Self love...where Do You Find It?

I find it in working towards the person I want to be. And understanding that it won't happen overnight.

Mine comes from being a good person, simply being a person that I would like to be around even if I didn't have to be. I try to make good decisions, and have a positive attitude. When I do these things, I'm happy being me.

For me it is knowing that I don't need others I want them. I love my kids but if they weren't around my life would still have purpose. I love Troy, but I was so content with life before him it makes our relationship better. I want him in my life, I don't need him to feel like a complete woman.

Mostly it comes from facing down those demons, those that tell you that you are not worthy. Understand that duh! you are flawed but so is everyone else.

Ya know what, find something about yourself that is unique. Understand that you are unique.

My confidence comes from sexy underwear. I'm serious, try it. Even if I'm wearing sweats and t-shirt, knowing I have something lacy on underneath makes me feel like I'm the most awesome person ever!

The next thing, don't be afraid to take some time for you. Do something that is just for you. Soak in a warm tub after the kids go to bed and have a glass of wine (or beer...whatever works).

Something I found that I do at least once a month now. I have a spa day. I don't mean go to a fancy day spa or something. I mean, I buy a mud mask and give myself a facial. I give myself a manicure and pedicure. I shave whatever needs to be shaved. This quiet time allows me to recharge my batteries.

Maybe you just need something to recharge your batteries and give you a little pampering time.

Helping others, doing things for others, listening to others, making other's day. That will make you happier. Life is not about us, it's about what we do to make others feel good.
Doing good for others is almost the most SELFish thing you can do for yourself.

Best thing I ever did to get myself out of (almost daily) funks, a gratitude journal. Every night I write down a few things I am grateful for that day. it helps remind me that life is good, I'm a good wife and a good mom and that I have a lot to be thankful for. Days like today, which was my 3 year anniversary, and I am sick, my 8 month old is sick, and hubby is sick, it's nice to be able to look and see that last week my life didn't suck, and it probably won't in a couple more days either.

I agree with all the answers but the answer for you is very personal. Seeking counseling would be a great way to understand why you don't necessarily love you at the moment.

I was having a bad day today. I didn't like my short fuse, irritability, and I was completely unpleasant to be around. Of course my daughter picks today to really test me. I was a bear! Do I like me right now? Not loving my actions, but I know where it comes from and I know its temporary. I had to apologize to my daughter and let her know that I love her no matter what, even when I or she feels fussy. Yea, I don't like me today, but over-all, I love me.

If this feeling is typical for you, get a caring ear to help you. If it is temporary, give yourself a very big break: )

I have learnt that self love comes from being on the right path in life and being completely honest with onself.
I think if one is unhappy deep inside and know they don't have the courage to change their life for the better it manifests itself in many different negative forms.
True happiness comes from within.
I found my happiness 6 yrs ago and have great inner contentment and peace since. Of course I have stressful days but thats normal living.
I found this happiness when I made changes to my life -ending a relationship, ending some negative friendships,moving area etc.
Looking back now I was not fully happy for a lot of years of my life.
I suppose I try to be as positive as possible and see being negative and depressed can be a choice we make(this excludes clinical depression) so why not choose to be positive about life instead.
Wishing you lots of happiness
B. k

You have to exercise some thought control. Are you spending a lot of time telling yourself that you are stupid, dumb, bad, an idiot (or similar terms)? If so - stop doing that. Focus on pointing out to yourself the good things that you are doing.

AND...

Look at others with love. Be understanding of their situations even if they seem like stupid idiots. Be kind and caring and compassionate towards them, limiting judgement as much as you can. You never know what they've been through or why they are making the decisions they are.

Look at others from their own perspectives and points of view. With your children, do the same - hubby too.

All combined, this helps me keep a clear conscience to know I haven't been hurting people...as well as focusing more on what I've done right instead of wrong. That's not to say I don't notice when I do something wrong...I definitely do. But it's more in a way of "I need to do better next time." Also, when I look to other people to be compassionate of them, I feel better about myself, and I spend less time focusing on myself. Sometimes it's good to focus on oneself to fix things, but sometimes it's too much and all it does is pull a person too far inward. When you reach outwards, you heal more.

I've found if I start feeling critical of others, it means that there is something within me that I"m struggle with. So, I look to figure that out, and then I'm good.

Plus, and I'm not sure if this will apply to your beliefs, I have learned how much God loves me (and you...and everyone!). I've seen His hand in my life and the blessings he's given us...and that has made me develop more love for myself. If God loves me, then I should love me...because then I can love my family and everyone else much better.

I didn't used to be this way. I used to practically hate myself and think I was stupid and bad and embarrassing. All the thoughts in my head were negative and pulled me down. I had zero self esteem.

It was definitely a process to work through it. It doesn't happen in one day. But my thought processes are MUCH different than they used to be and I feel very content with myself and love and care about other people much deeper and sincere than I did before.

I think counseling is a good idea. I'm sure you have some reasons for why you feel that way. Good luck! You CAN feel better about yourself. I promise.

I agree with the sexy underwear.

Also, you could read a book during down time. There's nothing like escaping your "real life" and jumping into another dimension.

Or, write in a journal. Sometimes just spitting it all onto the pages is very therapeutic.

Other things I do: watch stand up comedy; take a long shower, complete with shaved legs, followed by a pamper of painting nails and aromatic lotions; Clean or organize something I don't "normally" clean on a weekly basis (organize a closet, purge/organize spice rack); do something nice for a stranger (pay for someone else's drink at a coffee shop, etc); and lastly, SMILE!! When I smile, I feel happier immediately!!

You just have to like yourself.
Despite.
EVERYONE has issues/flaws/imperfections. So what.
The bottom line is that: you are YOU. And KNOW yourself. NOT comparing yourself to others.
To be comfortable in your own skin.
And with your own company, when alone.

Many people, have a 'habit' of comparing themselves to others, then 'chase' that persona.
What for?
It is someone else, not 'you.'
Be yourself.
Know yourself.
Like yourself.
Despite.
And know that everyone.... is different.
THAT is what makes, people, great.

that is also the way that I was raised... especially by my late Dad.
That is good for kids.... to learn.
And the way I teach my kids.
They are, themselves.

NO one, has to be, homogeneous, with others.
That is not practical nor healthy to feel.

You need to, like... yourself.
It comes from, internally. Not external, things.
And know not everyone is perfect.

If you had nothing... would you still like, yourself?
If so, then good.
A person can love themselves and like themselves, even with nothing.

It is about not needing, always, external validation. To like yourself or to feel, loved.
It starts, from within.
Not it depending on other people or their opinions of you.

I still struggle with this, and I KNOW it would be better for me if I spent a little time every morning with devotions and praying, but I'm so short of sleep most days I feel like a zombie before I leave work. My husband works evenings, so our only "family" day is Saturday and I'm trying to undo daytime kid damage on the house every night (unsuccessfully). The only possible time I could find for myself, that is not also time that I could/should be sleeping or with my family is the one hour we're allowed at work for a "lunch" break. Because I'm tied to a desk and have three little boys at home, I started running.

I will never join a gym (at least not on our current pay with our current schedules), but this is something I can do that fits into that hour (and I have enough time to take a spit-bath in the bathroom), it helps me let off steam, it gives me more energy to chase my kids (I'm faster than they are for now), and I'm NOT complaining about the weight loss/toning (I still have at least 7 baby pounds from my 5-month-old).

I think that makes me a better wife for sure. I don't have a lot of body confidence, but it certainly gets a boost when I notice my muscles becoming more defined and my clothes fitting better. I also notice that since I've been going to Wednesday night Bible study at church (and talking to more moms there) I'm calmer, feel like my life is a little less unusual (which is a relief), and that I'm not the only one who can't keep everything together. :)

Take a look at this link - it is a nice reminder that no matter where we are in life, we are taken care of. Hope it lifts you up.

http://devotions.proverbs31.org/2011/08/is-god-enough-2.html

I just startd reading a really good book. It's called "You can Heal Your life" by Louise L. Hay. She works on helping people Love themselves and forgive for their past and things like that. One of her philosophies is Everyone suffers from self hatred and guilt. Then she helps you forgive yourself for the negative thought patterns and reaffirms that you are Loved and a very Lovable person. I found a paperback copy on Amazon.com for unde $5.00 It's a really awesome book. HOpe this helps. Love you for you. and Try not to be so judgemental of yourself. That's the only way to learn to love yourself.

Do you have any friends in real life? It helps to get an hour or two doing something fun.

You've GOT to have time that's all yours. I don't care if it's just an hour a week or one morning a month. But you need a set time (every Saturday morning, for example, or the first Tuesday night of every month) where you can do what you want -- sleep in, get together with girlfriends, take a walk, read, journal, etc. You can schedule your time or just let the time go by unaccounted for. This does wonders for your spirit. It's okay to be away from your kids & your responsibilities for a short time -- God designed us to rest, as well.

Sometimes I think we have to fake it 'til we make it. When we stretch ourselves too thin, worry too much, etc. and life seems... too much... one of the things I've tried to do is think, "Would I want my daughter to feel this way when she's a mom?" Since the answer is no, I try to act or "model" the behavior and feelings I would wish for her... not worrying about things I cannot change, not hating myself for my appearance, past mistakes, etc. and trying to be the person I am capable of being even when I don't really "feel" it.

Since you're considering counseling... keep in mind that the purpose of counseling is to provide a safe place where you can admit your worst mistakes and your worst fears because admitting our worst even to one other human being is a powerful experience. Counseling may not "teach" you how to do all that you desire... but you should come away with the understanding that sometimes, simply having the desire to do better, is more than a sufficient place to start.

God's grace to you and yours...

My confidence comes from God. Read Psalm 139. TO me it is a love letter from God. Am I always happy? No. Life is a journey. Everything you go through good and bad makes you who your are. With everything my husband and I have been through many people have told us to write a book. God has never promised a perfect life but he has promised to be a loving and faithful father to all those who put their trust in Him. He has pulled me through many of life's trials. So I have found joy and peace instead of happiness.

Hi H. B. Make a list of all of your qualities, and then make a list of the things you want to change like yelling at your kids, on this part write down a quality that you can take on that takes the place of yelling, and the other things you don't like about your self, work on one thing one day at a time. Give it some time and see what chnges take place. J.

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Hi H. B. Make a list of all of your qualities, and then make a list of the things you want to change like yelling at your kids, on this part write down a quality that you can take on that takes the place of yelling, and the other things you don't like about your self, work on one thing one day at a time. Give it some time and see what chnges take place. J.

I try to get out as much as i can. hang with friends. Sometimes I look at what I've just cleaned and be like, damn, you did a fine job. I might look at myself naked in the mirror and be like, you are awesome. I know that my son gives the best hugs EVER so if I am feeling crappy I ask him for a hug. I also know what my Mother-in-Law was and is like and very glad that I am not her and know that I am awesome.