Seeking Help in a Couple of Things

J.,
I hear you- I'm a work all day, clean all night, mom of 2. I was also in school part time, but that will have to wait now. Hubby thinks it's his job to make sure the house is clean- by telling me to do it! I think it's a guy thing...makes me crazy.
But about you- Penquis Community Action may have an Operation Santa Claus program that will help with Christmas presents. They also have Head Start and Early Head start programs which may help you get out of the house, help your children get some play time with other kids, and you could meet other local moms. HS serves 3-5 yo, EHS is birth -3. If your kids can walk, they can "help" with chores. While you sweep, give little one a little dustpan and brush. It takes a little longer, but it keeps little one busy, and teaches them responsibility as long as you keep it fun. Laundry? Little ones can help sort socks- teaches them counting, matching, shapes, colors, etc. And you can have a "sock-ball" fight while you're at it. Same with other clothes- ask whose shirt is this? It's too big for baby, too small for daddy, it must be mommy's! Dishes? Give little one a small dishpan with a few safe dishes to play in with a small cloth while you wash. Watch out for water, though- baby can drown in just an inch or two of water. Or, toddler can "help" dry, sort silverware (forks and spoons only), and put away. Give little one a wet cloth (or even dry), and let her (him?) follow you around and "wash" things as you clean. An empty spray bottle will also give little one more fun. Cooking is also a great learning experience. While you measure, help baby (or let her) scoop and dump, mix, and pour. This is a math and science experiment (what happens when cookie dough is cooked?).
As for hubby- you may have more of an issue than you let on. Is his scratch-off habit an actual addiction? if he is choosing those over bills, food, and Christmas, he may have a serious problem. Seek help. A counselor may be able to help you and your hubby- but hubby can only be helped if he is willing to help himself. And for his sleeping- can he sleep with a fan running to help drown out the normal everyday living sounds you are bound to make with little kids in the house? He needs to take your needs into account. Earplugs? And he should have a day here and there when the kids are his responsibility. They need him as well as you, and he needs to see what you go through first hand. Nobody knows how much of a challenge staying home with kids is unless you've done it.

Hi J....I am a stay at home mom too...my husband used to work nights also and I feel your pain!! During the spring and summer I used to try to stay at the park or the mall and we would eat a bagged lunch at both places. I would visit friends or do the grocery shopping also during the day when my husband was sleeping. I figured out that as long as my husband had a quiet restful sleep with no distractions he was a "nicer" husband. If I was home with the kids and there was alot of noise he was a "cranky" husband!
I do watch some children during the day and let me tell you that you will definately have a much noisier house with added children in it.
Can he maybe change his hours? What time does he leave for work?
Can you clean in the morning when the kids are still asleep or after they have been put to bed?
If your husband sees the house is "tidy" when he comes home or at least when he gets up then he cant really complain...clean on the sneak...clean right before he comes home or before he wakes up and put the kids in their cribs or gate them in their room. have an extra clothes basket in the living room to just throw all the kids toys in so it looks tidy. Have set days to wash the clothes and tell him about it.
As for Xmas...you can get great deals when buying things at Goodwill and the dollar store...remember that your little one doesnt really know how expensive things are yet its the more she gets the happier she is so getting alot for your money is what you are looking for...you can also check into the local CAP Office...I think each county has one I know that there is one in Brewster...maybe they can tell you where to go or call...I know they have a secret Santa there. I hope that helps a little.

I know how you feel. My husband stays at home with the kids and I work 60 hours a week. The house is usually a disaster area. we have come to the compromise that once a week the two of us will clean the house thouroughly together. The rest of the week we keep it comfortable and try to pick up each day as much as we can without going crazy. I do all the laundry because he always ruins my clothes when he does it. You need to try to sit down and just tell your husband how you feel. As for x-mas Salvation Army and Good will are good options. I also put a limit on the amount of things the kids will get. Each of my kids get one toy, one outfit, and one Santa gift and I go to the $ store for stocking stuffers. Good luck

i see a lot of women complaining that their husband don't do anything in the house but complain and then on top they don't even pay the bills!!!!!!!!!!!!! GET RID OF HIM!!! WHAT GOOD IS HE??? there are good men out there ladies!!! globe santa will come out in the paper and there is salvation army and saint vincents depauls...there are sooo much that will come out. look in papers...also i know for a fact that sooo many woman will be giving you other places to go also in mamasourct cause we are all there for eachother. you will be fine. also go to your church. they will help you.
your 2 year old is acting normal....its called the terrible twos. don't stress it. it will make it worse. a lot of kids don't potty train till they are 3 or when their bowel muscles are ready. if you expect it too early you will only make it worse and she will regress like it sounds like she is doing.
don't worry soooo much. we will be here for you baby.... J.

Hi J.
My name is A. and i totally feel your pain. I feel like i am always the one with all the responsiblity. i have a 19 month little girl and i work two jobs and i am home with her during the day which i LOVE!! but i feel like all we ever do it clean and do chore cause my boyfriend doesn't think it is important to help around the house. We actully just got in a huge fight bout it. As far as the present thing goes for your children, toys for tots helps families out tremendously during the christmas season. also your local open pantry may know more about where to go.
Good luck with everything

Hi J.:

I am a married mother of two children, ages 8 and 10. I completely understand everything you are going through. My husband operates on the same level. We have been married for 9 years this month. We both work days, however, I am the one who is responsible for the cooking, cleaning, laundry, child caring, etc. He gets home about an hour before me and basically walks right past the kids and up to his office to sit on his computer. I can ask for help until I am blue in the face and it doesn't matter. I finally stopped cooking, cleaning and basically went on strike for a month. We fought constantly during this period (it killed me to see my house so messy) but I was done being the maid. It took that action to get it into his head that I work the same hours as his, only my job is twice as demanding AND I have to come home to help kids with homework, get dinner going, check the laundry, etc. So, if you need someone to talk to, let me know.
Also, with respect to getting help for Christmas presents, the Salvation Army should be starting soon to accept applications to give Christmas help. You sign up and bring in the birth certificates for your kids, give ages, sizes, wish lists and they give you a date to come back (usually the week before Christmas) and they have a room full of toys that you are able to pick from (usually 4 or 5 gifts per child plus a complete outfit, shoes, mittens, and hats). In addition, they give you a gift certificate to Hannaford for a Christmas dinner (amount depends on family size). Good luck!

Hi Jen... I know what you are going through. I spent alot of my married like with my Ex-husband doing the same things you are. He was very controling etc. My advice is to find a mommy support group in your local area. One that does play dates and things. At least that will get you out of the house a bit each week and give your kids a chance to interact with others. As for Christmas. There are a few places that you can go. Try your town hall. alot of towns have programs set up to help those that. Both at christmas and other times. You can also contact your local Toys for Tots program. Just go to the Toys for Tots web page and they will help you get in contact with someone in your area. I would do that soon though so that you can get into the program for this year. Also try contacting churches, the salvation army and local charities. I have had to do this for my children in the past. There are many places out there that would love to help. Hope this helps.

sounds like you have your hands full for christmas help if you check into your local salvation army i know they usually help out people for christmas