Sexual Relationship with My Husband

Christy Lee gave a great answer. I was only going to add that a guy who is embarassed, scared, or feeling "less of a man" (whether anyone else on earth thinks that or not---men so often feel "manly" when their testosterone levels are higher and feel less manly if that level drops). So him walking away upset or calling you names, I'm sorry about that. But I would hope that's what the issue is: he's just embarassed or scared, maybe upset with changes that are happening, and takes it out on you because he doesn't know how to deal with it. I've heard it's a simple thing to correct, the hard part is getting them to talk about it to a doctor.

aw, his testosterone is ebbing and it's freaking him out a little.
tough thing for a guy to face.
it's really not a big deal (there are so many ways to deal with it, medically and non-medically) but the problem here isn't in the wand, so to speak, it's in the magic words.
you two need to communicate better with each other, so that he can safely share what's really going on with him, and you can support him and let him know you love him. he needs to learn how to connect with you better, and you need to learn how to let him connect with you without judgment. absolutely don't 'let it go, pray and accept it'.
fix it!
this is totally do-able.
go back to a counselor if necessary, one who specializes in communication.
khairete
S.

I'm betting on low testosterone. He might be scared that he won't be able to perform. Many men deal with it and blame it on age...but it's SO easy to treat so he can feel good and enjoy himself again.

Check out these symptoms. It's NOT your fault.

http://isitlowt.com/spouses/talk-to-your-spouse.html

It sounds like he has some medical issues that he doesn't want to face. People think because Viagra came out all the men are sporting boners but what it has done is if you are on Viagra or the like you feel less a man. For some reason this makes some guys bury their heads in the sand rather than get help.

Is there any way you could find a doctor that you think would get him to open up, who could explain things to him?

D.:

Welcome to mamapedia.

It sounds like a combination of things....

depression
lack of testosterone
impotence

men lose their testosterone levels over time. Have him have a physical with a blood draw to test his hormone levels. If he's lacking in testosterone - they can give him some meds to boost it back up.

depression can keep a man from getting it up. If he doesn't want to talk about it and walks away calling names? It's a control issue and if he can deflect it back on to you - he doesn't have to take responsibility.

impotence can be caused by a medical prostrate problem (again a full physical should be done) and that can cause depression as well.

So have him checked out by his doctor - blood and prostrate. be sure to include your information - lack of excitement, etc. so that the doctor can check him for depression.

good luck.

Many men don't like to admit we have a problem. Especially with our little man.

I would hope that my wife would press me to get to the doctor instead of giving up. I know that if my little man wasn't working right, I would be angry, frustrated and depressed.

Please make an appointment for your husband to get checked out.

Your husband says that he is getting older and his body isn't what it used to be. Reminds me of a song by Toby Keith. : ))

Sounds to me like your husband may have some personal health issues going on. First, he may be having erection issues. Have you noticed? Has he indicated that he is having issues of that nature? Has he gained weight? Maybe he is having some self esteem issues with his body image if he's gained weight. I would think this would be a woman's issue but I suppose men can feel inhibited if they don't feel good about how their body looks. Maybe you could suggest he get a physical. He could have low testosterone and in turn causing his sex drive to plummet. There could be underlying health issues he is not aware of yet but is affecting his sex drive. Open communication is crucial.

Was he ever a sexual individual or did the sex wane over time? What is your approach like? Do you try to initiate sex, he refuses, then do you hash it out right then or shortly after?

I know it's easier to talk to me when it's not happening, or just happened. Since you've mentioned your husband likes projects (so do I) try to talk to him about it while you guys are working on the project. It's something of a distraction so your husband doesn't feel so vulnerable and on the spot. It's hard for me to talk about feelings. I'm not a "feeler". I'm horrible at consoling people, being supportive, etc. I'm a "thinker" so I can help you find a solution to your problem. If you approach me in a "thinking" sort of way, 'Hey, listen. I've been doing some research. Perhaps you can be suffering from low testerone. I was thinking maybe we could go to the doctor and get it checked out. What do you think?'

But when approached in a feeling sort of way, it freaks me out. I don't want to talk about it. I already feel bad, but I'm not the best at showing that. I don't do name calling and whatnot, but I would definitely have a hard time hanging around. Sitting down and having a heart to heart is not going to happen it would make me uncomfortable. Maybe change how you approach him about it. It really does make a difference.

He just needs to be evaluated. Sexual dysfunctions (which he may be experiencing) can be treated, just like any other (treatable) illness. He can go back to be happy (and to make you happy) if he only gets checked. Encourage him, it's silly not to be seen.

ETA: My answer is VERY personal, so I will take it down after a bit. I do hope I don't do that too soon and that it is helpful to you.

idk i dont think J. erectile dysfunction because then he wouldnt come through when you intitiate out of fear. if hes able to perform when you intitate i would think low hormones. Some people may say he;s cheating but that would only be the case if he was in love with the other person and didn't want to sleep with you b/c of being faithful to them, which would be rare...even if he was getting some on the side he'd still want some at home..atleast thats my opinion. my ex cheated, but was obsessed with sex so it didn't stop him at home. Anyway I'd say he should be able to talk to you about it. Don't confront him when you "want some" tell him it concerns you and you'd liek to talk about it.

Hi, I'm so sorry that you are having issues like this. I am an emotional healer. something may have happened sometime during his life to make him feel ashamed of wanting sex. many of us grow up thinking sex is wrong unless your trying to have a baby, but I know, that men and women need sex. It shouldn't be used as punishment, or rewards for doing something the other partner wants. This could also be an inherited emotion, he may have gotten it from his mother or father, or many generations. That is something I release. If you want to know more about emotion healing, a good website is http://emotion-code-healing.com. I know you can find answers to help you. You've been given a lot of good advice from many women who have been there.

I've been through this, too - and it turns out that my husband was having trouble, um, functioning, and didn't want to face it because it scared him. There are some scary medical problems that run heavily in his family that impair male function ( and that he did indeed turn out to have) that he didn't want to come to terms with. He avoided going to the doctor for the same reason. Convincing himself that it was age and that he just wasn't interested anyway was easier. Now, a high blood pressure and a diabetes diagnosis later, it turns out that he IS interested, but needs a little pharmaceutical boost to, um, rise to the occasion. I wish he hadn't chosen to waste several years and alienate me before dealing with it. As a couple, we are now slowly rebuilding intimacy.

When was his last check-up? Could the reason he's not interested really be that he's having issues with function?

Start getting excited about everything he does for you. Make him feel extra special. When you are having sex tell him how good he is. You will most likely need to continue to initiate it for awhile until he gets his confidence back. Ask him if there is something new you can do for him. Make this all about him and it will turn around.

This may sound cliche' but try reading through the "Love Dare" book and journal, and do what it says. It will make your marriage stronger and it will surprise you the thoughtfulness that comes back at you when you start doing what it says.