Re: Distance Between Hubby and I

Sounds like hubby is having problems at work and taking them out on you. Have you talked about his work lately? If that doesn't help, write down what you do, laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, bathing daughter, taking her to doctor, geneal cleaning up after her. Ask him what does it pay now to have someone do those things? Even though he may pay bills, it's a marriage, a partnership - not a slave camp. Also, you take up chewing gum (loudly) to show him how it feels. If none of the above work, trying not doing anything for him (cooking, cleaning, etc) for a couple weeks.

Why are men so blind sometimes?! I say lay it out. Maybe write a letter so you can get all your thoughts out without being interrupted or thrown off-track. The response to "it's my house" would be something like "so you have every right to make living here painful for everyone else as long as your happy?" He does NOT come before everyone else. Counseling may be a good idea because this may be a conversation that won't do a lot of good if YOU are the one pointing out all his flaws...

Good luck!

the first reaction i had to your message was 'your husband needs to grow UP!' and 'check for unsavory internet activity', but upon thinking about it, i wonder if elle's response is very correct - he's competing w/ your daughter for your attention.

on first blush it sounds very immature, but if he's not getting it in a mature way e.i.: your love, admiration, attention (not just the s-e-x way, but kissing and letting him know he's your 'boyfriend', he may be trying to get it the only way that seems to work for your, even if it aggrivates you.

does your daughter sleep in your bed? very bad idea for a marriage, if it's a daily thing. when could a marriage have any 'hanky panky' time if daughter is always in the place that happens? if you have effectively exchanged yoru husband for your daughter, your husband is probably feeling like you don't need him anymore.. do you? where/what would you and your daughter be if he decided he didn't need you anymore and instead found another person to spend his time with? you might want to think that one thru - what would it do to your 'stay home' mom status? imagine what damage that would do to your daughter to have to visit you/he if you ended up divorced.. just take a few minutes and imagine your life in that situation. she would be irreveribly injured in that case. and if you get divorced, what example of success in a marriage would your daughter have to base her marital success on?

i urge you two to get counselling and bring back the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect to your marriage. it's the only way a marriage can survive the trials that are this life.

i pray that you guys get things worked out... do you attend a church? one first stop could be your minister/pastor. invite God to your marriage and you will be amazed at the wonderment and joy you'll regain.

bless you

addendum -
i read your response,and i didn't want to infer that you weren't Godly folks or anything,, just thought i'd have you think about the possibilities.. i didn't know of your other trials, and it sounds like you're in a truely good relationship that just needs a tune up :)

i'll keep you in my prayers!! you sound like you guys all have your hands full. praying for strength and insight for you!

Try to make some of your irritating habits more tolerable and maybe he will notice your effort. Try to compromise: I will do this about my irritating habit if you will that about your irritating habit. You made me realize that I need to give thanks for my husband's quiet approach to bed.
P. S

Sounds like your husband is jealous of your child and this is his way of getting your attention. Even to a child bad attention is better then no attenion at all especially if he sees your child getting all the smiles, hugs and kisses. Seek counseling it will help.

Hi Engi,
I am reading a book right now called "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage." In it, he talks about how women don't get what they want because they don't ask the right way. It's by Mark Gungor, and he also has a radio show that you can listen to online for free. I think it will really help your situation - well, anyone's actually! It is really helping our marriage.
http://www.laughyourway.com/
- A.

Hi Engi-

I would try and find out what your husband is doing when he is awake after everyone goes to bed. If he is coming up to bed wanting sex, it sounds like he may be viewing pornography. I know someone who dealt with that in their marriage and it was incredibly destructive and led to a lot of other selfish behavior. My suggestion would be to look at the temporary internet files and see what he has been looking at and then talking to him about the things you are having a hard time with lately. Whether or not he is looking at pornography, it sounds like having a good heart to heart is in order. As I'm sure you've experienced there are always ups and downs in marriage...my suggestion is to keep talking to him and see if you can find a good middle ground where everyone is happy.

Good Luck,

W.

I was wondering if you have been able to find out why your husband has been staying up? Does he have a hard time sleeping or does he have other reasons? His behavior may be increased w/ the lack of sleep as well. This may make him more "irritable" and annoying!
I was also wondering if he gets so defensive when you talk about it, is there something he is hiding from you.
Do you have a guy friend (or a friend's husband) that is close enough to him to have a talk about what is going on? Sometimes having someone else talk w/ him might be better than you "preaching" to him. I say "preaching" b/c sometimes our hubby's can get sensitive to what we say and maybe not even flinch when someone else says the same thing...know what I mean?
Lastly, I noticed that you got a little defensive w/ Judy about religion. I was just wondering if you and your husband are able to participate and be active in a local church or not. Sounds like you may have some pain issues and I didn't know if this limited your ability to be involved. If so, I would like to recommend you try a Bible study together. Local Christian book stores are loaded w/ great couples studies. You may want to begin praying together or if this in not comfortable be sure to pray specifically for him. Be very specific in your concerns to God.
I hope this helps and I sure pray that your relationship will get beyond this slump very quickly. Marriage is a daily commitment...I have been married 10 yrs. and it really is a decision. We all go through bumps in the road. Keep your head up and lean on God for more strength throughout your day. Bless you, A.