Seeking Advice on Maintaining Sanity with 2 Yr Old as a Flower Girl.

Rewards work. Offer her something she really wants for doing it so she'll be excited about getting it over with so she can get her reward - she is at a good age for rewards. Taking her somewhere she really wants to go is a good reward for this. Candy or treats are not usually a good one for this because it is a much bigger task than just using a potty for instance.

Also - at 2 and as a girl, if the little boy walks make it her job to help walk him down the isle. She might enjoy the responsibility. It worked at my friends wedding this past weekend.

GL

My only suggestion would be for you or someone she's comfortable with to walk down the aisle with her. If you don't want to do that, then just let her do whatever she wants...as long as she's not screaming at least it will provide comic relief to an other wise stiff occasion.

My grandaughter was 18 months when her aunt got married. We let her walk with a junior bridesmaid that she new and likedand that worked well for us .

Bribery.......it worked on our almost 3 year old who was a flower girl at a cousin's wedding. (haha) Just a suggestion!

How about taking a wagon and decorating it w/ wedding stuff and have both of the kids pulled in the wagon. I saw this at a wedding and it was a real hit!! Have the last Bridesmaid pull the wagon w/ the kids in it.

Best of luck!

I think at that age it would be best to take advantage of the wagon if they'll sit. You said the ring bear is younger...does he walk? The flower girl is hardly old enough to be responsible for herself, not to mention another little person. Tell the bride that you are concerned for how it will work out if they are going along, and volunteer or enlist a groomsman or other well-dressed individual to either pull the wagon or walk between the two while holding their hands. It might ruin the planned cuteness of having the tiny "bridal party" walking down alone, but a little adult distraction will be nothing compared to flower girl who stops 1/2 way down the aisle to sit, smell the pew decorations or the ring bear who chooses to eat the decorations or walk back to where he came from.

Don't expect (& don't let the bride expect) them to stand w/ the bridal party during the ceremony. Have parents in the front row w/ whom they can sit, read, color, have a bottle during the ceremony and be prepared to prompt when it's time for them to go out w/ the bridal party.

J.,

The first thing I would do is talk to the bride and let her know your concerns. If she has any experience with children, she should understand they can be unpredictable. Maybe an adult,your daughter knows really well (a grandma or an aunt maybe?)could be with your daughter until it is time for her to walk down the aisle. Then you can sit near the front, so if your daughter does decide to walk, she'll she you at the end; however, if she is too scared, then there is someone that could watch her during the wedding or bring her to you.

Does the bride want the flower girl and ring bearer to stand up with the wedding party for the wedding ceremony? If so, you may ask her if she's thought about having them sit with their parents. I only mention this because my brother was married last summer and they had very young flowers girls and ring bearers and they were very wiggly during the ceremony, one actually laid down at the front of the chapel and another started crying.

A way you could maybe help your daughter practice walking down the aisle is to see if you can volunteer to help collect the offering at your church and have your daughter walk with you. Maybe that would be a way to get her used to being in front of many people at one time.

Good Luck!!!

My niece was 1 1/2 years old when she was in my wedding. She did fine. If the wedding is in the evening make sure your daughter takes a nap. You can have something at the front of the church that you know she would want Ex. baby doll, favorite toy. That should work.

These are younger than the recommended ages for flower girls and ring bearers, but you can work around it by holding her hand or carrying her down the aisle. Another cute option is to use a decorated wagon, or even something big enough for an older sibling or parent to sit in to help with flower throwing.

My niece was also younger than recommended for my wedding, so we practiced with her, using fake flowers and a basket, and her parents prepared her by talking about it and describing it to her, and her grandma carried her down the aisle, helping to toss the flower petals. It was totally fine.

This kind of event can be *really* scary for such a young child, so having a familiar adult hold their hand or carry them is a nice way to respect their needs and preserve the event from a big tantrum!

Have fun!
L.

When my son was 3, he was a ring bearer. The flower girl was 6, so that helped. What helped to get him down the aisle was we had his aunt, whom he really loved, sit on the front row and as he walked down, she motioned him to come to her. Then he sat with her on the front row during the ceremony because I knew he would not be still during the wedding.

When my sister remarried, all over her children were in the wedding...the youngest was about 18 months old. She had the 18 month old walk hand in hand with her big brother (who was about 10 yrs old). This could be hard with the flower girl & ring bearer, but to avoid disasters, it's the best thing I've seen. Even if one of the bridesmaids & groomsmen were to walk to either side of each child, holding hands, it works. I've seen it more than once, and it actually is quite beautiful!

At my wedding, we had the flower girl and ring bearer walk down the aisle and then sit with their parents at the front. I also had them a special surprise (a coloring book, colors, and a quiet toy) waiting for them. It worked pretty well for us!

My son is the ring bearer in my sister-in-law's wedding this June. He'll be about 21 months then. I'm anxious to see how he does!

I would make sure you are at the end of the aisle waiting for her so she sees a familiar face and feels like she is walking to you. Maybe have one of her dolls or a comfort toy in your hand for her to see. The best advice I think I can give though is prepare the bride and groom that they may not want to walk down the aisle and that it will be okay if they don't. Tons of kids change their minds and the wedding still goes on. If the kids don't want to walk then just pull them aside and let the wedding continue. Don't allow them to make a big scene especially since it is usually the bride coming out next. You don't want to take anything away from the brides day. My best friend let her flower girl walk down the aisle with her when she got married and still to this day she regrets it. Hope this helps!

i have observed some weddings where the flower girl or ring bearer balked at walking down the aisle when they see all the people, but they did walk down while holding the hand of a bridesmaid. if your daughter is particularly close to one of the bridesmaids, it might be good to factor this possibility in when you are arranging the order of the entrance of the attendants. the rehearsal might give you insight into what you can expect at the wedding. 2 years old is very young so don't be disappointed if she is unable to "perform" as expected ...

I would suggest that you make 100% certain that the bride and groom do not have high expectations of either child and that they would be okay if the children decide not to participate at all at the last minute. (People that don't have children don't always realize the limitations) If she is absolutely going to attempt, I would suggest participating in the rehersal and if there will be organ music (or any other) ask that the musicians also participate in the rehersal. That music can be unexpected for a young child. A parent should sit in an aisle seat near the front and there should be a familiar person that she walks to (like a bridesmaid) and stands with during the ceremony. Good luck!

My daughter was 19 months when she was the flower girl in my sister's wedding. The bride definitely needs to understand that the flower girl & ring bearer are not likely to do everything they way she expects!

My mom was sitting in the front row, and my daughter was supposed to walk down the aisle (no flowers, just walk) and then go to my mom. I was a bridesmaid and my brother was a groomsman, so we thought maybe she would walk down with us, and if she didn't walk, I'd just carry her. Well, just when it was time to walk down with us, she saw my dad! Then she wanted him to hold her. So, my brother & I walk down, then here comes my dad carrying my daughter down the aisle! He handed her off to my mom, then he had to go back to get my sister--the bride!-- and walk her down! It was still cute, and my sister didn't care.

So, even if you plan how the flower girl should walk down, and even if you have a backup plan, be prepared for her to make her own plan!

I went to a wedding were the groom held the childs favorite toy to get them to come down the isle and get it from him. I have been to a wedding were an older kid walked behind them to get them down the isle. The older kid was one they knew and liked. Make sure she is not hungry, that always turns out bad. Hope this helps.

S. jane

Have the ring bearer hold you daughter's hand down. You may also want your daughter and the ring bearer to meet and get to know each other if they don't already.

Station peoples she knows well at the end of every third isle or so, each with a tiny treat (not candy). We got my daughter down the isle for her cousion's wedding using little cartoon figure. Your daught will then move down the isle collecting things for herself to have for later. And it gives her something to put back in her flower basket. My daughter didn't like the basket being empty. Also learn to laugh - let her be the wonderful child she is. Why in the world would we want a 2 year old to act like a trained dog or an adult that just walks perfectly down the isle on command? If the Wedding party can't deal with it. It's not worth the honor to make your child crazy. BA I

Oh my gosh, it is so funny that I read this tonight right after I tried putting my 2 year old daughters flower girl dress on her. (She will be in my brothers wedding this weekend with a cousin 4 months younger as the ring bearer) Once I got the dress on her, she kept crying and saying "Take it off! Take it off!! It is the second time I have put it on her and both times she did the same thing. So, now, she is running around in her diaper and her shoes that go with the dress. Can't get her to take them off!! I sure hope she decides to wear it this weekend.

I know it isn't any advice, but I thought you would get a laugh out of it since we are in the same boat!
Hope all works out well.

C.

Personally, I think both are a bit too young for such expectations though the idea and thought are cute. Maybe you could deck out and push a couple of strollers down the aisle?

My son was in my cousins wedding when he was 4 yrs old.. He did really well.. They practiced over and over again till he was comfortable.. But here is an idea that might be of some help... Get a wagon and decorate it with flowers and other things.. and have them sit in it.. have a Bridesmaid pull it behind her or have an older Flowergirl be in the wedding and have it her duty to pull the wagon. Just in case they decide to turn stubborn.. lol.. Make sure that the wagon is comfortable to sit in.. Also BRIBE HER!!!!If they do not want to sit still in it.. put some toys in there that will keep their attention for the walk down...I personally think that it would be cute.. but some might find it tacky... LOL and let her know that NO ONE will be upset with her if anything goes wrong. Best of wishes.. Children at that age are hard to work with..Good luck again!
Jen

Since the flower girl & ring bearer are so very young to be expected to do their "job" in the wedding without ruining the event, how about this: seat them in a decorated wagon & have one of the younger but older participants (such as a candle lighter or anyone approx. 10 or 12 years old) pull the wagon. The flower girl can toss the petals (with the puller walking backwards & helping toss if needed.) When arriving at the front, the bestman can then take the ring & keep it until needed. The wagon can then be pulled off to the side & parents can take their children & be seated on the side of the sanctuary to keep them quiet. If the parents are in the wedding have grandparents to stand in. Make sure it is someone that the child is very comfortable with so they will not be fussy. At the end, the flower girl & ring bearer can then be placed in the wagon again and be pulled from the side to the front & then back down the aisle right before the bride & groom.

If something is needed to "comfort" the children as they go down the aisle with all eyes on them give them something special to have in the wagon to cuddle. Some ideas are white teddy bears ~ one with a bow tie for the boy & one with a veil for the girl. Or maybe a small "security blanket" with their names, position, bride's & groom's names & date monogramed. Give the item to the children long enough before the wedding so that they are attached to it & then it'll do its job of security. They also need to be familiar with the wagon puller. Familiarity will give comfort & security to the children which will then make the wedding a happy occurance with no crying or fussing. They also should have a very long nap before the wedding.

Hope this gives you an idea of how very young children can still participate in a wedding. good luck!!!

My two were both that age at my sister-in-law's wedding, and Dad walked with them. The best advice is not to expect too much. I've never seen a 2yr old that went down the aisle willingly alone, Mom/Dad eventually had to go and help him/her out. You could start practicing now tho, and maybe get her use to it. If you go to church, have her practice there too, especially if she'll be tossing petals. Sometimes that's a little too much for them to concentrate on tho, so you could use a small bell "rattle" for her to shake while walking to "announce the bride". Hope this helps.

J., my experience is that many times the ring bearer and the flower girl are the hit of the wedding even when they don't do it perfect...my son actually sat down on the steps one time and took his shoes off (yes, during the wedding) because they were too tight and were bugging him. We always had a designated person (maid of honor/best man) that the children were to make eye contact with...that person was to encourage them down the aisle....just relax, more than likely they wont' do it just right but they will be remembered afterwards with affection...R.

I agree with the other ladies- definitely make sure of what the bride's expectations are. My daughter was a young 4 year old when she was a flower girl, and I was a bridesmaid. She tried to lay down on the steps up to the altar during the ceremony.... I was on the outside and she was on the inside, so I couldn't do anything besides the evil eye. She wound up going to sit with my husband 1/2 way through the ceremony. Kids will be kids, and sitting there for 20 minutes without anything to do is a stretch for a kid, no matter what age. The bride was just fine with the situation, and I knew that ahead of time.

I think some of the biggest things is make sure they have a snack/potty RIGHT before the ceremony, even if it means putting a bib on a 5 year old. Also, even if they don't nap, a nap/rest time is in order, since it will probably be a longer day than normal. Most kids dance their hinnies off at the reception, so she will probably be tired, no matter what.

Enjoy the time and just talk honestly with the bride.

J.

The bride who wants children this young to be flower gerl and ring bearer better be ready for whatever happens. They haven't the capacity to understand any of it, and the more stressed everyone else is, who wants them to do certain things in a certain way in a certain time, the less likely it is to happen. They may look "cute" but they are not ready for performing in public, and it is putting them in a situation where they are going to have a lot of people they love upset with them. Is this kind?

My son was a ring bearer when he was 20 months old. I would recommend that you talk about it as much as possible ahead of time and make as many practice runs as you can. My son got to walk down the isle with his 3 year old cousin who did a lot of pulling him along. If it weren't for his cousin I am not sure he would have gone down the isle cause he was very nervous about all the people. If you can sit at or toward the front that would probably be a big help cause then she will want to go to you. Good luck!

Let them do what ever they want. It is so cute to see a flower girl and ring bearer doing funny things in a wedding. It makes everyone laugh and takes the tension out of the wedding having to be so perfect. Leave the serious stuff to the adults and just let the kids be kids!

Hi Good luck. My daughter was asked to pull this off also. The girl whose wedding she was in was warned that compliance is not a strong point. I told her we can give it our best shot, I could walk down with her, or she could just be in pictures. My daughter sounds a little more outgoing than yours, but we didn't know what to expect. We did walk down the isle with her many times before the wedding to familiarize her with the routine that was expected. My mother sent her down the isle and I waited near the front row. She and the ring barrier went right up on stage and gave the groom 5 (something they had done during rehearsal) Then she went over and started helping the piano player. I then escorted her out of the church down the side isle. Great!!!
4 months later at my brothers wedding she wouldn't even consider walking up to the front. It was an outdoor wedding with the rehearsal being at bedtime and in the dark and the wedding being at nap time. My brother and now wife were just happy to have her there and she looked adorable in the pictures.
My best advise is to give the bride the heads up on what will most likely happen and ask her what she would like to see happen in that case.
Hope that helps.
J.

I've seen two small kiddos do this before with a tux clad adult walking behind kind of keeping them on track. It was very cute! And the kiddos needed him there!!! You may need to rehearse this a bit so the children will be comfortable with the person in case they don't know him well.

Hope that helps! God bless ya!!

I personally think that at age two and younger, these two are too young to be flower girl & ring bearer. At that age their attention span is too sporadic and too short for those duties. Even if they do make it all the way down the aisle, they may end up distracting from the ceremony. Maybe suggest and honorary position and use them for photos only. It is sweet that the bride and groom want to include them, but they are just too young and unpredictable at those ages.

My daughters were 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 and were flower girls at my mother in laws wedding . . . they both did well; we had learned from my husband's (my) neice in our wedding to have to mommy, Daddy, and anyone else they are prone to come to at opposite sides of the isle in the front. If they throw the flowers great if they don't, they are still cute (mine dumped them half way up, the second one stopped picked them back up because it was a mess and then proceeded down to me). People who have VERY young children in their wedding I think expect cute antics and not the perfectly tossed flowers . . .o' one person I know had their daughters favorite doll at the end where they were to draw her down the isle (I guess candy or something else would work too). GOOD LUCK and I hope they are SUPER CUTE!!!

My neice got married almost 2 years ago and had toddlers for the flower girl and the ring bearer and they decorated a wagon and one of the mothers pulled the wagon down the aisle and then took the kids to set with them. It was adorable and the kids had a great time and were not afraid (there were over 200 people).
glftul

J., Everything will be fine. My nephew was just like that and he was only 2 when he was a ring bearer at a wedding along with a couple of other little ones that were about that age. When we were rehearsing, we showed them that at the end of the aisle where everyone is standing, if they do well and come down there and then they stand they get both of the prizes that people were holding down there. On the boys side, they had candy and on the girls' side they had money,,,just change under there shoes. Everyone of them did just what they were supposed to, especially when they got reminders here and there of,,,oh look what i'm holding for you. LOL! Hope that might help. Sometimes bribery will get you places...

Hey J.,
I read only some of the other advice and it all sounds great so i would utilize it. I wanted to also mention if someone else hadn't, to plan for getting her down the aisle. Of course be prepped for he prior to... with potty and snacks but the trick for getting a little one with stage fright down the isle is distraction. So i would tell her you will have a special surprise for her waiting with you. And then of course get her a special something that is noise free as she will want to open and play with it as soon as she finishes her journey. Wrap it up bright, cheerfully and attractively. And when she starts the walk see if the bride doesn't mind you placing your hand slightly into the aisle with her enticing and wrapped surprise. it will give her a focal point to keep her distracted from the people both her sight and her mind will be on that gift. Of course practice distance walking with her somewhere in your home with her pacing herself and develop hand signals to tell her to slow down or speed up.... with all of this covered she should be an amazing pro at getting down the isle and then everyone will want to know how you did it. It's amazing how much a 2 year old can focus. but with her age in mind check with the bride first to see if this will be okay, then start the signals and practice walk soon. And only the day before or day of mention the surprise as waiting for it will be super hard. best of luck -mb

Hi! Although I'm sure the bride-to-be and groom-to-be truly desire to have your daughter in their wedding, you may want to re-think this. Almost 2 is very young, and to tell the truth, under the age of 4 or 5, being expected to do anything tangible in such a setting can prove to be more harmful then not. If you truly want her in the wedding - there is the possibility that one of the maids of honour could help escort her up the aisle as part of the procession, rather then try and get her to walk by herself or with an even younger (?)ringbearer. The youngest flower girl we have ever had since I started working with my church's wedding guild was 4, and she worked out just fine. But I reiterate that almost 2 could just be too young. Maybe they could have 2 flower girls with one being a bit older - say maybe 6? Then your daughter would have some guidance walking down the aisle. Good luck hon.

J.,
I wouldn't worry to much about it, as we all know, anything the little ones do is precious no matter how funny it may or may not be.....speaking from experience.........my grandson was a best man to his Dad when he was almost 2, he fell asleep and his granddad had to hold him up.....he slept through the whole thing......

J.,

I had my then 2-yr-old goddaughter as a flower girl in my wedding. We had her father sit at the end of the isle and she ran away from the ring bearer and right to her father. It was priceless! Nothing could have been cuter! Then she wanted her dad to join she, her mother and the other bridesmaids at the front of the church, but we opted to have her sit with her dad during the ceremony. Anyone who asks little ones to be in their wedding obviously loves them and kids in general, so don't worry! Everyone will just oooh and awhhh over how beautiful she looks and her behavior won't be an issue! Remember that the more relaxed you are, the more relaxed she will be! Enjoy!

K.

My son was the ring barer for my husband's aunt's second wedding. He was about 2 1/2 years old. The flower girl was the same age. In fact, it was his cousin who was born three weeks before he was. The wedding planner had them hold hands and go to the groom. When they got to the end of the isle she told them to go find their mommies, we were both standing on either side of the pews. This worked out very good with the exception of them running down the isle, but everyone enjoyed seeing that and getting a laugh. If your daughter knows the ring barer holding hands might help them both. And you could tell her that she will be a big girl and help the younger one get down the isle.

I had a very youn flower girl in my wedding (although the ring bearer was a little older). Anyway, we just had a nicely dressed adult I(the father of the ringbearer) walk down the aisle with them. When they got to the front, both children sat with their parents in the pews instead of standing at the front.

Talk to the bride and groom and see if they'll let you walk down the aisle with the children. Take guidance from the bride about what you should wear (suggest maybe a simple, but nice black dress so that the focus will be on the kids and not you).