My friend Natalie has a 4 month old little boy and he cannot entertain himself he always has to be held otherwise he cries and cries. Natalie said that he did not start doing this until he was colic and then that passed she said and now he just wants to be held all the time. From my experience I told her it could be his acid reflux because my daughter has that and he seemed miserable last time i was over at the house, but natalie says he does it from like 2 pm till bed time. Any ideas for her on how to help her with having her son be on his own to entertain himself? he is an only child and when Dad is around he can't handle the crying and gives into the holding him all the time. Mom (natalie) tries to let him cry in playpen or bouncer but after so long can't deal either.
Sorry to sound so strong but---He's 4 months!!!! Please tell her to hold him as much as he wants!!!!! I am a Child Development Expert and a Social Worker--I have never herd of anyone wanting a 4 month old to entertain themselves! She needs to rethink her priorities.
You cannot spoil them at this age. And at 4 months, they are not capable of self soothing, that is just ridiculous. If he is crying at this age, there is a reason and she needs to respond to it. I do not have to hold or snuggle mine all the time, he is happy to play with his kick gym, etc periods of the day. Also, it sounds like colic is still an issue...colic being any unexplained period of crying that the Dr can't diagnose. It may be the food she is feeding him is not sittng well, but he should cry anytime then.
Just tell her she needs to make him secure by holding him more and this too shall pass. Babies go through stages and if she doesn't build the trust now by being there when he needs her, it will only make him harder to deal with in the future. And the days of sleeping and eating are over! It doesn't get any better at age 2.5 either! Tell her don't worry, soon they will be a teenager and not want anything to do with her, lol ;)
Good luck,
C.
In my mailbox today from Love and Logic and Dr. Charles Fay-
Baby Parenting
About nine months ago, my wife and I were blessed with a wonderful little bundle of joy baby boy! Since our other kiddos are ages 14 and 22 years, we're relearning a lot about babies. We're also being given a lot of advice about how to proceed, as well as plenty of books on the subject.
Some books say, "Don't hold them too much! They'll get spoiled."
Other books say, "Make sure they're fed on a tight time schedule. Make them wait until it's time for a feeding."
Some of our friends say, "Just let him cry it out at night until he falls asleep."
Fortunately, I was blessed with the opportunity to spend eleven years of my life learning from the scientific research on child development. From this blessing, I can say without any reservation that the advice mentioned above is dead wrong.
In a nutshell, here's what research really says about parenting during the first year of life:
Love them and take good care of them. Comfort them when they cry. Feed them when they are hungry. Hold them as often as you can. Don't worry for a moment about spoiling them by giving them too much attention.
In our Early Childhood Package, we teach that the first year of life is all about bonding and attachment. As the second year looms closer, parents find more and more opportunities to set and enforce limits. The more practical tools we have for doing both, the more successful we will be!
Thanks for reading.
Dr. Charles Fay
J.,
I too agree with the other Moms. If she wants her hands free to do laundry & other things, tell her to try "wearing" him in a sling or another type of carrier. This way, he gets the comfort & closeness he needs, and she can still get a few things done without feeling guilty about holding him all day.
S.
Has she tried a baby carrier where she can "wear" him while she does other things (just not cooking!)? Also, my children loved their exersaucer. I'd put them in there when I really needed to get something done, like cook dinner or dishes, where I couldn't hold them or have them in a carrier or underfoot.
But I also agree with the other moms, that if he's not feeling well and being held is what comforts him most, then they should hold him. It won't go on forever. They'll just have to accept that there will be things that won't get done.
My daughter had went through that a little bit, her mother was always picking her up and she got used to it. I just put a few interactive toys in with her, the Fisher Price Aquarium really helped her out. Put a few toys in her crib with him or his playpen that make noises and help him push the buttons, and he will keep going at it, it will end up only taking you an hour to get him used to playing on his own.
I personally think that is just personality, my daughter was just like that & still is needs a lot of attention at 3 yrs old. My son was the complete opposite. I just say get a sling & learn to use it. That solved all my problems with my daughter she went from a fussy baby to calm & content.
Brekka
ditto to the other responses.
i'm not sure i know a 4 month old who can entertain themselves
tell her good luck.. and give her a hug :-)
He's only 4 months old! Hold the poor little guy! He'll learn to explore his world soon enough but for now he needs some security. Im all for kids learning to self-soothe, etc. but that comes in time...not at birth. Tell her to stop rushing him to not need her. Everything that she needs to do will be there waiting for her later, but right now he needs her! Sit down and enjoy that baby!
~L.
