Just curious to know how much of a relationship you have with your nieces and nephews and how much your children have with their aunts and uncles. It has always bothered my (soon-to-be-ex) husband that his only sibling, his brother, doesn't independently take an active role in our children's lives. When he was dating women who were into kids, he would suddenly take an interest in taking them out for an afternoon or doing an activity but on his own,not so much. He's been married for a few years and he and his wife have no children (they're both in their early 40s, not sure if they're planning on any). She spends a lot of time with her nieces on her side of the family, which we hear a lot about and see on social media, so my BIL tags along for a lot of that activity. I think it's nice that they are close and don't begrudge at all the fact that they are closer on that side than on ours. My ex and his brother have had a strained relationship for the past several years due to other issues but even when they were close and hung out a lot, the kids weren't really an interest for him. My ex will suggest/offer/invite his brother and wife to hang out with the kids from time to time and the response is usually lukewarm.
To me, this is no big deal and I don't think the kids are missing out on anything. I have a bachelor brother who comes over and helps out with something when I ask and will occasionally bring my oldest son to a game if he gets free tix from work and has an extra and will on occasion come to see the kids play hockey but he's pretty passive. My sisters both have their own kids so we get together with them or baby-sit for each other. I have a large number of aunts and uncles and none of them spent time with just the kids when we were younger - they would come to parties and holidays etc. but it didn't occur to any of them (many who don't have children and were my parents' younger siblings) to come over and take us to the park or the movies or have us over for the night or anything. My ex's only uncle lived across the country his whole life and his only aunt who lived locally was a kind of a pain, so it's not like he grew up with this kind of closeness as the norm either.
So...what's the norm in your family?
Growing up I was incredibly close to my aunt, uncles, and cousins. In truth they were more like additional siblings and parents. I was living overseas when I had my boys and have not had the opportunity to live close to family since so they are not close to their aunt and uncle and do not know their cousins well. I wish it was different, but sometimes that is just life.
None.
We live a plane ticket away from all family. I don't mind being out and away from the drama.
On my side, I have 1 brother who has 3 children. I have not seen them in about 4 years. When he calls me, I know it is because he wants $$. As soon as my husband died my brother called and wanted me to give him my husbands car which is a nice Mercedes sedan. He claimed I didn't need 2 cars.... Like he knows me???? WTH
On hubby's side, there are 2-3 nieces and nephews and again.. Not seen them in over 4 years either. One brother and one sister did come in for hubby's funeral and stayed a whopping less than 24 hours to show their face so his side of the family has some representation. I have 1 dear Aunt who came with her husband to be with me 3 days. Two hours after the funeral was over, everyone was gone and it was just me and my daughter. My daughter stayed 2 weeks (her condo is across town). Our friendships with people we've have known here over 20 years are what sustained us and supported us. Not family.
We learned a long time ago that we didn't mind being a plane ticket away. We have 1 daughter and she was busy in different activities and people. We have neighbors from our first house we built in 1990 with children our daughter's age. They are family to us. Our children were raised together, played together daily like siblings.
Too bad you can't pick your family like you can pick your friends!! My friends are my family.
I am extremely close with my sister's children. Our kids are like best friends with each other. For several years my sister was a single parent so I always took her kids to pick out her Mother's Day, Christmas, and birthday gifts. She is now remarried and I miss those special shopping trips with my nieces and nephew. Our families see each other at least twice a month and are together for birthdays (that in it self is alot..big family!) and holidays. We also have vacationed a few times together.
On hubby's side, no we don't see nieces-nephews unless it is Thanksgiving or Christmas. His family just isn't as close as mine.
Our family is spread out - we all live in different states.
Even if we were near by, I'd have nothing to do with my sister and niece.
My sister is nuts and a drama queen.
My niece is a manipulative brat.
Being relatives is not necessarily a good reason to socialize.
We have 9 nieces and nephews living in the same city as us. We see them about three or four times a year at holiday dinners. We have probably babysat them each at least once or twice, and maybe taken each of them on an outing once or twice as they were growing up. We have attended the weddings of those who are now married. They are all older than our own kids, by about a decade, so they didn't hang around with our kids, although a few of them have babysat for us once or twice over the years.
Growing up I only met aunts, uncles and cousins at family reunions, weddings and funerals. My husband had some holiday dinners with his aunts, uncles and cousins, and even went on a trip with an aunt, uncle and cousins once.
I am one of 5 kids - spread out across the US. We don't get to see each other often but are very close. Our kids love seeing each other. And on the hubbies side - we are very close to his brother's family. In fact we live very close.
But to each their own. My family tends to be drama free - and when one of us has an issue (illness or a problem) we are all supportive in all ways including financial.
I don't know, maybe I'm just lucky.
We live so far away from all our siblings...everyone lives in different states. We plan visits to each other and the rare time we are together we all take an interest in each other's kids. But on a month to month basis...no it's just not possible. Some people just are not into kids. If he and his brother are estranged form each other and do not have a close relationship I don't see why he expects more. Your ex should try to work on his relationship with his brother and start doing things with him...if they naturally hung out together and did things together his brother would get to know his kids. It's ok to not be into kids though...not everyone is.
my father-in-law watches 4 of my nieces and nephews for summer so my kids get to play with cousins on my grocery shopping day. we also see nieces and nephews for all holidays and birthdays. but other than that i rarely ever see them. my sisters-in-law are willing to babysit if i ever need it but thats rare. i know that the sisters do tons of stuff together, and often just do it without my family (their brother my hubbs will usually say "no" so they stopped inviting) so they are all way closer than we are. i have one aunt that i talk to often and will call if i need something. but were not super close, just have similar interests and get along great.
It would depend on the era when the aunts/uncles were brought up. Some families were very tight and others not so much. Many who had siblings that did not have children of their own were not very involved with the ones that did have children. Perhaps your children have dodged a bullet so to speak with family that does not seem interested in them. Make new family from friends that will be there. You can't make people do things you want them to do.
Most of the aunts and uncles that I did know have now passed on. I have a few older cousins that I kind of keep in contact with but not so much. Family is scattered all across the country and everyone is doing their own thing. In the mid 50s to 70s families were more involved than they are now. The country has changed and as such we are not living in the same towns or states much anymore.
Have a great weekend.
the other S.
PS It does make it harder to maintain a real relationship with family but you do what you can and know you did your best.
My nieces and nephews are much older than my kids - there's a 15 year gap between the oldest and my first. So that meant 15 years that I doted on them before I had my own. My husband had no experience with little kids but we had so much fun. My husband took them to see concerts, to go fishing, out canoeing, etc.
These same kids are in their twenties and do the same with our kids. My siblings would watch them more - and let the older cousins have fun with the younger. My family lives away - we do more of this stuff when we visit throughout the year and at our big summer vacation together.
On my husband's side, he has a bachelor brother - who lives at home with his parents. None of them really make any effort. We're expected to. When you're busy and the kids don't seem that keen, doesn't really happen that much. My BIL is sweet just not that interested.
I have two kids. I have a brother who has 2 kids. My kids are older and we live several states away from each other. Texas and Wisconsin.
My brother and I grew up away from family. So this is not unusual for us. My brother and I do try to visit each other once a year or every other year. When his kids were little, I would visit them a lot more. When we lived in Kentucky it was easier to get to them in Illinois and then in Wisconsin. After we moved to Texas, it was a lot harder to maintain that type of visiting schedule. We do call each other a lot which is nice and Facebook helps with me keep track of my niece and nephew. =)
My husband has an older brother who has two kids and a step son. My two nieces and nephew are significantly older than my kids. Everyone on my hubby's side lives in Texas so we do interact with them a lot more which is nice. My BIL and SIL have been wonderful with the kids. They have attended marching band competitions, graduations and all the family events we have. Its been really nice. I know I can always depend on them. AND they know they can depend on us!
We have no relationship with my husband's brothers and sisters. One has 3 boys, one is 11 months older than my oldest--they don't know each other. His older sister has twins just a few months older, no relationship for the past 10 years. They saw each other a few times about 3 years ago and had nothing to say. His other 2 brothers have older kids and no relation there either. On my side my brother has 2 sons that we are not super close to but has a daughter my younger plays with sometimes.
All my other nieces and nephews are older and did not live near as they grew up. In contrast, most of my cousins lived 2 blocks away. We didn't hang out together all the time but there was more of a relationship than my kids have with their own cousins.
My brother had zero interest in our son and never so much as sent him a birthday card. We became more involved in our nephews lives as they aged and were more independent. I don't think everyone is comfortable around kids..even if they have there own. The kinds of activities which appeal to kids (water parks, the playground, baseball) don't appeal to every adult.
I have no neices or nephews. My daughter is the only child in this generation. My brothers saw her at family dinners, usually held during holidays, but were never involved in her life otherwise.
My parents had neices and nephews. Our families were close, mostly living close to each other. I am still close to a couple of cousins. Those cousin's were/are not close to my daughter.
Our family is not as close now that our parents' generation is gone.
My brothers, 3 of them, have no children, don't know how to relate to children. I never thought about this as a problem. People are who they are. I don't expect them to change their personalities or interests for my daughter.
My brothers aren't married. My older cousin's are married. It's been their wives who have kept us close as adults. Wives have asked about my daughter. They have siblings with neice and nephews. They are naturally more involved with them.
Sounds like you want your brother-in-law involved in your children's lives. Why? Why would you even question why he's not? He is who he is. That's why. Love him. Accept that and move on. Expose your children to other adults who want to be involved with them. I do not think my daughter has missed out on anything by having very little time with her uncles.
Another thought. Sounds like you and your husband are not close to his brother. Why would you expect him to spend time with your children? Why is it important for your children to be interested in your children?
I didn't grow up close to any of my extended family, partly due to being a military brat and partly because the family just didn't care. I am very close with my 4 siblings and the nieces and nephews on my side. My husband even is closer with the nieces and nephews on my side. My family makes an effort to spend time with us, to come visit when they can, and to readily open their homes to us.
His family is a little different, but probably mostly because they live so far away. We are in DC and they are in Mississippi. It's hard to get 5 of us there affordably.
It's a two way street for sure, but it doesn't pay to be mad when it doesn't work out.
