are too high. What could she possibly be doing if she's not helping your kids get ready for school? Is she just sitting around, drinking coffee?

I think that you need to sit down and outline her duties. She should be able to deal with minor sibling squabbles without calling you. If she can't, then it's time for a new nanny.

No.
We have a 13 yr old that needs a nudge every now and then.
Kids develop on their terms, the age 6 means nothing in regards to your issue, IMO.

Well if nanny's expectation's are too high I suggest you stay home, or look for someone else.

Someone on FB posted something cute. BTW her kids are 10 and 11 (oldest is starting 6th grade middle school).

Car Boarding Pass: 7:30 am departure

check boxes: - Bed made
- Room cleaned
- Lunch packed
- Mobile phone packed
- Backpack/instrument in car
- Breakfast
- Teeth brushed

As you can see, EVERY KID needs help moving along. This was a fun, cute way to get it done.

My list would be different:

Night before: clothes ready for next day
Backpack packed & ready to go
Jacket chosen

Morning: - eat breakfast
- teeth brushed
- grab your lunchbox (I make the lunch)
- brush hair (teenage boy does this without reminding)
- pet dog (they spend a lot of time hugging/kissing dog before they leave)

Some kids DAWDLE and get distracted. It's normal. It's frustrating, but you have to help make things flow, without turning it into a hellish morning (screaming at them) because if they go into the classroom stressed out and feeling awful, that doesn't help them either.

So she can get with the program (find creative ways to keep it moving) or you need to find someone else who knows what they are doing.

I had a 6-year-old until very recently [now I have a 7-year-old :)], and I think she's being unrealistic.

What my son CAN do is every piece of the morning routine independently. If I say, "time to brush your teeth," he can take it from there. I don't need to put toothpaste on the toothbrush and all that. If I say, "time to get dressed," he knows it's his job to pick out some clothes and put them on -- solo. But (and this may just be my kid), he's been known to stop this task midway, with one pant leg on, one off, because he just remembered that he misplaced an extreeeeeeemely important lego piece last Thursday.

In other words, each little piece of the morning is his, but I have to nudge him from "station" to "station" until he's off to school. He's a good kid -- not resistant and not unduly spacy for his age. But his time-management skills are somewhere between zero and negative 10. I think he's pretty typical (and unproblematic) for his age in this regard.

I think expectations are rather high. My kids are very independent and self sufficient and they need reminders to speed it along and stay on task. I was too tired today to do it, and here I am sitting at home, still waiting on them to be ready (the bus came 30 minutes ago).

I have a different angle on this - exactly WHAT is the nanny expecting them to do before leaving for school?

School is not a fashion show...they don't have to "look perfect", especially at that age. A perfect hairdo is NOT a necessity. And who cares if their pjs are "put away"?

I'd tell the nanny - just make sure they get to school on time. As long as they are warm enough and have food in their tummies (or in their bags to eat later), what else needs to be done? Nanny shouldn't stress so much.

my 11 year old started getting up on her own with her alarm and getting in the shower on her own a couple of years ago. BUT - after that, I still have to remind her a little bit. The last year has been sooo much better. But I think 6 is WAY too young to be expected to do that.

I have a 9 y/o and a 5 y/o. The 9 y/o gets up with his alarm and most mornings does everything he needs to do, but some days I still need to remind him to feed his lizard or whatever. My 5 y/o does one or two things at a time with my direction. Time to go potty and brush your teeth. Time to get dressed and put on shoes. Time to get lunch box and pack up backpack.

We also have a sitter that comes over in the mornings. She does a lot with them, and she is paid to do it. The make their lunches in the morning (they don't fuss about it and prefer to do it in the am), my oldest showers, the kids brush their teeth, eat breakfast, get dressed, etc all under her watch. She would NEVER tell me she thought they didn't need direction. My 10 year old doesn't, but my 8 year old is not a morning person and he needs to be pushed. The 6 year old does pretty well, but of course needs some reminders.

I'd tell the nanny she is being paid to get them ready and they are not to an age where that is expected of them yet. Heck, I spent 30 minutes this morning trying to get my husband to get up and ready for work!

I am sorry, but I laughed at your tag line...I have a six year old girl and an almost nine year old boy.

My daughter moves herself along with a few reminders along the lines of "what do we do next?"...and she will respond with, "socks and shoes" or "go brush teeth".

My son on the other hand literally will be awakened and will get dressed and wander into the kitchen. Then he would sit in his chair at the table for an hour staring into space until the bus came and went and we left for work and he might still be sitting there...you would think he might even follow his sister's lead?? NO, I have to constantly keep him on task and moving in the right direction. He would go to say goodbye to dad...and not come back, and I will find him chatting with DH, or he stopped in his room not to make his bed but because his legos called and said come play...

Some mornings it makes me want to scream...but it is just him...at almost nine...oh, and if I don't stand and watch teeth brushing, they don't always get brushed...he will go in there to brush them but what he really is doing is a mystery.

Your son is six?? I think she is expecting too much...he can do a few steps on his own, but not the whole thing...that is HER job!!

At 6 and 7, I still had to remind my GD to stay on task. But by 8 and 9, she was doing it all by herself. Sure, they know the routine, but they are still eastily distracted at 6 and 7 so they need prompting to keep moving. You could try some sort of chart that they can follow, but I bet they'll still need some prompting because of time concerns, not because they don't know what they need to do. I guess at 8 it got easier because GD could read the clock and knew how long she had to get out the door.