Respect Issues with 4 Year Old...

Frustrating isn't it? I also have a 4 yr old daughter and I'm getting the same disrespect. However the only difference between your situation and mine is I have my husband around for support.
I have to repeat things all day long to the point where I ask... "do you have your ears on?" Everyday is a difficult battle. Moms get the brunt of the bad behavior. She's perfect for daddy, my parents, day care provider & at school. I'm sorry I can't give any advice, I just wanted to respond so you know it's not just you.

Hi I have had similar issues with my children (15, 6, 4). I have made a "listening the first time chart". After the row is filled , I take them to the dollar store. Hope this helps! Good Luck!

You might be expecting too much from children so young. At this age they usually won't look you in the eye when they have done something wrong. You'll have to just keep working on that so when your daughter is older she will look at you. When you ask her and her brother to do things like cleaning up you have to help them. Your daughter probably does better at preschool because she is helping other kids clean up. When it's a group effort kids are much better at doing something. They also may not be expected to pick up their own toys when they are at Dad's house. You do have to upper hand since they see you more often. Just keep working on the rules and helping them do something whenever you ask them to do it.

M., I was with you until the end when I realized how old these children are. Yes, I agree with the other poster, you are expecting more than preschoolers can deliver. You're on the right track to expect them to rise to the occasion, however they're pretty young for you to expect them to be told someone once and have it done.

Go to a good bookstore and check out books such as "understanding your four year old" for a wee bit more insight. You sound like a bright woman, I have no doubt you'll be able to wrap your brain around this. Good luck, sweetie.