Questions for Those of You Who Are the "Middle Child"

I'm a middle of 7 and my spouse middle of 5 kids. I think we are both resilient and pretty easy-going from it all and we are paired up well too. That said, the most important thing I think you can do is take time for one-on- one time to grow closer and so they feel special. Good luck!!!!

I didn't mind being a middle. I was the only girl though, so that's a factor. I got my own room while my brothers had to share. ha!

I do tend to mediate a lot. People tend to lean on me a little too much. Be careful not to expect your middle child to handle too much just because they are a middle. They need respect, love, attention, same as the youngest and the oldest. They might not always tell you when you need something because even they think they are stronger than they are.

I'm glad that you're concerned about being a fair parent to all three of your children. That tells me that your children will grow up happy, with you as their Momma!

i did not like getting hand me downs from my brother. so i always got leftover clothes, while my older brother got everything new. and my younger sister got everything new because, well by the time my hand me downs were ready for her they were worn out.
i also didn't like that i had no say in anything, my oldest had the 'maturity' thing going on for him, my youngest had the 'last one' going on for her, and i was stuck with their choices. I also didn't like (wow i can tell now i didn't really enjoy being the middle child huh) i didn't like that i had my youngest tag along with me everywhere i went so 'she can develop social skills.'
:)
so bottom line leave the middle child alone :) and NO hand me downs

I am a middle child with an older brother (by 2 1/2 years) and a younger sister (by 7 1/2 years). I can't say that my childhood was any more traumatic than the typical kid. And, my parents worked extrememly hard to provide for us and raise us to be responsible adults. Below are a few of my observations:

1. Each child needs their own friends and time to be alone with their own friends.
I held the title "baby of the family" for almost 8 years and was replaced overnight (you can almost hear the whining in my text - LOL). My BFF basically dumped me because she LOVED babies - so, when we would have a play-date all she would want to do is play with my sister - not me. That was hard for an 8-year old to understand and accept.

2. Don't allow siblings to gang-up on each other.
My brother and sister would join forces to torment and/or tease me just about every Sunday. Maybe we simply had too much free time.

3. Don't have double standards.
All three of us grew up in a strict environment and our religion did not believe in dancing. My brother was allowed to take his date to their senior prom/banquet. I was not allowed to attend any of my proms/banquets. And, my sister went to all of hers. There were other times where I didn't believe the "rules" were meeted our equitably but, honestly, that's life.

Aside from those items, I have survived being the middle child relatively unscathed. Just love each of your children and help them to see and experience their own individuality. You'll be a great parent!

PS - Have been to Co. Springs twice for vacation in years past - it's an absolutely beautiful place! Consider me jealous.

I was the middle child - I have a brother that is 2 years older than me and a sister that is 2 years younger. In a way that gender makeup seemed MORE difficult for me.

My brother was older so I wasn't supposed to be "pesky". I was supposed to leave him alone so he could do boy stuff.
My sister was younger so I was supposed to be the 'big sister' and let her tag along and I had to let her play with my friends. Hello, Double Standard!!!!!!! On top of that we shared a room which I absolutely could not stand. I couldn't get away from her. To this day we are not close.

Along the same thing - I always seemed to be the one that got in trouble even though I was a classic mediator, trying to smooth it out for everyone. She would ALWAYS either take the side of my brother (cuz he was older and the boy) or my sister (cuz she's the baby).

In my experience as a middle kid it's like of like you just get sh*t from each side.

I am HUGE with validating feelings - I think that might have made a huge difference for me, if I hadn't been told to love my sister all the time and don't be a pain to my brother. I think if my mom would have just once looked at me and when "yah - that's kind of tough. I get it".

I was in all the activities my brother was in cuz it was easier to drive us to one place when we were all young. So I had to play soccer, be on swim team and take piano lessons (my brother is wicked talented musically, so this was the MOST torturous). What I really wanted was to do ballet. When finally my mom said I could take ballet - guess who HAD to be in my same class? You guessed it!!!!!! "oh... is that your little sister... she is soooooo cute".
So, they each should have their own activities. Don't make them do stuff they hate just cuz it's easier for you (I know - hard to avoid sometimes!).

HA! Can you tell, I'm 38 and STILL bitter!!!!!!!!!!

My parents are both middle children. My mother, however, is the only girl, which made the situation sort of different for her. She was able to maintain a very separate place in the hierarchy as the only daughter. My father is the middle of 3 boys, and he has a difficult time of it, to this day. He was also the "good" son who did nothing bold or risky, and since the squeaky wheel gets the grease, getting overlooked became second-nature to him. His older brother is the successful, bossy one, his younger brother is the brooding rebel, and he is the afterthought. It hurts him well into adulthood, and though he is close to both his brothers, he is not close to his parents. From watching him, I would say please make sure you appreciate each of your children's talents separately, without comparisons. Don't let the middle child feel like his awards or good grades aren't special because the first child got them too. Don't let the rebellious child overshadow the quiet, well-behaved child. Good luck.

i'm the middle of four kids....my brother is the only boy so i was really a middle child. my parents were very good at treating all of us as individuals and not comparing one to another. we were praised for our own talents and doings. i feel that is a very important part of a family. i was the trouble maker as a teenagers and early twenties but my parents never compared me to the other. but jsut waited for me to come out of my stage. i never felt left out by any means and to this day being 47 i still don't feel left out. becareful of dumping and expecting to much from your oldest and babying the youngest...i think those two places in a family have more problems as adults than the middle child.

I was the middle and it kind of stunk lol! My older sister of course got everything first, but she was favored by my mom. Always took her to the mall with her, or other "fun" errands. My younger one was favored and treated like a baby WAY too long. I was also forced to play with her all the time. We were 5 years apart, so it was NOT fun. My best advice is to make sure to give them all equal one on one if you can. Dont make them your other childrens caregivers, and just TRY to be fair. In their eyes its very unequal. Theres always going to be rivalry, but try to be aware and judge if things are unfair. That way they all feel equally important.

I was the 3rd out of 4 children so i shared the middle w/my older brother. My sister is 8 yrs older then me, my brother 4 yrs older & my brother 15 mos younger. I don't think that the middle was such a horrible thing. I did get hand me down clothings & such from my sister, friends & cousins but if that was the worst of it, then it was easy! Being in the middle always meant having either of my brothers to spend time with. My sister & I didn't get closer until we were older but my brothers were always there for me. At times I felt that my little brother was getting more then I was, but he had a heart condition so I think my parents were just trying to do what they could for him (which was totally understandable to all of us). I was the last to leave home at 24 and I think that being in the middle allowed me not to want to rush out of the house like my older sister. In some ways I think that being the middle child also allowed me to develop a huge bond with my parents, I'm not saying they had favorites because they didn't, but we always did things together. When my husband and I bought our first house it was only about 10 mins from my parents. I'm 40 yrs old & I still can't go through a day w/out speaking to my dad - unfortunately my mom passed away but my dad & I are still closer then ever.

I was a middle child. I had an older sister and a younger brother. I was always feeling like the leftover. I can remember numerous times where my parents actually argued over who had to take me. My mom always took my older sister and my dad my brother and then I was left. I wasnt a bad kid either. I never felt like I had a place. My sister and my mom cooked. My dad and brother did the sports thing. There never seemed to be a thing for me. I have told my mother this and she said it wasnt like that, but I totally felt that way.
For this reason I swore to myself I would always have an even number of children. So none of them would ever feel left out.
My advice is not to let your children ever hear you divide them up. Little kids have big ears and are often misunderstanding things.
Hope this helps.

Three of my granddaughters are sisters, so that's my "middle child" experience. I must say their mama and daddy do their very best to keep any of the girls from feeling left out. When Miss Middle stays with me by herself, she's rather a different girl than when she's with her sisters. The dynamics of them all together seem to make her a lot louder! So when they're all here, I try to make time with each of them separately, *especially* Miss Middle.

Actually, I don't look at them as three parts of one unit, but rather as three separate children. The reason for this is that years ago I read a magazine article honoring a father of ten, ranging in age from toddlers through teens. Every child (who could speak), when asked, "What is the best thing about your father?", answered, "He has always thought I was as important as if I were an only child!"

This is rather vague but I hope it helps a little.

Well I was the middle and I never really felt left out. I think it depends on how far the kids are age wise. For me I had an older sister by 2 years and a younger sister by 3 years so I was able to be close to both of them. When my older sister wanted to hang out and playing older type things like ride bikes, board games doing each others hair and make up etc. I was there for her but when she was getting too old for younger kids stuff like barbies, playing house etc. I had my younger sister to play with. So it worked out pretty well for me :) Also I felt like once I hit high school I had it easier than my other sisters. Like my older was always getting mad at my parents cause she was the one trying everything first...dating, driving, going to parties so my parents were nerves about it all and gave her a really hard time. but once I was that age they were more relaxed cause they new what to expect and they also where then dealing with my little sis cause she was the baby and the baby in the family always seems to need mommy and daddy more. LOL So my sisters always teased me that I go off easy through the high school years.....got let alone to do as I pleased. But it was great I mean my parents were very supportive in everything I did and where there when I needed them but I didn't feel that they hovered as much as they did with my other sisters. And I was a good kid. I mean a little wild in high school but who isn't? But I always got good grades, had good friends, went to college and married a good man. So as long as you show your middle child that they are loved and what they do is just as great as their older and younger siblings i think they will be just fine.

Great question! I was a middle child and I had a great childhood. However, I do know that I have some very common characteristics of middle children because I believe in birth order research. I haven't read a lot of books-just done a little internet research, but there are TONS out there on birth order. I would recommend taking a peak at them and seeing what the characteristics of middle children are. You may then be able to create some ideas that fit your family dynamics to help that child feel loved and not left out.