Refuses to Poop on the Potty

Love and Logic! "Mommy is going to WalMart, but you will have to stay home with Daddy because you might have a poop accident." "I wanted to take you to McDonalds, but we can't go there until you poop on the potty." "You will have to miss the first day of preschool because you can't have any accidents when you are at school." Pretty much anything she wants to do, it will be sooo sad that she can't until she is a big girl. Keep it a positive message though about how wonderful life will be once she can do it. Then make a big deal about everything she gets to do now that she is a big girl. "I'm so excited you get to go to WalMart with me now that you don't have poop accidents anymore."

I agree with the other Mom....I would tell her that you are "all out" of pull ups and if she makes a mess in her pants....just matter of factly clean her up and explain that she has to go in the potty. I understand why she is afraid of going potty after being so constipated and it hurting so badly but this is also something that she needs to get over. Is she looking forward to going to school? If so, use a neutral time ( not when she is crying about going potty or you are cleaning up a mess) to tell her that she CANNOT go to school unless she is going potty in the toilet like all of the other boys and girls.

I know it is something you need her to be able to do, but the more you show her that the more she will resist. I would stop talking about it, leave her underwear on, and if she asks for pull ups tell her you don't have them anymore. If she poops in her underwear, I would simply walk her to the potty dump her mess in there and say "we need to run to the potty when we need to poop". My daughter had sucess when we stopped talking about it and when she had accidents we kept it to the point with out the sing song voice and clapping etc.

Best of Luck.

L., I JUST literally and somewhat still am going through this with our three year old. He is as stubborn as they come.
I was at my wits end...
then I made it a game. I told him he needed to feed the fish. They were super hungry and needing his poop for nutrients. (I know, I will deal with that I am sure the next time I serve fish at dinner)!!
But my idea was that he pooped on the toilet, I would write a thank you note from the fish and put it in the mailbox for him.
I never even got that far. He thought it was great to feed the fish.
I dont know if it will work for you. I hope it does.
We still put a little Benefiber in his drink to help him.
Good Luck, you are not alone!!

Our son did the same thing, and we had to bribe him w/ going to Chuck E Cheese, when he pooped in the toilet. w/ in a couple of days he was going poopie in the toilet.

Hi, L.. I would think that the preschool would have dealt with similar issues before, since age 3 is not the magic number for all kids to be potty trained. Be open and honest with the preschool, and they will see you are doing the best you can. This is one of the few areas kids have ultimate control, so give her a little more time, and she will succeed. Good luck!

L.,
I HAVE BEEN THERE!!!! I know exactly what you are going through. We had the same scenario with our daughter. Some things to think about...
When does she normally poop? Is it during the time she is at school? If not, then you might consider just sending her to school and then continuing to work on going on the potty at home. Being around other kids who are completely potty trained, without the pressure from you, might motivate her to start. And if she loves school, and can't attend until she has the potty training under control, that might motivate her as well.
We sent our daughter to school and I will tell you it took us a few months to get this resolved. We found the more we pushed, the more she refused. So we set a date. The three of us agreed on it. So once the date was set we were able to back off a bit. For us the date was the month her brother was to be born, and when she would be 3 1/2. We would put pullups on when she asked and then asked her to go in the bathroom to poop. That way she didn't have any extra play time while she was doing it. And it got her into the bathroom as a start. So we did that for several weeks.
Finally the day came and we did give her miralax (we had started it and then stopped it) and then we reminded her about the agreement and there were some tears, but we got her on the potty and she did it, and was so excited. And instead of us praising her, we encouraged her to praise herself (how did that make you feel, aren't you so proud of yourself...) etc.
I know when I was in the thick of it, that it never seemed like there would be a resolution to the problem, but we did it. AND SO CAN YOU! Hang in there, try not to let frustration take over. It will happen!!!

L., this may be one of the harder things as a mommy that you have to do but cold turkey...no more pull ups and if she has an accident, have her clean herself up...I know this sounds harsh, but she is getting to be a bigger girl, and at the daycare my kiddos went to in the threes room due to the class size and just their policies no adult was allowed to assist a child over the age of 3 in the bathroom. Also I agree with the love and logic approach the one mom suggested, and on your side IF she likes pre school, its a good kind of peer pressure to be like the other kids and go potty on the big potty...good luck I know it is tough, I had one kiddo who was afraid of public toilets for the longest time and that was almost as bad.

Hi L., My opinion is a little different than the rest, I think. I think that even though MOST kids can be potty trained by age 3, that not all can. Your daughter was a premie and may not have the developmental ability at this age to control these functions yet. No amount of cajoling is going to change this.

I think that if you can not work this out with the preschool that it might be a good idea to look for a preschool that will accept her as she is. I understand that a preschool teacher may not want to be changing a dirty child, however, to attempt to rush your daughter when she is not ready does a disservice to her, I believe.

I live in St. Charles and I know that our Francis Howell preschools (run in conjunction with the Parents as Teachers program) will accept kids that are not potty trained.

Just a thought and my two cents about this issue. Best of luck to you and your daughter!

L.

oh my gosh, this is exactly the same as my daughter!! no problems with peeing on potty, but around the time she was potty trained started holding it/got constipated. she has been in a terrible cycle of this for 3 years now. i look forward to seeing what suggestions others have because this has been an ongoing struggle for my dughter who is now 5 and still afraid to poop on potty (sorry, don't mean to scare, i do hope you guys get over this quicker than we have!)

I have been there too and it was very frustating for me. I finally figured out if I left her alone she would do it by herself and I also had to take her to the doctor several times and they told me miralax which is now over the counter and kind of pricey, but it worked after I gave it to her everyday. My daughter is very strong willed and eventually she did end up going daily but not untill around age 4. each kid is different and will do it when they are ready, being paitent and not getting into power struggles is the key. she will be fine and I wish you best of luck. keep smiling and know that this will not last forever.

My daughter was the same way. She didn't poop on the pot until she was almost 4. We got "benefiber" it's in a green bottle and you can sprinkle it on her food or in a drink. It disapears and helps her stay regular. By accident, we were watching "look who's talking 2" and there's a whole thing about pooping in the pot with the pee-pee monster! And there's a poo-poo in the potty song & dance. We did it and it's worked everytime!!! We first refused to by diapers and the doctor said when she had to go, she would in the pot if there were no other options :0)
Good luck, it's very hard to make them go