Removing My Son from Sitters? Wrong Choice?

He will adapt if you move him. I kept my son at the same sitter because he was comfy there. i should have moved him. think about whats best for him in the long run.

If you don't like the daycare then switch him to one you like better. You both should be happy with it. He is young enough to adapt easily to a new daycare.

A few thoughts. A O. year old doesn't really *need* craft activities. At this age play is their work--and it's how they learn. As for the colds--you will likely find this everywhere. Young children in a group spread colds among each other. Maybe the reason she always has a cold is b/c of the kids!?
As for the 3 yo bully, the caregiver should be handling this better. Learning disability? That's not the answer for this child's behavior.
If your child is in a clean, safe and loving environment then I don't think the colds, no crafts issue would be enough for me to consider pulling him out. What are your other options? Large daycare center? More structure, more sick kids, more exposure to potentially disruptive kids.....Babysitter where he's by himself? That might be better for the colds (now) but will he miss having other kids around?
Tough call. You know your child best. Good luck!

He'll be fine if you switch him, BUT, I'm not sure you'll be happy with any daycare. Kids this age learn from play. Structured curriculum and crafts won't be appropriate for him for a while.

Being in daycare he's going to get sick, period. That's not a knock on daycare it's just a fact of life that the more people he's around (especially other kids) the more colds he's going to catch.

Yes, she needs to learn how to handle the other child (for his own good as well as the other children). I would talk to her about that one for sure.

Good luck,
K.

The teaching aspect is WAY too much. Daycare is not meant to teach - that is what schools are for. Fun unstructured play is what your child needs until about 3.5 - 4 years... which incidentally is when PreK starts!

The being sick once a month... your sitter is getting sick from the children she watches, not from some bug/virus that is targeting her for whatever reason. When you work with children - you get sick - A LOT. I'd have more sympathy for her that she agrees to still watch the children when she is sick.

The issue with the 3 y/o is valid. You should talk to her about how she can handle the situation better, or if she felt more comfortable, maybe you, the sitter and the other Mother can come together and talk about how to deal with her son's behavioral issues.

it's perfectly valid to find a daycare that you love. and i like that you recognize that these are your issues, not your son's.
as for your concerns- he's only a year old. formal education and crafts are not necessary and probably counter-productive at this age. i so wish that young mothers would stop discounting the hugely beneficial educational developmental invaluable benefits of play for tinies. this huge push to start educating them from the moment their heads emerge is creating a generation of kids who hate learning. it is OKAY for tinies to play. they really really really do learn from it.
the kid with the learning disability is really behaving as most 3 year olds do. your provider should have a game plan and reliable responses to this behavior. if she doesn't, then yes, you can probably find someone with a bit more savvy.
everyone who works with little kids gets colds. you won't keep him from this by putting him somewhere else. and the places that go nuttiest on bleaching and disinfecting everything only exacerbate the problem.
you won't confuse him horribly unless you try a new place every month (and frankly you sound too sensible to do that.) but do check out new places carefully and get references. you never REALLY know until you've been there for a while, but you don't want to move too often.
good luck!
khairete
S.

Some of your concerns are valid - especially the issues with the other boy, and her not knowing how to deal with it. As far as the cold, I wonder if it's something environmental in the house? Most kids who go to daycare get sick a lot more in the first year that kids who don't, but it builds their immune system, and they go through less of it at Kindergarten than kids who never went to daycare. But every month ... kind of makes me wonder.

As far as crafts and educational ... He's a year, not ready for crafts. Babies his age learn by playing. At least she is not plopping him down in front of the tv! Some very simple crafts can start around 2, but for now all he'd want to do is play with and explore all the materials and make a mess. Same for teaching him letters, numbers, colors, etc. He will learn best by playing. He will learn best to talk by hearing others talk to him. That is what you want to look for in a sitter.

As far as changing sitters, if you feel there is a need, go ahead. Make plans to spend time with him at the new place for him to warm up to everything. Expect him to cry more for the first month, but it should ease off. Kids adapt well.
You can tell the current sitter you felt like she was a bit overwhelmed, or you found something that works better for you. Thank her for what she's done so far. Also, it would be polite to give her some notice (maybe 2 weeks) so she can decide about taking on another child. But don't feel obliged to stay with her if you really are having issues.

I don't think that doing crafts with a one year old adds a lot of value. They don't have the fine motor skills yet to work on crafts projects. He is much better off playing with blocks or doing other things that help with his large motor skills.

I don't know about your other issues. My son went through a phase once where he had colds all the time and I know how really annoying that can be. But it's nearly impossible to tell where a cold is coming from, going to a different provider may not solve that problem, especially when you consider a daycare where there are many other children, the chances that he catches something would be pretty high, too.

The issue with the 3 year old is probably the one that is most difficult, but since it doesn't seem to bother your son that much...

All that being said, since he is an easy going kid moving him to a different sitter probably wouldn't be a big deal for him and he would get used to the new environment quickly. If that's your only concern, I really don't think it will be a problem.

I would make a list of pros and cons, maybe look at different sitters and what they offer and take it from there.

If your son is only one and loves it, I wouldn't sweat it. When he's 3 and starting to do structured learning you can make sure he's somewhere really great. Right now, free play time is his most valuable learning. Forcing crafts wont' help in any way at one, and may even make him less interested later. I just don't know where you're going to find the perfect place with no colds and no other difficult kids that he'll like better when he's only one. But if you can find one, great, it's not wrong for you to pull him.
The care taker has colds from the kids. My daughter started an excellent daycare at three and was sick non stop for a year. The first year anywhere is "sick zone", at least he's building up his immunity now!

Have you looked around yet? I ask because perhaps you are putting the cart before the horse. You are lucky that your son is in a safe place - even if you don't think it's ideal. So you can take your time looking around, visiting daycares and learning centers to decide what you want,exactly. Then, when you find individual places that you think are good, you can ask yourself - it this specific place better for my son than the place that he's in now? I think that will be an easier decision than the general "is some other place (that you haven't seen or found yet) better than where he is now?"

My general feeling is that yes, your son loves it there. But if you find a good place and move him, he'll have a short (2 weeks or so) adjustment period and then he'll love the new place too. Babies are very adaptable. And many centers will let you have a free day or two, where you come with the baby for the day (or part of it) to see how the day goes and so he can meet his new caregivers with you there, and you can play with all the toys with him, etc. Hopefully you can arrange your work schedule to help him transition.

I am in childcare centers a lot due to my job. It sounds like you are looking more for a preschool instead of a daycare. BIG difference and usually a BIG difference in price, as well.
If you move him, be sure that the next place has certified teachers. Also, many of the preschools will also have cameras that you can log into and watch from the internet.
IF you can't afford preschool prices, then it sounds like where he is may be the best solution for now.
Just my two cents,
R.

If he is happy and you know he is safe and well cared for then I would not move him. There are not really any "structured" "crafts / learning" times in the baby room at the daycare. you might have a singing circle time and that's about it. The colds/sick thing happens in both daycare centers and daycare homes. the difference is if your child comes in sick they center will tell you you can't bring them back where a daycare provider might be a little more lenient. It is not her fault about the colds as a previous poster said the kids bring them in. The special needs thing is hard. But the sitter needs to intervene and find ways to teach the children to share (a very hard concept at 1 and 3 both) at one the child things the toy will never come back. I say Kudo's to the sitter for taking a special needs child. It is hard sometimes for parents of special needs children to find good / safe care for children who don't fit the norm.

Since he's not getting good one on one time and he's at the age to actually start learning things, I would probably try to shop around and find a better place. Just playing all day really isnt enough stimulation, but I was one of those moms that taught my kids to read and count real early. I wouldnt have been satisfied with them just being kept alive all day, there is a little more to mothering than just that.
Your insights seem right on. I'd make the move and he WILL adjust. Easier done at this age than later.

It is your choice,you are right. A licensed daycare is more money first of all. Right now, the main thing is that if he goes to a licensed daycare he will not necessarily get more attention.They may discipline children better there but they are strict if parents are late picking up their children. Any place whether it is school,preschool or a day care center will have kids that are sick and until your child gets his immune system strong he will get sick. Make sure to feed him probiotics. Yobaby is a good source of calcium and probiotics. When he gets a little older than put him in preschool. Right now keep him where he is at.

Maybe you could try something as a trial before permanently removing him from his usual sitter. Then you can see how well he does in a new setting before burning any bridges with the usual sitter...

Good luck!

Speaking from my personal experience with my two children in two totally different early care environments - switch!
There is so much that they can be doing and learning through a structured play environment - even at 13 months. for example, my youngest had tactile tables and could shake bottles filled with colored water and my most favorite activity was leaves under a plastic wrap on a table where he could bang and laugh and see them and the teacher's talked to the kids about leaves and fall,e tc.
I am just amazed at what a skilled early childcare professional can accomplish in their classsrooms and the kids just have a ball being kids!

If you are not happy, I would move him sooner rather than later. No matter when you do it, it will take him a week or 2 to adjust....and it will take you the same too ;) He WILL adjust, so don't second guess yourself. The older he gets, the more he is going to want to do....like playing out on a playgorond, doing arts & crafts, having new items introduced.....

We did in home daycare for our oldest for the 1st year, but after that, it was time to move on.

If you are uncomfortable with the current situation, then move him. You have to feel comfortable with your provider for it to be a successful situation. I will tell you that you get what you pay for, so unless you are willing to dish out some $$ for a 4 or 5 star daycare, you may have to assume some of the teaching at home yourself. Also, any daycare you take him to will have sickness, so it won't help that situation. Once my son was about 2 yo, the sicknesses started to subside as his immune system became more mature.
I hope this helps with your decision.

If he is that laid back he will blend in to most situations. I don't think you're being anal for wanting a more learning situation for your child. He's a year old now and things should be pushed further. I suggest moving him on. He will adjust fine.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

You should consider hiring a nanny who could come to your house and follow your instructions carefully. This is really the best way for you to oversee your son's care the way you'd like.

If you are expecting crafts and stuff like that you should put him into an official daycare program. Unless you are paying this sitter a competitive wage (whcih you may be-I don't know. I just know that most home sitters I know are way underpaid IMO.) I don't think you have the right to expect preschool quality programming. Not to say she should just let them sit all day either but it sounds like you want considerably more. THe big issue though is the 3 yo-if I were you that right there would be my reason for taking him out. IF your sitter can't handle this boy then your son is not safe. So yes-you should start looking for another place today. Your son will be fine...he sounds like he is easy going. And even if there IS an initial reaction from him he will get used to it. Its a heck of a lot better than him being bullied and having nobody stick up for him.

It sounds like you might be ready for a center program so I would start looking for one. It's easier once they are 18 months old to find a place. Infants are hard to find slots for because the ratio needs to be so high. If your son is easy-going, he'll probably be fine. Take him there for a couple of short visits before the first day. In the meantime, if the other boy is an issue, try to address it with the sitter.

If he is laid back he might adjust very well to a new place. Why don't you start looking and see if you can even find something that is more like a preschool than a daycare. Preschools always have lots of arts and crafts, nature walks, and activities. The preschool our son went to took kids age 3-5 and he LOVED it. It was a "play based" preschool and he learned and did so much there. Your son is at the right age to start doing something like this...you should start searching and see what you can find. Maybe you can visit it with your son and see what he thinks. I did this with our son right after he turned 3. He started there when he was 3 and half and he could not wait to start....he was so excited about all the fun things he saw going on there! His first few days I went with him for a little bit each morning to help ease him into it and he did great. It helped that he just LOVED the teachers too.

Oops - edit - I thought I read your son was age 3. Anyway...good luck with finding something you love for your son :)

As the mom of an almost-3-year-old I totally agree with SLM about the crafts. A 13 month old does not have the ability or the attention span to do a craft. He should be exploring...maybe you need to look online at some articles of what is normal activity for a 13 month old? There is plenty of time for crafts in about 2-3 years.

As for colds...that is completely normal for a child at this age. My son is cared for in my home by my grandma and still has a cold once a month for most of the winter months. He gets them from family, the grocery store, restaurants, the mall, etc. This is part of a child building up their immune systems. You think it is bad now, wait until he starts school.

As many complaints as you have posted on here about your baby-sitter I think you need to find a new one. This decision is not your son's to make and he doesn't know what is in his best interest. As him mom, that his your job.

A.,
I've read lots of your posts about the problems you have with the sitter and I've responded before that you should remove your child. In my opinion, based on all that you've said before, her place is not safe for your child and is unsanitary. Didn't you just post that you came to pick him up and he had a diaper full of poo? What about the fact that there's a bully there to beat on him daily? Come on! How much more of this will you allow your child to endure. It's not that he's happy, he's just used to the treatment he gets - that's not the same thing. You are his mom and his protector, you need to do what's best for him at all times. Sorry if I sound harsh but after all you postings about this situation, I worry about your son! Good luck to you.