Spoiled Baby! Please Help!

cherish that she needs you and that she cries for you. It wont be long before you are missing those cute little cries (even the not so cute ones) and now she wants you to hold her...she needs her mommy....one day when she is older, she will still need you...and she may still let you hold her on occasion..but trust me it wont be the same...babies are not spoiled..ever.....some just know who to cry for when they need the comfort of being held. best of luck to you!!

It sounds like because she is so used to being with you that she has seperation anxiety. My cousin's child is also going through the same thing. She is just slowly working through it. I don't think that there is an easy answer though, because every child is so different.

I just found a site online, the M.O.M. Team. Is this what you do from home? I would like more info also if you could email me (when you have time:)) my email is ____@____.com Thanks!

I have twins who went thru this phase! Talk about not being able to do anything!!! I do not agree with people who say that it is all their fault. I used to believe this too until I realized one day that children need their parents and they feel secure being held by mommy and there is nothing I can do about that feeling they have. Just know that she will grow out of it. I agree with trying to have her play by herself more. A little crying here and there doesn't hurt either. With my oldest son - I couldn't stand to let him cry. If he started crying I was right there. When we were trying to break the habit of holding him to fall asleep at night my husband at the time made me lay him in his crib and cry it out. I sat outside his door crying myself b/c I couldn't go in there. Now that I am on my 3rd and 4th children I can stand to let the boys cry themselves to sleep at night. It doesn't necessarily show them not to trust you it just shows them to be more independent. Same with leaving them in a playpen or safe area to play. She might cry but she will learn to entertain herself by playing and learn that it is ok to be independent. It will take a while though but trust me..It gets easier.
I would like to know what you mean by "if you would like to join our team feel free to ask more."

It absolutely won't hurt that baby a bit to cry a little. It's not wonder so many kids are spoiled rotten these days listening to some of this....you gonna go to kindergarten with them too because they find that upsetting?
She doesn't want anything to do with other people and so putting her in a baby toter and strapping her to you is somehow going to help that? I think the other moms who said put her down, let her cry a little, and try to get her involved in other activities are absolutely right; it is the hard way, but what is in her best interests.
This is just like sleeping with your kids, which I did with my first for a few years years and will never do again. Breaking that habit is SO hard, but putting him in a bed next to mine (just as they are saying strap the baby to you) doesn't solve the problem at hand. I knew when he started going to daycare they were holding him all day, and I put a stop to it because it was making my life a nightmare; I couldn't get anything accomplished because he was throwing fits he wasn't being held. What you do does make a difference.
As far as not holding her goes, you don't want her to scream and freak out to where she is uncontrollably upset, but as long as she can see you she will be fine, let her cry for a few minutes, and then sit next to her or even pick her up for a minute or two so she knows "Mommy is here and I still love you". Eventually she WILL get over it.
Babies simply do not understand object permanance; they think if they can't see something it doesn't exist anymore. So if you walk out of the room, she's worried you will never come back, as though you just disappeared. It's not until they are a bit bigger (I think around 2?) that they start to understand the relationship between someone/thing leaving the room and still being somewhere versus having disappeared into thin air.
Strapping her to you though is not going to give you the time as a human you need. You deserve a little time every day. Not just to shower, but 30 minutes to yourself to decompress, read a magazine, go jogging, do something! It will make you feel better! Babies are very needy, but mothers were not meant to have them attached at the hip from birth. You don't want her still doing this at two and three years old.
I know it will be hard, you have to tough it out. Good luck, and hang in there!

I agree that you should NOT just sit her down and let her cry. I liked the idea from a PP who said to get down on the floor with her and play until she is comfortable there on her own. If she sees that you're still there, she should be OK. Then try walking around the corner and seeing if she continues to play. It might take a while, but she'll get used to not being attached to you.

I can't really blame you for holding her all the time. There are times when I love just holding my daughter and don't want to put her down. I even rock her to sleep quite frequently, I just don't want her getting used to it. ;)

And in response to all the other PPs who said babies can't be spoiled: Yes, they can. No, they don't manipulate you, but they get used to things being a certain way, and then when things change, they're not happy! So yes, if your baby wants to be rocked or nursed to sleep or held all the time or will only sleep with a certain toy, it's because you let it become a habit, and now they expect it.

She needs to have an activity to do non-stop and still be close to you at the same time. For example, if you are doing laundry she can sit in the laundry basket with some of the laundry. Also, my daughter loved books at that age. It's funny because it really looks like they are reading, but really they are just looking at pictures. There are lots of things you can do to make it work. You will know what works. Just use your imagination. Oh and they don't start being any less clingy until around 18 months or so, when they start becoming independent. Good Luck!

A seven month old baby cannot be spoiled. They do not know how to manipulate the adults around them. All they want is to be cuddled, loved, and taken care of.

Leaving her to just cry is the worst thing you can do. She is still an infant, and she is still learning about her surroundings. She needs to know that her mommy will be there for her when she needs her. Letting her cry it out is just sad. With that said, I suggest getting some kind of baby carrier in which you can safely keep her close to you while still being able to get things done. I suggest mei tei carriers as one of the best types. I have a friend who makes them at www.carriersbylisa.com. She is awesome to work with. Another option is a ring sling (I have a Maya Wrap that I still carry my 12 mos. old in). If I can help in anyway, feel free to contact me.

Try this....it worked with my daughter. Get down in the floor and play with her. Encourage her to be a bit more independent while you are still there. It may take a while before she plays for any length of time, but eventually she will just play on her own while you get stuff done. I was never into letting my daughter cry unless I had to, so I tried to find a way to get her to do something else that made her happy and would allow me to get a few things done. Now she is one and she crawls to her playroom and plays for anywhere from an hour to hour and a half by herself. I peek around the door all the time to check on her, but she is doing fine. Just take the time to encourage her to be on her own instead of just letting her cry.....in my opinion that really doesn't help, it just teaches your baby that you will pick and choose when you will be there for them and when you wont.
Hope this helps
T.

It's ok for her to cry for a few minutes as long as she is in a safe place like her crib or a play pen. But keep in mind she is probably going through seperation anxiety and needs to know that you will be there for her and she is probably experiancing stranger anxiety so when she cries when other people hold her it is probably cause she is scared of them.

My child did the same thing. She is into that clinging stage. My son wouldn't let anyone hold him or let me do anything. I just had to let him see me and cry. It was really hard but now he is 16 months old and he's not so dependent. He likes to do things his own way. I remeber when he was the same way The best thing is to let her still see you but let her cry it out. She will eventually come around. I promise. I would also like to know what kind of work you do out of your home. If you could email me and let me know more bout it i would really appreciate it ____@____.com

J.

It'll be hard, but let her sceam it out. Once she's fed, diapered, etc....set her down where you'll be in plain site and let her scream. Yeah, it'll be hard for a while, but right now that's how she gets what she wants. You have to teach her that her behavior won't get what she wants, which is your attention. Don't scare her by leaving or something...and try talking to her once in a while, but just let her cry. It may take a time or two, but you'll be surprised how it will change your life. It doesn't hurt them to cry...in fact, it will be harder on your fighting the urge to pick her up. Hang in there, Mom!!! You'll be the happier for it in the long run!

Have you tried a baby sling of any kind? I have a Babyhawk Mei Tie(www.babyhawk.com) that I just love to get things done around the house. My 7 m/o is spoiled too but I can trow her up on my back and get all the housework done. She usually falls right asleep in it too.

A.

A seven month old baby is not spoiled. She doesn't know how to manipulate you; she's just crying out of need. I also disagree with you that it is your fault. My son was like this too, from the day he was born. I had nothing to do with it. Sure, I could have let him cry it out, but that would have been a long painful process, one that destroyed my son's trust in me. Dr. Sears refers to babies/children like this as "high need", and you can understand why - they need you all the time.

I spent a lot of time holding my son when he was a baby. I had a bouncy chair that he would tolerate for maybe five minutes at a time, and that was when I took a shower. He would sit on my lap for 5-10 minutes when I used the computer, and then got fed up with being still. It was a frustrating time for a while. Then we got a Jumperoo, and he would jump in it for maybe 10-15 minutes. The rest of the time, I was holding him, playing with him, or going somewhere - shopping, coffee shop, whatever. He liked to go places.

Eventually he liked to look at books and play with toys on his own...but I couldn't tell you exactly when that happened - 9-10 months maybe? When he turned one, he picked out a little scooter with Nemo on it, and he rode it all over the apartment.

But...he is still a high-need child compared to many kids his age. He goes through phases where he doesn't want me to leave him anywhere (like his preschool where he's been going since he was six months old). He won't get out of my lap for at least the first 30 minutes when we go to a playgroup. That's just the way he is, and I can't (and don't intend to try) to make him any different. I assume that he will continue to get more independent as he gets older.

It's totally normal for a baby that age to want to be held by her mom. You can't spoil a baby. Imagine this, she has spent nine months being held in the womb, that's more than half of her little existence. She is still adjusting to life "outside". And at this age, she's starting to feel separation anxiety when others try to hold her, she feels afraid and screams for you. Crying is her only communication, reassure her that you hear her and that what she "says" is important to you. Be patient and know that it will pass. I used a sling when my son was small enough and a hip carrier when he got a bit larger. I recommend reading "The Baby Book" and "Attachment Parenting," both by Dr.William and Martha Sears.

just like alot of pepole have been saying. put her down and let her cry it will not hurt her. what kind of work do you do from home.

let her cry and she will get use to you not holding her.it just dependes if you can handle the crying.
best of luck!

what do you do at home?
W.

I have a six month old that goes through periods of what we call mommy moods....what I find that works to get him to go to other people is to have them hold them and you play a game with him.....and I reassure him that he is ok and that mommy is right here....eventually he starts to look and see who is holding him and turns and plays with them.....and then he is fine....but he is just starting to get a seperation anxiety...so I am no expert....also with doing things around the house...we have a playcenter thing....where they have a seat and there are toys attached all around it...I lug that to the kitchen if I am in there and talk to him and keep turning around and playing with him and he is fine in it for as long as I need him to be, most of the time....I don't like to let him cry but I have, just talk to her while you do things....multitask...good luck

My third child was same way...you did NOT DO THIS or CAUSE this to occur...it is the personality of your baby and she will calm down once she is assured that you will ALWAYS respond to her needs. My son wouldn't let me put him down, let his father hold him, or go to sleep unless he was in my arms. The look of mortal fear in friends and family's eyes when they thought I was asking them to watch this child was unnerving. When he turned 1 year old it was like a switch was flipped and he would walk away from me, go to his dad, and he actually looked for attention from other adults. He scared me so much I SERIOUSLY reconsidered having a 4th child. Eventually we did go ahead and have the 4th child and she was as calm and happy as the first 2 were. PLEASE don't blame yourself...at this age you cannot spoil them...only love them...the idea that they can be spoiled at this age stems from the "good old days" and is not based on facts or reality...they are bundles of impulses and needs at this point...meet the needs and the self control will come in time. Now talk to me when she is 3 years old and I will tell you something different...but her brain isn't developed enough at this point to be manipulative...so relax and try to enjoy this time as she will be a teenager and not want your hugs and kisses.
As for the totting around...get a backpack carrrier and put her in it...she will be able to see everything on your eye level...be enterained and your hands will be free to do your work and get things done and you will never have to wonder where she is...the Native Americans had this one nailed a long time ago when they carried their small children on their backs.
Good Luck!
K.

My daughter who is now almost 3 was just like this! And yes, it is our fault. I stayed at home with her to, and the wanting to be held is for security. I agree with the lady below who said that it is wrong to just let her "cry it out"...again, b/c it is our fault. To her you are security...you are her safe place. I used to get so frustrated sometimes b/c I couldn't hardly even do dishes. Just be patient with her...give her some snanks or toys and put her on a blanket or an excersaucer right beside you while you try to get things done. Start out with a few minutes a day and work yourself up to letting her stay in there longer. It will pass...good luck!

Letting babies "cry it out" is a very old fashioned way to raise children. There are so many less heartbreaking ways to help your little baby. I agree with the moms that said try to play with her on the ground a little bit at a time. Tell her that mommy is right there and you're not going anywhere. In the meantime, get a sling or a pack to carry her in. If she falls asleep put her down. When she cries, pick her up. Just keep repeating that cycle until she can be on her own for a little bit. My daughter is only 2mos old, but this worked for us. Good luck.

Put her down, it's ok to let her cry. Your not going to hurt her by doing this, I promise.

the best thing you can do is put her down and let her cry. it won't hurt her...she'll just wear herself out and prolly fall asleep and maybe make herself a little hoarse. if you can't bear to hear it, have some one come over and stay with her and you leave for a while. start out slow...10 minutes the 1st time and gradually build up the time that it takes for you to go to her. try getting involved in a play group or having people over more often so she can get used to being around other people and is not so stressed when people do come around.

She's really not spoiled, babies naturally want to be with their mommas! You are her only source of security and confidence. Letting her cry for you would not only be heartbreaking, but it would probably seriously damage her since it would teach her that when she cries for you and needs you, you won't respond.
My nine month old daughter is the same way, she has been from birth. We just snuggle her and love her because soon she'll be big and independent and won't want to be in our arms all the time anyway.
I also suggest getting a baby carrier. If you wear her she'll be close to your body like she wants and needs to be, and you can have free hands! www.thebabywearer.com has lots of information and and a for sale or trade forum.

It's good that you realize that something needs done now. The best thing you can do is show her that she can't always have what she wants. This means that you'll have to hear her cry. I know it'll be hard, but when you're home with her, and you know she's fed and clean and has no reason to cry, put her in a safe place, like a playpen or crib and just let her cry. She'll probably cry herself to sleep, and it will be very hard for to leave her alone, but if you really want her to stop being so spoiled you have to be strong. Tough love.

I don't think you can spoil a 7 month old. She needs to feel safe and secure - as she grows and matures and understands that you are there for her she will become more self assured and not need to be held all the time.

She is not spoiled- she's the 7mo baby of a working mom. Meet her needs and she'll come to realize that you will always be there for her and she will become independent whe she is ready.

Forcing independence is likely to backfire. I know it's frustrating... my third baby just turned 11mo and I had a week where I could hardly get a thing done because she was so needy. It was hard, not being able to get things done but I held her a lot and played with her and now she's back to playing with her siblings and having a good time.

Getting a good baby carrier, like maybe an Ergo Baby Carrier will help too, you can carry her on your back while you do things. :)

The only advice I have is to not give in to her all the time. Sit her down or let someone else hold her and walk away for a few minutes. Gradually make it longer periods of time....she will eventually get used to it....I know that is soooo much easier said than done...

Also, you have me curious...what type of work do you do from home?