She Is 7 Years Old Why Does She Have to Eat Everything on Her Plate?

Six year olds do eat smaller portions and the great thing about kids is "they eat when they are hungry". If more people did that, obesity would not be as big a problem as it is today.

With every meal, there are things my child likes and things she doesn't. I give a spoonful of the things she doesn't (a small spoonful) and a larger helping of what she does. If I know she doesn't like anything we are having, I do fix her something else quick that I know she will eat.

You and hubby need to come to an understanding and do not disagree about it in front of you daughter. It will then become a power struggle.

I'd make the portions SO small that she has to ask for seconds, that should make DAD happy.
The cleaning of the entire plate is probably a factor in America's obesity problem. We've all been programmed not to waste food....... it's dumb so dont buy into it and tell hubby he needs to realize this.
Go with the teeny portions so she has a chance and DO NOT talk about it and issue it at the family table, it only causes stress and probably makes everyone's dinner taste shi**y! Tell hub to lighten up.

I don't get the starving people in this world comment . Unless your husband is planning to send the leftovers to the starving people those people will still be just as hungry whether your daughter cleans her plate or not:-)
I agree with you, I really would not make food an issue either.

I'm with you. Maybe make her portions even smaller?

Better yet, put them in the fridge and he can take what she didn't eat to lunch with him tomorrow, tehehe.

The Clean Plate Club is archaic and foolish.

Dinner, food, and everything that goes along with it should be a happy relaxed celebration, a time to enjoy each other's company as a family. Not an opportunity for endless conflicts.

I'm on your side, and you can tell him I said so!!

:)

i'm with you. the 'clean your plate' parenting philosophy is one i'm happy to see become less popular. and i totally agree that you should not fix a special meal for your little one. i think your smaller portions without pressure to eat it all is the right way to go. encourage your husband to back off. that's the attitude that sets the family up for years of food battles. not worth it.
khairete
S.

I am with you on this one. Teaching a child that they have to eat everything on their plate only teaches them to override what their brain is telling them - that their tummy is full and it's time to stop. Over time that can lead to overeating issues and obesity.

My mother was always told as a child to finish her plate (back in the 40s and 50s) and as a result, she never got a great handle on portion control. She also felt the need to eat whatever we as kids did not finish, in addition to what she had eaten already, so it didn't "go to waste". But consuming more calories than your body requires is not any less wasteful then just tossing the food (I mean, really, what are you going to do? Ship your uneaten food to Africa?). My mom started struggling with her weight in her 40s and yo-yoed from there. She did great on Weight Watchers because of their emphasis on portion control but when she went off the program, the weight she had lost would come right back. This was a woman who often ate out in restaurants with friends and still felt the need to eat everything on the plate (and we all know how many calories that can add up to!).

So unless he wants a daughter that may end up overweight with food and eating issues herself, your hubby needs to lay off. You are better off serving a smaller portion that she can reasonably finish, then letting her decide if she needs more, than expecting her to finish everything placed before her. Remember, one's stomach is about the size of their fist. So you can imagine how small your daughter's stomach is and how little food it really takes to fill it up. My DD is 3 and even if all she eats of her dinner is 2 bites, if she says she is full, then she's done. I will ask her if she is sure her tummy is full, but that's it.

I tend to be pretty outspoken with my DH, so if it were me, I would just be telling your DH to knock it off. You can even take him with you to the pediatrician to discuss it with him/her if he doesn't get it (I know my DH can sometimes not believe what I tell him but it's different coming from an "expert"). Or print all the responses you are getting here and make him read them.

.

Our rule in our house is - if you are full that is fine; you may be excused from the table, but for the rest of the evening that means no goodies. If it is something that can be put in a container and reheated we put in fridge (b/c 9 times out of 10 the kids are hungry within 30 mins!!). If not they only get to choose from a fruit or veggie for the rest of the evening. On the days they clean their plates up good they are allowed a goody - but our goodies include the plain animal crackers, fruit, yogurt, and sometimes popsicles.

I don't think it is worth the battle. Our only other rule is that you must try a bite of something new. After that you don't have to eat it. (the exception is for the stuff we really know they don't like; fish, peas, potatoes, haha.)

She DOESN"T have to eat everything on her plate. We have a terrible obesity problem in this country, due to many factors. One of the problems is forcing kids to eat, and they are overweight as a result. I understand not wanting to throw food away, but a child in Darfur doesn't get to eat whether or not your child cleans her plate. Give her an assortment of healthy options, and when dinner time is over, it's over. Put away the leftovers. If she's hungry later, she can have those. Nobody should be sitting at the table nagging her to finish what's on her plate so they can be excused. Give her a 5 minute signal when dinner is ending, and if she's done, she's done. This is your husband's problem, and he's going to create a daughter with a terrible body image problem - sometimes the need for a child (particularly a girl) to control her food intake results in an eating disorder like anorexia.

Dinner is dinner - people eat what they are given, assuming there are some decent choices (a protein, a veggie, a fruit, etc.). And don't fall into the "you can't have dessert until you clean your plate" trap - it makes the meal the "punishment" and the dessert the "reward" which mixes up the priorities.

Your husband needs to calm down and stop trying to exercise such control over his daughter!

I understand not wanting to throw food away, but I see absolutely no reason to force a child to eat something they either don't like (and I don't mean not prefer that day - I'm talking about something they truly don't like), or that they aren't hungry for (i.e. they're full.) Neither makes sense to me. The only case I can see for either of these is if your family is impoverished, and forced to eat certain items because of availability to you, which I doubt is the case.

I do not believe in creating food/eating battles. In the culture in which we live, eating disorders are so common, I have no desires to do anything to assist in creating one in my kids, by micromanaging what they eat.

My son has a VERY sensitive gag reflex, has since he was very young, so does his father, grandmother, etc. He is willing to try new things, but if he doesn't like the taste or texture of something, he will gag, which usually results in him vomiting. I have learned that if he says he doesn't like something, I don't push it with him. In fact, last evening, we had tacos, with a new kind of taco cheese. He took one bite, motioned to me that he couldn't swallow it, went to the garbage can and puked. And I was ok with that. He tried it. He couldn't eat it.

If this is truly about wasting food, a PERFECT solution is to have your daughter's uneaten food in your husbands lunch the next day.

If your husband thinks it's about stubbornness, I'd be curious to know if he regularly chooses to eat entire portions of food that he doesn't like. Having your daughter eat everything that's placed in front of her despite her own physical cues teaches her to ignore her brain and body, and eat more than she physically needs. That leads to overeating and an inability to navigate portion size on her own.

If your daughter chooses not to eat all of her dinner, I'd just make a standing rule that if she's hungry later, she can only have X, whatever you decide X to be, a slice of buttered bread, perhaps. That's a basic, no prep, not too exciting alternative, that will help fill her belly, if she's truly hungry. Or a piece of fruit, or some raw veggies. That way, there's no manipulation on her part involved, where she's refusing dinner so she can have snack Y in the evening. I'd tell her no snacks in place of dinner. If she chooses not to eat her dinner, she can only have X if she gets hungry.

That way, you are making it about choices, not a power struggle. Ahead of time, you have laid out the expectations, and the consequences. So in the moment, you can be very matter of fact about how you handle it if she chooses not to finish her dinner.

Holy cow... Are you married to my ex???

What our pedi told me... Get them to try it. Don't force them to eat something they don't like... That will make them hate food altogether. It's better to get them to 'learn their palate' and it will keep changing. I wouldn't eat veges until I was an adult!!! I was also told that the 'eat everything on your plate' mentality is one of the biggest reasons for obesity! When you're taught that, you may be eating more than you need to... Then your body gets used to 'over eating' and hence... Overweight!

Every person that didn't get forced to eat everything on their plate (like me) is not obese by any stretch of the imagination! Many are rather thin... The ones (like my ex) STRUGGLE with weight and they were taught to eat everything in front of you.

Now... If my daughter asks me for scrambled eggs and refuses to eat them after a bite or two (I will take a bite to make sure they're not bad) and then asks for junk... She won't get the junk. If she's hungry, she gets what she asks for. My daughter is the same age as yours. The other night, we had a 'free for all' dinner... Where we eat whatever... Not all the same thing necessarily. She had an apple, grapes, and whole wheat toast with cinnamon and very light sugar. Sometimes when it's not forced, they will make better decisions then you think they will.

It's good that you are making one healthy family meal and feeding her that. I remember when I was 6-years old and I really didn't have a huge appetite - I was actually okay with skipping meals, mentally and physically. My two children seem to be the same way. I don't necessarily see what your daughter is doing as the start of some kind of stubborn streak that will dog her the rest of her life. I see it as her following her natural appetite and not just eating food because it is placed in front of her.

I would probably have her take a bite of two of each food item that it on her plate just to make sure that she is getting some nourshment and insure that she is getting exposure to a variety of foods (hopefully to decrease pickiness), but I wouldn't require her to be a part of the "clean up your plate crew."

Ha your p.s. reminds me of the time when I was 5 or 6 I stuck carrots down my pants and then walked over to the garbage and took them out. Oh the good times.
Yeah forcing to eat ALL is not a good thing because I was forced to eat everything on my plate and I still hate carrots and zucchini. I agree with eating two out of 5 sticks of carrots though. Just to try and get some sort of good thing in.

Yeah, my sister and I grew up with the 'clean your plate' thing and I VOWED I'd never get into food tug-of-wars with my son. My sister's record for sitting at the table with her cheeks stuffed like a chipmunk (she wouldn't swallow) was 4 hours. Now THAT's stubborn.

Besides giving her smaller portions, give her smaller plates/bowls, etc. At camp we use to have to have 'no-thank-you' helpings (which was 1 spoonful) for things we did not like and that didn't mean you got double portions of things we did like. The total amount of food on her plate (in her bowl, etc) for any one meal should be no bigger than her fist. That is the size of her stomach. Things like leaf salad are fluffy so they can be a little larger.

Dad needs a little perspective. He needs to choose his battles.
Is THIS the ONE thing over which he wants to lock horns with his daughter? Tell him he needs to save his strength for when she's a teenager.

I have this argument with my husband too and since our girls are not in the least bit underweight, I won't give in. I do make them eat some vegetables and protein but that's it unless they want something more. I agree with the moms who talked about this leading to weight issues. If you can't find the time to have him talk to the doctor, try finding some articles online about this topic, print them out and give them to your husband.

I have the same issue. One of mine will take forever in a day to eat. i never know how much is enough for her because as soon as she sits down., even if i am serving her favorite meal, she will ask: how many bites do I eat? i honestly don't know how much is enough so i usually joke and say 200 bites. she's 6. she doesn't eat much but she eats only healthy and plenty of fruit. she reminds me of me. i hated to eat no matter what. i mostly hated when my mom would put pieces of bread into a bowl of milk. oh yuck. the bread pieces would get soggy so awful. so i would put a biteful in my mouth wait for her to turn and i would spit it in anything that was near me: plants, sink, garbage, jacket pocket. it was a neverending battle between my mom and me. even though i wish my daughter would eat more, i am not going to make an issue out of portions. she eats some and then is done. with that plate gets taken away and she can eat fruit if she wants to if she gets hungry. as long as meals don't get replaced with junk food i am ok with the amount.

She is six, if she is hungry, she will eat. DONT make her eat everything on her plate or make a big deal about her not eating.

My son is 2-1/2 and he is a good eater - but if he does not eat his dinner, I leave the plate on the table and let him go play. If he says he is hungry later, he can eat his dinner.

I normally make sure that the food is food he normally likes - I'll have 2-3 things I know he likes, and something that I think he might like if he tried it.

If, before bed (and after his dinner has been thrown away) he says he is hungry, I give him a piece of bread and a couple of minutes to eat it and off to bed he goes.

We dont fight over food - he can eat it or not - but there are no fun snacks later if he does not eat his dinner.

We do the same as Mommyx3... it works well!

Forcing your daughter to eat beyond full is a path that will lead to obesity. Tell him the risks associated with that! It is endless.

Personally, I don't understand why guys think they have to control these things. My husband does the same stuff. It stinks.

Good luck. Stick to your guns and trust your instincts.

Hi Cherie---Maybe try letting her put her own plate and see what kind of portion she takes. I have a hand-out of what portion sizes are appropriate for different age kids.

I can't remember what we did with our kids as all are older now but I don't ever remember it being a problem. We did have a 'rule' that they couldn't tell us they didn't like something until they had tried at least one bite. Another strategy I've heard is that kids should take as many bites as they are old. Good luck, be patient and know that this is likely to be a phase she is going through. Talk to you soon. D.

He's wrong. You're right. What he's doing is just considered bad parenting these days. It's mean and can contribute to future eating disorders. Would he go to counselling or a parenting class?

I agree with you, also. My rule is that you do not get a different dinner from the rest of us & you do have to try every new thing I make. If it makes you gag, I will never ask you to eat it again. My son will eat pretty much whatever I put in front of him, but my daughter, not so much. If she chooses to only eat 3 bites of food for dinner, then she is the only one who will be uncomfortable & hungry later. What I like to do is have her next to me while I make her plate to let me know how much of anything she wants. If she does that & essentially makes her own plate, then I do have her eat what she takes, but otherwise we just make sure she at least gets some veggies into her every night at dinner.

It really is ok that she doesn't eat everything on her plate. Hungry people around the world have nothing to do with what goes on at your house! Silly hubby! You might point out to him all the obese people in America who are probably products of the "clean plate club". If she is eating healthy things and isn't substituting dinner for snacks after dinner, what is the problem? MAKING her eat could CAUSE a problem later...like controlling YOU and hubby through food. I would have the atttude (I have 3 grown girls) if she eats great if not, oh well!

Sorry but this is a big issue! Kids need to learn to eat healthy foods, not just what they LIKE! Childhood obesity is a HUGE issue in this country, and many adults and kids alike are malnurished because they're living on fast food.

She is 7. She needs to eat ALL the food on her plate before the family is done at the table or she will receive consequences that both you and your husband are comfortable with.

Here are some ideas. Time out is a classic, see Super Nanny episodes if you'd like to know the proper way to handle it. If she drags time out on for hours (some kids are super stubborn), then take the food away, and she gets nothing but water until the next meal, which will be that same leftover food reheated. They learn quick.

Don't waver, stick to whatever system you've implemented. And be sure you're teaching her to eat nutritious foods. 3-4 servings of fruits AND vegetables a day. Limit processed carbs, and choose lean proteins. Teaching your daughter to eat healthy is the best gift you can give her for her longterm preventative health!

Best wishes!

Mommy X 3 has the right idea. Save their food to reheat and no treats unless they eat good! Eating good doesn't necessarily mean a clean plate. You'll know when she eats good, because you'll be surprised by how much is gone. At least that's how it is with our older son. And kids are better at knowing when they are full...adults have bad habits.

Not to knock the army because they are surrandering ther lives for our freedom But is your Hubbie a army man or past military man? Because my husband is and he sorda feels the same. But he doesn't put it in to a huge deal. This is how I look at it unfortunately yes there are people starving and without food out there. If hes that gong ho on it than he can take the scraps to them. All he has to do is drive to 94 and moross and hand it out of his car to the guy standing there work for food or need food. Go to a shelter and give it to them. The bottom line is your daughter is 7 shes is like most kids eats but won't eat a large portion and the little portion you give probably won't eat the whole thing. They eat when ther hungry. If she doesn;t finish why not allow her to leave but if she asks for something in a half hr make her sit and eat her dinner. I have two kids who hate potatoes with skins in them and certain veggie i don't force them to eat them because i served them but they have to have a 2nd helping of something else i made. They got snack taken away because they eat everyhalf hr even if they eat at dinner all ther food ther still eating half hr later. Kids are kids you force them now they will b e obese and anerexsick (i know I spelt that wrong throw there food up)So I would try to get hime to back off and be done with it too much energy waste on an endless fight and put the energy in enjoy the kids instead of fighting over who eats what. You also could try a altimatum if you eat all of your dinner we can go get icecream. Good luck

Updated

Not to knock the army because they are surrandering ther lives for our freedom But is your Hubbie a army man or past military man? Because my husband is and he sorda feels the same. But he doesn't put it in to a huge deal. This is how I look at it unfortunately yes there are people starving and without food out there. If hes that gong ho on it than he can take the scraps to them. All he has to do is drive to 94 and moross and hand it out of his car to the guy standing there work for food or need food. Go to a shelter and give it to them. The bottom line is your daughter is 7 shes is like most kids eats but won't eat a large portion and the little portion you give probably won't eat the whole thing. They eat when ther hungry. If she doesn;t finish why not allow her to leave but if she asks for something in a half hr make her sit and eat her dinner. I have two kids who hate potatoes with skins in them and certain veggie i don't force them to eat them because i served them but they have to have a 2nd helping of something else i made. They got snack taken away because they eat everyhalf hr even if they eat at dinner all ther food ther still eating half hr later. Kids are kids you force them now they will b e obese and anerexsick (i know I spelt that wrong throw there food up)So I would try to get hime to back off and be done with it too much energy waste on an endless fight and put the energy in enjoy the kids instead of fighting over who eats what. You also could try a altimatum if you eat all of your dinner we can go get icecream. Good luck

At 7 years old.. Allow your daughter to serve her own plate.. If she wants more, let her serve herself again.

And give your husband huge portions and make HIM eat all of it at the table..