How to Get My 2 Year Old Ringbearer to Do the Job?

USE FAKE RINGS ON THE PILLOW!!!! When my sister got married, my nephew was the ring bearer, and lost the real rings off of the pillow, before making it to the end of the aisle. Half of the wedding party, and most of the guests had to leave the ceremony to find the rings. Even if he doesn't make it down the aisle, or loses the fake rings, as least you won't have to stop the wedding for it. Good luck.

For my wedding, we compromised with my 2 Yr old nephew. He had to wear the tux, but he got to wear his Nikes instead of the dress shoes. And, we gave him a liitle sugar (Skittles) just before he headed down the aisle. He did a great job!

Been there, done that - three times! My poor son. We found that having the best man (or another man in the groom's party) hold a sucker at the front of the aisle got him up the aisle. Then, we had my son come sit with us immediately. There is no need for the little ones to hang out up there getting hot. We bought Chuck Taylor All Star tennis shoes for him to change into for the reception (with the permission of the brides, of course) and that helped take care of the hurting feet problem. We also stripped him of everything but his dress shirt once the wedding and any after wedding pictures were over. He still looked handsome with his top button undone.

We bribed with Thomas, too. It worked. We had him pick it out at the store a few days before the wedding and we set it on the mantle for him to drool over. Come wedding day, he was so excited to get it, he sat in the pew like a prince after his job was done.

If the wedding is over naptime, be prepared for picture problems, but try not to let him see your stress. Have the photographer shoot the pictures with him first so he can run and play afterwards. My son was so tired and cranky at my brother's wedding that we had to stand behind the photographer bribing him with M & Ms if he would smile. He ended up sticking out his tongue instead, but it is the cutest picture in their entire album and a great memory. Just try to roll with his moods that day and not put too much pressure on him.

I hope it turns out beautifully! Go get the shoes ASAP!
A.

J. - Really, don't worry about whether your son makes it down the aisle or not. He will be adorable, and it will be a great memory (and hopefully get captured on video) no matter what he does. The great thing about a kid that young and cute in a wedding party is that nothing they might do can be wrong. I have 2 examples for you:

(1) My son was the ringbearer in my aunt's wedding 2 years ago when he was 14 months old. He wore a tiny tux with tails that was just adorable. My daughter, who was almost 3, extremely verbal, and very good at following directions (or so we thought), was the flower girl. She was to carry a flower basket in one hand and hold my son's hand with the other and help lead him down the aisle while he held the ring pillow (with fake rings) in his other hand. For that part of the wedding only, I was crouched at the end of the aisle in the front of the church to encourage them to walk to me. Believe it or not, they did perfectly at the rehearsal, so I thought it would be the same at the wedding. I didn't realize how having people in the audience would change everything. At the wedding, our nanny, who was sending them off up the aisle, unexpectedly ended up having to walk up the aisle herself like a streetsweeper to keep my daughter moving along and to pick up the ringbearer's pillow since, once my daughter started up the aisle, she immediately dropped my son's hand to stop and wave and say hi to anyone she recognized in each church pew she came to (and there were a lot of pews to walk past - and she stopped at each and every one!) ... while my son, on the other hand, kept right on going, but immediately dropped his ringbearer's pillow on the ground so that he could reach both of his arms toward me as he ran up the aisle with his arms outstretched and a huge smile on his face, repeatedly saying "Mommy, mommy!" Honestly, though, I think that the kids deviating from the script and being - well, kids! - was the highlight of the wedding, and so did my aunt and all of the guests who commented to me how much they loved what happened. I'll also bet that, as time goes by, none of the guests will remember much about the wedding except that part!

(2) Two weeks ago I attended the most perfectly-planned wedding that I've ever seen, thanks in large part to a perfectionistic bride (my friend) and the wedding coordinator she hired. If ever I would have expected the flower girl and ringbearer to do things correctly, it would have been this wedding. She actually had 2 ringbearers - 2 and 3 years old. The older one did his job perfectly, but the 2 year old stopped a few steps up the aisle and started crying when he saw all the people, while the flower girl and older ringbearer went ahead up the aisle and left him behind. His dad, who was the best man, had to step off the church platform/stage and walk down the aisle to escort his crying son up the aisle. Except for his heartbreaking little cry, it was the cutest thing and, honestly, stole the attention away from the flowergirl and older ringbearer who did their jobs correctly.

So don't stress about your son's "performance" at the wedding. Whatever he does will be perfect. Just let him do whatever he is inclined to do, and be sure to have your camera ready. It will be the most natural and cutest part of the wedding that everyone will remember fondly, and you will smile about it for many years to come. I'm sorry that I can't give you any advice about the tux issue though. Fortunately, my son was too young to have any opinion about wearing one or not. Maybe it would help if, the day of the wedding, he can see that he is dressed just like some of the other men in the wedding party since it might make him feel very grown up.

Good luck, and please be sure to let us know how it goes!

I suggest you sit in a front row of the church, sit on the aisle and seeing you in the front will make him want to go at least that far. Don't put his tux on him too soon...he will get tired of it and start taking clothes off. Make sure he has enough sleep the night before. You never know, he may love the attention and start smiling and waving at everyone. Since he is two, don't count on things going perfect. My son (at 3) was ring bearer in a wedding with his cousin and she was younger than him and he kept telling her to throw the flowers on the floor while they walked down the aisle the whole church was roaring with laughter because she just kept staring at him with a blank look and finally my son just rolled his eyes at his cousin!!! No matter what your son does everyone will think he's adorable!!! I am sure the bride and groom aren't expecting a 2 year old to be perfect. If they do they need to get in the real world!!!

I wouldn't take any of it too seriously or get too worried about it. At that age he's going to just look cute and he will be the reason you will see a lot of smiles and hear some laughs during the ceremony. If he doesn't do what he's supposed to, it'll make for some extra smiles I am sure! Have fun with it! And have your video camera ready!!!!!!

I had a 2 year old do it at my wedding too - I also had 2 older flower girls that walked near him to push him along. He didn't do the greatest job but it made for a good laugh. I don't have any great tips but my only advice would be is to not take it too seriously if he messes up it usually makes for a nice laugh and funny video/pictures. You cannot expect too much just enjoy whatever he decides to do that day.

What I would do, is have playtime at home, making it fun to wear the tux and practice. Bring up how important he will be and how everyone will be watching. If he likes to have his picture taken, let him know that too. I always made games up for my daughter to do things, then it was fun. Make it fun, and I am sure he will be fine!

I'm a minister's daughter...helped out at MANY a wedding in my time! Don't give him his FAVORITE candy until he can see it at the front of the church. He will want to get to the front of the aisle to get that candy. Only a few every RAN down the aisle...but that was too cute, so it really didn't matter :)

Good luck and have fun with it. The bride and groom know the age of your child, even before they asked him to be in the wedding...they know the consequences.

J.

Hi J.,
My son was 2 when he was in my sister's wedding. I was the maid of honor...and we ended up walking down together. He also did not hold the pillow, but instead held 2 mini monster trucks :) So I would just be open minded to the fact that whatever he does will be funny and NOT related to the wedding :)Are you in the wedding? Or your husband? if so...walk with him. Good luck!

All 3 of my kids were in my sister's wedding...my advice...expect that he will throw a fit and not walk down the asile. That way you will not be as stressed....warn the bride of the possible problem...my girls walked around the bride during the ceremony and played with the unity candle...my husband and I were also standing up so there was basically nothing we could do...both of us were sweating and angry...especially with our older one. Our relatives said it was cute and the pastor even worked it into his words..the pitter patter of bare feet (b/c they had both taken off their shoes by this point)and the starting of new and bringing life to the family.

Relax and expect the worse...it could only be better

All it took for my 2 year old was an M&M in the best man's pocket at the end of the aisle. Luckily that was my husband but we practiced at home with "What do you think Dad has in his pocket? Go see." We set him up at further and further distances at home with always the M&M reward. Then - at the wedding all I had to do was ask the question and off he went down the aisle! A little chocolate can work big wonders. I think the immediacy and the dependence on walking over to get it was the key. Best of luck!

J.,

Not what you want to hear but the bride and groom have asked a 2 year old to do something most 2 year olds just can't be expected to do (most wedding books even advise against it)...we had two 3 1/2 year olds in our wedding...and did not expect them to do much more than look cute...the ring bearer did not have real rings...just for show...if he had any issues going down the aisle my brother was going to just scoop him up but he did fine...I'd see how he does at the rehersal...I would go from there and see how he does...and the bride may decide he can just be at the front already like the other groomsmen....can he wear something comfy under the tux...a Thomas tshirt maybe? Don't stress too much...it's not your wedding....and nobody will be upset if he's not able to be the "perfect ring bearer!" am sure he'll be adorable!

B.

B.

Sounds like you are doing the best that you can do. My daughter was so good at following directions...it just occurred to me that she was 17 months old when she was asked to be a flower girl. She did great during rehearsal....however, during the wedding, she stomped her foot and refused to walk down the aisle. I had to scoop her up and walked down the aisle with her, all the while she waved at everyone! She still was a show stopper! Everyone thougth it was very cute. Point being....you can try to predict and imagine what your son MAY do but until the day comes...just bribe and hope for the best. And be prepared to scoop him up and walk with him. Give the bride and the groom fair warning that this behavior may happen... they may not care....it's the best that you can do. He's two years old. Your son will either surprise you with his maturity or he will truly humble you. Regardless, it will be a memory to savor. Good luck.

My son was the same age as yours when he was a ringbearer last December. He HATED the tux when he tried it on and HATED the shoes. But, when the day actually came and he saw that everyone else was dressed up, he put the tux on. He also walked down the aisle both ways. He did an awesome job. I was really surprised. They really do surprise us sometimes. I packed a backpack of snacks and quiet things for him to do during the ceremony like flashcards and books and told him we could do that when he got down the aisle. Hopefully your son will surprise you too!:)

My son was 2 as well and the only advice I can give you is to not worry too much! My son would not walk down the aisle during rehearsal, but that day, did an awesome job. Make sure the bride and groom are okay with him running, crying, or even summersaulting down the aisle...I guess that could happen. No matter what, everyone is going to be thinking how cute your son is! I am all for rewards too!
As far as the tux...geez, not sure. Maybe just talk it up as a cool thing and of course the reward!
Have fun and take lots of photos!!!

I have been coordinating weddings for my church for almost 4 years now. A 2 year old as a ringbearer is pushing it. As a rule they are usually too young to be counted to "perform." No amount of bribery is going to work. How would you feel walking into a strange room, with wierd music playing, all alone, with a crowd of strangers staring at you?

Assuming you get him into his tux, if you or his dad are standing in the wedding party and are entering before him, he may be coaxed to come down the aisle to you. MAYBE. If he walking in with someone else older that he knows well and gets along with(flower girl or junior bridesmaid) then you might have a shot.

It all depends on the mood he wakes up in that day. Sorry to be so pesimistic, but I've seen it too many times. Be prepared for him to balk at the last minute. And don't fuss at him if he does, he's just 2.

Have you tried getting some "ring bearer" themed books from the library? A friend of mine did this and her son liked "reading" about being a ring bearer. Another thing may be to not mention the wedding or ring bearer thing till the day comes-- my niece is not the most disciplined child- and she is very independent - she was the flower girl at my wedding and the day of the wedding she suddenly went with the flow and was great. Maybe not making it a big deal might help make it seem less nerve-wracking for him. Good luck!!