Recommendations for Books on Divorce and Custody?

You will get all kinds of advice and some opposite of another...from people and books. And example is this: My ex and I were required to take parenting classes in AZ BEFORE the divorce was final. The counselor said that it is HIGHLY suggested that you do NOT continue to hang out and do 'family' things together such as holidays and birthdays. It is hard enough on the kids living in 2 houses let alone on occasion seeing their mom and dad get together and have fun with them. He said the kids, no matter what age, will always want their parents back together and if they see you getting together and hanging out, it will make it look like that's a possibility when it isn't. So he actually said to have separate celebrations and not have them together to make it CLEAR that you are not getting back together. Continue to be civil but don't hug each other good bye or hello, it's misleading to the kids.

You didn't ask this but I'm saying it because the other person suggested it and just to show there is a lot of "opinions" out there. My advice is to maybe read a few books but really keep open communication with the kids and counseling would not hurt. I wish I had taken my kids. As awful as it is for you, it's a million times worse for them. I'm glad you are making an effort to help them. Good luck.

This is the greatest book:

Why did you have to get a Divorce? And when can I get a Hamster?: A Guide to Parenting through Divorce by Anthony Wolf

This book covers a lot of topics about the divorce/parenting experience through sample conversations. It is filled with simple, smart advice and at times is just really funny.

This book's available on Amazon.

I highly recommend it.

Best,
T. Y

I tend to agree with Julie S. But, I can see why you want to search for info.

Here is also my two cents that you didn't ask for. You don't know me..I don't know you. This is simply advice from a child of divorce. I am going to suggest family counseling. Or at least counseling for your kids no matter if they say they want/need it or not.

I really can see how my siblings and parents could have benefitted from family counseling. We didn't have anyone to talk to. Everyone just went on in survival mode and stifled all emotions. To this day, each of us four kids struggle with relationships/communication in one way or another.

Also, I would suggest your family unit do things "as a family" occasionally throughout the year. No new spouses/ or girl/boyfriends allowed. Just the parents of the children and the children.

It is sooo important for children to see their parents still able to get along and find a way to still be a semi/quasi family unit. I see other families do this and it has really helped the kids' relationships with each parent and also nurture security for the child's place in the world.

Good luck and best wishes!

No, because each situation is different and every judge will do it differently.

Every divorce is different. Every child deals with divorce differently. Same with the adults.

Instead of a book, I would recommend counseling, Psychotherapy. This will help all involved. Especially the kids.

I don't have recommendations on books but I did find Google helpful. I would search for specific situations or questions and find answers which spoke to me by being sensible. My husband and I read up on how to gracefully handle a divorce and the aftermath (no badmouthing in front of the kids, try to co-parent, be nice to the ex-spouse no matter what, try to be civil for the sake of the kids, be as agreeable as possible without being a doormat, how to establish and maintain boundaries, etc.). When we were struggling to find a normal with my husband's ex, there were also resources on how to define and maintain boundaries with challenging ex-spouses. As different as each experience is, there is sufficient common ground you should be able to find a written resource to help you define a foundation to follow. Good luck.