Reading Too Much into Nothing?

i tend to be pretty thick-skinned with this sort of thing. having few expectations means i sail on cheerfully (and i have to say, mostly obliviously) and i like that.
but this really is kind of pointed. i get why it stings.
not much you can do, though. i'm glad you haven't mentioned anything about pulling back or trying to cool the friendships with the kids.
i'd put this couple in the 'acquaintance' pile and not the 'friend' one and not invest anything more in them than continuing to go along with playdates.
khairete
S.

I would urge you to look back at your last few questions and the answers you were given. I'm not going to say that the friendship wall thing isn't odd-- it sort of is. That said, I think that supposed 'slights' against your children is really high on your radar right now. And I think that it would be good to try to address this from a more adult perspective. Yes, it may hurt your feelings, however, you have two distinctly clear options:
A. Come to terms with the fact that these are simply your feelings and conclude that the family isn't intentionally doing this to hurt you OR
B. Decide that it is intentional and let the friendship go, because who wants to be friends with someone who is intentionally doing things to hurt your feelings?

From my perspective, it might be good for you to talk to someone about learning to let this stuff go. If you imagine that every bump in the road is deliberately directed toward you or your kids, life is going to be long and difficult for you and the kids. You need to model resilience in your own self by assuming the best intentions and be a good friend *yourself* by giving the benefit of the doubt that 1-- this wasn't done to hurt you and 2.your friendship isn't going to be undone by the absence of one little photo.

Let it go.

I'm with Nervy Girl on this one. You appear to be way over emotionally involved with finding any sort of slight toward you or your children.

Your children are young. They are going to develop friendships and all of those friendships are not going to be long term.

Learn to let things go and don't take everything so personally. If you don't, you'll drive yourself and everyone else around you nuts.

Give them a great picture of your boys together and say "Here! I thought this would go great on the friendship wall. These two are so adorable together!"

Sounds a bit like a natural progression: they didn't know anyone, you and your husband very kindly introduced them to others, and now they are also friends with those people. So you should feel that your efforts were a success! Their son hit it off with your son but also with 2 other boys whose parents, perhaps, were a better "fit" with this couple. You had other friends when you met this couple (because you say you introduced this couple to your friends) but now it seems you are a bit hurt by the fact that they have their own friends.

I do think you are reading into it too much. Maybe they just have better pictures of these other kids? Maybe their son doesn't see them as much as he sees your son? Maybe you are counting the playdates a little too much, and maybe you aren't seeing the times that you spend with other people?

You can do one of 3 things: You can comment on the friendship wall (assuming it's in a totally public place rather than in a back hall where you shouldn't have been!) and say to the mom, "What a nice thing to do! Oh look, there's Brandon. Oh, and here's Jimmy!" You might add to your child, "Let's see who else is up here! How many kids can you name?" like it's a memory game. Another choices is, you can provide a photo of your son with their son, and donate it to the wall. Finally, you can ignore it.

I looked at your last few questions, though, and I see a pattern of being very involved and extremely sensitive about young children's friendships and who are the BFFs and who are on the periphery. I think this may be more of a problem for you than for others, and perhaps more than your realize. I'm concerned it's not going to be healthy for your kids if you don't put the brakes on some of these persistent and somewhat obsessive thoughts.

I think the surest way to break up a decent friendship is to get so upset that the people (adults or kids) have other friends. You're much better off developing and cherishing a diversity of relationships.

That would probably hurt my feelings as well. It does seem to indicate that the friendship they have with the other family or the other boy is a closer one than the friendship they have with you and your son. That doesn't necessarily mean that is the case. Maybe they didn't notice your boy wasn't included or just haven't finished their collage and do plan to include your son. That doesn't seem very likely, but you never know.

I don't think there is anything to say or do about it. If they are closer to this other family, then they are closer to this other family. That happens. That doesn't mean they did anything mean or wrong to you, they just happen to be closer to the other family. We all have people in our lives that we are friends with that we are not a close with as other friends. That's just the way it goes.

I think the real lesson here is that you might be a little hurt because you thought the friendship you have was closer than they did. And that can be harsh. But you have to decide whether or not you can be ok with that. That doesn't mean you aren't still good friends. You would just have to find a way to be friends with them and still be ok with this other friendship they have.

Not sure of the particulars to your circumstances but you do say that although they were not new to the area, the couple didn't know a lot of people. I've been around the block a few times having raised a 26 yr old step daughter, a 19 year old and a 10 year old of my own. You've extended the olive branch and gave a warm welcome. I would say that their season in your son's life and your life is what it is...it may not be over, but its not what you would have expected. And that's fine. Someone else noted this as well, your son is young yet. I think of all the "friends" my son has gone thru over the year and they're as colorful as the days are long, and I'm grateful he's had the experiences, whether good, bad or indifferent. He needed these for himself, not for me. Life happens and he needed to learn that folks come and go and usually it's family that lasts thru the years, rarely do "friends." The friends that remain, don't have to be chased or questioned, or assumed. They want to be there. And the truth a real friendship will speak for itself. Be well.

Do you call them? You just mention they stopped calling you, and that you're not included on play dates. But do you call to arrange these things? If so, are they declining?

Hard to say without that bit of info. If you were at their house when you saw their wall of pictures, then to me that suggests you still are friends with them - you were at their house.

They simply may not have a picture of your child yet. There are some moms who snap pics and send them to moms. Could you take a picture of your kids at your house and just share it with her?

To me it sounds more like they just also became friendly with some others. Doesn't necessarily mean they aren't still interested in your family too. I wouldn't read too much into it. I would just extend some more invites :) good luck

This is just something that you will have to learn to live with, as painful as it feels, it's just how some people roll... I have had situations whereby I "thought" it was a close friendship and then turns out, NOT.... in fact, maybe it's good to just branch out and as your son progresses from grade to grade, try and make new friends... When in 5th grade, my son had to go to a new school, I felt the moms in particular were NOT too friendly... and some of them had known each other and their kids since Kinder.. I was definitely an outcast.. Now, my son is in 9th grade and I never have to see those women again.. good riddens to them all... Try and move forward.. this won't be the first time that moms play favorites, it happens all throughout school.... sadly, even in preschool... as long as your son is happy and has other friends.. then it's all good.. I know you are hurt for your son's sake.. but if he doesn't know the difference, then try and put your focus on the friends who do include you and your son... just say adios, ciao and goodbye to petty behavior... believe me, it will drive you nuts if you let it.. take it from someone who has been there but moved on.............. and so glad I did..

good luck

I wouldn't really care if other people had pictures of my kid on the "friendship" wall in their house or not, and I certainly wouldn't say anything about it. How would you feel if someone came into your house and started telling you whose pictures you should have on display?
Just let the kids play when and with whom they want to play.