Missing the Bus

She's six. Shes a young child not a small adult. You want to punish her because she didnt act like an adult and manage her time perfectly? Thats a tad misguided!

Well I think this is something YOU have to be in control of. If you notice she doesn't have enough time to get ready and get out of the house, you need to get her up earlier and stay on her to get a routine going. She's 6, not 16. My sitter gets all 3 of my kids up (9, 8, and 6) and keeps them on schedule to get them ready. She also leaves them about 20-30 minutes of play time in the mornings, which they LOVE.

Get her up earlier. Problem solved.

At age six they are still babies.
No offense, but really - it's your job to get her up, moving, and ready on time. I still get up with my high school senior - I make her lunch, make sure she's got all of her things together, and send her on her way.

That said, if your daughter is tired and sits around, then she needs to go to bed 15 min. earlier. That's the consequence. End of subject. I have no problem with backing up bedtimes until we get the desired result in the morning. IF she can't get her act together with going to bed at 7:30 and that continues for 2 days, she goes at 7. If that time works, leave it there for a few days. If she messes up, back it up...

YMMV
LBC

She is six, and some adults need time to sit and stare in the morning. Some of us are morning people, and some of us aren't. Frustrating when you like to do things a certain way and kids won't comply.

I am not suggesting rescuing her, but it might make your life less stressful if you got up early and were ready to leave for work every morning before that school bus arrived. Just plan on taking her if she misses the bus, and if she doesn't you can revel in 15 minutes of staring time of your own!

If she does run late perhaps you could have someone on call to run over and take her to school whenever she is ready so that you can run to work, but...... do not give her a note. Let her walk in that school late and explain to the office. Let the consequences fall at school. Let them be the bad guys while you are sympathetic. "Oh honey, I know it is hard to get ready on time. That's why I get up extra early so I don't have to worry about getting to work on time. What do you think could help you be ready in the morning?"

Tips:
Have everything laid out the night before.
Keep a huge clock in the bathroom.
Do eat breakfast, and first thing. Your daughter may need a protein boost to wake up so that she can function.

It's hard at this age! They don't really get the concept until 2nd grade or so, but there is an improvement in 1st grade, I think. My advice is for her to get as much ready as she can the night before, she can even pi k out her clothes for the following day, use a timer in the morning to try to keep her on schedule, and tell her she can do something special of she's ready early. My son will get ready really fast if it means he gets 10 minutes to watch tv in the morning. As for consequences - at this age, I'm not really sure. All I've done is make my son go to bed earlier because he has to get up earlier in order to have more time to get ready. My parents used to make us pay a per-mile fee if my mom had to drive us to school, but she's a little young for that!

Good luck!

I would wake her earlier. I would also make her sit on the toilet by a certain time so that she has time to pee AND catch the bus.

I would tell her that she needs to do x things (make a list with her) by x time (what I do is write down the time on a post it and put it on the microwave so DD can compare the numbers).

When my SS did this in HS, we charged him $10 per infraction ('cab fare'). When he was younger, we woke him earlier. If he had to leave the house without x or y being done, then so be it. Not our problem if he had stinky breath, bad hair or didn't have socks. Natural consequences.

The other thing is that *I* make the schedule. The kids don't get to turn around and say it was my fault for x or y if it was something they did. If my DD said it was "my fault" for waiving the bus on, I would have asked her why she thought it was appropriate to make an entire bus late because she was on the toilet. We are working hard with my DD on "window of opportunity". Some things are a limited time offer. By a certain time in our morning DD must sit on the toilet (usually as part of getting dressed).

And when she makes you late, take time from her. Make a "clock" and then she pays you back by missing TV time or going to bed earlier or something for that timeframe.

ETA: You shouldn't *have to* hang over her, but it seems that she can't do it on her own. My DD is a daydreamer and dawdler, too, so I know the "what are you doing in here?" conversation. I remind DD everything on her list and nag her if necessary. I don't know how you tell your DD to brush her teeth, but I would prepare the toothbrush and hand it to her and set a timer. "You have 5 minutes to brush your teeth." If she needs you to walk away, then walk way, but this may be a phase where you can't just leave her to her own devices entirely.

I have a 7 and 5 year old. We get ready by routine everyday. This routine involves a tv show they watch every morning from 7-7:30. They prefer to not just jump out of bed and be demanded to get ready. So this show allows them to wake up. (During the show they are also requested to get dressed with clothes either they picked out the night before or that I pick out so its not a complete waste of time.) The show has two 15 minute segments. Half way through if they are not dressed yet, I'm on them to get dressed...and they know t.v. goes off if it doesn't start happening.

From there they have a almost a half hour to get the rest done. Usually, by this time they are awake and responsive and it doesn't take much reminding to keep them going. I've also encouraged them to get ready quicker by allowing them to play on their ipods (which usually ends up being no more than 10 minutes if that) if completely ready before the time to go. This means, shoes, coat & back packs on backs. This helps too!

I wouldn't punish her but just look for ways to make this more rewarding for her or figure out a new routine. I also would also wake her earlier if it still doesn't help.

It's all about their attitude when they go out the door. You get her up earlier till she goes out the door with a hug, kiss and a "I love you". You don't need a punishment, you need a plan.

Try 15 mins earlier. I found after two boys and years of doing this, that they are sleepy in the morning no matter what time I woke them up. What matters is going out the door, the end goal.

The means to that end are going to vary a little but basically, put an inexpensive clock in her bedroom and bathroom. She can put stickers on the numbers for the long hand of the clock, on the number she knows she needs things done by. Like by ten after, I need my clothes on, by 20 after I need my teeth brushed. Everything that can be done the night before, needs to happen then.

Think about it. To them, time is just a number. They don't even know how to tell time! It's a foreign concept. You are her teacher on the best use of time but it's disapline, not punishment that will make you both happy in the long run. If you are running out the door, you could use a lesson in time management, too! Together, you can figure this out.

Things happen, best plans get detoured. Forgotten homework can be done with a 15 min buffer of extra time. You never had to go to the bathroom at the wrong time? LOL! Keep that breakfast at school for those times only.

You can totally turn your mornings around with a bit of planning!
Good luck!

I don't know. I know you "shouldn't have to" be on her case about getting ready but most six year olds aren't great at managing their time. I pretty much didn't let my kids relax or turn on the TV or anything until everything was done, breakfast eaten, lunch/homework packed, teeth brushed, shoes on, etc. The bathroom thing probably couldn't have been helped, but I don't think you should give her 20 minutes to take her medicine and brush her teeth, I think you need to make sure she does those things before just letting her sit there. That's what I would do anyway. My youngest is almost 14 and I STILL have to be on her case in the morning to make sure she gets out the door on time. Yes, it's a pain in the rear but it is what it is.

I hear ya! Really, I do. I think the thing is, at that age, many kids are not mature enough to do it without adult reminders. My son has done well some days, and other days he seems to drag everything out. (It doesn't make it easier that I also have to make sure little brother gets ready in time.) I really believe that part of the problem is, this is just not an age-appropriate expectation.

I was so frustrated with the boys one day last week. They would not move. It was, "Take off your pajamas. Take off your pajamas. SERIOUSLY! Take off your pajamas, already!!!" I was venting to my husband about the morning, and he suggested I tell them no tv after school or no video games. I just don't know that that would work. That's so many hours later. At one point my husband had suggested a time out. I almost laughed at him for that one. Why would I want to put a child in time out when I really need him to hurry up and take off his pajamas!!!

I have come to the realization that I need (to try) to be 100% ready to walk out the door before I even wake them up. I need to stay on top of them. They are both perfectly capable of doing everything that they need to do (go to the bathroom, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth). I just need to stay on top of it in order to make sure it happens on time.

At that age we still actually did a lot for our kids... Brushed their hair, brushed their teeth etc. You can't go to the bathroom for her of course but could help her more with the other stuff. And they're not spoiled now. They both willingly get dressed on their own now etc. My oldest does not want my help most of the time. So you may just need to have all your stuff done and then physically help her more. She's likely not a morning person. Other idea too would be to bribe her with 15 min of tv if she's ready on time? or something she likes to do? ie: if you're ready early, you can watch TV until the bus comes...

Yep, our daughter knew she did not have a set bed time, but if she had trouble getting up the next morning or had trouble getting ready in time the next morning.. ..

She would be going to bed when I told her that night.. And getting up earlier that following morning.

Very rarely had this problem.. She is in charge of making sure she is ready.. It is not your fault.. Remind her to take responsibility for her mistakes..

I'm probably missing something, but ... can't you just give her a slightly earlier bedtime and help her wake up earlier?

With my 6-year-old, it's his responsibility to get dressed, pour his own cereal and milk, and make sure his backpack is ready to go. But it's my responsibility to get him to bed at bedtime and to get him up at wake-up time. I also nudge him along in if needed -- "first get your shoes and jacket on, then read a book," etc. That seems pretty age-appropriate to me.

What has really worked for us is using a checklist that my daughters can check off themselves each morning. I think we found one to customize each week at imom.com but you can create your own. We hang it on the wall within their reach. For each day that they successfully check off each item (timely!) - brush teeth, get dressed, etc - they get a sticker. At the end of the month, if they have earned enough stickers, they get a reward. We've even done small weekly rewards for the youngest since a month is a long time. My girls are very stubborn and punishment does not seem to work. They respond much better to a challenge and reward type system. Good luck!

Use a timer! We have had to do this on-and-off with our son (same age). Kids don't develop a sense of elapsed time until they learn to tell time... around 7 or 8. Set a timer (with a few minutes to spare) for each item that must happen, put those items on a visual checklist as a reminder and see how she does!

We left my son to eat his breakfast one morning b/c we both had to load up the vehicles and prep for meetings. Needless to say, 30 minutes later he was still in his jammies and half way through a bowl of cereal. We used a timer for about a month and it worked! I have pulled it out a few other times, but it really does work.

Rather than punish the behavior, give her more structure around the acceptable behavior. You'll get much better results!

What if you institute a laundromat policy? You know, the one where if the laundromat closes at 8, the last load in the washer can't be put on any later than 6:30. They don't want to delay their closing time because of your late start.

Similarly, she is free to sit down on the toilet any time earlier than x minutes before Out the door time. If she doesn't toilet by then, she'll just have to hold it till she gets to school.

This doesn't specifically respond to your request for natural consequences for the bus, but it might just make mornings a little easier for both of you.

F. B.

Get her up 1/2 hour earlier. If she says she is tired, go to bed 1/2 hour earlier!

I did and still do have a routine. The TV is on with news on it and no one can change the channel. Every 10 to 15 minutes topics change and they had to have certain things done, like clothes on, teeth/hair brushed, and then breakfast. At 7:30 they would have to have their backpacks and coats on in order to get to school on time. Sometimes they needed to catch a school bus and other times to walk to school.

Very seldom did they miss their time to leave.

I also got up earlier and had all the things I needed to have done before they were up and that way I could make sure they were on track. The TV was turned off and we went out the door together usually. No one complained about not watching cartoons because they were not on.

I hope you get a good routine together for the two of you so that you don't have this problem. The only time I recall waiving a school bus on was when my son was sick and was not going to school that day.

the other S.

PS It's called wet, lather, rinse and repeat. We do it regardless of how we feel and we don't complain we just enforce the routine until it becomes a habit.

Awaken her 5 minutes earlier.

i would wake her up twenty mins ahead of time. idk this would make me really mad. i would ground her from a favorite activity or hobby. our son was smart mouthing teacher so we took away spiking his hair or any piece of candy!!! it works.

Make her take her medicine when she get's up. Don't let her choose when she takes it. I set several alarms for the morning. Even for me. The first is to get my youngest out of bed and make sure he gets up and gets dressed. The second is to make sure he has his cloths on and if not they better get on in the next five mins or he's in trouble. At 6 There was no way that my son could get himself motivated on his own. We where still helping his get his cloths on cause he was too much asleep still. We stated waking him up 15 mins earlyer and it's made a huge dfference. They can't always self motivate at that age.

Hi, Boss:

Have you thought about disciplining yourself?

It sounds like you are blaming your child for inconsistencies at home.
Get you an appointment book with columns for each member of your family.
Is it just you and her? Two columns from ATAGLANCE.com

put in your routine times of what needs to be done when with your daughter.

Next: Check for a co-dependence anonymous support group meeting for you to attend. www.coda.org

Good luck.
D.

She is six. Get her up a bit earlier and do it with her. I still take my son (7) to the bathroom to brush his teeth. I don't stand over him and tell him to brush. If he is having a slow day, I load the toothbrush with toothpaste, hand it to him and sing the tooth brushing song. Yes, even though he is seven. It works. Then he gets dressed with me there. After that he can read for a few minutes while I comb my hair and finish getting ready for work. When I finally got over my feeling that 'he should be old enough' to do mornings on his own and decided that we will just cooperate on the morning routine - the stress level in the morning went way down. And the efficiency actually went up.

Of course she will sit there for 15 minutes - she still has no concept of how long 15 minutes is and no understanding of why that is important to you. Because time is only important to us adults - not to kids.

I don't punish DS so I can't help you with that. We don't do consequences either.

I feel your pain. The best advice I can give is to develop a routine with her input. AND STICK TO IT! I did a picture routine with my girls, I tool pictures of them doing the different things they and to do...
getting out of bed,
going to the bathroom (no nudity, just heading to the toilet or hand on flusher. Whatever you feel is appropriate)
Eating breakfast,
Etc
Etc

Then I used my MS Word to create a picture schedule and put it in a page protector.

My only problem was that I wasn't consistent with them...my bad.
I know mom who had an "8:20" bag. They had to leave for school by 8:25, so if they were ready by 8:20, they got the prize in their bag. She would put treats, small toys, trips ice cream or whatever small thing she thought they might like.

It's hard at first, but be consistent and it will pay off in the long run.