Recently Diagnosed with Cancer

I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't have any advice since I've not had to deal with it, but just wanted to offer support to you. I know an offer of 'let me know if I can help you with anything' is odd from a stranger, but I'm a mommy too, and I wish all the best for you. Do you have family around you?

Melissa, I'm sorry to hear about your cancer. I had a similar experience: I had a cancerous tumor removed 7 years ago and it returned aggressively last year. I felt like I could deal with brain surgery again because I knew the drill. They are pretty sure the hormones from pregnancy caused the cancer to return, but I wouldn't change a thing. My attitude has been chill because stressing out isn't going to make me better. I was heartbroken, though when I thought my son may have to grow up without a mom. I had the surgery, radiation and am still on chemo, but all MRI's are coming back cancer free. The best advice I can give you is to do what you can to keep your life normal and happy and don't let the cancer define you. Your boys will pick up on your vibes and hopefully keep a positive environment for you to heal. I wish you the best!

Wow, that is really tough. I agree most with Christy, that telling them honestly what is going to happen is best. Also, what kind of cancer do you have and what is your prognosis? Not that you need to tell us, but this can inform what you do. My mom is a 10-year survivor of breast cancer and had a small lung tumor taken out this past summer, so depending on your cancer you could do just great.
When I think of what I would have to do for my 2-year-old and upcoming newborn if I or my husband were dying, dead or severely incapacitated, here is how I think of it: I would want to keep as much continuity in their lives as I could, because losing a parent is DEVASTATING to a child. Seriously, it is the worst thing that could happen. Of course my morbid fantasies usually center on a sudden car crash, not a prolonged illness, which gives you time to plan and decide how to deal with it.
For your cancer plan, I would recommend getting a friend to go with you to your doctor's appointments and go with lists of questions. You will be so overwhelmed with information and perhaps emotion that you may not be able to quiz the doctor like you need to and in the car ride home you'll be wondering what the heck she or he said. So get a friend to go and ask the hard questions for you if she doesn't think they were answered. Go with pen and paper and write down the answers. If you are going to have surgery and recovery, so essentially short-term incapacitation, see if a friend or family member can come down for a few weeks so that your kids can keep going to school and they can maintain some of their normal routine. If you are going to have to have long-term incapacitating treatment, consider moving closer to family or whoever so that the kids can have the support you can't give them until you are better. Also, if your prognosis is poor, this will enable them to build a new routine and new emotional support if you die.
If surgery is the typical option, I would recommend being aggressive and taking the best option to reduce further occurrence. Since you have two kids, I don't think playing it safe with a minor surgery is the best option, but that's your decision and one to make on the advice of your doctor.
Get a second opinion and make sure your doctor listens to you. Again, go to your appointments with a friend, pen, and paper, and write everything down. My mom did this and it REALLY helped. It will also really help you tell your kids what is going on.
Also, find a confidant. Either a friend you trust, a pastor, a counselor, someone you can talk to about your fears. It's ok for your kids to know you are scared, it's ok for them to know what is happening, but it's best if they don't see you freak out. You can't be strong all the time, so find someone you can cry with or in front of. Now is the time to ask for help. People LOVE to help, they really do. It makes them feel honored and needed, and we all love that. Ask your friends for rides to the doctor's, help with some meals, errand-running, things like that. If you spread out the help, people love a mission, and it will bolster your energy to realize you have such a strong support group.
Good luck with everything! If you need to email, go ahead.

Atleast you know that you are in everyone's thoughts and prayers.. alot of people responded to you! Amen for that! I know you are for sure going to be in my prayers. I feel that it's important to be honest about what's going on to your children, but keep it simple. Not too much detail, but letting them know your sick and have to go to the doctors so they can help you get better. I know for me, I've joined meetings/bible study's. It really helps me to get positive

You sound so strong and like a really amazing mother. I think you can tell your son that you are going to be getting help for a while because you are sick. Be as honest with him as you can. Be positive with him and yourself.
Also- I literally just finished reading an amazing book called The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan. Great book and I think you may be able to relate to this book and find it inspirational.

Stay strong and positive and you will get through this.
take care,
M.

www.workathomeunited.com/M.

Dear J.,

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 12 and she was super open and honest about the treatment plan (mastectomy, followed by chemo and radiation, followed by 5 years of Tamoxifen) and my siblings and I (two younger, were 10 and 8 at the time) really appreciated it. She told us that she would loose her hair, get a wig, and other side effects of the chemo. She was very upbeat and did not cry in front of us, but would tell us if she was too tired and had to nap or if she was too nauseated to make us dinner (we would make sandwiches or warm soup or leftovers while she slept). Your children are much younger, but I agree that if you can tell them basic info on what will happen using terms they can understand then it is a bit less scary.

You didn't say what kind of cancer you have or your prognosis. Your 6 year old may be afraid of you dying. While I am not trying to scare you or him, if that is a possibility, then I have to say that making sure arrangements have been made for your children is very important. (Make sure you have an up to date will, insurance policies are updated with correct beneficiary info, etc.) My dad was married to my mom so we knew that we would continue to live in our house and were told that if mom got super sick my grandmother would move in with us. Make sure your son knows that someone who loves him will take care of him no matter what happens. If he has a good relationship with his dad, make sure that support system is available to him.

My best wishes and prayers for you and your family.
Christy

Hi J.,
I am so sorry to hear about your reoccurrence of cancer. My advice is to seek Healing from our Greatest Physician, God, and to seek His councel on how to help your son and family deal with the news. I will keep you in my prayers, and one thing I pray right now is that you have a church family that will be your support through all this as well, and that you know Christ and your children do as well. He is my joy and my strength every day. He will bring you and your children through this.
God Bless,
Peggy

on one of my websites I frequent, just a couple days ago they posted a freebie from kidscope.org. link below
http://www.kidscope.org/individual_order.html

the website is geared toward helping children understand the effects of cancer and chemotherapy in a loved one.
I'm so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I hope for the best possible outcome!

hi J....

i have a food coach who got rid of her cancer but drinking distilled water and eating raw food only.........fruits and vegetables...
no meat, dairy, wheat and especially no sugar and good to stay away from caffeine...take a mineral supplament to balance the distilled water.... to keep the cancer away keep on raw foods..
raw foods are living foods. i have told so many people this but
most do not listen so i wish you luck and hope you will be loving eating raw.oh yes get a juicer and juice carrots, cabbage and apple and drink this every day and several times a day if you can.
jack lalane ? the exercise guru has one at target for $99.

im so sorry to hear about your discovery. i just wanted to let you know honesty & prayer are miracle makers. i will pray for you.
may God bless you and your family

Sorry to hear the cancer is back, but you already are doing the best, seeking treatment.Do everything the doctors recommend and keep a possitive attitude and faith in God that you WILL HEAL. As for your child, you can explain that you are sick and that is why you go to the doctors who will do everything they can to cure you. As for hair loss and other side effects just tell him gradually IF you have them. Be thankful that you have your parents with you. Know you are not alone. Mothers at Mamasource will surely be praying for you. I know I will.

Hi J., I must say, you sound so 'grounded'. That alone should keep your son from any major flipouts or underlying fears-! Children, I feel do better with the truth. I'm kinda at a lose for words. I pray for a quick healing, and respect your open approach for advice- All the very best for you and family-Sincerely,Annmarie

J.
I just want to wish you strength and health. Maybe children s books dealing with the topic of disease would help your son cope and dont forget to remind your children how much they count for you.
God bless the 3 of you.
S.

lady i am sorry for this infortunate thing. i do understand where you are coming from and i do not know what to tell you. my 31 year old brother was diagonsed with cancer 3 weeks ago he has non-hodgkin's lymphoma they say IF you have to have cancer his is the best one to have the most curable and most treatable one. he is married and has a 13 year daughter. it has been such a strain and so stressful on all of us. my parents are besides themselves.because i already had one brother commit suicide in 2002 and they do not want to bury another child.
lady all is can say is pray for God to move this mountain from you not only for yourself but for the kids.i will pray for you too. I pray rignt now father, in the name of Jesua that you would remove this mountain from this lady and her family. father we know cancer is not from you. and we know you are still in the healing business and we know you can heal her Lord and we ask for this miracle. In Jesus name :Amen.
hold your head up and be strong the Lord can do far beyond whar we or any doctor can believe or hope for. thank you Lord.
your kids well do not lie to them but only tell them what you NEED to tell them.

Hi J., I'm so sorry about your situation. I don't really have any advise. I just want to let you know that I'll keep you and your children in my prayers.

Contact the American Cancer Society, www.cancer.org, they have many avenues that can assist you in your fight as well as groups that can help your family. Get your family involved in a cancer activity, a very popular one is the Relay For Life, with the American Cancer Society. It would allow your family and friends be mroe involved and you know you are doing something to help. Keep Fighting! H.

i haven't had to deal with those cards being dealt to me yet, but my heart goes out to you and your boys. my aunt just got diagnosed with breast cancer. we've always been super close. i can't imagine fighting cancer and being a mom to two young children. i live in boynton beach. if there is anything you need let me know. i don't know how far sebastian is, but i'm sure i could make the trip if you need help. or if you want to vent, i'm here for that too.

my prayers are with you.

Hi J.,

First off I ma very sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with cancer again but you need to be stronger than every especially for your boys. My mother has been diagnosed with cancer for the second time as well just recently. She has started to go to chemo again and will be through June. I have a daughter that just turned 5 and she is very close to my mom. At first I thought not really talking about it would be best but honestly it's not. We have been very open and honest with her and my two older ones as well. They all know that she has cancer and that she needs medicine. They asks lots of questions and they all get answered to the best that they can be. My daughter is still young so she is not going to understand it to the fullest but she knows what's going on. This time around my mom has started to lose her hair which is a little strange for them to see but they're fine with it they understand. You can't hide it from them because it will make them more confused. Just answer whatever questions that are asked the best that you can to try to make them understand and not be scared of the disease. We also live with my mother so it's very up close for them as it will be in your situation. Don't ever hide anything and remember to stay strong attitude is everything in this battle. Don't ever let it overcome you. You will fight this and live a very happy life with your children. God bless and good luck.

Hi J.! First off all, I am sending all the good energy and healing energy of the universe to you. You were a warrior once before, and you will be one again! You know, my daughter is only 2, and I have never had to tell her anything like that, but I really believe that honesty is the best policy. My sister recently got engaged to a man that left his wife for her. (that is not anything I supported..but not in my control). Anyway, her fiance has a 4 year old son. When he was going through his divorce, no one explained to Wyatt what was really happening. He was extremely confused, and had a lot of behavioral issues to follow. I know your situations are extremely different, but I always thought, if they could just, kindly, tell Wyatt the truth, he would understand. That is what I recommend for you. I would just keep it very positive. Let him know that you will be spending a lot more time with dr's, and that you want him to be your little buddy...to help you feel great. I wouldn't go into anything that could frighten him, or make him sad, b/c like I said, you fought this once, and you will again!!!! Have you ever watched the DVD The Secret? It is an incredibly powerful video on the energy that we have, within ourselves, to fulfill all of our needs. I have not had to use the philosophies for any medical reasons (though people on the dvd have, including cancer), but I have used the techniques for financial reasons, and seen real miracles occur. http://www.amazon.com/Secret-Extended-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/B00... This is a link from Amazon...but I bet you can get a copy dirt cheap on ebay. If you read the reviews on Amazon, they are mixed, but I can tell you, from personal experience, it works. It is not anything religious, and will not interfere with any of your religious beliefs. If you need anything, feel free to contact me. Picture yourself healed, and believe it!!!!
A.

Just like sex tell them only enough to satisfy their questions. Mom has a disease that is very hard to get rid of.
Watch some of Patrick Swazes(sp) (dirty dancing) interviews with pancreatic cancer. And he just started a new tv show "beast"

Keep fighting God does what is best.

Have you looked at alternative and holistic perspectives on cancer? I suggest starting with the book You Can Heal Your Life, with Louise Hay - also a video documentary now by that title featuring Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz, Gregg Braden, Cheryl Richardson, Dr. Candace Pert, and others. I personally look at cancer from a mind-body-energetic perspective, so I value the ideas and research offered by people like Dr. Hamer (German New Medicine) and Andreas Moritz - www.ener-chi.com Regular doctors understand how to attack cancer cells or cut them out but not how and why the body is creating them. There are many highly successful natural and non-invasive cancer therapies that have been used over the years, and they have mostly been supressed to protect the pharmaceutical medical system's business interests. Meanwhile, human bodies produce cancer cells all the time and they are typically removed by the body itself, but energetic disturbances and over-toxicity/over-acidity (pH imbalances) can lead to the cells accumulating into tumors. So most doctors and patients aren't interpreting medical test results with a full undestanding of what is occuring with the body. I've provided energetic healing therapies to people who have done chemotherapy or surgery, which helps improve recovery, from what I and others have witnessed. I've also known some people who took no regular treatment for cancer and recovered solely with natural therapies like diet/detox and psychospiritual and energetic healing approaches - I can't tell people what to do but I encourage everyone to have an awareness of the range of options and research that's available.

best wishes,
J. Shlackman
www.phinsights.com

J.,
I work with funders and I have a client in Jacksonville that is setting up a program for children whose parents have cancer. She has two 6 year-olds and her husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor almost 2 years ago and so, out of this experience and with nowhere to find support for her kids
(there was plenty of support for adults but not for kids) , she decided to start this children's support group. I assume that you are in S. Florida. I can tell you that this new group was modeled on the Children's Bereavement Center, which is a fabulous organization that operates here in Miami. The Bereavement Center deals with kids who are griefing but they consider children with parents with cancer as grieving in the sense that there is loss in the way that their lives have changed ( with parents receiving treatments, not feeling well at times, etc.) I recommend contacting the Children's Bereavement Center to ask about local resources and to see if they also take children in the situation of your kids. Good luck to you!

I'm am familar for skin cancer and understand what your going through. My dad has it and he had radiation therapy. he's turning 96 in May so here is my advise:

1.Smile and laugh as often as posible
2.Write down positive affirmations and read them 3x a day to yourself
3. Thank g*d for all the good in your life ( your son,etc)
4. Change your soaps and skin care products!!!! We all did in my family.
Use products without MINERAL OIL, TALC and ALCOHOL.

I recoommend Arbonne's skin care especially the FC5 Line which is all natural. I'm usuing it myself!!!

But please smile and thik happy thoughts because the brain is more powerful than the cancer!!!!

I wish you well.

Many Blessings to you, dear. Do you have insurance? Do not hesitate to contact Medicaid for that plus food stamps, to alleviate your financial stress. Their number is 866-762-2237
Please ask them for counselling as well, for you and the children.
God Bless you and may you recover quickly...

Sorry this is so late. My prayers for you and you family!
Did you know that cancer is caused by fungus? This has been known for over 300 years but cancer is such a money maker that the medical people don't want us to know that. Fungus is fed by sugar and carbohydrates. We Americans eat all wrong. We feed our diseases instead of killing them!
A website that is a must for you: knowthecause.com.
Also google Royal Raymond Rife. In 1920 he invented a machine that cured cancer and was murdered by the AMA.
Feel free to e-mail me if you would like more info.
Good Luck and God Bless, M.