Seeking Help from Moms of Teen Boys

I had a similar experience with both of my kids. My son is the oldest so went through it first. He reminds me of what you are going through with your son except mine wasn't a Casonova---lol. I bent over backwards trying to get my son to study more, grounded him for bad grades, took away video privledges, etc. Nothing worked. He never did have to repeat a grade but he came mighty close. He did somehow get through high school (Catholic High), passing by the skin of his teeth. My son was always smart and it embarrassed me that he did so poorly in school. Now he is in college and doing great. I think it's because he is now studying something of his own choosing that he is actually interested in (digital film making).

My daughter, who is 4 years younger, gave me the same kind of trouble starting at about 7th grade. I responded to her differently though, AND had a different outcome. Instead of hounding her, grounding her, etc etc, I pretty much stayed out of it. She failed 9th grade honors English, had to go to summer school, got kicked out of the honors English program, and ALSO was not able to get a driver's permit (you have to have a "C" average now to do this). Suddenly, this year she is studying all the time, turning in all her work (a first for her) and making good grades for once. All this with no interference from me. I think it was the fact that she suffered a painful consequence of her bad grades that turned her around. I never let my son fail---and therefore he never felt pain over his actions (or in-actions). Good luck---I hope this helps.

Hi G.,

Don't feel rained on, I am going through the same thing. My son is 16, very popular, on the football team, track and basketball. I feel that I am at my wits end also. I know that in the last few years he has become more mature about things and has changed alittle. I guess with age they will come to their sences, that seems to be what is happening with my son. He has actually started to think and act as a young man. He has become alot more responsible about his school work and has now gotten himself a job working 2-3 days a week. I believe all we can do is express our concerns about their education and all the time still preace what we know and expect out of them. They will come around. Remember when we were that age?

I am the mother of 3 boys. 1 grown, the middle child is 16 and the baby is 5. First of all boys are harder to raise.They also don't respond to emotional battles. In the future let him know your concerns and then allow him to tell you how he feels about the problem at hand. You may not like what he thinks, but if the two of you can find a compromise, you will walk away feeling like the pressure is off. Also, have you ever heard the expression, "pick your battles". That has worked wonders in my home. Hope this helps.

Hi G.!
You and I have something in common. I am the mom of 2 teenaged boys and an 11 year old girl. My eldest child is very intelligent and never socialized much so we haven't had difficulties. The second son is the complete opposite. He would rather be the class clown and the Don Juan rather than settle down and excel academically. Like your son, he is very smart. I was at a total loss and had NO IDEA how to redirect his behavior. After the last "bad" report card came home, we placed him on phone restriction and we do NOT allow the girls that are calling to speak to him. We are very upfront and tell them that he is on phone restriction. In addition, our son understands that if he prompts them to call, he gets ANOTHER day on phone restriction added to what he already has banked up. We have changed the password on the computer meaning that he can not use the computer without our expressed consent. The TV/satellite is locked and only will allow Fox News to broadcast unless WE unlock it. HOWEVER, you can't take it ALL away. Use a bit of reverse psychology. My husband suggested the below action be taken, and it actually worked. It got rid of most of the girls, and motivated my son to do his school work. The answer is X-box LIVE. LOL. Little girls HATE video games and little boys LOVE them. Use it as a reward. Everything else has been taken away. You have control over the phone, TV, and computer. Allow him to play it when he brings in good grades and actually ask him questions about the games and show interest in the games. Even if (like most moms) you DESPISE the games, it is a far better alternative to the GIRLS. If your child sees that you are interested in something that he is doing...it makes a much bigger impression than ANYTHING else you can do. You will soon see that you have a new best friend in your child. You will also see the grades improving and the little girls tapering off. Encourage him to invite over some of his male friends to play...have a gamer party. Trust me. We did this and we have a NEW KID with increasingly better grades. My husband is a genius.

I suggest an excellent book titled "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" By Faber Adele. I got some really great tips in this book which could apply to all ages. The basic theme is parenting with empathy and learning to ask the right questions and phrase things in such a way that your kids will communicate with you. It gives great suggestions on how to get kids to come up with their own solutions (with your guidance). REALLY recommend this! I re-read it at least once a year. J.

Hi parents, well i am a mother of 2 boys one is 7 and my teen yeah 14 years old. my son is in high school now and yeah its hard my does the same thing very smart do well in class and exams. but his behavior its a problem at school not at home , my son knows i don't play he is very desrespecful sometimes, i don't let him talk back to me ,when i tell him something he does it. i always tell him this i am the adult in the house so he needs to respect that, yeah he might but a face and growl but he knows not to talk back to me.you see always stand up for yourself you are the adult and he needs to know that he is the child, once you let them cross the line and you don't say or do something about it they will continue.i take away his best loving thing away, his cell phone, computer, outside. and he learns his lesson. every child is different and you need to stand up. cause if you don't they will act like they are the adult and wont listen to you because they know you wont do nothing.

I have 3 grown sons. My sons thought I was the meanest mom on the block. If he wants to act like an elementry school kid then treat him like one. Inform the school you want weekly report on how he is doing in school. What subjects he did not complete and turn in. Then make him do them at the kitchen table (old fashion way - no computer) where you can see them getting done. Take away all video, phone, computer until he brings his grades up (don't give in). I had a son who was grounded for one semester until his grades improved. That meant no visiting his friends either, after school activities, etc. If he had no homework he did chores. I made him check out a book each week from the library and give me a book report due on Friday. There is a lot you can do. When I was in school one mother that stuck to my mind (form of punishment) was to follow her daughter around all day at school while wearing just her robe, hair in curlers, house shoes. She did this to stop her daughter from skipping school. She told her daughter that she would do this every day until she felt she could trust her. Embarresment works good at this age.

the problem with grounding your son for one semester is that it will take a toll on you and your husband. you will get tired of it and it will be easier to just give in. it will be worth it if you stick it out.

Last, there is nothing wrong with flunking a grade. Sometimes that is what it takes to straighten out a kid.

G., I am going thought the same thing with my 15 year old son & the youngest,last year he was in the 9th an faild to of his classes , this year he's in 9th & 10th grade & is failing even more this year ,but he is very smart he just dosen't want to do the work ,I even have him in cansoling, it like the more we push him the more backs up on his testes he makes A's I just don't understand it eather, I NEED ADVICE TOO