Respect - or Lack Thereof

This is a learned behavior. If everything is fine at home she could be picking it up from some of the TV shows she watches. I have noticed that some of the so called kids shows will have a secondary character who has a smart mouth and is always saying inappropriate things or has a tone in their voice that screams disrespect.
My granddaughter was doing that a year or two ago and brought it up to my son. I simply told him I didn't like spending time with her because of her smart mouth and disrespectful attitude. He talked to her and told her that it wasn't cute or funny or cool and it stops or he doesn't allow her to watch her shows any more.

The only other way I can think of to stop it is to do the same thing to her. When she says something wrong or an opinion taht you don't agree with; yell across the room and say something like 'hey that's really dumb' better if done in front of someone else. When she hangs her head and walks away follow her and ask her how she liked to be treated that way. Then explain to her that others don't like to be disrespected either.

I hope that helps.

I am being quite serious have you had her tested for ADHD. I look at that and the only thing I see that is a problem is that she blurts the answers out. I am ADD ya know?

By the way if she is, being on meds won't stop her from wanting to correct mistakes it will just keep her from blurting them out.

I never blurted out but I still can't understand why teachers think it is disrespectful to point out they are wrong. I am talking in a polite way, raises hand and is called on, "I got a different answer". Seriously that was all I did as a child and I was labeled disrespectful. Really? then can I call you an idiot cause ya seem awfully stupid to me. :p I had a strange childhood.

I agree with Sharon E. that it sounds like something she would like to control but can't. Perhaps there is something you can change up nutritionally? A naturopath or chiropractor would be a good place to start.

Our elementary school uses the "bucket filler" idea in all classrooms. It's about treating each other with kindness and filling other people's buckets instead of dipping from them. My kindergartner and second grader really embrace this idea and will use these terms at home to describe behavior (ex "I was upset with Ryan because he dips into my bucket when he touches me and I've asked him not to" or "I filled Sophie's bucket today by helping her pick up her crayons when they spilled on the floor"). For some reason, this very concrete bucket filler idea really resonates with the kids more than abstract ideas like "feelings" and "respect." Maybe getting this book and using this idea at home will help make this more concrete?

http://www.bucketfillers101.com/

Maybe I am old school....
My children are not rewarded for good behavior. It is expected.
My children are punished for bad behavior. I don't take things away...I give things! Like...I give you 1/2 hour outside pulling weeds...I give you the downstairs bathroom to clean....I give you dishes to was...I give you dusting to do...I give you recycle to sort.
She is PLENTY old enough to understand that if her behavior doesn't get better than she will be punished. I don't understand why parents are so worried about punishing their kids.
L.

I'm really surprised that parent teacher conferences are optional where you live. When my daughter was of parent teacher conference age, we had to go (she is/was a stellar student).

It sounds like you are addressing it really well and teaching consequences at both home and school. Fantastic! I wouldn't pass the parent teacher conference time in the future, she will know that the people who spend the most time with her will be talking with each other.

I expect my daughter to be respectful and responsible. I have thanked her for being a kind person, making good decisions and showing respect (when she was young - toddler, preschool, kindergarten). I have never gone overboard with extra praise or treats for doing something expected. The praise maybe when she is learning good and bad behavior but at 8 that was part of her "job".

First of all she is 8 and I thought in your post you were talking about a teenager. For an 8 year old you need a plan we go with initials in his planner- for every WEEK- NOT every day he gets good points he gets a "treat". Everyday- there are reminders- Don't speak out, raise your hand, remember your manners. You have to remember she is 8 not 14 and Immediate praise doesn't always cement the point that you have to this ALL the time not just some times. You need to sit her down let her know that she is making it hard for her teacher to do her job, and the other kids trying to learn.

Honest to god I read some of the other posts- If some people had it thier way all kids would be tested and diagnosed with ADHD and Medicated I have been fighting this battle for 4 years.

Instead of punishments, attachment parenting focuses on strengthening your relationship with your children so that their behavior will align with your family's values. It has been an amazing transformative approach for my son, who was becoming alienated at a young age and had stopped responding to consequences, etc. Gordon Neufeld is a resource you can Google, or Cindy Leavitt. Good luck.

I would consider a psychological evaluation and maybe meeting with a child/family therapist. Not that I am a fan of labeling kids, but between ADD/ADHD, ODD, and all the rest, maybe there is something else going on. She may not have as much control over her actions as you think she should and she needs professional help. Also consider that she could be picking up this behavior from somewhere - TV shows, friends, even other family members if the way they interact with each other is less than respectful. I wonder if enrolling her in some kind of martial arts program will help her learn the level of respect toward others and discipline that she appears to be lacking. Any disrespect show toward anyone may result in her doing a lot of push-ups! If she does not have any kind of underlying disorder, than may be for consequences, it's time to find her some chores to do around the house, have her do push-ups, or make her write sentences.

This sounds like an impulse control issue.

You need to become a detective. It could be any number of things so you need to work on creating a diary for yourself - when does she behave best, when is her behavior worst. what was she eating who was she with etc....

When my daughter was this age we were just figuring out that she was dyslexic and tended to be very reactive to food. Her dyslexia was making her frustrated and angry at school and what turned out to be hypoglycemia was wreaking havoc with her moods if her blood sugar dropped.

Both things remain issues which we need to manage. But, you know her better than anyone else. Good luck on your sleuthing!

You deserve a reward! Your daughter will be just fine. The fact that you are admitting that she needs some correcting will allow the teacher the freedom to openly communicate with you! Good for you!

In addition to rewards and punishments, I think practice might be helpful for your daughter. At home when she says something disrespectful, ask her to repeat it in a respectful way. The more she practices the right way of speaking, the better chance her impulses will change to what you want them to be. You could also do some role playing with her where she comes up with the respectful way to respond to situations. It sounds like she knows what is right and wants to do the right thing, but she is having trouble using that knowledge to produce the right behavior.