She Is Overly Clingy!!

Updated on April 01, 2007
J.S. asks from Gulfport, MS
5 answers

My problem is with my 13 month old daughter. She is overly attached/clingy when it comes to me. At first I thought it was a phase because after she started walking she pulled away a bit. Now it is so bad that she doesn't want to go to anyone.. not even daddy!! It is becoming a problem and I do not know what to do. We plan on putting her in daycare in the fall but I am starting to worry that her clingyness will be a problem then. Anything would help PLEASE!!!!!

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L.G.

answers from Portland on

Have you used a sling at all? Get or use one of the carriers- like a mei tei where she is hugging your back and all snug... if you keep her held and up- and she knows she can always come to you- then maybe she will let go on her own. The more you "push away"- the more she senses it and tightens her grip.
Teeth coming in probably doesn't help.
I am a stayathomemom- and my 3yr old son is pretty clingy- though in a public place like Gymboree or Chuckecheese, he is all over the place and does not seem to care where I am... it is when I am going to leave him... WELL! it is a crisis in his mind for sure.
The thing is when she decides she wants to be away a bit and explore and play, she will let you know... it takes practice and any time the seperation happens there is an adjustment period.

2nd time a sitter came over I described the sitter as a friend. "your friend is here, come say hi!" DS says, "bye bye friend" ROTFLMAO

1 mom found this helpful
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B.G.

answers from Jackson on

I am a day care worker and I see this all the time. If she is still going through this phase in the fall, then about a week before its time for her to start in daycare go and visit with her. Stay with her there for about 2-3 hours playing with her. Do this for several days before its time to leave her for the first time. The first few times you leave her the best thing to do is to give her the child care worker, have the child care worker distract her, and then leave ASAP. Kind of like sneaking out. The longer you stay and say goodbye and kiss, the longer she will be upset. She will cry for a few minutes, but 99% of children calm down. I've only had 2 children in 6 years who cried for about an hour, and then they calmed down. This usually only lasts a week for new kids, but I have seen it last a month or so.

Another thing that I've seen happen, is I've seen the Daddy bring the child, because it is less stressful on everyone. The child is not so much attached to dad so they don't cry as much and dad's are usually not ones who cry too about leaving the child. It's a man thing. Anyway, good luck and I hope I've offered you some insight.

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M.M.

answers from Biloxi on

This is normal. If you have to leave her make sure you do the following:
ALWAYS say good bye. Don't disappear. Kiss & hug her as you would normally. Tell her that you're going and will be home soon and then leave. No additional good byes, no pleas for her to stop crying just a calm goodbye. At first this is harder but if you disappear you encourage her to freak every time you are out of her sight.

If you need Dad to something or take her then just do it. If she cries she cries. She doesn't get to decide which parent does what. She does get to decide that she'd rather have you kiss her boo-boo first and that's fine.

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D.A.

answers from Nashville on

Don't worry they all go through needy cycles, sometimes Mom and sometimes Dad. My daughter was so close with me from one to two that when she went through the perfectly natural Mommy rejection/Daddy fabulous stage in her second year I had a full blown depression. It's all part of their development and realization of themselves as people.
She loves you and needs you right now, don't fight it. If you try to force on her Dad she will just cling tighter. Dad can pull some tricks to lure her away from you......like playing with her favorite toys in front of her (but not asking her to play with him.....doubt she could resist "helping" him) or taking her to the park just the two of them. She might hesitate to leave you at first but she's smart enough to know where to find a good time. Especially if you "can't" take her and only Daddy can do it.
Don't worry about this fall, in six months she will have gone through another couple of phases. Chances are she will be long past the clinging to Mommy.....and you'll be wondering if she misses you at all when she is happy to get to daycare.

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H.R.

answers from Memphis on

bev below is right about the daycare thing and I can almost bet once she has started daycare, it will be the cure to the clinginess!

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