Returning to Work Partner Seems to Be Upset

explain to your partner that it is not quite fair to you to pass up an opportunity that not only have you worked hard to get, but you want so badly. you cannot pass up your own dreams for his sake, otherwise neighther of you will be happy. tell him to keep his head up. the right opportunity will come for him. patience is difficult, but it's a must. he should have his resume on line and actively searching, talking the placement department at his school, looking in the papers, etc. it will require work on his part too. for life doesn't always hand you what you want. he needs to realize too, that because you have a child, you cannot put your own dreams on the back burner. your future will only be better for all of you if you live your life for you and for your family. a mother's job is never easy, it's never easy to leave your child while you go to work, then to go home and be a mom and keep up with the house, etc. having your position with this spa will be one more thing on your plate and if you are strong enough to handle all these responsibilities on top of the everyday chore it is to be a woman, you certainly do deserve it. explain to him how badly you want this and it shouldn't be a burdeon on eigther of your shoulders that you have it already and he doesn't. not to choose sides, i just know what it's like to be a single mother and to work for everything i have, but even though i have a man now, i cannot give up any of it. good luck to you. i hope he will understand and congratulate you on your position. may he be blessed with this knowledge and a new position that suits his dreams. good luck to both of you!

A man needs to feel like he is able to provide for his family. Although our society has made it possible for women to step up and become primary providers and allowed men to step back and become more involved in the parenting process, they are still hardwired to be providers. And that's not a bad thing.
It important to encourage him and remind him that the "right" job will come along. Sometimes it takes some time, but it will be worth it. In the mean time, he can use this time to connect with your son, and really be selective about the job that will meet his expertise.
My husband went through a similar waiting period, while workiing several fill-in jobs. Although he was working most of the time, the frustration was the same. He felt like a failure, that he college degree was being waisted, and he was letting me and our children down. Thank God I read the book "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. I really helped me understand my role in encouraging my husband, and helpong him through the best way I could...by praying for him. I highly suggest the book to every wife out there.
God bless you <>< J.

First of all take the job. Second, it's not so much about a job in the field of your education, but the fact that you have a job and he doesn't. He probably feels like a failure. It's a man's position in life to be the provider of the family since the time of the cave man. When you are working and he isn't, it kind of makes him feel like you're the man and he's the woman...so yeah, he's confused, angry and depressed...that's just the way that men are wired. Even in the animal kingdom, more often than not it's the male that provides for his family and the female that tends to the den, nest, or what ever kind of home they have and the females also tend to their babies. So now that you can understand why he's feeling low, maybe you can say some kind words of encouragement and try to help him out of his slump. But by all means take the job...you're crazy if you don't.

MAYBE THIS ONE ISNT REALLY ABOUT YOU GETTING A JOB THAT YOU LOVE....IM GUESSING IT COULD BE MORE THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS EITHER DEPRESSED OR REALLY ON THAT EDGE. WHY NOT REINFORCE HOW HAPPY YOU ARE THAT HE IS SUCH A GREAT FATHER TO YOUR SON? PRAISE EVERY LITTLE THING HE DOES AND TELL HIM HOW HAPPY YOU ARE TO COME HOME TO HIM EVERY DAY AFTER WORK....AND THEN OFFER HIM ONE OF THE MOST RELAXING MASSAGES YOU HAVE EVER GIVEN. YOUR GUYS PROBABLY TIRED FROM BEING WITH AN 18 MONTH OLD ALL DAY!! ITS NO DIFFERENT FOR A MAN TO DO ALL THE WORK AT HOME THAN IT IS FOR THE WOMAN. MEN GET TIRED AND PROBABLY MORE FRUSTRATED BC ALOT OF MEN DONT KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO DO CERTAIN THINGS...OR YOUR GUY MAY WORRY HES NOT LIVING UP TO THE KIND OF MAN YOU WANT. PERHAPS HES SCARED!! BUT IF HES LIKE MOST MEN..HE WONT ADMIT IT. TALK TO HIM...LET HIM KNOW HOW MUCH YOU APPRECIATE HIM...AND IF YOUR GUY CONTINUES OR GETS WORSE AFTER A LITTLE WHILE THEN STRONGLY SUGGEST HE GET COUNSELING OR SOMETHING. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR FAMILY!!

Since you've been together for so long, I'm guessing that your son't father is a good guy. It's a proven fact that men have an innate want/need to be the "bread winner" in the family. I'm sure that he's excited and happy for you. It's probably just a little emasculating for him to have you bringing home the paycheck. I'd just give him a little time. Maybe you could call around to some daycare centers and see how much they charge. Then you can explain to him how much money you are saving by him being at home, at least for right now. Not to mention all the great bonding time he'll have with your son. Are there some daddy's groups he could join? That may help too. Congrats on your new job and good luck to your partner.

Hugs to you! I agree with the others... you definitely should take and keep the job. I don't, however, agree that it is a "proven fact" that men feel a need to be the bread winner. This all stems from our environment and society's expectations of gender roles. In that sense, yes, men do often feel a need to be the breadwinner, but not necessarily because it is in their genes, rather in their upbringing. If you look at it from this stance, there is hope that those gender stereotypes and norms can be changed ;-) Of course, that is not easy to do, but it CAN be done so long as both work on it.

It is much more accepted in today's society that men and women share household responsibilities and both hold careers. It is also much more accepted for the father to stay at home (SAHD). That doesn't mean that your husband has a desire to be a SAHD just as you may not have a desire to be a SAHM. That doesn't mean that anything is "wrong" with either of you, but rather that you may both have a desire to have a balance of a career and family. I suggest that he continue searching for a job, whether it is in his field of study or not! The field of study one chooses varies greatly on all accounts, including the availability of employment post-graduation. You should sit down and explain to him that you understand his frustration and develop a plan (goals) working toward whatever the ultimate goal is, whether that be that you both are working or one is staying at home. The issue might also be stemming from the fact that he feels that he is failing YOU and if you explain to him that you are fine with being the "bread winner" his attitude might change. Good luck!

I think sometimes that we don't recognize when we're portraying really unacceptable behavior. I had my husband ask me one day that I was grumpy "what's wrong?" and I told him nothing and his answer was "so, you actually think that you're acting normal right now then?" It really made me think and I immediately realized that he was right! Nothing had happened that day in particular to bring on my bad mood, and yet I had found things in my mind to be bothered about.

The reason I would say this is if I were in your shoes, I would sit my husband down and say "When we got married, the most exciting part about getting married to me was looking forward to sharing a life with you. I love the fact that through all the ups and downs, I have you there to share it all. I don't know if you realize this or not, but you've been moping around and making me feel extremely guilty ever since I was lucky enough to land this job. I know it must be hard, but above everything else, you should be happy for me, and the last thing I should be feeling from you is guilt. It could've been you just as easily as me, and I surely hope that you don't think if it had been you, that I'd be sitting on the couch all day sleeping and feeling sorry for myself. Please see what you're doing, and let it go."

I have had my husband get suspicious of an affair. This ripped my heart out because I am a Christian woman, and I would NEVER have an affair! Well, instead of letting it go, he would go through these periods of questioning me. I finally approached him and told him that I was tired of being made to feel like I was doing something wrong. He would go through my phone and through my car and everything! I told him that that conversation right then was the last one we'd ever have about that topic again because I was done trying to defend myself when I did nothing wrong in the first place. I made it very clear, and this may have been the key, that that whole "questioning my faithfulness to him" was strictly HIS problem, not mine. I had done nothing to bring about his skepticism, so it was not something I was responsible to "fix". Therefore, he was left with the sole responsibility of getting over it on his own, and I was left at peace because I had finally stepped away from it. I had realized that no matter what I did, the only person who could let it go was my husband, so that's how I left it. IT's now been almost a year and a half since he's last said something to me, so it worked!! Sometimes you just have to point out to someone that their behavior is unreasonable. Once you do, a lot of them will see it right away.