My Son Will Not Do #2 in the Potty!!

You are not alone...my son is now 4, but it was a control thing with him too. I would try to relax about it, pick some little toys (special hot wheels) or prizes, such as fruit snacks, and put them in a basket. At a calm time, bring him in, tell him when he sits on the potty and poops, he will recieve a special prize.

Try to make it as positive and rewarding as possible!! Let go of any negativity, and if there's an accident, don't react just clean it. I know, it is so hard, but it will all work out!!! Do a dance and praise him like crazy when you get the result you want (every time) and it will happen. Good luck!!!

My son did the same thing when we were potty training (he's 5 1/2 now). He always asked for a Pull Up when he needed to go, and then when he was done, he asked me to change him! I was getting so frustrated. Finally, we decided to tell him when the Pull Ups were gone, he had to use the potty. It was tough at first, and we had a couple of accidents, but he knew what he was supposed to do, and it all worked out. Now, it's something we laugh about when we talk about potty training. Just be patient and Good Luck.

My son went through that too. He worn diaper for #2 till he is 4-1/2 years old. Nothing I can do just let it go. He will always do his #2 at home, typically in the evenings, so we don't have problem when he is in school. Whenever is feels like it, he will ask for a diaper and go to a corner.
A month before he entered into kindergarten, he decided to try in the toilet, and since then he said good bye to diaper.

My 4yr old boy FINALLY did it. I know it's tough. At 4 1/2, he only wears underwear - no pullups either. I tried every thing - toys, anger, candy, guilt, patience, etc. You know what worked? Time. That's it. When he was ready, he did it. Try as hard as you can to back off. It was one day that he decided, and the more pressure I put on him, the more resistent he became. & a few trips to target in the first week that he would use the potty was a good motivator. Good luck, I feel your pain. I too was at the end of my rope and tried what I thought was a crazy idea of giving him a pullup to put on his lap while he sat on the potty & he did it. but it wasn't until he was ready.

My daughter would not go #2 in the potty either. She wore pull ups to preschool. And she would not poop at school EVER. She waited till she got home, but that's another story! When she was close to 5 and ready to start kindergarten, I was getting quite nervous. Nothing worked until finally she came up with a solution herself. She told me to cut a hole in her pullup. She actually wore her pullup while sitting on the toilet. Strange, but creative solution. Every day or so, I would cut the hole a little bigger until finally she was wearing a pullup that was only elastic.

I am not suggesting that this will help your little guy, but at least you know you are not alone. ...As a former preschool teacher, I would recommend that you drop the battle of wills, which is usually frustrating for everyone. Speak to his teacher and explain the situation. She might work with you on this. Perhaps, your son has an idea of what would be supportive for him as he makes this big transition. Of course, praise any small efforts on his part. Best wishes!

Have you tried making it a REALLY big deal when he goes in the potty. Positive reinforcement works the best. When I was potty training my daughter we kept a box of tic tacs in the bathroom and everytime she would pee or poop she would get a tic tac, or a sticker... or whatever you want to give them. You could tell your son that if he poops in the potty like a big boy he could have a cookie or _______ fill in the blank. You wouldn't have to continue giving him things after he has learned to do it but it definitely works at first. Since I do daycare I have practiced this positive reinforcement on potty training on most of my daycare kids and it has worked everytime! I also clap and shout and jump up and down when they finally do it so they feel special and proud. You could also have your son pick out his own underwear at the store so it's extra special for him. Tell him he can't poop on spiderman or elmo or whoever if you know what I mean. :)

My friend's daughter was doing this, and it was horrible. They finally figured out that she was scared. She didn't like the feeling of the poop "falling" from her body. They kept pull-ups around, allowed her to go get her own, put it on and poop in that, until she felt more comfortable with it. They also had her go do her business in the bathroom, so she got used to doing her pushing in there. When they pushed the issue, she was witholding and making herself sick with constipation, literally, she was throwing up from all the pressure from the constipation. They had to back off long enough to let her stop withholding and get over that issue. When they tried again, she immediately started withholding again. So they again backed off. Her mom was just to the point where she thought she would be going to kindergarten in a pull up when she suprised her and went on the potty all by herself. They of course made a huge deal out of it, and she has been using the potty ever since. So my advice is to completely back off. Don't ask, don't talk about it, if he has an accident, don't react at all, just clean up the mess etc. He will eventually get it, but if he is at all strong willed, you will be in for a battle if you try to push. When the control was all hers, she took the initiative. My son was similar, I had to put it in his court, I told him when he was ready to let me know, it was his decision, he just made it a lot quicker than my friend's daughter:)

Unfortunately, the more you push and the more it becomes a battle, the more he will be stressed about it and refuse to go. We went through something similar with our daughter. Some kids just train later. I know many people will say something like "A child should be fully potty trained by (insert age here)." but this is very wrong. Their metabolisms and muscle control develop at very different rates. One child may be fully trained by 2 and another may have trouble with # 2 and not be fully trained until 4 or 5. If the preschool is not understanding about this, and they have a blanket requirement for children to be potty trained, I would find another preschool. A preschool that is not going to support you and your "late trainer" and gently do everything they can to help out is not going to be good for you or your child. Especially because even after a child is supposedly "fully trained" there can still be a lot of accidents in response to cold, something that was eaten, you name it.
Instead of pushing him to use the potty, tell him it's okay and that he can do it when ever he's ready. Then try not talking about #2 at all for a while, but give him a little bit of praise when he makes it to the potty for #1. Even though it's really frustrating -and yes, I know how frustrating it is- don't scold or be angry with him if he has an oopsy with the #2. (At the same time, do something sneaky like setting a training potty inside and one in the backyard, without really saying anything about it.) He'll come around to it when he's ready and comfortable with it. ;) Also, find a school that will work with him gently and at his pace. They'll usually charge a little extra for a diapering/pull-ups fee, but it's well worth it. Good luck to you and your family! Happy Mother's Day!

Sounds like he needs a really attractive incentive, and one that you can give often. With my kids, we used Pez candy, and it was the only time they got to get a pez from the little dispenser. They chose a character from the Pez display, and every time they did their thing in the potty, Piglet or Bob the Builder came out to give them their reward. When we thought they were finally trained well enough, we just let the Pez run out and then the dispenser became a toy.

You might figure out what would really motivate him--a special small candy, a quarter to put in his wallet (get a roll of quarters from the bank), a pick from a prize box of trinkets... It doesn't have to be big, just something that he will find irresitable. And feel free to change it up if he gets bored with the prize after a few days. With it being #2, you probably will only have to give the reward once a day, twice max, right?

To get started, show him the prize ahead of time, when you think he's ready to go. Let him see it on the counter while you have him sit on the potty, and as soon as he's done, make a BIG deal of it and let him have it immediately so he can make the connection, and then learn to anticipate the treat. When he gets consistent and you think he's doing well, you can let the treats run out, and maybe give him have a final congratulations prize.
I'm sure you'll get lots of great ideas from other moms. Hope you can find something that works!

I went through this with my daughter when she was 3.5. It became a HUGE power struggle and battle of the wills. Finally, I decided to stop playing the game. My daughter was so constipated (and on doctor-prescribed Miralax) that I put her back into diapers full-time, and I said no more about using the potty. However, after a few months, I asked her if she'd like to pee on the potty again, but that she didn't have to poop on the potty unless she wanted to. She didn't want to poop on the potty, but she liked peeing on it. So, we went back into panties, and she would tell me whenever she needed a diaper to make poop. I did change her poopy diapers myself, but everytime I changed her, I told her, "Let me know when you're big enough to poop on the potty like the big kids you know." She would solemnly say that, yes, she would tell me when she was ready to poop on the potty. Finally, after a few more months, one morning, lo and behold she pooped on the potty by herself! We were all very excited, as was she, and from that time on, she pooped on the potty.

The key for us was to just stop battling over it. There was nothing I could do to physically MAKE her poop. It was her own body. And, I knew that sooner or later, she would do it, and I also knew that it had to be her decision. She did it on her own timeframe, and it worked great. Once she pooped on the potty of her own accord for the first time, we never had a single accident.

I don't know how a person would adapt this to preschool. I would probably suggest that you tell him that he can't poop at preschool, because "they don't use diapers there." If situations come up where he can't do something because he still uses diapers, then just tell him matter-of-factly that he can't do that because he still uses diapers; when he's all done with diapers and makes all his poop on the potty, then he can do that. You can't win a battle of the wills, so take yourself out of the battle.

And remember, all kids do potty-train sooner or later! good luck!

~ E.

I had the same problem with my middle child. What finally worked was to put him back in diapers/pull-ups and make him in charge of the whole mess. I told him that he was old enough to be in charge of his own body and his own poop. He was responsible for packing and carrying his diaper bag, he had to change his own pull-up, he had to wash his own dirty pants . . . He was trained in less than 3 days.

Peer pressure was extremely helpful here. We showed up at the park for a playdate. The other kids piled out of their vans carrying balls and bulldozers. My son had his diaper bag. The group exchanged looks, one boy made a comment about "diaper bag? next time bring your power rangers." That was pretty much all she wrote. When we got home, he changed into undies and never had a potty accident again.

I will say that I had to oversee all the clean-ups that he had to do: pull-up, self, bathroom floor, laundary, etc. But I would make him wait whenever possible, especially when he was in a hurry to return to something fun. Since he would interrrupt himself to pee in the toilet and then get to return to play immediatley, it didn't take too long for him to figure out that pooping in pull-ups, changing said pull-ups, cleaning up self, cleaning up bathroom, starting laundary, putting on clean clothes, etc took way too long!

I.

Hi M.,

I went through the same thing with my daughter. I told her if she went #2 on the potty, I would buy her the Dr. Kit she had been wanting. Well, she went on the potty, got her Dr. Kit and then refused to use it again. So, off to the toy store to see what else she really wanted.....it was the Tele-Tubby Po doll. So I told her if she went #2 on the potty for seven days in a row, we would go get her a Po doll. After the first day we counted to seven and I explained we had six more days and counted every day until day seven. After we got her the Po doll, she used the toilet every day after. I think it was just the fear of it. I use to find her hiding in the closet to go #2, or behind the furniture. Now that she's eight - I'm working on getting her use to self-flushing toilets....she won't use one unless I cover the eye and wait until she's done. Good luck to you.

My daughter is doing the same thing, I started potty training about six months ago. She just turned three in March, she is totally #1 trained even at night she is rarely wet, but #2 absolutely not, she knows when she is going to, she is even announcing to me that she is pooping. I am just trying to stay consistent and hoping that sooner or later it will just click like #1. Just stay the course and maybe not make it a battle of the wills, have you tried a reward system with him and put a positive spin on it, I am getting ready to implement this with my daughter to see if I get better results. Hope this helps and believe me your not alone in this situation. Best of luck from a totally am there too Mom.

Hi M.,

I understand your anxiety - I didn't think my daughter would ever want to poop on the potty! She did it a few times when she was less than 2, but then lost all interest in pottying for #1 or #2 for ages. She is just over 3.5 now, and after us taking a hiatus from potty stuff other than when she showed any interest, I tried again near the end of March...put her in panties and she seemed ready in that there were no protests and she tried to get to the potty when I encouraged it.

The first week there were a few pee accidents and she was withholding poop to some extent, which caused me to get worried. Sometimes she would try to poop (I could tell) but she just couldn't relax enough to go on the potty for hours (or a couple of days sometimes which was a long time for her to go without pooping). We never did figure out with her what her potty aversion was to pooping there, except that she was used to standing up to poop, so I wonder if it was also the sensation that another person described of not liking it to fall out - it would definitely feel different than in a Pull Up. We had a few poop accidents (really on purpose, she tried that a few times) and she was very upset each time so I tried to be calming but I also did point out that was why it was so much nicer to poop on the potty - much less messy and stinky.

What really seemed to help her get used to pooping on the potty was that we gave her a little chocolate treat each time - she doesn't have them at any other times so it's a big deal to her! It still took some time before she grew comfortable with it, but that really helped a lot, so I agree with the moms who have suggested various rewards that are instantaneous - a small candy or a small toy from a basket, etc. - especially if it's something he can't have at any other time and really likes. Of course my daughter still wants hers and she's been doing great for some time :) but we'll phase it out eventually by running out and not having any more. Since she has no other candy or sweets other than fruit at other times, I figure that small bit isn't too big a deal.

GOOD LUCK - I know how tough this is and how frustrating....he WILL get it sooner or later, it will happen.

S.

If you can find out why he doesn't want to, that will be great - but if you don't, that's pretty normal. My little girl never gave us a reason at all...and she just got accustomed to it after a few good experiences.

Hi -

My son was the same way. He also had lots of loseness early on. he is now 4 and 5 months and while he is willing now....still has accidents. Asking and sitting him n the potty every hour for weeks did nothing. What eventually worked was you get an m&m for trying to go, one if you go pee pee and one if you do it all without being asked. If he went poo then it was a super present. This worked in about 2 weeks.

We also took a potty in the car always and in a month it worked. It has taken a lot of patience.

Also if he lot firmness....he can't feel it and has an accident. So a banana every day and acidophilous tablets help a lot.

Good luck. Ask for more advice if you want.

We went throught he same thing with my son! He was potty-trained earlier, but the issue was the same. For us, it seemed like the problem was really that it's hard to squat on the potty. As soon as we gave up on the potty seat or rings, and just set him on the big potty, we had more success. To poop, he has to let his bottom down into the toilet (almost to the water) and hold onto the seat with his hands, then the poop just comes out... kind of gross to talk about, but that's what worked for us.

HTH
T.

M.,
You are not alone. I have been going through the same thing with my son who is almost three and a half now. He would pee on the potty just fine but refused to poop and would freak out when we put him on the potty to do that. I think it was partly because he has always had problems with constipation because he doesn't eat fruits or vegetables and it would hurt when he did go. I started giving him Fiberone granola bars and this helped that. What has started to work for us and we are still not 100% there, but I would say we are probably 75% there now, is to give him a reward each time he did poop on the potty. He loves Dr. Seuss books, so I bought a bunch of them and he gets to pick one out every time he poops on the potty. I also let him take his comfort item (his little blue bear blanket) and hold it while he was pooping. I would also hug him if he needed it and eventually he would relax and go. He gives me cues like running around or grabbing at his butt. When he does this I make him sit on the potty. Sometimes it takes a few trys but we usually get there. The other problem we were having is he would wait until he was in a pull up for night time and then go and fall asleep so I would have to wake him to change him. After a few times he decided this was no fun. He has started to realized that it feels a lot better to poop on the potty then in the pull up now. If you can find something special to him to use as a reward it may help. I also bought him Kandoo flushable wipes and he likes using these as well. It makes him feel more independent.
Hope this helps and good luck!
H.

My son is now 3.5 and has been potty trained for almost a year. We did it in about 1 week .... left the pull-ups that NEVER worked...
Solution = bought thick soft cotton training underwear and a small toilet (that he only used that week!!!!)
Carried extra clothes from top to bottom and plastic bags for accidents and then had to buy a potty seat for the regular toilet that he stills uses today!
Try this, he became comfortable with the regular potty and only used the small potty if I was using the regular potty at the same time. Good luck!!!!!!! FYI, he was constipated for the first couple of days because he was nervous but we let him use the small potty anywhere he felt most comfortable (kitchen, tv room, bedroom , etc...) and it only lasted a week. He never had a poop incident in his pants at all, really. But pee, now they can feel the difference and do not like it at all.
We could have potty trained him earlier, but unfortunately we were not mentally ready to deal with all the accidents or coordinating everyone who takes care of him. Everyone taking care of him must be prepared at all times to check for signs of him needing to go to the potty, and no one can sneak a diaper in at any time during the training. The only time diapers were allowed were at bedtime and eventually he didn't want those either, he preferred soft cotton underpants instead! best of luck!
M.

Hi M.,
Almost every kid I know took longer to feel comfortable doing #2 on the potty, my son included. We had stopped potty training at around 3yrs because it had turned into a power struggle, which started w/ preschool having us put pull-ups on him -- totally made him feel defeated -- and our obviously wanting him to use the potty. He saw that he had power over us, and that was it. We backed off potty training for three months. Then we started again with a sticker chart and small rewards (like a key chain with a monkey on it). He loves balloons and we reserved the stickers that looked like balloons for when he pooped in the potty and gave him the key chain for the first poop, the second small gift for the first week that had five balloon stickers, etc. Once it became a habit, which did not take long after the first poop in the potty (btw, he would poop in his nighttime diaper before bedtime when he was refusing to poop in the potty), he started caring less and less about the stickers until he didn't care at all. I know some people who have put a coveted toy in the bathroom somewhere up high and out of reach but within eye shot of the potty and told their child that he/she can have the toy when he/she poops in the potty. They said the visual reminder helped. Our son's sticker chart was clearly visible from his potty. It's important not to be (outwardly) upset with your son when he does not poop in the potty. It will become a control thing again, and your son could start to feel really bad about himself and the potty. What others recommended to me was to get super excited the first time he did #2 in the potty and then be positive but not overly excited from there on out so that he would understand that we were proud of him but that pooping on the potty has an expectation. Also, he needed us to explain that it's okay if he doesn't poop as soon as he sits on the toilet. He was confused about whether he had to go because it didn't happen right away. We had him sit for a few minutes and told him to take deep breathes and relax. That seemed to help. If all else fails, my cousin did the following based on her pediatrician's recommendation. She gave her son a baby Fleet (or half an adult Fleet) glycerin enema and put him on the toilet. The Fleet will make your child poop in about 30-60 seconds. Then she gave him a treat after he pooped in the toilet. We had to use Baby Fleet with our son on rare occasion when he was much younger because he would get painful constipation, and he was already on Miralax. Before doing this, I actually used one myself because I couldn't handle the idea of doing this to my son if I didn't know that it would not feel awful. It caused mild, but odd-feeling, abdominal cramping and then worked like you read about. My cousin had the same preschool dilemma, which is why she went this route. Luckily for us, our preschool did not have a potty training requirement. Good luck, and know that you will get through this!
K.

My girlfriend did the prize thing. She has twins. I asked her how shw did it without breaking the bank. She said that she would stop at a lot of garage sales and pick up nickel and dime toys. She said a lot even had "free" stuff. She filled up a basket with them and everytime they pooped, they got to pick from the basket. Some of the toys were a little tattered, dirty, but the kids just liked the idea of the prize. My two cents....
I know it is so frustrating. My son went through the "no poo on the potty" stage, and still struggles sometimes(3.5years). Hang in there and try not to let him sense your frustration. When I would yell(I know that isnt good), cry, or make a negative deal out of my son pooping in his pants, he had a tendancy to repeat the behavior. When I treated it as "no big deal," it stopped. Everyone tells me that boys are harder than girls, so look at the glass half full: once you have him trained, your girl will be a breeze!! Take a deep breathe...and keep living your life to the fullest!!!

Believe it or not we went to a behaviorist specializing in Poop and he helped us tremendously. We followed his directions to the letter. It worked! His name is Mike Wilson and lives someplace in south San Jose. I am sure there are others.
Good luck.

My son was very resistant to toilet training, too. I tried a variety of things (e.g, sticker charts, treats, setting regular sitting times), but none of them worked. Finally, my husband and I decided to throw a "Big Boy" party for our son to mark the day that he would graduate to underwear. When we told him about the party, we asked him to tell us how many days away it would be. Then we marked the day on the calendar and crossed off a day each evening after supper.
We made a very big deal about the party and he made lots of choices about what he wanted (cake, pizza, a pinata).On the morning of the party, I put him in his underwear and told him that today was the special day when he graduated to be a big boy and he would use the potty all the time just like a big boy.
I am amazed, but the whole thing actually worked. He has had remarkably few accidents. He is proud of himself and he is peeing and pooping on the potty.

I told my kids, "poop goes in the potty" and after going in the diaper, we walk over to the potty and dump (no pun intended) the poop into the potty and flush it down. That helped with the transition. I like what the other mom wrote about being responsible for your own body and clean up too. Good luck!

Boy, having four kids already potty trained, I can say I've gone through this problem. One thing I learned is that going potty can really be a control issue. I think that the more I wanted them to go the less they did. I really believe in helping them feel as though they are in control without losing control myself is the key. I had a child that refused to go #2 to the point of causing major constipation. Not fun! Try to find a game or incentive that will work for them. Could be as simple as putting stickers on a piece of paper every time they go. If they have an accident maybe the sticker has to go back to the sticker paper till next time. Try to focus on the positive. The more stressed and anxious you are the more he will refuse.

Good Luck, I still have 2 more to potty train and I am definately not looking forward to it. It is a tough time but it doesn't last forever!!!

T.

Hi, my daugher did the same thing and really had me stressing. My first two potty trained no problem so I was unprepared for her being so stubborn about doing #2 in a diaper. She has finally started using the potty and I think it is because I stopped tripping off of her. I got her a new doll and left it in its wrapping in sight. Everytime she asked I told she could have it when she used the potty but I totally stopped bugging her about it or mentioning it to anyone else. The doll was there for 2 months and she just kept asking for a diaper or going in the backyard.

Finally, I think when she realized that I wasn't going to fight or beg her anymore (or give her the doll)she decided it was time to use the potty. It didn't hurt to have her older siblings using a little peer pressure as well.

Anyway, stay strong and try not to battle it with him. The fact is there is no way to force a kid to use the potty, it has to be his choice. The discomfort and bad smell will soon be reason enough. Good luck! This too will pass...

P.S. Do you have a little potty? Sometimes that is less scary because there is no splashing/long drop...

You say he's supposed to go to preschool soon, so that may be the motivation he needs. This happened with my daughter. First I stopped even trying to get her to poop in the potty. Not mentioning it to her or anyone else (they hear everything!). I spoke to the preschool director, explained the problem and asked for her assitance. After a few weeks of not saying a thing, I received a call from the director (imagine that!)just reminding me that my daughter was due to start school the next week and that the school has a potty trained policy. No diapers or pull-ups allowed. I of course made my end of that call "oh my gosh! I totally forgot about that! Oh well, maybe she won't be able to go after all. We'll see..."
Then I just told (not dramatic) what the call was about and said that it was ok, maybe she wasn't ready for preschool yet. That was it! She really wanted to go to the fun school with the cool playground and nice teachers she met. She started using the potty everytime from then on!
If your son is excited about starting school this could be just the ticket. Just remember, don't make too big of a deal about it or he'll see right through it. They're smart little cookies at this age!
Good luck!