R.i.p. (Updated)

I think it just makes the living feel better to think that the dead are "resting" as opposed to just gone.

having lost both my parents when I was in my 20s, I can't stand rest in peace. and I can't stand "I'm sorry" (why, did you do it?)

I prefer a big hug. No words need to be spoken. but Most people are not like me, they love to hear, all types of "condolence" phrases.

I am always at a loss for words when someone passes.

I absolutely used it for my brother who took his own life in March 2013. He battled many addictions, heavy family drama when his dad passed, and financial hardships from that. (He is my brother by choice, not blood).

So while I am still in grief over his death and the loss of life so young (25), I do wish him peace in his afterlife. I wish that he is boating with his dad, or making music with his band....

Interesting question.

I know when pete died, I was more like 'Heathcliff' in "Wuthering Heights"...I wanted/want him to 'haunt' me! He does come to me in dreams. I am comforted by that.

I do not think I have ever used that expression directly TO someone who is grieving. I usually stick with 'so very sorry for your loss'.

I am certainly hopeful that there is an existence beyond 'this' life. I hope it will be fulfilling for each of us, when it is our time to go, in whatever manner that would be for each individual. For my 'great' grandparents, for example, who spent their very long lives working so hard, perhaps rest is what they would enjoy!

For me...not so much!

I either need more coffee (or wait til later to have a glass of wine) to ponder further...

Best!

Sometimes I think I'm too pragmatic. I don't really like many of the common sayings that go along with death. "He passed away." Or, "They're in a better place now." Or, "At least they're no longer in pain." Or, "May she rest in peace." Platitudes.

But I know that's exactly what they are. Platitudes for those who are mourning the loss of someone they love.

I wish people would speak more plainly. I think it would help in grieving. "She's dead because the cancer killed her and I miss her so much. F*ck you, cancer. I miss my grandma."

To me, peace means whatever soothes your soul and makes you happy - if that's never-ending activity and running marathons puts you in your happy place, then I hope you get whatever it is that puts you in your happy place forever. If it's sitting on a recliner watching football or napping in a hammock, then that's what I would wish for you.

Rest, to me, means the part of life that feels like work - the stuggle, the turmoil, the unanswered questions, the unfinished business - is over.

So to me, saying that I wish someone who has passed away is resting in peace means that I hope that wherever their soul is, they are experiencing nothing but happiness.

Lol, you may not mean to be funny, but I'd never thought of it that way. You're right! Resting and peace is boring. I like your other ideas better.

Also, the word RIP has developed kind of a Halloween-ish feel about it.

Ooh, although I don't believe in a sentient afterlife either, I like "Long may you run," as well.

Such interesting responses below!

Eh...I see your point.
But if you have watched someone suffer a long debilitating illness,there's usually a point where your prayers change...from healing to peace, kwim?
It allows US, watching it to kind of digest the fact that there may not be a recovery, a healing, and I think we can all relate to that moment where the prayers change-for an end to the struggle, the discomfort, the pain, the lingering....
Rest in peace is a lot more palatable than a lot of other awkward phrasings I've seen.
I wouldn't say "rest in peace" to a grieving family, but when I see "RIP Insert Celebrity Name Here" on Facebook or such? I think it's kind of like a shout out to the persons character, legacy, work, achievements, etc. Like shorthand...

To me it means letting go of your troubles on earth and the resting of the heart, mind and soul.

Interesting! I love the "peace" part of the expression, as to me that means letting go of the conflicts of life on earth and embracing loving relationships with all, through and with God. Now about the "rest" part, it does seem odd. I never thought of the afterlife as restful. Perhaps what I would like said for me is "Peace and the joy of true love for all be with you." Thanks for my morning reflection!

May their memory be for a blessing. Judaism. We don't really believe in an afterlife.

RIP - I don't have a problem with that. So much better than 'he is in a better place now' which I find HIGHLY offensive. Really - there is somewhere the deceased would rather be than with his or her family, alive?

I wish peace for the ones left behind. In our circle, though, the song that comes up when one of our beloveds pass is "Long May You Run" (Stills-Young). I personally don't believe in a *personal* or sentient afterlife, but that our energy and spirits become part of that Great Life Force.... so we send them off with love.

Maybe the 'rest' part comes from the fact that bodies are laid out when buried, in what appears to be a 'restful' position, or maybe it comes from the idea that the body is now resting, ie-no longer working to keep itself alive. For me, 'in peace' means whatever that particular person thought of as peaceful, so for you, resting in peace would mean thinking and doing, for me, resting in peace would be being surrounded by nature's beauty, for others, something else. Peace is individual. I think it is a nice sentiment, I also feel it is more for the comfort of those still living than anything else.

Rest In Peace - is generally said to the dead as a wish from those who cared about them - giving them permission to go, the spirit to move on and be at peace, to not wander restlessly (like Scrooge's partner Jacob Marley) - the living do not wish to be haunted.
It's kinder and more politically correct than saying you wish they'd go to hell.

I was thinking about this the other day - we have a love/hate relationship with mortality/immortality.

On the one hand - conquering/overcoming death is one of the definitions of heroes and god-hood - immortality seems like a desirable goal - an afterlife is a wish that something survives beyond death.

On the other hand rising from the dead terrifies us - ghosts, zombies, vampires, monsters - afterlife/immortality/reincarnation is a punishment, a never ending cycle endlessly going around - good grief - who wouldn't want to rest and get off THAT merry-go-round?

Terry Pratchet's Nac Mac Feegles believe they've already died and this world we/they are in IS the afterlife/heaven on account of the abundance of all the beer and fighting (which they count as something fun to do).

It seems to me that heaven would have to have SOME conflict/puzzle for us to solve, some sort of challenge to keep us happy.
Somewhere in Star Trek I think it was Kirk at some point who said something like - we weren't thrown out of Paradise - we walked out on our own two feet - we need to strive for something in order to be happy.

Depends on what you think of as peaceful. I don't find peaceful incompatible with active. I think of peaceful as uncomplicated. For instance, if I am planning a white water rafting trip, I'd really like to get there without hitting traffic, loosing the strap to the boat, twisting an ankle getting the boat to the water, loosing my lunch in the rapids, getting stuck with people who seemed game but choose to b1tch and moan, and encountering foul weather on the return. I think of peaceful, as a smooth road. I certainly wish that upon the living and the dead.

Best,
F. B.

Wow, I never really thought about it but it does seem a little clunky doesn't it? Reminds me of my medieval fiction stories where people say "may God assoil him." ??

I'm not sure I've ever actually said "may he/she rest in peace." But I hope that our departed ARE living in peace and joy.

I have always thought RIP was an outdated expression that you would only see on tombstones from the 1800s. So when the internet became so prolific, it shocked me to see people constantly writing RIP on forums and news stories. I still can't get used to it. I don't put a lot of thought into it or make much of it. But I guess resting in peace is better than what the religious/superstitious alternative of eternal torment and agony is.

It's always been an odd phrase in my mind. It is one of those trite statements which smacks of a lack of feeling, empathy, depth and true condolence offering. A generic send off if you will before people talk about what they really want to talk about. The final nail in the coffin was my grandfather's service which was utter fire and brimstone, ending with a 'may he rest in peace.' I remember thinking “good damn luck with that, Granddad...you great big sinner...” However, with all of that said I know people mean well so I just roll with it. Heaven knows what I say that strikes folks as odd when I fumble in some good intentioned way.

I think most of the things people say surrounding death are a cliche.

I don't like RIP, in a better place, it was their time etc. I prefer just a simple "I'm so sorry..."

I enjoyed reading this, sweetie! I don't think I've ever really thought about what you've said here.

A lot of religions believe that if a soul goes to heaven that there is new life, one that's not the proverbial angel playing a harp, doing nothing else. I guess I believe that we have another role to play in the next life.

For those who have suffered so before dying, I think it makes their families feel better saying "Rest in Peace". Mybe the afterlife is so hard to figure out that we stop at this one instead of referencing the next one...

I am okay with RIP but not with asking how old someone was and then saying, "Well they lived a long life."--as if the death is less mournful.

I think these statements (such as RIP), like funerals, are and should be more for the comfort of the mourners. Because we don't really know what happens after death, but some religions have a belief in Hell, there's hope that the departed aren't in a bad place. If the death has been preceded by pain and illness, the RIP may refer to the wish for an absence of suffering. The word "rest" may have come from the appearance, especially in an open casket, of the person "sleeping".

But I'm not sure the wish for peace implies idleness though - maybe it's a wish for a freedom from pain and suffering and the tribulations of the past life. I look at the Dalai Lama, for example, who seems to me to be a person who has achieved a level of self-awareness and inner peace - but he's far from sedentary! Instead, he's a globetrotting ambassador for peace and goodness. So I feel that "peace" is often (and maybe should be) an active sort of thing, and not a state devoid of activity. When we wish for peace on earth (or even "world peace" as in the classic beauty pageant answers!), we are not wishing for stillness or idleness, but the absence of open conflict and hatred.

In Jewish tradition, some believe in an afterlife and some do not. Even those who believe there is one don't speculate on what it looks like (no angels and harps). We rarely say "RIP" but more often say "May her memory be for a blessing" (I know it's an awkward construction, so some say "May her memory be a blessing", without the "for"). In the prayer said publicly at the burial (and afterwards by the family at home or in synagogue), the prayer is for God to send peace to the mourners and to all the earth, not to the person who has died.

So regardless of the religion of the person who died or their family, especially when I don't know their feelings or wishes, I say something about wishing they will be comforted by good memories.

I love your "hope you have an awesome time" remark! Hell, if there IS an afterlife, let's hope it's fabulous. There's some image I saw somewhere - a cartoon or a Facebook meme, I forget - showing a woman who said she didn't want to "go gently" but rather come racing into death and slide into the grave with a glass of wine in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other, exclaiming "Wow, what a great ride!"

The main thing, I think, for funerals and for wishes for the family & friends, is to do what THEY would find comforting as long as it does not conflict with your own religious beliefs which would make it a) uncomfortable and b) insincere. So I think RIP is kind of a catch-all phrase for many. For many it's just automatic, like "Bless you" after a sneeze - no one really believes that a sneezer needs a blessing from some possession by a demon, but it still feels odd or like poor manners to say nothing!

But if it doesn't suit an individual, I think it's fine to skip the RIP shorthand and say something else.

Then, souls that find peace in stimulation get that. For me, the term "peace" is subjective. I use it in terms of whatever feels right to the soul. For the record, I don't say "rest in peace".

Anything regarding death is presumptuous. RIP is customary. But no one HAS to say it.

It's such an old, old, saying, I always assume it came from times of extreme hardship when people wanted peace.

RIP seems very creepy to me. When I see it written, I picture all those fake tombstones on my neighbor's lawn that read something like, "RIP Barry DaLive".

I don't think I have ever written or uttered the letters or the words RIP-Rest in peace.

I usually hope that the person finds peace of mind when they move on from this life that is filled with hopelessness,despair,pain and heartache. I think people that use RIP mean they hope their loved one who struggled with life's ups and downs will find some relief.

I believe we will have things to do when we move on. I don't envision us standing around twiddling our thumbs for the eternities or flying around playing a harp. Although, I sure would like to take a couple weeks off to put my feet up and lay around by a heavenly beach with friends and loved ones before the good Lord puts me to work.

I hope that I can die at a ripe old age, only after I have taken care of all of my worldly business, and I will go when I am ready. Then I can be at peace. I don't want to be worrying that I should have done this or that or the other thing for all eternity...

I am a very active, lively person who is always on the go and my mind is always on and gets bored easily. Despite that, the idea of peace and quiet is very appealing at times, I even crave it when I need to recharge.

Rest In Peace...I saw this yesterday on facebook when a friend announced the death of Brittany Maynard, the girl I posted about a few weeks back about dying with dignity.

I don't use it. I use the Orthodox term - "May her memory be eternal".

When I've heard it? TO ME, it means the person saying it is hoping the deceased to find peace in the afterlife - that all the troubles that beleaguered in mortal life, are gone...

If you go with the "joke" about the decision between heaven and hell?? A politician is shown hell - lots of partying...golfing...great food...and heaven is peaceful...the politician chooses hell and when he gets down there everything has changed...it's dark, gloomy, etc. and he asked what changed?? Yesterday we were campaigning...today you voted for us...

Anyway - there are those who believe that Heaven is a playground and there is no pain, only happiness...and there are many who don't believe in the afterlife and when you are dead, you're dead.