Shopping with Kids? - Bloomington,IN

this is a link to site run by a couple with a "ministry" for families:

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/child-training/

E.

M.,

My children usually state "I want this.." And I have expressed from early on that they may not say it like that- saying "I like this" is allowed. Then we discuss if it should be added to a "wish" list for the next up-coming holiday. Usually, for the remainder of the shopping trip, they keep replacing what they want to put on the wish list... "No, I don't like the spiderman guy... I like this instead."

Just a thought... GOOD LUCK!

I bring fruit snacks (Welchs or Brachs) so that he has something to occupy him.

My cousin who has 3 children always said "It's not on sale so we can't get it today" and her kids actually thought that if it wasn't "on sale" it wasn't "for sale" Too funny! It worked until her husband took her son shopping one time and her son asked if what he wanted was on sale and he said no, but I'll get it for you anyway... Her son came home with questions. :)

I always take all of my kids shopping with me (7 of them), and the trip is easy because they know that I mean what I say. It is a rule that they may not ask me the same question twice if they already got an answer the first time, not just at the grocery store, but always. I explained that re-asking when I already answered is naughty behavior, and that even if I wanted to change my mind, I can't now because mothers are never allowed to reward naughty behavior. They have asked for things, and if they bug me again with the same question thinking that they can wear me down, I throw my arms up and say 'thanks a lot! I was just thinking that maybe we should get those cookies for Saturday, but now I CAN'T! I'm never allowed to reward you for nagging me, so now we can't get them.' I tell my children that I answer to a Higher Authority (God), and that moms are 'graded' (judged) on how well they follow the rules for being a good mom. They have always accepted my answers and rules for disciple because they don't see me as having absolute power - I have to follow the how-to-be-a-good-mom rules that I am bound to. When we are out somewhere, I treat them every now and then for great behavior and attitude, although usually it's a treat at home such as more time with something, or a special snack, or an unscheduled pitstop at the playground. I don't want them to 'shop' for their reward where we are at, so any earned rewards are outside the shopping trip. I hold tight to my answers, and usually offer reasoning for why I chose that answer, but stand firm on the idea that I don't owe them an explanation, and so questioning my judgement is also not allowed.

I usually had a list and if the item wasn't on the list the answer was "No". I stuck to it and if the item wasn't on the list we simply did not purchase it.
If we were shopping for birthday gifts or other types of gifts I made sure when I left the house I had one or two items in mind and we talked about it on the way to the store. When they asked about something else I simply said "No" and stuck to it.
They will get the message if you are firm and stick to your response. If you weaken the problem will never stop.
My daughter is 28, my son 26, and my foster daughter's son (whom I am raising now) is 9. He will still ask on occasion but the answer now is, "Did you bring your wallet?" If he says no then the answer is no and if he did but doesn't have enough money then the answer is no. He respects the response and it ends the guilty feeling.
P. R

When my daughter was about three she would pull things off the shelves into the cart. I warned her I would not let her go to the store with me if she did this again. So we are in the store with an almost full cart and she begins putting things in the cart. After a couple warnings I went to the store manager and asked them to put the cart in the cooler as I was taking my daughter home and would be right back. They did so and was she surprised. After being left with dad or a sitter the next few sopping trips and being told why she never did this again. You have to be firm, mean what you say, and be consistent.

Assign each child certain things to look for and "get". Give them a list if you want. In the process...MAKE IT A LEARNING EXPERIENCE!!! There is EVERY opportunity for toddlers to learn in the grocery store!!! Colors, shapes, comparison is sizes (which one is bigger), textures, etc etc etc. Give them shapes to find, colors to find, make a contest of how many RED things they can find, now many ovals, etc. How about.....carrots are good for us because they have beta carotene which we need for our eyes. Milk has calcium which we need for our bones, etc etc etc. If you don't know....LEARN! Everyone will benefit in the process and these are times you'll treasure for the rest of your life....and they will too! They'll thank you for it!

TRUST me....I used to teach pre-school and we talked about food and nutrition EVERY day! These are things they need to learn and apply every day for the rest of their lives! They need to learn it somewhere!

I have a 7 month old, 2.5 year old and a 5.5 year old. I try to minimize the number of trips to the grocery store with my kids. Luckily my oldest is in all day kindergarten this year. :-) When I do take the kids, I set the expectation. My kids rarely ask for things because they know the answer will more than likely be no. If you are consistent at saying 'no' eventually they will give up and not ask. If you sometimes say yes and sometimes say no, they will continue to ask because they can't predict the answer. I do buy special things now and then, but it's MY idea and my timing. I'll pick up their favorite treat at random times and put it into the cart before they get a chance to ask and ONLY if they've been well behaved on the shopping trip.

My 5 year old has started to ask for more things. However, he's had an allowance for a year and he's allowed to spend half of it (50 cents a week) on whatever he wants. So he's usually asking to spend his own money. That has died down, though, as he's starting to learn that sometimes the flashy packaging doesn't always deliver the best well-made toy and he's had cheapy things break on him after just a few minutes of playtime.

As for keeping toddlers entertained... make the trip short. I know my 2 year old can't go more than 45 minutes before melting down. Bring snacks or a sucker. I keep my kids in the cart as much as possible. That means I shop at stores like Meijer that have the carts with the attached bench... all 3 kids can ride, I can walk faster and they aren't wandering off. I talk with my children as we shop to keep them distracted.

I tried the shopping list thing for them to help but it only slowed us down, they saw more things they wanted to buy, and we never got out of the store before the magic 45 minute window before my daughter melted down.

What I do with my kids (ages 6,4, & 18 months) is I talk to them before going into the store. I let them know what we are shopping for and stick to it. I also make sure I do not buy them something on every trip, so they don't expect it. The times they do get something it's a special treat. If they are being very good in the store, I may buy them something small (a sucker or another dollar item) to reward them for their good behavior. Hope this helps.
L.

I sit my grandson and I am the poor granny. My husband and I both do not work due to health reasons and so far do not receive much assistance from the government. We just lost our home of 20 years to foreclosure. Not that it was an expensive house in a nicer part of Cincinnati but it was ours and we lost it due to our health. We struggled for 2 years and then I got sick and had to walk away.

We talk allot (he's 2) and I tell him we will have Mommy get it. Of course by then he's forgotten.

I always pointed out to my boys that birthdays and Christmas would be coming soon maybe they could receive this (whatever it was that he found) for Christmas and they always were happy with this answer.

Let each kid make a "wishlist" on which they are allowed to put anything they want. Whenever they want something or like something, they tell you that they want to put it on their wishlist instead of asking to buy it. We've been doing this with my son since he was 21mo (he was very verbal very early) and he is a dream about wanting stuff. He will tell me that he wants to put a million things on his wishlist whenwe go to the store and I tell him ok. He's in control of the wishlist. But, make clear, this is just a list of things he wants and will be considered at birthdays, etc but it NOT a list of things they will recieve. But the real desire is just to make their wishes known. As you probably know, typically they've forgoten it or on to something else by the next trip. When we saw a little girl throwing a fit at the store about wanting a toy, my son told me, "She should just put it on her wishlist." Very rarely, he will test and ask me if we can get something today. I tell him we don't ask to buy things in our family and that he can put it on his wishlist. The few times he started to give me trouble, I told him if he threw a fit that he wouldn't get to put it on his wishlist either, and he stopped immediately. My son is now 3.75yrs and it still works like magic. He has even started a wishlist for his baby sister of stuff she might like because (as he says) she's still too little to make her own list. I've had many people comment on how well the wishlist technique works! It's actually amazing! We'll be instilling the same idea in our daughter (15mo) as soon as she is old enough :)

My kids (2 & 4 yrs - the 10 mo old is to young still) belong to the cookie club at Giant Eagle, so they are usually good at the store... they know I will go without them next time if they are bad this time. And they can't stand missing out on cookies. It is only $1.00 to join per kid and the funds are donated to Children's Hospital.

When we go to the home improvement store, we go see the fish in the pond if they are good while we get what we need.

Plus, my girl (4 yr) likes to walk & help shop and my boys (2 yr & 10 mo) like to ride in the "beepbeep" cars - luckly we have found a grocery store and home improvement store that has lots of the cars for the kids to enjoy.

I can't afford to buy them much - so I tell them the truth... Mommy don't have the money right now, maybe another time - usually they only ask once cause they know mommy doesn't have any money to buy extras with. I don't like fibbing to my kids... they will figure out you are at some point, and I want them to feel like they can trust me. Well except for Santa, Easter Bunny and things like that... all kids need dreams.

Don't get me wrong... they do get "treats" now and then when we go shopping, they just know they don't get stuff everything. And there are good shopping trips and there are bad shopping trips... sometime the bad ones are just because I picked the wrong time of day to take them.

Hope you find you way... Good luck!!!

Shop without them!!! just kidding. I bring snacks for my toddler and my pre schooler likes to help me look for the shopping items. Forinstance, I'll send her down one aisle (I'm right there, of course) and tell her to look for the peanut butter, a certain cereal she likes or whatever. When she does whine for something ( she whines, she doesn't ask) I firmly tell her no and to stop whining or I put back her favorite cereal. It works!!!

My answer has almost always been "Not today". I have an 8,4 and 2 year old. I do let them have a treat occasionally, if they are well-behaved but, it is almost ALWAYS my idea. Or I will give them a choice or let each pick out a "kind". For instance, we don't get Kool-Aid very often so, I'll let them each pick out 3 kinds that they want. Or, I'll tell them that they can choose a box of raisins or granola bars. I also, show them which item to get and they have a blast taking them off the shelf and putting them in the cart for me. Now...this is when I have the kids with me to grocery shop. As a side note...I try VERY hard to NOT have the kids with me when I go grocery shopping! :) Well, MAJOR grocery shopping anyway.

Okay, in my experience, the Big Three: Candy, Toys, The Pretty Dress.

I've learned that I do better if I recognize my three-year-old's wants and validate them, but at the same time I give her a reason that makes sense to her. "Honey, that candy sure looks good, but we're going to spend our money on some juicy good apples today" or "That sure is a pretty pink dress and it would be really nice to have it, but we're going to buy some cool rainboots instead" So far, this has put off many outbursts and tantrums. Of course, if it ever gets to that, I figure I can ask the front desk to park my shopping cart in one of their coolers and just walk out! I'm actually waiting for that day. -- Does that make me evil? =)

M.,

We take turns (my department, his department (toys/fish), back/forth, to break it up a little.

Love the treasure hunt and stickers idea!
My oldest is like this, it's agony to shop with her, although I can say that any tiny thing makes her happy, mints, gum, stickers, picking out a birthday card to give someone else. But enough about us. I read Parenting Without Anger (I think it was called) and tried this from the book: explain to your child you are all going window shopping/researching/looking. You are going to look, but not buy. If they ask for stuff or get the gimmies, calmly say, "today is window shopping day." Look around at stuff, comment on what you'd like but can't or won't be buying. Stand your ground. Thank them for being so understanding on window shopping trips. Do that a few times, they'll understand. For shopping days, make sure none of you are hungry, or you have a small snack and those stickers hand. Staying calm and understanding and not reacting to the gimmies is crucial. If anyone throws a fit, we leave the store. I've left full shopping carts in aisle 11 and I walk to the front desk with my head held high and explain we'll be back. That's my input.
Good luck!

My two older girls 10 and 12 ask all the time if they can have certain things, but we'll either tell them not right now or that they have to work for it. They have never asked for anything when they were younger other than my sandwich, and my now two year old don't ask for anything, unless she's hungry. She also HATES sitting in the front seat of the shopping cart. She'll sit in the back for only a short time, until she starts seeing things SHE wants or likes. So what I do, is if its on my list or close to what's on my list I'll take her out, let her grab the KIND she wants (in reasonable price) and put it in the cart. Sometimes she will help me push the cart. When we come to an area where I need to get certain things for instance, Veggies...I will hand them to her and ask her to put them in the cart. She will toss or try to gently put in the cart. If its too heavy she will put under the cart on the potato rack. Its so easy and fun for the both of us. But as well, most of the time I do have help with Dad and sometimes with her older sisters. I think I have more problems with the 2 older ones that her. LOL...Good Luck and Have fun!!!!!!

I have a 2 and 4 year old. I have to take my kids shopping with me because my husband travels for his work. I tell the kids before we even leave the house that we are not getting toys. I remind them on the way that this trip is for groceries, and then I remind them as we are going into the store. I tell them that if they are good while we are shopping that they will get a chance to look at the toys. If they are good then they get to look, if not then we just check out. I have had to deal with screaming, but I just remind them that it was a choice that they made so they have to deal with the consequences. If they are really good, I will let them pick out a special treat which is usually a package of cookies or some small candy. There is a dollar store beside one of the grocery stores that we go to so sometimes I tell them if they are really good that we can go pick any toy from the dollar store. I have also had to leave the store. I will take them to go sit on a bench for 5 minutes since I really need what I am getting and have noone to take them home to. After they are good for the amount of time I have set, we go back in and continue shopping. If you do this, it will take a few times before they get that you are serious, but when they do your shopping trips will be much easier. You have to be consistent.

If my son cried or asked for anything in the store, I wouldn't buy anything for him...right down to the things needed like yogurt and such. If he didn't, at the very end I would stop and find some small toy for him for $1 or less. I would say thank you very much for not asking for a thing and being so well behaved.
Now, at 5, he gets quarters for doing extra special things at home or keeping his pull up dry at night. He worked out an exchange rate of 3 quarters for one dollar with his grandfather. So he saves his money and he can buy anything he wants when he saves enough. This makes going to the store so much better. I hear, O I don't want to spend my money on that and Mommy, that cost way too much.

For grocery shopping I use the If you behave and don't ask for anything I will let you pick out 1 thing (fruit or cereal) for store shopping I thing of something they might need (bubbles for the bath or a shirt or crayons) but something harmless and tell them the same thing. Sometimes by the time we are done they have forgotten and I give them a quarter for there banks instead. Bribbery works pretty well until they get old enough to understand that they do not get something everytime.

I either keep my kids at home with their dad or if I do take them shopping and they ask for things I tell them no and stay firm. Also, once in a while I tell them if they are good they can get candy so that way they understand that they can't always get stuff from the store but occassionally it is ok. As far as keeping toddlers happy in the store when I take my 4 yr. old with me I have him help me get the groceries. I will let him pick out the cereal and a few other things.
D.

I am 31 and have been married for almost 12 yrs. My husband and I have 3 boys ages 10,7 and 4.

Take them to a drop-in childsitting center or shop somewhere that has free sitting in the store while you shop. As moms, we don't get much time for ourselves. We should be able to do some things without the children along, and just enjoy the quiet!

my kids used to do that too...so i just started to tell them that daddy only gave mommy enough money for what was on my list. it worked for me..try it out! good luck!

Begin each trip with an explanation of what you are there for. Your list will help with that. Explain that you are not buying anything that's not on your list. Talking about your expectations for their behavior before entering the store, being very specific about what you "do" want them to do more than what you don't want them to do, can really help. Maybe have them help make the list (not everything they suggest will make it on the list obviously, but a concession or two at home might make them excited to find that item and take the focus off of all those things you didn't think of!) Does your store have kids carts? That can help - let them get the smaller/lighter items off the shelf and into the cart. If at all possible, don't take them if you have a big trip to do - there's rarely anything you can do to keep them happy during an hour long grocery shopping trip. Make sure they have a snack before going or something they can eat while in the store.

Well most of the time I do not take them. My kids are 4,3, and 20 months so you can imagine what I go through. If I do take them I put them all it the cart and let them hold the items for me. Sometimes I let me four year old get the item for me and he would pass them to my three year old.
As they get older you would want them to shop with you I'm sure.

I've taken my now 4.5yr old shopping ever since she was an infant; I always have a list for the grocery or if it's a regular store I tell her what we are looking for that day. I rarely purchase treats/toys for her (once perhaps every 100 shopping visits). When she does ask for things now I tell her "no" or that she has a birthday/christmas coming and that we'll put that on the list.

During shopping trips I've always given her a job; hold the lettuce or a box of mac n'cheese. Be firm, be consistant, don't give in to the whines. Great advice from the mom who had the grocery hold her cart while she took her child home.

Good luck.

Shopping is quite an ordeal with toddlers. For one thing, make sure they and you are well fed and not tired. Have patience. I would usually spend a little time looking at something they liked (such as the fish at Walmart, etc.). But, I'd explain that we can't always buy just everything we want. It takes some time, but it became a sort of special time for us. If you want to get them more involved, you might give them a dollar and let them buy something. But, teach them that they may not want to buy the first thing they see.

Really, when my girls were young, I know it just took a lot of patience. The shopping list is a GREAT idea, I think! Good luck!!

I may be a bit old fashioned, but my kids learned at a very early age what no means. By the time they were two years old, I was able to say to them before we even went into the store "Now we are going in here to get _________, and I am not buying anything extra. Do not ask if you can have anything, because the answer will be no." Sometimes if its been a long day and I just need to make a quick stop, then I will offer them a "surprise" when we are done shopping if they've been good. Usually, this surprise is a treat at the check-out.

My answer became: Well, let's put that on your birthday/Christmas list! :) It was the kids' responsibility to remember the item to remind Mommy when we got home to add it to their lists. Shockingly, my kids were THRILLED to get to put something on their list! I did let them know it didn't guarantee they'd get it ... but that everyone would know what they wanted. Of course, if the kids wanted too many items, they couldn't remember everything til we got home. So, it helped them to try to remember only one thing.

That worked really well when my kids were younger...and still today with items that would best be given as gifts (My children are now 7 - 11 yrs old). Of course, I still battle the "I wants" some, but they know our standards...and we're working on a different level now of character development! :)

Have fun with your little ones! It sounds like you've been quite creative with them. I never thought of the sticker thing!

Use the ancient word...."No" for the age you have, you might have to give a short explanation such as we don't need it or it's not very good for your body (unhealthy). My almost 4yo last month got a severe case of the "I wants" in a toy store over a particular item. I told her she could do some chores around the house and if she could earn half the money for it than I would pay for the other half...well she had forgotten about (mostly) it by the time we got home (a week later as we were visiting my mom at the time) -- she's going to get it for her birthday next month.

I always have my kids with me when I go shopping, but rarely do I get the "I wants." We go at the same time each week - with a list. I always take some kind of small, non-messy snack and a bottle of water with us because hunger always strikes about 5 minutes after we get there.

I also try to get a "cool" buggy for them to ride in, like a race car, or with a park bench-style seat. My 4 yr old always asks for the video buggies, but doesn't get them as he usually forgets his money and knows that I won't pay for it with mine. (He does chores around the house to earn spending money for the things I won't buy him.)

They also know that most of our time is spent picking out fresh fruits and veggies - and they will usually get something different/special/not on the list if they askf for something there. Other than that, they know that if I say, "It's not good for our bodies" or "It's not on our list this week," it's not going in the basket and they've pretty much quit asking.

Be consistent, and let them have some choices, but from the options you give them. Good luck.

i know it's probably not the best thing to do, but it's worked for me for the past 3 yrs. i tell my son that if he can be a super good boy while mommy gets her things, then we can go to the toy section and he can pick out his thing. i would take him to the 88cents toy section if he was good and he thought he was really something getting to pick out his toy. he's almost 6yrs. old now & we still do that, he knows the value of money now & if he sees something he likes he'll ask how much it wastes..lol..i'll tell him and he'll ask if i have enough money to buy it, if i say no then he usually asks to get playdoh, he knows it's 59 dents a can and is happy with a new color. hope it helps.