Sharing! - Princeton Junction,NJ

Don't worry...3 year olds are famous for not sharing. He'll come around. Just keep reminding him that it's important to share...and remind him of how much he likes it when people share with him. I'd point out each time that someone shares with him.." look she's sharing her snack with you, look, he's sharing his toys with you...how nice!"

Hi T.,
oh that SHARING thing has (or will) hit us all at some time. It's a natural development, but no less difficult at times. It's also a difficult thing for children to understand, since their world centers around themselves and their feelings at that moment. What I found works well with my 3 yr old and 2 yr old is a combination of "practicing" sharing at home with momma and each other - "your turn", "my turn" and helping them learn to verbally express these phrases as well as waiting their turn and giving objects to others for sharing. This "practice" has helped tremendously for both my children. In addition, they participate by selecting toys they're willing to share with friends. I also have a brief conversation with them before playdates, asking them "what do we do to play nicely?" My 3yr old usually answers "sharing!" and "being nice!" I also remind them about the consequences if they do not play nicely or share.
I've found it important for my children to understand appropriate behavior not only with adults but also with other children (helping them understand by how they might feel in the same situation). And if they do not behave appropriately after being asked to do so, there are age-appropriate consequences. It can be as little as removal from situation (for 2yr old) to having a minute to "relax" for my 3 yr old (I prefer to use a more positive term for "time outs"). My son now tells me when he needs "a minute to relax". Our children are very smart and pick up very quickly, sometimes the hard part is figuring out what makes sense to each child. Plus, they're changing constantly so I'm constantly having to try new things. My approach comes from treating them with the same respect I expect, understanding their emotions and minds have not yet learned what we already know.
I hope this helps some - best wishes!

Personally, I think sharing is over-rated.I've been there.
When having a playdate, have him choose things he would like to play with as a group or you pick things out before hand & designate them as group toys. Don't worry about it to much. As your children get older, make sure they do joint projects together, this really helped by 2 get along, cooperate, & compromise. They are now 18[boy] & 22[girl] & are really great friends. Good Luck. Kids are AMAZING.
D.

Sharing is hard for everyone,

forget abot a 3 year old

What I do is offer them an option,

I say You have to share,give one to kyran

he say NO

I say give one to kyran,

you must be fair, share with kyran

--

then I say Ok I will give the orange car to kyran, and try and pick it up,

And its usually at that point he will turn over one car.

If he throws a fit, he goes to his room to calm down,

and if he refuses , I make the choice for him.

( usually the best car which makes it easier later on for him to give up a cruddy car LOL)

it takes time ,

you just need to work at it.

M

The more you keep him in social situations especially with others his own age, the more he'll learn to share.

Have you tried making him part of the sharing process? Ask him what he'd like to share and do a big thank you when he hands you something....and when you take something from him to share...give him something back that your sharing. Like a trade. It might help him to understand that he's not really loosing something when sharing.

Try the "taking turns" approach. Put the childs name in front, like, "It's Bobby's turn, when he is done it will be (your son's name) turn. If you are still having problems you can use a timer to show the amount of time until his turn. I run an in home day care with a 5 yr. girl (mine), 4 (nearly 5) boy, 3 yr. boy, 2 yr. girl (mine), and 1 day a week a 14 month boy. These "techniques" have worked very well for us. Even my 2 year old understands that it is someone elses turn. Good luck!

Can you give him some toys that are just his and not for sharing, while making it clear that others are to be shared? Perhaps he can choose which are which, giving him the power over his things that he wants. It will probably pass sooner if you can stay very low-key and let him keep those things near and dear to his heart to himself for a while. Three is very young to understand the concept of sharing, and I don`t think letting him be selfish for a while will have any lasting consequences.

Hi T.,
I haven't read what any other posters have said...but at 3 kids don't comprehend sharing! Just remind him, but I don't think forcing is good. He'll grow out of it in time and with your assistance.
Jill

Have him put away all of the toys that he doesn't want to share before his friends come over. Prepare by asking him (toy by toy) if this is a "sharing toy" or not. If he still won't share, remind him that he said it was a "sharing toy". If he does well, when his friend goes home, reward him by sharing something special of yours with him.